


Learning to Listen

by exaltedsanctuary



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Blood, Depression, Depression mention, Eventual Smut, F/F, Gore, M/M, McHanzo - Freeform, Mutual Pining, Overwatch - Freeform, PTSD, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, Suicide, Suicide mention, Widowtracer, depression with hanzo, genji and zenyatta as bffs, i'll add more tags as things happen/come up, lots of injuries guys, lucio and hana as bffs, pharmacy, self harm mentions, there'll be blood
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-28
Updated: 2018-06-27
Packaged: 2018-08-27 11:54:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 22
Words: 120,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8400727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/exaltedsanctuary/pseuds/exaltedsanctuary
Summary: Hanzo Shimada joins Overwatch to gain information about Genji with the possibility of facing his depression and shame about the fratricide he committed to mend things with his brother. He knows how to cope with the intrusions in his mind, but some days get the better of him and his functionality dwindles to none. From the moment Hanzo meets Jesse McCree things get a little better, things get a little easier, but with confiding in someone also brings up painful memories that Hanzo has to face and learn to accept and fight through. Even when he doesn't want to, especially when he's beat to shit. The friends he gains trust him with their lives, but when Hanzo is in dire need of support from his brother and comrades he doesn't believe they can help him. That is, not until Jesse knocks some sense in to him, and more than once. Hanzo finds his family and learns to trust and love those who care for him, even when his brain tells him otherwise.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is because of my terrible roommate who shares my love of McHanzo and eventually convinced me to write a fic. So, enjoy.  
> Added: I totally drew a pic for this fic HA  
> http://goddesofawesomeart.tumblr.com/post/154229947098/so-i-totally-drew-art-for-my-fic-hahaha-learning
> 
> tumblr: goddesofawesome.tumblr.com  
> twitter: https://twitter.com/GoddesofAwesome
> 
> I will try to post new chapters every week.

Hanzo Shimada had a bad habit of falling asleep in rather arbitrary locations. Before he joined the recall for Overwatch the man spent a lot of time constantly on the road or in hiding; ten years of running across the world in search of occupation, even if temporary, and currency that would help satisfy a roof over his head. 

More times than not he covered himself with a weatherproof jacket and slept on the rooftops of high buildings where his presence would not be seen with his Stormbow kept woven around an arm in the case he would need to defend himself. When it would rain or snow he would dig out his heavier-set clothing and try to wait it out until he could get a new job to pay for room and board. 

On a hot summer’s afternoon in Nairobi, Kenya, Hanzo received a call from an unknown number recruiting him for the recall of Overwatch. The male on the other end explained that the call was in an association with the Shimada name, to which Hanzo was not yet given the privilege of knowing. Hanzo was “an example of a perfect addition to the mission of protecting the world from anomalies that plagued the borders of-” Hanzo tuned out a little after that. He was positioned on a hotel balcony with Stormbow nocked and aimed for a high profile target. The money was extremely handsome. 

“And why do you think I would join your cause?” Hanzo had asked the man - he had called himself Winston, if Hanzo remembered correctly.  
There was an amused laugh on the other end, “I had figured you’d ask this question, and I came prepared. I can either give out some leverage to get you here or I can persuade you with a good salary. Which would you like to hear first?” 

A burly man walked out of the bank across the street, his clothing too bright for such a summer day, letting his hands move around in his conversation to an older man on his left. Sweat pebbled down Hanzo’s temple and he exhaled slowly, his muscles relaxing, as the arrow left it’s place and hit the target between the eyes. A second arrow followed its shadow taking out the associate. Moving quickly, Hanzo grabbed his few things and began for his brisk exit. “You choose.” 

“Then I’ll give you both. I can call back if you’re busy,” Winston sounded a little concerned. 

“Tell me now, I’m impatient.” The archer entered the stairwell and took steps three at a time as he made for the roof. 

“The sum in which you would be paid matches six figures, all holidays paid double time. Room and board will be provided.” 

Hanzo scoffed into his earpiece, “You expect me to stay there? I need more incentive than that,” 

A stern sigh came, “Sensitive information regarding one Genji Shimada is in my possession. Regarding such information that occurred after his death,” 

For a very brief moment Hanzo stopped breathing and his feet quit moving, but he couldn’t stop at this moment. He’d be arrested in approximately six minutes and forty seconds. Blinking and then beginning his ascent once more, the roof less than a minute away, he replied coldly, “It is not a secret, what I did. The crime I committed has stained my ledger. There is no reason to try and persuade me with information I already-” 

“I’m going to be brass with you, Mr. Shimada. My intel and I know that your brother contacted you on the anniversary of his death last fall in Hanamura, his identity was made very blunt, as I was told. We have had you followed from time to time keeping up on what you’ve been doing and where you’ve been because your brother had wished it upon us; that one day you would be a good ally for Overwatch. We know that you strive to bring down your family’s clan, the Shimada-gumi, and that you still try to find some sort of redemption for murdering your sibling,” 

The wind was sharp on the roof. Hanzo scaled it carefully and grabbed the bag he left for this escape and dug through it quickly pulling out some jeans, a button-up shirt, and a black jacket. He began to strip as fast and efficiently as he could storing his outfit in the backpack. “You do not know me. You do not know the clan. Please, do not speak acutely of what you do not properly know.” 

“Then come and show my intel wrong. I’ve already sent you the address in a secured message, once it’s closed it’ll delete itself so make sure you know it well. I look forward to seeing you, Mr. Shimada.” 

The line went dead. 

Hanzo pulled his hair out of its tie and slipped a beanie on over his head, casual sunglasses framed his structured face. Scaling back down in a path he had already predetermined he shuffled himself into the crowd that formed outside on the street, medical vehicles had already been summoned and were taking care of the bodies and taping off the area. Even though the archer was sweating in his new outfit, his bow taken apart and packed in a suitcase at his side, he blended in with the crowd seamlessly.

Looking down at his phone he saw the address that Winston had sent, it’s black letters searing like wounds of the past. Frowning at it he memorized the address easily and opened his travel app. 

The next flight to Rabat was in six hours. Holding down his phone he hailed a taxi and began to the hoverport. 

 

\---

 

Rabat greeted him warmly, the bliss of air conditioning left inside the port. With a short vibration his phone gave him instructions on where to meet the ship that would sail him to Winston’s location. Hanzo sneered with distaste and followed the instructions carefully. 

The ship was fairly sized with enough room to house forty or so guests, and Hanzo almost wished the duration on the boat was long enough to get some rest, but it would only be a couple of hours and he grimaced to himself at the lack of sleep he had gotten in the last twenty-four hours of travelling. 

A cowboy hat like the ones from those ancient American films danced wildly against the strong winds that came up from the sea, a tan hand held it in place. In the first fifteen seconds that the archer had to analyze the man before him struck him goofy. Such an odd place to wear such attire as a serape and boots with spurs. This wasn’t the Wild West that once existed in a past America, this was a time period where omnics and humans coexisted peacefully, both eras hundreds of years apart. 

“Howdy, there, I’m McCree. I’m with Overwatch, Winston assigned that I meet you here since I just landed myself,” the man’s voice was drunk with twang and gravel, a Cigarillo lit in one hand. It was getting to be too dark to see most of McCree’s features, but Hanzo could concoct he had dark skin and dark hair, his clothes were musty and dirty from the travel he spoke of. A mission, most likely. “You must be Shimada-san, it’s a pleasure,” he held out a gloved hand with a criminal smile on his face. Criminal because it was too thick with charm. 

“Thank you. Though, you do not have to address me with the formality of my home country. It is appreciated, nonetheless,” Hanzo shook the cowboy’s hand without returning the smile. “My stay is not definite. I am simply here regarding personal information,” 

McCree let out a low laugh, “Don’t worry none, Shimada-san, erm, I mean Mr. Shimada, even if your stay is brief it’s better than none,” 

Hanzo smirked a little, “Is that so? Even if I were to steal highly sensitive information and leave without a trace? I’m sure that wouldn’t sit well with your superior officers, or whatever it is you’d call them,” 

“Trust me when I say that Overwatch can find anybody anywhere. Hell, as far as I know you’ve been tracked for some...what, six-odd years? I don’t got the privilege to read the files, but we know how to do our jobs,” McCree answered coily. Without a moment’s pause he wove a hand to the ship, “Ready? It’ll just be us and the captain,” 

This made a brow rise, “Just three?” Hanzo contemplated the situation and felt a small voice at the back of his mind tell him to be wary. Maybe they brought this man to kill him, that his body would be dropped in the Mediterranean sea to be lost forever. With those thoughts and his defense of how skilled he was, Hanzo took the risk. “Lead the way.”  


McCree left Hanzo alone for the first half hour so he could get comfortable on his own. The cowboy went up on the top deck and began speaking with the captain - Hanzo could just barely hear their voices - while the archer went to the bow and looked out at the ocean. 

The sun was halfway set under the horizon, oranges and purples streaking and blurring with the black sky that came closer with each passing second. Stars began to shine here and there, but it would be sparse until it was fully dark, Hanzo looked forward to seeing them and pointing out which constellations he could name. 

It was chillier on the sea than it had been inland, the ending of the day was also a factor in the cooling evening. Finally Hanzo found that the jacket he wore came of use. With his hands in his pockets he fiddled with a pack of gum in one and a wadded rapper in the other. 

A sweet smell of tobacco came to him, the image of McCree following at his side. Resting against the railing - his hat was no longer on his person at the moment, Hanzo hoped it had flown overboard - he took a drag on his Cigarillo allowing smoke to plumb out of his nose and mouth. “The first time I sailed to Gibraltar I was seventeen and was scared shitless. Thought I was gonna die there given the circumstances I arrived on,” he took another drag before resting his arm next to his other. Hanzo now realized his left arm was mechanical. “I remember the little boat me and my boss was on, I thought I’d piss myself by the time we got there,” 

“That _is_ very young,” said Hanzo. 

“Right? I was a stupid kid,” he laughed and brought his mouth up to his hand again. The tip of the Cigarillo illuminated the cowboy’s face in darkness that now had embraced them. “But I didn’t die, obviously. I assume a man with your background and profession don’t get scared o’ much, ‘specially not somethin’ like this, but I would think there’d be some apprehension. Maybe a little anxiety,” 

Hanzo laughed, “Are you trying to crack me, cowboy? Attempting to seize my emotions as kindred? Please, do not take me for a fool,” 

“You ain’t no fool, Shimada-sa-, shit, sorry. Mr. Shimada. You’re anythin’ but. All I’m doin’ is tryin’ to make small talk since we’re both here and whatnot,” 

“I suppose you’re right,” Hanzo shrugs though he guesses McCree probably cannot see it in the dark, “and I would be lying if I said I was...completely calm about the given situation I’ve put myself in,” 

McCree looks over to Hanzo and the archer guesses the man is smiling at him, maybe thinking he was victorious in something. “All of us know at the watchpoint how dangerous you are, we’d be stupid t’a mess with you,”

A chuckle escapes Hanzo, “It is nice to be respected and recognized for my talents,” 

“I heard you got a skill for guessin’ facts about people, like their lives and such,”

“Yes,”

“What do you see when you look at me? As a test, of course,” McCree smiles in the dark again. 

Hanzo hated that he was being charmed by this man. It was so easy for him to make conversation with a stranger. If comforted and scared him simultaneously. His guard was still up. “Of course. A test.” Looking up at the cowboy Hanzo took detail of scents he caught and the overall aura of his presence. “The distinct fragrance of champa is on your attire, specifically your serape, which tells me a couple of things. I thought maybe you were travelling in Egypt in the gardens to the north, but then I detected cardamom. Himalayas, possibly, You use your serape as a blanket when needed or as a pillow on the occasion you cannot find shelter. Dirt is scuffed along your forearms and knees, I noticed it when we boarded, which means your mission must have ended abruptly before you flew here. You must have fallen in a brawl or you would have washed your clothes. Or at least brushed them off, but you didn’t. The hat you wore, though briefly, I saw a couple of stains which looked like blood. Mud, most likely, but then I saw the cut down your elbow which you patched up yourself. Floss, I think. No supplies on hand, then. The mission was solitary. Your right hand shakes when you pull it up to smoke, you lack sleep or food, my guess is the former.” 

McCree whistled and slapped the railing with his free hand, “You’re good! Damn good, at that. You got all but one detail wrong,” 

“Will you tell me or should I see if I can find it?” Hanzo was enjoying himself, his smile was genuine. 

“I’ll give ya a minute to see if you can,” 

Closing his eyes, Hanzo ignored the salt on his nose and hair and pulled in the aromas on McCree’s clothing. It was still there, the two fragrances mixed with dirt and grass. But then he found something else, and he opened his eyes. “Asafoetida. Pakistan. I was close,” 

“You’re one hellava impressive man, Mr. Shimada, but you got the country wrong which tells me you’ve made mistakes before,” the Cigarillo illuminated his face again. He was smiling. “Or you made this mistake on purpose. Not sure I care which one it is, but it makes me a little fearful if you stay with us we won’t got no stories to tell ya, you’ll already have figured ‘em out,” 

“That’s debatable,” Hanzo answered pulling out a stick of gum and unwrapping it, “depends on which stories I want to hear and which ones I want to read myself,” 

The two men were in a comfortable silence until McCree finished his Cigarillo. Stubbing it out on the railing he held it and began back into the innards of the ship, “‘Bout an hour out, if you look to the left you’ll be able to see the lights soon,” and then he disappeared. 

 

\---

 

Watchpoint: Gibraltar was seated on the cliffsides that overlooked the Mediterranean sea. The building was large and industrial, the Overwatch emblem was painted proudly on the highest columns, the orange and white paint lit by colossal lights that were at fixed positions around the base: a helipad blinked with red lights at the top of the main infrastructure, and an arch with two tall columns bore a small walkway between them with a stairway that lead to a higher storage facility that was exposed to the elements.  


Two figures waited outside before the archway as they neared the docks in a cave under the point. Light fixtures littered the wall in symmetrical patterns as a large dock came into view. Other boats, about as large as the one Hanzo and McCree were in now, were stationed securely and bobbed slightly as they brought new waves in. They were white with chrome decal, the logo missing on the vessels, with iron chains that kept them in place. Along the wall there was an opening stairwell that led upwards, the pathway was built into the rock with impressive architecture, and besides the stairwell boxes and crates displayed life vests, tanks of gasoline, buoys of various shapes, and some extra rope and chain. 

Hanzo was impressed but did not physically show it. Instead, he followed McCree who had lit a new Cigarillo up the stairs - the driver of the boat backed out of the cave not a moment after the two men left - and brushed off his serape. 

When they came to the top there was a door and another room with multiple computers and wires for other tech devices, McCree cleared his throat and spoke, “So there’s only two here right now, but that’s all right. They basically co-run the place anyhow. First is Winston, an’ don’t be surprised by his appearance. He’s an ape. And Angela is this Swiss genius, she’s nice until ya cross her, so be careful where you spread your displeasure,”

Hanzo had not expected the words ‘he’s an ape’ to come out so casually, and when the archer was about to comment on such a weird joke, they finally arrived outside to the dark and walked towards the two that were there to greet them. Winston was a large gorilla outfitted with glasses and an overcoat. Hanzo held his jaw in place as to not let it hit the floor. He had heard rumors of Winston when Overwatch debuted back in the day but never had he cared to watch their videos or interviews, that was always his father’s duty. To size up the enemy, of sorts. 

“Welcome to Gibraltar, Mr. Shimada!” Winston boomed excitedly. He held out his paw waiting for Hanzo to shake it, but the man took a hesitating moment to return it. “I think I speak for all of us in Overwatch at how thrilled we are at your arrival, even if it may be abrupt,” 

“The honor is mine,” Hanzo replied, his head bowing shortly. 

“You truly are a marvel to us,” the blonde at Winston’s side spoke in a thick accent, her posture prim and professional. “Thank you for taking the time to come here. I hope it will not be a waste of your time,” The archer analyzed her white lab coat with her name embroidered on the breast pocket, Dr. Angela Zielger, and the rather laid-back t-shirt and jeans underneath. Her glasses were pushed up into her hair. 

Only for reading up close. Hanzo suspected. 

“I expected there to be more people,” he expressed honestly. 

“Ah, yes, apologies. The rest of our team are currently off on missions. They’ll be arriving back sporadically within the next week,” answered Winston pushing his glasses up. “For now it’s just us four, respectively,” 

Angela seemed to think a moment and said, “There are about seven others that are stationed here. Sometimes an additional two or three will come and go depending on if we have something for them to take care of,” 

It was still a rather small number, but given the background of his own self, he assumed that the rest of the team were far more capable than a mere dozen individuals. Especially if his sibling was involved. 

“Well, we won’t waste your time out here, McCree will give you a short tour of the basics. We can go into more depth tomorrow after you’ve rested,” Winston smiled, “I have dinner being prepared so it’ll be done in about half an hour,” 

There wasn’t a cook? Hanzo smirked at the domesticity and turned to McCree who he could see more clearly now, “Lead the way,” 

With facial hair that was in dire need of a trim, amber eyes glossed over Hanzo’s features with a shy smile, “Right this way,” he showed a glove hand inside.  


Restlessness grew in Hanzo’s limbs but he shook his head willing it away. Now wasn’t the time to get anxious about something. 

McCree shows him the mess hall with the large kitchen attached, the hangars where they have training sessions and practice shooting, and then the living quarters which were up on the second floor. Each member had an assigned room equipped with a twin bed, a small bathroom with a basic shower, toilet and sink, a dresser, a chair, and a bookshelf. It was enough for one person to live comfortably, Hanzo supposed. 

A few of the doors had stickers and paper stuck to them. The one across from his own room, a small plaque read his name Shimada, Hanzo, was decorated with pink stickers of bunnies and things in Korean sprawled in glitter. _Song, Hana_. A few drawings of were taped on it, and a little whiteboard that read in English: Mission time! Let’s go! 

“Angela said she put some basics on your bed to start you off. We usually go supply shoppin’ twice a month to get us things we need, including personal items you might want,” McCree explained with a hand on his hip, the pistol at his side now visible. “I mean, if you stay,” 

“Thank you. May I look around on my own?” Hanzo asked setting down his backpack and case with his Stormbow. 

“Sure ya can, I’ll go help Winston with gettin’ things done. I’ll come get ya when we’re ready to eat,” he tipped his hat and walked away, the spurs on his boots singing.  
Hanzo went down the long hallway of doors looking at each one, inspecting their door art to try and decipher what kind of person they might be. 

At first Hanzo thought the rooms were in alphabetical order given that Hana Song was next to his own, both having S last names, but next to his room on the right was a plaque with _Correia dos Santos, Lúcio_. Pictures of frogs and music stars littered his door at random and Portuguese quotes were written in sharpie on the metal. 

Each door had something unique on it, a sticker or something that someone taped to it. There were a couple doors that only had one or two things, but the rooms were well lived in, they were claimed and warm even when Hanzo could not enter them. 

The hallway ended with a window that overlooked the ocean, at the right of the window a door bore holes into his chest, his legs ached at the name. 

_Shimada, Genji_

He swallowed hard looking at the pictures of Genji in his cyborg body with various people, some group photos of the Overwatch team; a childhood photo of he and his brother when they were in their early teens. Genji threw up a peace sign while Hanzo stood obediently, a very small smile at the corner of his lips. It was old and looked like it had been folded once before, a crease down the middle flattened open with tape. Reaching out to the photo, Hanzo pressed his shaking fingers on the image and closed his eyes. 

Denial was thick in his blood, it built walls so high in his mind that he could never scale them, could never reach the top; he would fall back to the ground and keep on with what his mind wanted to believe, with what he wanted to forget.

Genji had visited him a few months back in their home, their shrine, but Hanzo did not want to believe it. How could he face his brother after what he had done ten years ago, how could Hanzo look his brother in the eyes and say...explain…attempt to...

Shame swept him into a wave and he let his hand drop from the door, a knot tightening in his chest. Guilt crushed his throat and Hanzo inhaled trying to clear his mind.  


“Dinner’s ready - hey, you all right?” 

McCree’s voice pushed him into reality, a lingering tightness teasing. Hanzo opened his eyes and looked to the cowboy, “Yes, sorry.” he walked down the hallway and McCree led the way. 

The backtrack to the mess hall was a blur, a memory that wasn’t important or worthy of noticing. Angela was pouring water into tall glasses and four places were set around a large circular table welcoming them to sit. Winston wore a simple apron and held a bowl of steaming mashed potatoes.

“Pork is on the stove, but you can dig into everything else at the table,” Winston set the bowl down and looked to Hanzo with a gentle smile.  
“Thank you,” Hanzo grabbed the plate from his spot - Angela and pointed to one and stated it as his - and went to get some meat. 

Dinner was quiet at first but once McCree - his first name was Jesse - began a story from his recent trip Winston and Angela began laughing and made comments on this and that. Hanzo listened but did not catalog it. Winston was vegetarian. Angela dropped potatoes on the floor. McCree laughed.

 

_I should not have come here._

 

Hanzo filled his mouth with green beans and chewed, his mind occupied and plummeting fast. He did not show it on the outside, he could never burden them with his baggage and mental illnesses, he would hold it in for himself only. Wash it down the drain of his shower, sleep the daytime nightmares away, scrub his hands free of the scars he wish he could erase. So, he ate and nodded when appropriate, his mind on autopilot. 

 

_Why did I come here._

 

Angela had made a chocolate cake to celebrate Hanzo’s arrival and he was handed a piece as Jesse slapped him playfully on the back. He smiled and ate the piece slowly, thanking them once again for the warm words and hospitality. 

“You know how to get back to the dorms?” Jesse asked grabbing the empty plates from the table, Angela and Winston were loading a large dishwasher of other dirty dishes and pans. 

“I think so,” Hanzo answered thoughtfully. “If I get lost it will only be an opportunity to learn the grounds better,” 

Jesse chuckled, “I guess that’s one way of thinkin’ about it. Ah, I got an idea,” he set down the plates and grabbed one of the disposable napkins. Searching for a pen he got up, hassled one out of Angela, and then returned next to the archer. “Here we go,” he started drawing boxes with lines and corners and then a couple of stick figures. He handed it to Hanzo, “A reference map,” 

Hanzo laughed at the figures of himself and Jesse in the mess hall and nodded his head, “Thank you.” 

“No problem, amigo. We got the kitchen all sorted out so you just head on back and do what you like. We’ve got a meeting tomorrow afternoon once a few others return, so sleep in or look around, I’m just a few doors down from you if you want a tour guide. I’m usually up around eight or so,” Jesse grabbed the plates again and stood up to finish his task.  


Hanzo kept his eyes on the small map and nodded once more, “I will be up then. I will let you know what I decide,” 

The map was perfect and led him back to residents’ ward. He stood before his door and pressed his thumb against the small glossy pad above the handle - Angela had told him this while dessert commenced. The door chimed happily and unlocked upon his print.

How the print was obtained, Hanzo would find out the next day. He had questions about that. 

The room was lit with two lamps to bid him welcome, a small card sat on his bed ready to be opened and read. A bag of toiletries were neatly organized on the navy comforter next to a set of clean towels and extra clothing. There was a laundry bag with instructions on how to hang it in the closet hidden behind a moveable wall and directions to the laundry facility in the basement and how to use the machines. 

A small box rested on the left pillow with a white piece of paper folded down the middle, part of it stuck up enticing Hanzo to open it.  
There was no art or pictures on the walls, they were left bare and empty waiting for someone to mark them with life. 

The box was just black and simple, a golden ribbon tied around it and bowed on the top. The note was in Japanese, the handwriting still sloppy like it was years ago:  
_Home is not as far away as you may think._

Hanzo set the note aside and slipped the string off; the lid came off easily. A package of strawberry pocky sat on top. Plastic wrapped daifuku sat near the bottom with some herbal tea bundled up securely so it wouldn’t sour. At the very bottom was a photo of he and his brother when they were extremely young in traditional attire, their father beaming between them as he held each of their hands in his. 

The man thought this trip would be easier. Get in, get out. Get the information he wanted and leave and never come back, he didn’t want to face his brother in person. He didn’t want to make this a home, this wasn’t his home this was his brother’s home. Jesse’s home, Winston and Angela’s home. 

Hanzo didn’t belong here, this bed wasn’t his, the walls would not bare his memories. That damned plaque would be torn off and thrown into the ocean and it would sink to the bottom to be forgotten about. That’s what he wanted.

To be forgotten. 

The shame and guilt never truly left, it would simply hide and play in his mind until he was alone. It would put on a smile and be polite when there were others to observe him, to look into his eyes and see the hatred he kept for himself. 

Clutching the picture in his hand he squeezed it shut, the image folding into his palm. He threw it across the room and slammed his fist into the mattress. A yell escaped him as he threw another punch at the bed, the pillows moving. 

Hard of breath he scrunched his eyes closed and pressed his hands to his face willing himself to calm down, to reign in his emotions, to be in control of himself.  


But he was failing. Night was here and he was supposed to sleep and rest off the exhaustion from the day’s travelling. The bed looked painful, too rewarding for a back that did not deserve it. Hanzo hated it, he hated the fire in his limbs that wanted to pull at his hair and put a hole in the wall. 

He refrained, difficulty, to sit himself on the hardwood floor with his back against the wall. A smoke sounded good, or some whiskey if he had been wise enough to bring some, but without a vice he had to use one of his own coping skills that did not involve in harming his body. 

There wasn’t ice to grasp so he started to count backwards from a thousand. With his eyes closed he envisioned the numbers and said them aloud, purposefully letting his hands splay open so they were not holding in the energy. 

_This is temporary. I do not live here. I will return to my life in a few days._

It became a mantra in Hanzo’s mind, the words spilling into Japanese the more the thought them, the sound of his voice becoming more relaxed with each minute that passed.  
Hanzo thought he had spent hours in this position on the floor, but only half an hour had retired while he unwound. 

Looking at his room once more he laid on his side and wrapped his arms against his chest, his knees bent with his feet against the wall. There he would sleep and comfort himself with the thoughts of sailing away from this rock and going back to his normality. 

Hanzo would dream of cherry blossoms in his hair and the sun on his back.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanzo spends his second day at the watchpoint. Some archery fun and meeting new people ensue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Hey! I shoot longbow archery which initially drew me to Hanzo, so it's been fun getting to write a little bit about things I know pretty well.  
> -For the majority of the chapter I had "I Found" by Amber Run - 5am on repeat. It just.../clutches hands and punches fists through a wall/ MCHANZO OKAY god damn.  
> -enjoy ya filthy animals
> 
> TW: blood from Genji Fun Times(TM)

Calloused fingers unfurled the slick material of the photograph that laid on the floor. Thumbs smoothed out the wrinkles trying to push out the folds that he had caused the night before. A young Genji smiled up at him with a few missing teeth; Hanzo couldn’t help but smile back, even if it was weak. 

The night had not been kind to Hanzo for his back ached and his chest carried heavily. It was difficult being here. It was an impulse decision he should have thought about more, should have perhaps contemplated more for longer than five minutes. But the fact remained that he was here and he didn’t want to leave without the information he was promised. He just hoped it was before Genji arrived back at the watchpoint. Hanzo did not want to face his brother. 

 

Not yet.

 

Maybe never. 

 

Hanzo allowed himself a hot shower that relaxed his shoulders and grounded him for the morning. Standing outside of the shower the steam covered the mirror and seeped out of the cracked door. The archer toweled his hair and clothed himself in a relaxed t-shirt and nice slacks and sat on the bed to put on his shoes. He tied his gold scarf around his wrist and took his anti-depressant. 

The gloss of the clock on the wall read a green neon 5:38AM, an hour that wasn’t too early. To him, anyways. Most nights his nightmares would wake him up before five, a few times before four with no naps in the day to compensate for the lack of rest. Hanzo wanted to see the practice range again so he would trek there first before he’d grab something to eat. He didn’t want to admit he was a little anxious about the community kitchen and the possibility of judgement around his choice of food. 

He shook his head at how pathetic he was. 

A pattering diverted his attention from his thoughts to a small, rectangular window he didn’t know the room possessed. It was close to the ceiling but offered a small view of some of the cliff with a portion of ocean; the landscape was covered in gray as a storm brought precipitation and light thunder. A brief thought flitted in his mind wondering if the weather would delay the incoming Overwatch members that were scheduled to arrive today. 

He hoped Genji was not one of them. 

The hallways were quiet as Hanzo traversed his way to the kitchen via the napkin map Jesse had drawn him; only the sound of air conditioning and piping echoed through the chrome walls. 

His footfalls were light and the neck of his shirt was damp as his hair dried. Once it was void of moisture he would tie it up by the gold scarf he continuously wore. It had been a gift from his father before he died, a gift that held his father’s pride in his son. 

An industrial coffee maker was percolating quietly and was set to go off at seven, a small handful of mugs waited to be filled sat on a towel with a frog decal. A couple of the cups had designs on them, one of them that particularly caught Hanzo’s attention read “Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy” with a lasso that swung around the font. 

Grabbing one from the cabinet that was not marked with a particular sigil or quote he filled it with coffee and made his way down the hall towards the hangar he had visited with Jesse the previous night. 

Upon Hanzo’s entry into the large, high-ceilinged room a low, deep hum vibrated under the ground and the lights illuminated the dark room. A very feminine English voice came from behind him, “Good morning, Hanzo. Would you like me to set up a target range?” 

This was the first time the archer had heard the A.I.’s voice and he jumped at the sudden introduction. Jesse had mentioned Athena for an entire minute yesterday so Hanzo should not have been so surprised, but here he was almost having pissed himself at her voice. On the monitor next to the electronic doors her name was lit as if smiling in greeting. “Good morning,” he returned shyly, “I left my bow in my sleeping quarters, it would be pointless to set up a range, but thank you,” 

“We are equipped with several long and compound bows. There is a large assortment of arrows by weight, length, and material type. In preparation of your arrival Winston outfitted our artillery for your convenience and customization,” she sounded chipper and rather too excited. 

“Oh,” Hanzo mumbled looking at the screen awkwardly. 

“There is a weapon’s storage room in the back of the hangar, it is on the left side,” Athena instructed. 

The bows were pristine and beautiful, all varying in different weights and lengths and woods. Hanzo’s fingers felt drawn to a cherry-wood longbow with blue dampeners, the shelf was rather petite compared to the one on Stormbow, but his hand fit effortlessly into the grip; the weight was in his preference and he wondered if they gathered that information from Genji’s intel or from their spying. Hanzo had not switched to a bow until after the slaughter of his brother, so it was probably the latter. 

Hanzo carefully inspected the compound bows- he was never too fond of them - and admired their craftsmanship and structure. One of them felt wrong and unbalanced and he set it back. He would stick to what he liked. 

The arrows were magnificent. Athena had not lied when she said they had a sizeable amount, if anything this was an impressive collection to which Hanzo felt a little unwelcome to. These things before him almost mocked him with their plentiful gaze, their perfect build teasing him about his own flaws. But Hanzo chose a weight that felt natural in his palm, outfitted them with broad-headed tips, gathered the cherry-wooden bow and went out to the range once again. 

There was a small table near Athena’s computer that had a small selection of finger guards and Hanzo huffed out a breath of awe. He was in debt to the A.I. for being so generous; to Winston for supplying these items even with the possibility of him leaving. 

The arrows pierced the targets with accurate precision leaving the bots crumpled and destroyed on the ground. Preferably he liked the ancient method of shooting at paper targets: less mess, easier cleanup. So, Athena exchanged the bots for paper that hung from stern clamps to hold them in place. 

After an hour of practice, Hanzo began destroying his arrows by shooting them into the nocks of one another at the center of the target. “A Robin Hood,” as his father advised him when he was learning with his brother long ago. It was an older term that was rarely used in modern days, but Hanzo had actually liked it. Admittedly, he watched the old cartoon movie that had a fox as the vigilante because of his father’s statement. The movie was hardly watchable because of the older quality and he had to steal it search heavily to even get a good copy, but he loved it nonetheless. 

A gust of air blasted through the ventilation system and Hanzo stopped to appreciate the cold air on his hot skin. He felt good this morning and hoped he could hold onto that motivation until he would reset himself when he went to bed. 

“Jesse is inquiring your location, should I advise him you’re here?” 

The archer turned to Athena, “Yes, that would be fine. Thank you.” 

Hanzo kept on shooting at new targets that weren’t shredded yet. Several trips back and forth from the back to get more arrows became routine once he threw the broken ones away and needed a supply cache. 

A low whistle came behind him from the cowboy, his outfit extremely less alarming than the day prior. Jesse stood tall and relaxed with his hair flipping against his neck and around his ears, his head void of the hat Hanzo wanted to laugh at; a navy sweater fitted to his figure, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows neatly. He wore a pair of dark jeans that had no holes or scuff marks on them and Hanzo was taken aback by the image before him. He was glad that he was already flush from his workout because it would have made things a little more complicated to explain. 

Jesse looked good. Hanzo knew he was attracted to him and hated it. He hated that there was something that could anchor him here when the time came, but as he turned towards the man to greet him he pushed the thoughts and images away and stored his attraction for a another time and place. “Good morning,” Hanzo greeted.  


“Mornin’, Mr. Shimada. Looks like you’ve been at it a while, I’m not interrupting am I?” Jesse’s face showed slight embarrassment.

Hanzo smiled, “No, you are fine. I need to finish and eat before I practice more,” 

“You haven’t eaten yet?”

“Once I got coffee I came here, it was too early then,” Hanzo stated rolling an arrow in his free hand between loose fingers, the other holding the bow at his side. 

“Damn. What time’d you get up?” Jesse shifted his weight to one foot. 

“Early enough,” 

Athena chimed in, “Hanzo arrived in the hangar at precisely six this morning. I have him logged in fifteen minutes past when he began shooting,” 

Hanzo watched Jesse think about this, contemplate something and mull it over momentarily, but nothing came about the man’s early rise. Instead, Jesse put on his charming smile and clapped his hands together, “Then I guess we gotta get you somethin’ to eat. I can make a mean migas, c’mon,” 

 

\---

 

The plate that was slid Hanzo’s way was something he’d had only a couple of times in his life. It was so delicious he asked himself why he hadn’t eaten it more, and then on that same moment agreed he should. “Thank you for making this for me, I usually just eat rice and a poached egg,” 

“No problem. I like cookin’ so it’s no big deal, and you should eat more than that in the mornin’. Didn’t anyone ever teach you breakfast is the most important meal of the day? If you don’t get that in yer system then you’re screwed for the rest of it,” Jesse stuffed his mouth with a forkful as he sat across Hanzo at the large table. 

Once Hanzo had finished swallowing his first bite he asked, “Where did you learn to cook?” 

“I’m half Mexican. Ma was born and raised in Mexico City but moved to Nevada before I was born,” the cowboy began, his orange juice swirling with pulp. “When I was real little, much of it I actually don’t remember, we would cook together. There are a few spots here and there of a couple family reunions where I would help make empanadas or somethin’ like that. When I began roamin’ around and livin’ on my own I sort of had the knack to make good food, so I went with it,” 

Jesse mentioned he was seventeen when he was recruited to Overwatch which didn’t leave a lot of room for much beforehand. “How old were you when you began to live on your own?” Hanzo asked sipping his water. 

With a casual shrug Jesse took another bite, “Twelve or so,” chewing and covering his mouth he said, “Ma got killed by a guy that broke into the house one night, none of my family wanted to take me in so I had to go on my own,” 

The man spoke this like it wasn’t a big deal, that the murder was just something that happened like it was a normal part of life. Hanzo sat there feeling incredulous at the lack of emotion behind the subject but also wondered if Jesse simply made it seem that way to make it less of a deal so he didn’t have to face his emotions. 

Maybe Hanzo was just projecting. 

“Rest is history,” Jesse set down his fork and got up grabbing some salt from the counter before returning to his seat seasoning his meal. “You can read our files, y’know, Athena’s got ‘em all if you’re ever curious,” 

“Some stories I like having told.” the archer smiled from behind his water glass and then mentally punched himself. He didn’t want ties here. No flirting. Recovering frantically he said, “I mean to say only if the person is willing. I’d hate to bring up old stories that may trigger bad memories. Sometimes there is a need for documentation,”

Jesse took notice to how quickly Hanzo jumped onto his statement and couldn’t help but grin himself. With a small sigh he nodded, “Some people here don’t like others pryin’, I can already name a couple on the top o’ my head, so I guess you’re right. You got a file but it’s basic stuff so I guess it’s up for debate. Would you rather someone ask you or read your file?” 

It was an immediate response: “Read my file.” 

“Even if it doesn’t give that much info?” 

“Even if it doesn’t give that much information, yes.” 

Clicking his tongue Jesse leaned back in his chair thinking, that same face as earlier. His inner monologue wondering if he should say something or not, “That’s fair,” A response Hanzo was not anticipating. 

“What about you?” 

“Which would I choose?” 

“Yes,” 

“Well,” he rested his arms on his chest, “depends on my mood, I guess. I like tellin’ grand stories, y’know? Gettin’ people to sit ‘round a fire and stretch tales as long as they can go, exaggerate ‘em to hell. Other times I like my privacy and don’t want no one askin’.” A thoughtful moment went by, “Depends on which story I wanna tell,” he finalized. 

Hanzo couldn’t argue with that. Thinking about a few choice memories he thought he could sit at the fire with Jesse, Winston and Angela and tell them about his past, then there were other things he simply didn’t even glance at considering. 

“I’m guessin’ there are a lot of stories you don’t wanna tell,” Jesse said with a trying smile. 

“Yes,” 

“Don’t worry none ‘bout that, I won’t be pryin’ unless you got a cause for me to. I’ll let you keep your life to you and mine to mine unless otherwise said,” 

Hanzo understood: share what you want, share when you want to, offer to share on your terms. “Sounds fair,” they shared a smile. 

The two stared at each other for a long moment until Jesse broke it as his comm buzzed in his pocket. “Winston just reported, said some of the group’s gonna be here ‘round dinner time,” he was looking intently at his screen, his finger scrolling up and down. 

“Which members will I be meeting?” Nervousness crept into his stomach, an ache formed in his throat. 

“Hana, Zarya, Mei-Ling and Reinhardt. Maybe Fareeha. They were on an intel mission in Europe that ended faster than they were projectin’. They’re a good bunch. Zarya can be pretty brass, so can Reinhardt, but don’t be discouraged, they’re all nice people,” 

A tightness deflated in his chest and Hanzo could breathe again, at least for the moment. 

The storm was loud and shook the building. Lightning flashed continuously from every window, the waves rose high and crashed magnificently against the rocky cliffs and the winds were unforgiving. 

Hanzo took the quiet opportunity to practice again, the sounds of thunder calming his mind. Arrow after arrow, shredded target after the other, he kept at it until his shoulders began to strain and his aim started to waver. 

It had taken three hours to pass for his body to tell him he needed to relax and drink some water, but he wanted to keep on. Emotions plagued his thoughts and the man did not want to be compromised so early. The very idea of letting some of his shame bubble to the surface gave him anxiety, so he shot five more arrows. 

The electronic doors opened with a whoosh startling Hanzo. Jesse entered the range with his holstered pistol. “Howdy,” he greeted, Hanzo nodded in reply. “Athena, can you set me up some targets?” 

“Of course, McCree. One moment,” 

Hanzo went two more rounds before Jesse’s range was set up. They took opposite sides of the room with a gaping twenty yards between them. Curiously, Hanzo watched Jesse check the revolver and set a box of bullets off to his side on a small table that Athena provided. With precision the cowboy checked over his weapon before lining it up with his right hand firing his first round. Bulls Eye on every mark. 

It was loud and jarring at first, the release of the bullets putting up a great competition for the storm outside. Hanzo disliked the annoyance at first, he even threw a couple of glares at Jesse now and then, but he became used to the blast as the next hour passed by.

The archer timed his arrows in the intervals that Jesse reloaded his gun or needed to get a drink, and after about fifteen minutes Jesse seemed to catch on. So they took turns without speaking to one another, their marks hit perfectly, a silent agreement to not disturb the other’s concentration. 

Once Hanzo had taken a small break and re-hydrated Athena brought up new paper and he nocked an arrow. With a startling blast, a bullet hit the black X in the center of Hanzo’s target and the archer looked over with a scolding frown. Jesse simply shrugged, “My bad,” Their distance caused his voice to distort ever so faintly, the echo filling the room. 

Watching from the corner of his eye the archer caught the sight of a bot that Jesse took aim at, but before the gunslinger could release a bullet Hanzo released an arrow and struck the omnic dead. Jesse looked over at Hanzo with a shocked expression. “Apologies,” said Hanzo turning his attention back to his space. 

Several arrows flew to the paper makrs, the gun blasting away at the omnics. Then it happened again: Jesse shot at Hanzo’s target. When Hanzo turned to look at the man he had a wide grin on his face and he twirled the gun effortlessly in his hand. 

So it was a challenge now? 

With newfound determination Hanzo shot two of Jesse’s bots and grunted with satisfaction at their explosions, a hand on his hip and the bow clutched victoriously. Jesse rose a brow and swung his fingers over the cylinder, rose the gun and rapidly fired the hammer in concession to strike all of Hanzo’s used targets. He put the smoking barrel up to his lips and blew. 

Grabbing three arrows the archer carefully placed them between his fingers nocking them simultaneously and took careful aim. Several omnics wavered this way and that, some beeping cautiously, until they lined up close together. The arrows caused explosions upon their piercing speed. 

Jesse laughed and let his vocals echo to Hanzo. With his grin the archer huffed out his own chuckle and reached for his water bottle. 

Once the cylinder was refilled Jesse held up a finger as if to say, “Watch this,” and turned his back to the range. Focus crossed his face and he visibly exhaled. Jesse’s armed hand sat on his opposite shoulder and he pulled back the hammer. The bullet hit an omnic spot on. Facing Hanzo he wove out a hand inviting him to match his par. 

Thinking about difficult positions to take aim in Hanzo turned around and faced the doors and Athena. He took a very goofy stance and held the bow facing the targets, his hands holding the weapon difficulty as he stretched back the string with an arrow sloppily nocked. Jesse laughed loudly while Hanzo took blind aim. He minded his face so the string would not cut his skin. 

The arrow flew and only made it halfway down the range, it bounced with a thunk and slid a couple more yards. The two men laughed and began on a new mission. One that would put them in precarious positions to aim and shoot, like down between the legs looking upside down, trying to shoot with the opposite hand, several blindfolded attempts, and then they began climbing atop various items for the most outrageous challenges. 

Hanzo climbed some rope and wrapped his feet and tattooed arm securely. Jesse climbed the back ledge that overlooked the targets and situated himself on the railing to take point. Hanzo laid flat on his back across some crates ten feet high. Jesse moved into some yoga poses he knew but Hanzo took the initiative and blew him out of the water.

Taking care of his prosthetic foot he removed the plate that covered his remaining toes and held the string tightly between them, an arrow nocked securely to the string. When he balanced on one foot he stretched back with his free hand and pulled his other foot up towards the back of his head straightening his back parallel to the floor. Pulling the grip and shelf slowly to his front he wobbled a little but eventually balanced; his arm shook and his foot ached from holding the weight of the pull. 

The arrow didn’t hit the center but it was only a couple inches to the left. Collapsing out of the pose Hanzo looked at Jesse with a cocky, victorious grin. The cowboy’s mouth was agape and he looked utterly surprised. Then, he began to clap and whistled a couple of times. “Damn, archer, you win by a mighty landslide,” 

“I will be here all week,” Hanzo bowed theatrically as sweat dripped from his brow. 

A crash of thunder rumbled and Jesse sort of just stared at Hanzo with this gaze and smile that made the archer blink a few times. A fluttering roused in his stomach, the chuckle that came from the gunslinger rose goosebumps on his skin, and his throat tightened as he smiled back. 

Hanzo realized in that moment that his sad and hurtful thoughts had dissipated when Jesse had entered the room and for the last two hours he felt happy. A pain filled his chest and he almost went to clutch it, but it wasn’t a pain that hurt, it was a pain that took his breath away and warmed his lungs. 

“Thank you.” Hanzo found himself saying. 

Jesse put both hands on his hips and looked confused, “For what?” 

“For distracting me from... other things,” 

A seriousness crossed the cowboy’s features but he tried for his grin again, concern in his eyes, “Well, anytime ya need me to challenge you again lemme know,” he wasn’t sure what else to say. 

“I will,” quickly the archer turned to the targets and set down his bow climbing over the railing that separated them. He began picking up arrows and broken, severed fletching that scattered the ground. A tan hand came into his line of sight and he glanced up watching Jesse get on his knees to help. “You do not have to help me, I can get this,” 

“I hate havin’ Athena and Winston pickin’ up after me all the time so I don’t mind none,” Jesse answered. Hanzo’s mouth screwed up and Jesse looked up and laughed, “What’s that face?” 

Looking away and closing his eyes he sighed, “It is nothing, let’s just get this done,” 

“Anythin’ you say, Mr. Shimada,” there was a smile in Jesse’s voice and Hanzo loathed it. 

 

\---

 

Rain lulled him to sleep and the thunder warmed his body under a jacket that was provided to him. Hanzo had fallen asleep next to a few large windows above Winston’s work space that looked out onto the base. He had snuck in to find a peaceful space and found the room empty. 

There were computer monitors on several desks in the two-story office, a chalkboard with scribbles and a small drawing of a short-haired girl, and a large armored suit was hanging by iron chains. A wall downstairs held a world map hologram that glowed and cast orange shadows; it served a purpose as a small light so Hanzo was not left blind in an otherwise dark room. Even the windows were dark with the storm that raged outside.

Before he decided to take his nap he had gone to the ape who had been in the medical wing with Angela talking about something in regards to her weapon. Hanzo had asked if he could read or see the information in regards to his brother and Winston had replied, “I hadn’t expected you to arrive as fast as you had, I thought you’d give it some time, so I have to gather the materials and request access from various sources. I hope that’s okay,” he looked apologetic but Hanzo grew paranoid that this was a ploy to get him here to face Genji. Either way, he simply nodded and left to rest his mind. 

The nightmare came to him as it always did with red and the inability to wake himself, a heaviness that weighed down his limbs. Dark hair caked with blood, the green sword slashing at his legs crying and begging to be released, to stop what he was doing; deep cuts ran along the boy’s face and across his chest decorating his body with lacerations. 

Hanzo had one leg on either side of his brother as he swung his blade, the blue in the metal catching moonlight and reflecting across the hardwood beneath them, his entire self shaking with the task he did not want to commit. Hanzo’s legs burned like fire had taken to his flesh eating down to the bone; cuts on his hands bled onto the hilt of his katana and onto his clothing.

He remembered the chill that came from the autumn wind and how it stung his wounds, he remembered the break in Genji’s voice as he screamed on trying to fight his brother. Hanzo’s legs could no longer hold him up, he collapsed down onto his bloody knees holding the sword to Genji’s neck. 

The noises, the words, the cries and begging, Hanzo wanted them to be gone. To disappear. To stop the actions of his hands and commands of his superiors. 

Hanzo cried out and shut his eyes clutching one hand to his face, the other resting on his brother’s chest that weakly held the weapon. Genji wept below him mumbling incoherent Japanese, he could no longer lift his blade to defend himself. 

 

 _Wake up._

 

The pain was indescribable the way it coarsed through the archer’s veins and consumed his vision, his legs, his arms, his chest, his lungs, his throat, his everything. Bile threatened his stomach to lurch but Hanzo wailed and kept it down. 

Something wet grasped his face, it was cool and warm on his skin. His eyes shot open with bullet speed, Hanzo took in a sharp breath as Genji’s hand held his face lightly, carefully, deathly weak. They held their eyes together, something dark loomed between them that ached to be released and set free. All-consuming. Void. Blood smeared down Hanzo’s cheek as the boy’s hand dropped to his chest; wheezing breaths gurgled and bubbled as red spilled from the corner of his lips and down the sides of his face. Tears spilled from wounded eyes down to Genji’s temples to wet the damp and matted hair. 

Trembling, bloodied lips moved ever so slightly, a voice wanting to speak. A cough spat red over his and Hanzo’s faces and ran down his chin. The stench of iron saturating their clothing.

 

_**Wake up.** _

 

Words were not exchanged, Hanzo did not speak. How dare he speak to the kind and gentle brother that laid below him readying to die by his trusted brother’s hands. How dare Hanzo look upon the hazel eyes that were half-lidded filled with moisture that kept falling without stop. Genji’s chest began to slow with an uneasy pace -

Hanzo jumped from his spot on the window, his eyes darting in every direction that was Winston’s office. A young girl was crouched before him with long brunette hair that hung lazily past her shoulders. It was frizzy along her bangs and the crown of her head, the tips curling along her chest. There were small bags under her eyes as she held up a small, gloved hand to wave at him. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. You were having a bad dream so I thought I’d wake you up. You were stirring pretty bad,” 

The man caught his breath and stared at her for a long moment, “It is fine,” he sat up straight and rubbed his face and eyes. “What time is it?” 

“Little past nine,” she replied showing him the screen of her phone after she dug it out of her pink windbreaker. A cartoon bunny winked from her screen. “I’m Hana, by the way. I’m across the hall from you,” she introduced herself with a cheeky smile. Her olive skin was painted with pink marks across her cheeks, one of them was a little smudged. 

“Hanzo,” 

“You hungry at all? Jesse save you a plate. No one could find you when dinner was ready so we ate already. I felt bad that you hadn’t eaten so I went on a hunt for you. I went into your room, sorry about that. Wanted to check your dorm to make sure you weren’t sleeping or you had fallen or something,” she looked around his face, her eyes never really staying in one spot, “I got you a little welcome gift from Germany. When I found out Genji’s bro was coming to visit I just had to find something. It’s small and sorta dumb, but I thought maybe you’d like it. Also,” she turned to her side and held a tin-foil-covered plate and held it out. “Ta-da!” 

Hesitantly Hanzo reached and grabbed the food - the plate was still warm - and felt a slightly overwhelming sense of gratitude, “Oh, thank you. I appreciate it,” 

“Anytime!” Hana beamed at him. “Anyways, I’ll let you do your own thing,” she got up and stretched her legs. Shorts with pink leggings were slipped into some black combat boots. 

“Oh, all right,” Hanzo was still waking up. He would have otherwise invited her to stay but couldn’t process the real world fully right this second. 

“Catch ya around!” she waved at him and left the room, her boots clanking against the stairs down. 

Unveiling the tin-foil Hanzo looked at some white rice, pork chops, and some green beans. A fork, knife, and napkin had been wrapped in a small piece of plastic wrap. The rain caught his attention as he ate, the night enveloping the surrounding area. Blurry lights flickered at him from the tips of higher points for incoming hoverjets or planes. He ate in silence. He watched the rain to forget what waited for him behind closed lids.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -I wanted to give out a huge thanks to everyone who's been subscribing and giving me kudos. The love is overwhelming, I wasn't expecting this attention. I hope I don't disappoint. THANKS, LOVES!!! <3  
> -I've got a storyline so far of about ten chapters, but I want to try and make it a bit longer with a few things I have in my head that don't have purposes yet.  
> -I'm going out of town this weekend so I'll be slightly preoccupied but that shouldn't halt the chapter updating. 
> 
> tumblr: goddesofawesome.tumblr.com  
> twitter: https://twitter.com/GoddesofAwesome
> 
> I will try to post chapters every week.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanzo confronts Winston about not having his brother's file ready. Things take a turn for the worse, and then a turn for the unexpected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Thank you for reading!! All the love is so touching~  
> -I've had Technicolor Beat by Oh Wonder (OW) on repeat for this chapter, it's so damn fitting!! Also I'm McHanzo trash and I made my own iTunes playlist soooooo, there's that. If you guys want me to make an official tracklist of my MH songs so far lemme know, I might make one and post it on 8tracks or something.  
> -ENJOY YA FILTHY ANIMALS

The sun had risen and set several times while Hanzo perched himself on top of the cliff that made up the foundation for the watchpoint. When the storm had cleared and the rain had finally stopped the sun’s rays brought cold in the mornings that iced the plant life and grass. An hour after the sun shone on the earth the weather would already be warm foretelling a rather stifling day. 

These were Hanzo’s favorite parts of the day. After he’d woken and taken his pill he’d put coffee in a travel mug and secure it in the pocket of his sweat pants. Passing by the counter where Jesse had set a box of donuts he had picked up the night before the archer picked two with sprinkles and bagged them and made them a home in his other pocket.

Slipping on a coat he left the confines that had trapped him and scaled the rock that towered high above him. It was still dark with the exception of shadows cast by the floodlights illuminating the compound. 

Cold wind whipped the gold scarf that held his hair together and the fur that lined the jacket. Inhaling deeply Hanzo jogged around the perimeter to a small outcropping of rock that gave him the easiest access to get a good footing for his climb and looked up upon the mission before him. With careful hands he felt for sturdy cracks he could stick his fingers in and began up. 

Sweat gathered on his brow and down his neck as he kept on. Once he reached the top he exhaled with a smile and looked outward towards the darkened sea, a bright hue lining on the horizon. Hanzo’s hands pulled out his quick breakfast and trekked his way to the edge. It wasn’t dangerous where he stood for he had ventured this rock several times now, he would be able to sit on the ledge with his legs dangling off if he wished so but even sometimes he couldn’t stand the height. So, a couple feet in front of the plunge he sat on top of his heels and rested his coffee and donuts on his thighs. 

Three weeks. Twenty-one days. Five-hundred-and-four hours. 

The first day of fall. 

That was when Genji would arrive at Watchpoint: Gibraltar. Winston had promised him information in a couple of days and once he had the materials in his hands he was going to leave. Hanzo planned on it, he even set out his few items to be packed again quickly. The less he had to stay here the better. 

It was for the better, it had to be. Why would Genji even want to see him? How could he want to? There was no way that the young sparrow would want to even be in the same room as him and share smiles and laughs like when they were little, even the small box he had placed on Hanzo’s pillow must have only been out of pity. 

Hanzo huffed aloud. He did not deserve kindness from his baby brother, there was no place on earth that could offer a forgiveness that could cleanse his dreams, past, triggers, depression, anxiety; there would be no cure for his soul. A soul as tainted as his had no place in a world like this, that was why he continued on his path of a hired gun, or a hired bow in his instance. Once a killer always a killer, right? That’s what he told himself when he took his first few jobs after his legs had healed enough with the prosthetic enhancements. 

Genji was not his first murder, no, but it was the one that stained his ledger. He struck down his first opponent at twelve. Looking at it now in his late thirties, it seemed so silly that his father would assign him to kill such a man as a beggar on the street simply looking for yen. It was quick, easy, and he’d gotten no blood on his clothes. Hanzo’s father praised him for it, a party followed that officially initiated him into the Shimada-gumi. On his seventeenth birthday he would get the tattoo that covered his left arm and shoulder, a worthy son that had proven himself to the dragons, companions that would be bound by skin until death. 

Fingerless gloves opened the baggie, a crinkling whispered in response, hazel eyes waiting in anticipation as the sun crested over the horizon. As he bit into the donut, some of the sprinkles stuck to his top lip, he thought of Jesse. 

An anchor, an excuse. 

The eagerness that Hanzo held restrained in his chest when the sound of the spurs came, or the smoke that smelled of vanilla and tobacco which clung to every fiber in Jesse’s being. The hat he had left in the sparring room which felt smooth from wear in Hanzo’s hands, and the way Jesse’s face softened upon seeing the archer enter the room. Hanzo anticipated dinner because he had a reason to sit next to McCree. The archer would still his voice so he could listen to the stories or comments or remarks the man had to offer. 

One week and Hanzo was in deep. He imagined running his hands through those brown locks, pressing kisses to his neck and wrapping his legs around that broad waist. But the worst thing above all others, the one thing that made Hanzo’s cheeks burn like fire, was holding Jesse McCree’s hand. 

But, Hanzo did not deserve such affection. If Jesse ever did share his feelings with him, which he doubted, Hanzo would have to decline them. He couldn’t put a man as good as McCree into his life where he would be susceptible to poison. No one would ever put good faith in a Shimada like him, not a man who was as grotesque as he. 

Hanzo tried his damndest to rally his flirting in and to hold his emotions in check, but when Jesse caught him when he was least expecting it he was obligated to reply in kind. The two of them would spend a couple of hours every afternoon in the range. Sometimes they chatted about their weapons, sometimes they said nothing at all. There was a comfortability that Hanzo had not experienced before, that when they spoke no words or exchanged greetings, only looks and glances, they could be happy there. It was a place that Hanzo began to cherish and hold dear to his heart, where the man felt a little more at ease to be himself than anywhere else on this plot of land. 

Hana had talked to him and urged him to get involved in a few things with her, but he hesitated a little. Hanzo knew he trusted her like he trusted McCree, but he didn’t know how far that trust stretched in terms of “hanging out together”. When he would decline an offer to game or to check out her MEKA she would point finger guns at him and say, “I’ll get you to hang with me, Han, just you wait,” and skip away.  
The sun was halfway up, the warmth welcome to the man’s skin as he began on the second donut, his coffee three quarters gone. 

The day after he met Hana he was introduced to Aleksandra Zaryanova ( “Just Zarya”), Reinhardt Wilhelm (Reinhardt), Mei-Ling Zhou (Mei), and Fareeha Amari (“Please call me Pharah”). They were welcoming and warm and full of questions and excitement about his arrival. It made him anxious to have caused them such expectation in him where he would likely disappoint, but he shook their hands, smiled, and gave polite answers. Small talk was not really something he enjoyed but did when he needed to. He wondered if everyone felt that way about small talk. Afterall it was just something to “break the ice”, wasn’t it? Unlike his brother, he didn’t talk when there needn't be, he didn’t feel like filling a space with words when it needed none. 

And the day after that Hanzo wanted to avoid the group that almost filled the building. It wasn’t as quiet anymore or as free as he was used to on the first two days so he grew more reclusive. Time spent in his room, in small nooks and crannies where no one could find him. He missed meals when no one could tell him and sometimes slept during peak times during the day and missed opportune times to speak with Hana or Jesse.  


One night that crept into a new day, the sky was dark and star-filled, Hanzo walked alone and quietly while he learned the hallways and discovered different rooms. He didn’t know what all of the rooms were used for, some of them were empty with small remnants of use before, and others had boxes and crates filled with storage items. He peeked through some of them that would give way and found different tech supplies, a multitude of cords and cables, some old computer monitors that were historic to him, and a couple of smaller CPUs. 

It was close to two in the morning when Hanzo decided he was hungry and would rummage through the cabinets until he found something that would sate his appetite. Placing his hands on a box of salted fish crackers he began to pull it from the cabinet when a cough startled him nearly to death.  
McCree was leaned against one of the counters in his usual jeans and t-shirt with his hair framing his face, sans hat. He had a cheeky grin on his face with his hands in his pockets, “If you’re hungry I can whip somethin’ up for ya,” 

Hanzo’s face went red like he was being caught in a heinous crime, “I would not want to trouble you to such efforts, something to snack on will be fine,” his stomach growled to prove otherwise. He frowned at the betrayal of his gut. 

Huffing a laugh and pushing himself off of the counter Jesse opened one of the cupboards and pulled out some breakfast mix, “Never a trouble to me, Mr. Shimada, I like cookin’, remember? Plus, this stuff is easy,” 

Bashfully placing the snack back into its rightful place Hanzo closed the door and couldn’t make eye contact with the man before him, he wasn’t really sure why he was so embarrassed, “Only if it is no trouble,” 

“Definitely no trouble for you,” the gunslinger said it so casually Hanzo was sure he probably didn’t imply such flattery but it still struck him hard and his ears felt hot. 

A moment of silence passed between them before Hanzo spoke again, “Can I help you, at least? I do not want you to do all the work,” 

Jesse looked over at Hanzo and rose a brow, “Sure thing, I just need some vegetable oil and water. The oil is in that cabinet over there - yeah, that one - it’s on the bottom shelf,” Hanzo placed the plastic bottle next to the bowl Jesse had poured pancake mix into, “Thanks, and the measurin’ cup is in that one - great, thanks. Okay, so pour out three-quarters into it,” 

“This is easy,” Hanzo commented coolly. 

“That’s what I was sayin’, no trouble at all. Okay, lemme heat up a pan,” Jesse left the bowl of mush and got the supplies he needed to start heating up the stove. “You like pancakes? I didn’t even ask ya that before we got goin’,” 

“Yes,” Hanzo mumbled. “I...would have said otherwise,” 

“The dragon knows what it likes and takes what it wants, right?” Jesse laughed at his comment, “they’re nice comfort food, y’know? When you’re feelin’ homesick or out of it,” 

Hanzo mused on this statement while watching Jesse grease up the pan before lighting the stove, “Are you feeling homesick? Or ‘out of it’?” 

It was Jesse’s turn to think for a moment wondering if he should open up or not, if Hanzo was trusting enough or even cared to listen, “Never really had a home ‘til Overwatch, but just havin’ one of those days you don’t feel right. Past haunts me good at night. Angela usually gives me a tonic to help me sleep but I was gettin’ worried I’d get a little too reliant on ‘em. Wanted to try sleepin’ on my own, but,” he sighed a fake laugh, “didn’t work out. Came out here lookin’ for somethin’ to do to distract myself,” 

The archer didn’t know what to do with the information at first, it sort of unsettled him that Jesse thought him well enough to tell him such a thing. It was personal, even if details weren’t in there, it was significant to Hanzo. He’d never had friends or people to rely on or even talk to, so this was very new for him. But, he didn’t leave Jesse hanging, he replied, “I’m glad I could help you, then. To distract you from the past,” 

Hanzo hadn’t realized the significance of what he’d said, Jesse turned to look at Hanzo again but this time his face was serious like their first day in the range, he kept quiet for a few minutes while he ladled batter onto the hot griddle. “You get ‘em? Nightmares, I mean, about the past,” and then a hurried, “Sorry, you don’t have to answer that, ha,” 

“Yes, I do.” Hanzo answered nervously. He had grabbed two white plates from a cabinet and placed them next to the stove. “I, too, do not sleep well at night. Or, well, in general. The dark is a safe place for monsters to hide,” 

“It is, isn’t it,” Jesse flipped the pancake and listened to it cook a moment, “Sleep is supposed to be a time for restin’ not a time for relivin’ mistakes, it’s rude is what it is,” 

Hanzo took his turn chuckling, “It is rather rude, I agree. It should find another occupation instead of tormenting us,” 

“It should! Maybe go an’ pester Talon or other bad guys and leave us alone, we’re just tryin’ to do our best in life,” Jesse added. “I just wanna move on from it and….I can’t. It’s what I get for bein’ in Blackwatch and such, so I suppose I deserve it and all. Just wish it could leave me alone once or twice,” It got heavy really fast, Hanzo’s anxiety grew and he was silent. The cooked pancake went on the first plate and Jesse added more batter to the pan, “Sorry for puttin’ that on you. Didn’t mean to,” he trailed off, embarrassed.

“My mind tells me that my past crimes should never be forgotten,” Hanzo began, “for what I did was too…. much. Even when I am forgiven I do not feel that it is right, so I can relate. I wish my days to be easier, yet, here I am. Here we both are.” 

“Do you ever wish you could go back and change the past?” Jesse asked next. It was a rather loaded question.  
“Yes. Without a doubt,” Hanzo replied sighing. “Mine and Genji’s lives would be very different. Perhaps I would still be in Hanamura running the Shimada-gumi, perhaps I would have still ran. But I know Genji would have been better off. What about you? “

Jesse hummed, “You never know with that kinda stuff. Don’t think I coulda stopped ma’s death, but I wouldn’t have joined Deadlock. Woulda gotten a good job in town like ma wanted, make honest money and do honest work. Could have bought the house back and made a place for myself,” 

“Do you regret joining Overwatch?” 

“Never got a choice. Prison or Overwatch,” 

Hanzo looked down afraid he’d asked too much, “Apologies,” 

“For what?” 

Their glances met and then the archer looked away again, “I should not be prying this much,”

“I wouldn’t answer if I didn’t want to say somethin’, no need to apologize, Mr. Shimada,” Jesse said kindly. The second pancake came off the stove and McCree began on his own plate. “Deadlock was a gang in the Southwest, guess you still haven’t read files yet,” 

“I do not think I am privy to reading them since I am not a member of Overwatch. I am simply a guest,” 

“Well, I give you permission to read mine if you ever feel like it,” 

Nervous fingers fiddled with the rim of the plate, “All right. Thank you,” 

“Am I makin’ you nervous? You’ve been fiddlin’ a whole lot,” Jesse looked at Hanzo’s hands and then up to his face. 

“Ah, it’s not you that makes me nervous,” Hanzo answered honestly. If Jesse trusted him then he would trust Jesse, “I...hm.” He let out a slow exhale, “I am not used to talking about this, it is foreign to me,” 

The cowboy turned to face him, “Then we don’t gotta talk about it,” 

_But I want to._

Hanzo felt betrayed by himself and his stomach sank as his mind began to play games with him again, telling him that Jesse was lying and that he was going to use this information against him. He trusted Jesse, he knew he did, but his vocal cords were held hostage by the fiend inside him making him cower into himself. “I….” he let out a frustrated breath and clutched his hands tightly on the counter next to his plate. “I...am sorry.” 

He didn’t know that Jesse could see the turmoil in him, the pain on his face of wanting to speak but couldn’t, and he rested a hand on Hanzo’s shoulder, “As I said before, Mr. Shimada, you ain’t gotta tell me nothin’ you don’t wanna. I understand,” 

Hanzo didn’t feel like he should be there. He should have left the room, but Jesse had cooked for him. Forcing himself to take the plate to the table he ate the meal dry, remorse flooding him. 

The sun blazed brightly at him, rays breaking through morning clouds that came and went quickly, the coffee in his lap almost empty. 

 

\---

 

There was a group practice that involved new strategies and routines that Winston had created but Hanzo did not join. When he came in for the morning he went to his quarters and laid on the bed for the first time and closed his eyes to rest some of his energy away. It was an oxymoron, but it worked. 

Usually. 

 

Hanzo woke up feeling wrong and out of place. Panicked. He couldn’t believe how long he’d stayed at Gibraltar already and he had a sudden urgency to leave, like Genji would surprise him tomorrow morning with his cyborg body, his mechanical faceplate staring at him. 

In the moment he began to pack, his hands shaking as he stuffed his clothing into his bag instead of folding them, his toiletries scattering on the floor as he clumsily dropped them. 

_I can’t be here_

_I need to leave._

_I’m going to suffocate here._

And then he was rushing out of his room to Winston’s office. He’d gotten used to the hallways at this point and knew his way around fairly well, so navigating to the office wasn’t too difficult. What was difficult was learning the room was empty and quiet. So he exited and decided to head to the medbay. Winston and Angela talked frequently, right? Surely he’d be there. 

Hana walked down the hallway with her eyes glued to her phone, headphones stuck in her ears. As Hanzo came into her peripheral vision she looked up with a smile, but it didn’t stay. She took out an earbud and slowed her pace, “You all right, Han? You look sick,” 

The archer didn’t want to talk to anyone but Winston, didn’t want information that didn’t include his promised information, “I am fine,” he lied. He felt terrible. He felt worried, sick, panic, urgency, regret; his breathing was short and quick. 

“No, seriously, you look like you’re about to hurl, are you going to see Mercy?” Hana pointed a thumb over her shoulder, “I can walk with you,” 

“No!” he barked and then covered his face with his hands as he tried to regain control. “I….am fine, I am looking for Winston,” his head rushed with pressure in his chest. 

Hana was nowhere near convinced and put gloved hands on her hips, “Na-uh, Hanzo, something’s wrong. You don’t have to tell me what it is, but I need to take you to Mercy, like, immediately,” 

“I need to talk to Winston!” he urged, his hands moving at their own discretion. 

“Okay! We’ll go to Winston then,” she seemed frustrated, “maybe she’s with him now,” she took his arm and forced him down the hallway in the same direction he was initially heading. 

Winston, Jesse, and Reinhardt sat around a table as Hanzo burst into the medbay. Angela had just walked through a different door and out of the room, “Winston, you promised me information,” 

“Something’s wrong with him,” Hana spoke over the archer, “Where’s Ang?” 

Jesse had risen from his seat looking incredibly worried, but Reinhardt spoke, “She went to get her staff and gun, to show us the problems she’s been having with them, I can go and get her,” 

“No,” Hanzo barked.

“Yes!” Hana urged. “Please, get her!” 

“No!” he shook his arm free and began to the ape, “Give me the information you promised me so I may leave! I cannot….I cannot stay here any longer!” he was visibly shaking and his skin had gone pale. Hanzo pointed his hand at him, “I cannot stay here,” 

“I have a file being built for you,” Winston said carefully, “I was waiting on a source for the remaining-”

Hanzo roared, “NO!” He didn’t notice the tears that streaked his face. “I need it, I need it now. I cannot wait any longer. I have been here far too long and I - there are - just get it,” he was breathing heavily now. Bile rose in his throat threatening to come up, the panic so high he almost couldn’t see straight. 

“Hanzo,” Hana tried placing a light hand on the man’s shoulder but he moved away from it like it would kill him; poison his skin. 

Genji was there, Hanzo could tell they were lying. Genji was watching him ready to shred him apart. Hanzo deserved it. Genji was going to tell him he hadn’t forgiven him and he was there to kill him, to get back at what his brother had done ten years ago. Genji couldn’t see him like this, Genji would laugh at how much he had failed in life, how he’d taken the metal from his corpse and had it infused with his prosthetic legs as a reminder. Genji would not be there to soothe him Genji would be there to torment him. How could Hanzo be forgiven, there was nothing to forgive for a crime as terrible as fratricide. Genji would haunt him - Genji would tear him apart - Genji would - Genji - Genji - 

The dragons roared in his mind, their reflex to protect Hanzo now feeding the panic. Blue mist-like-smoke crept from his left arm where the serpents wrapped around his arm in ink but did not break forth; their command had not been given to be freed and released. 

Hanzo’s lungs tightened and he was gasping for breath, the whole world spinning around him, the emotion of panic so high there was no description. He could no longer see the forces that occupied the room in a clear state, the noises around him loud enough to deafen him. He wanted to scream and escape, he wanted to disappear into thin air; perhaps he wanted to die in this moment, he could not discern his thoughts anymore. 

Voices came to him but they did not translate. Hanzo had crouched down onto his knees and covered his ears with his shaking, sweaty palms, his eyes were as wide as they would allow yet he could not see clearly. All he saw was the blood on his hands as he hovered over Genji’s body, the blood dribbling out of his brother’s mouth as death claimed his life. 

The words he wanted to say before Genji left him, the things he wanted do before he went through with the command.

Hanzo felt like he was suffocating. Air could not reach his lungs fast enough or they were too tight; spots filled his vision. 

This happened from time to time when Hanzo awoke in a particular manner and in all his years nothing had changed about his panic attacks. They came and left the same way, except this time was different. 

The hands that cupped his face were cooler than his hot skin, they startled Hanzo and jarred him from the envelopment. Jesse sat before him and his mouth was moving but Hanzo couldn’t understand them. In a fluid motion Jesse moved his hands from his face to Hanzo’s wrists removing them from his ears and then held them between the both of them, “Hanzo, it’s fine, calm down, you’re okay, you’re okay,” but Hanzo didn’t understand why Jesse would tell him he was okay and to calm down, why did he feel the urge to help him? Sure, they had their moments of trusting but this was something altogether that Hanzo didn’t understand. “Look at me, Hanzo, you’re okay here, you’re safe,” Hanzo’s heart leapt into his chest and air began to fill his lungs, he could see and hear Jesse better with each passing second. He closed his eyes, “No, you keep your eyes on me, Hanzo, I need you to look at me,” so he opened them. 

Their contact did not waver, their eyes never leaving, Jesse’s hands tight around his. Hanzo heard a female voice but did not register it. 

“No, I got this, Angela,” Jesse wasn’t speaking to Hanzo and it confused him briefly. “Hanzo, you’re gonna breathe when I tell you to, okay? We’re gonna could four breaths in and then out, okay?” the archer did nothing, “Inhale with me, one...two...three...four...hold it, okay now out, one...two...two...three...four...now in,” and then, “Hanzo, you gotta breathe with me. Genji ain’t here, okay? It’s just you an’ me. I promise. Now, let’s go in, one...two...three...four...good! Good, okay now hold it for two, now out. One… two...three...four...you’re doin’ great. Now I want you to count how many freckles I got on my face,” Jesse’s voice was smooth like chocolate and Hanzo followed his lead, his heart in his throat and tears continuing to spill. He just couldn’t stop them. He counted.

Air came back to him gradually, the sense of panic evaporating with each breath Jesse lead him through, and once he could hear and see clearly again exhaustion weighed inside him. With careful hands Jesse placed them on Hanzo’s cheeks once more and used his thumbs to wipe the tears away, “Settle down, I got you,” he whispered, “you’re okay, Hanzo, I got you,” 

“Twenty-three,” Hanzo spoke softly and then closed his eyes tiredly. 

Jesse’s lips pulled up a little, “Great job, now count my eyelashes,” 

“Jesse,” he trembled, his hands clutching his clothes like his life depended on it. “I can’t,” 

“Yes you can, now look at me and count my lashes,”

It took all of Hanzo’s effort to look back at the man before him and concentrate again, but as he counted lashes on both eyes his heart rate had lowered and his breathing came at a steadier pace.

“Well?”

“I’m up to sixty-eight,” Hanzo felt less elevated and looked away. 

“Let’s get to you to your room,” Jesse said and slowly stood up, he held out his hands and Hanzo used them to help him up. He felt dizzy and a little lightheaded but stabilized nonetheless. “Be in a space you feel comfortable in, okay?” 

The last place Hanzo wanted to be was in his room, but there wasn’t another spot on the premises that he felt any better. Well, not a place that the others could get to easily. He thought the clifftop would be ideal but he guessed not everyone could scale a rock as tall as that, at least not without gear. They probably wouldn’t let him out of their sight until Angela cleared him or something, Hanzo didn’t know, he just felt tired. 

The walk back to his dorm was a blur, a segment of time that didn’t matter, and then he was sitting at the foot of his bed with his head bowed, the embarrassment and shame were slowly creeping in. By the time his panic attack came to an end he would feel the very real thrash of those emotions. He hated the cycle, hated his brain, hated that he cared so much about the damn cowboy that came out of his bathroom with a cup filled halfway, “Here, drink some of this,” the man did as he was told and held the cup between his legs as he slouched over his legs. Jesse stood tall, his weight shifted between his feet every few seconds, his hands were at his hips. He was worried. “What do you need?” Hanzo looked up with an expression like he hadn’t understood Jesse’s English. “Like, when you get panic attacks, what do you usually do for ‘em?”

The archer had never had help with his panic attacks before, he usually waded them out or occasionally passed out from hyperventilating. More often than not he would pass out or drink until he did so. “Drink, usually.” 

So that was his answer. 

Jesse frowned and crouched down on his haunches so he was at eye level with Hanzo, “You were serious the other day when you said you didn’t have nobody,” 

“...that is correct.” 

“Well you got somebody now. You got me.” 

Hanzo was speechless, nothing like that had been offered to him before, “I… do not know what to say.” 

“You don’t gotta say nothin’, Mr. Shimada, all you gotta do is trust me in the remainin’ time you’re here,” 

They met eyes and Hanzo bit at the inside of his cheek nervously before saying, “You can just call me Hanzo. It is fine to do so. And...thank you.” 

“Anytime. That’s what friends are for,” the gunslinger’s face was warm and bright and Hanzo felt unworthy to be in such a light. 

“It was about Genji,” 

“I know,” 

“How?” 

“Genji told me the story of what you did to him, I figured if he forgives you then it wasn’t really you doin’ the killin’, y’know? It was like some ultimatum deal and you had to choose. I’ve helped Winston keep tabs on you through a couple of years, always travelin’ solo and whatnot, I figured that you’d have a hard time facin’ your brother after what you did,” Jesse ran a hand through his hair to get the strays out of his face. “Put two and two together,” 

“You were right,” 

“I’m right about a lot of things,” this elicited a grin from Hanzo. 

The clifftop was Hanzo’s sacred space where only he could venture, where he could clear his thoughts and feel at peace with himself, even if just for that moment. But, he’d never shared a sacred space before with someone, he’d never had the chance to. Not since he and Genji created a treehouse behind the temple only they knew about. “I watch the sunrise every morning. Would you like to join me?” and then he scrambled flustered, “It is quite boring to watch it alone,” 

Jesse’s face lit up like it was Christmas morning or he had won the lottery. His eyes got weird and Hanzo realized there was joy in them. His smile was endearing, “I’d be honored to! It would be nice to do somethin’ other than workin’ out that early, anyways,” 

Hanzo was still in post-panic mode and wasn’t sure which emotions were valid or not, which were runoff from only minutes ago, but he recognized excitement among them. 

_I’m going to regret this in the end._

 

\---

 

It was strange to rise at such an hour to meet with a friend to do something. As a child Hanzo was never really privileged to have friends outside of the Shimada-gumi, he was the eldest so he had an image to keep. Genji was really his only friend throughout their childhood until Genji met people on his own and spent less time with his brother. Hanzo never held it against Genji really, he wanted to take over the company when their father passed away. It was his destiny at birth so naturally he thought about his job above all else. At least, for a while. 

A knock came to Hanzo’s door and he stretched his arm from his sleeping position on the floor and answered. Jesse greeted him with a wide smile, teeth and all, and held two travel mugs of coffee. “Ready?”

Hanzo tried to hide his smile, it didn’t work out well. “Yes,” 

They weren’t going to be able to reach Hanzo’s usual point so the man had scouted a spot that would suffice the previous evening after he took a much needed nap. It was the highest point on the furthest point north that had easy access, so the two trekked without sharing a word up to the top of the building in the dark to sit. Jesse handed Hanzo his mug and then pulled out a package of sweets from one of his coat pockets. 

Jesse had made a point at sitting uncomfortably close to Hanzo but he did not object. Not really. Their breath carried small steam clouds against the light, chilly breeze, the compound lights illuminating their backs. 

The sun began to rise, it’s usual routine en route, and Hanzo couldn’t help but keep his peripheral vision to his right on Jesse McCree. When beams began to crest the horizon and spear clouds high in the sky Hanzo had been right.

This was his favorite part of the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Thank you again so much for reading! Please leave kudos or a comment if you enjoyed it, feedback is always welcome. <3 
> 
>  - i drew some of my own art for my fic so here enjoy LOL http://goddesofawesomeart.tumblr.com/post/153059440433/hanzo-and-mccree-enjoying-the-sunrise-in-my-fic
> 
> tumblr: goddesofawesome.tumblr.com  
> twitter: https://twitter.com/GoddesofAwesome
> 
> I will try to post chapters every week.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are getting a little deeper for Hanzo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -I'm sorry if this chapter isn't up to par with the previous ones, I haven't been in my right mind lately. My cat had to be put down on Saturday so I've been struggling to do things other than play Overwatch. (SOMBRA IS SO COOL)  
> \- I really liked listening to Le Brasier De Tristesse by Sylvain Chauveau for this chapter, it really put me in the right place. 
> 
>  
> 
> TW: light mentions of suicide implications

Hanzo had been avoiding everyone - with the exception of Jesse in the mornings and in the range - and felt that since he was going to be here for a couple more days he thought he’d try his best at talking with some of them. 

One thing he hadn’t done was open Hana’s gift from Germany. Sitting on his bed he held the small box in one hand as the other undid the ribbon at the top. A little charm sat inside the cardboard staring up at him: a blue, plastic sword with a large loop of fabric on the top of it was what Hana had gotten him. He pulled it out of the box and held it in his hands admiring the small detail on it. Kids loved charms on all sorts of things, even when Genji was younger he gravitated towards collecting some of them and put them on his phone or gaming consoles, Hanzo never really understood. But, he understood it now a little bit. 

Carrying it with him he left his room and stood in front of the door across from his dorm. Holding up a fist he held it in the air hesitating on knocking, but feeling the charm in his palm forced him to. A stirring could be heard momentarily and then the door swung open and the short girl stood before him with her hair in a towel, “Hey!” her face brightened like the sun, “Han, what’s up?” She wore a pink tank top and some pajama shorts, her feet outfitted with bunny slippers. Her hair was wrapped in a towel like a crown on her head.

“I was wondering,” he began mumbling, “if you wanted to ‘hang out’. And I wanted to thank you for the charm,” Hanzo let it dangle from his hand to show her. “I should have opened it earlier and I did not, I apologize.” 

“Ah, don’t worry about it, come on it!” Hana wove a hand towards the inside of her room and Hanzo cautiously entered. The walls were covered with famous Korean pop stars and singers, fairy lights bordered the ceiling twinkling back at him - her window was covered by a black sheet - and her bed had not yet been made. Maybe she didn’t make her bed like he did, Genji never did, but it looked comfortable and welcoming with the endless stuffed animals and sheets that showcased the position she had risen from. A large television hovered on the wall across from the bed with a paused game flashing a screen to press a button to resume play, a small gaming station set up at the foot of her bed with a beanbag chair with an imprint where she was sitting. Chip bags and soda cans littered the space around the chair with a controller sat in her spot. “You know how to play games?” she asked going over to a small desk she had stuffed in the corner where manga and other books covered it completely. A tier of controllers were charging on a stationary dock and Hana pulled one off and handed it to the man. 

“Not really. I played when I was younger, but those games are probably ancient by now,” Hanzo said nervously. From the hidden closet behind her small dresser she pulled out an additional beanbag. “I am going to be very slow at….this,” 

“If you’re brothers with Genji then you have some hardcore gaming in your blood, c’mon and sit down. I’ll put on a fighting game with basic controls,” Hana instructed pushing the seat next to her own. Hanzo sat with his controler feeling significantly out of place, but if the smile she had on her face kept shining as brightly as it was now he would suffer an insurmountable number of gaming sessions. 

Hanzo chuckled lightly, “We shall see. I never really had the luxury of being able to game like he did,” 

Sounds and voices came from the television and Hana looked at him, strands of her bangs falling out of the towel, “Lucky for you gaming isn’t too hard to get used to, just some basic practice. Plus, you’re here to hang out, not to compete with me,” she giggled and pressed a couple of buttons on her controller before looking at his. “Okay so this is going to be your attack button, this one is dodge, that one is block, and these two back here change the camera position. The analog sticks move your character around. Let me get up a tutorial,” her tongue stuck out of her mouth in concentration, her pink marks on her face now perfect. 

“Which one is attack again?” 

“The X,” 

“Ah,” 

“So, just pick a character you like and start with that,” 

Hanzo spent a good amount of time going through each character on the screen, seeing which abilities they possessed, what kind of weapons they had and their overall basic statistics. He wasn’t dumb about games, he just felt like he never had the coordination for it. The man picked a character with a bow and arrow for a weapon, a smirk was shared between the two of them, “Now what?” 

“I got my girl ready, so now we can practice,” 

The two spent an hour in a basic map where Hanzo got used to what controls did what and finally Hana said they could join a public match. Set on easy, of course. 

The game was set five versus five in various stages in a fantasy realm, different voices came over the speakers with “watch out on your left,” or “there’s a Kai on the roof of the second building sniping,”. The voices all spoke English but some of the individuals had thick accents. 

“Usually I have my mic on,” Hana explained shortly, “so you can’t hear the other people,” 

“I do not mind it. If you want to put on your mic I will not mind,” Hanzo just killed his second person in an hour. He was proud. 

“Nah, Han! This is us time! I don’t want no scrubs taking this away from me,” her female character ran across a wall that overhung a large pit and threw a knife at an unsuspecting opponent, she killed him quickly. She was on a twenty-person-killstreak. 

“Scrubs?” 

“You know, like noobs. Newbies,” 

“Sure,” 

Hana laughed, “You’re a scrub,” and then, “but a good scrub.” 

“I am definitely not that good,” 

“We’ve only been at this for a little while! Trust me, by the time you leave you’ll have a lot of kills under your belt, and D.Va’s say-so,” 

The match ended with a win and Hanzo exhaled not knowing he had been holding a breath. His hands were sweaty and he wiped them on his pants. He thoroughly enjoyed this. 

“So?” 

Hanzo looked over at Hana, she had a heavy smirk as she dug into a chip bag pulling out a triangle snack. “I want to play more,” he said sheepishly. 

“Ha!” she exclaimed, “I knew it. All right, a few more matches in easy and then we step it up,” She had taken her hair out of the towel to air dry.

By the time the sun had set - not that the two would know - they had spent over five hours together. Hanzo had gotten considerably good at his one character and he even got a couple Play of the Match’s. Hana praised him on it and even gave him an excited hug. It was different from the praises he’d gotten in life about his career in killing, about the countless illegal doings his family company elicited, it was a different feeling he got. In the past he felt proud for his name, but now he felt happy and joyous. Hanzo liked getting affection for doing something he actually enjoyed. 

When they were taken from their seats Mei-Ling had knocked on the door rousing them to dinner. “Oh my god, the match in the dungeon when they took the flag, damn, I thought we’d lose!”

“If you had not used your special we would not have won,” Hanzo boasted.

“Dude! You swept in there like some old school Robin Hood and took them out! It was incredible! I knew you had it in you. If you can do it in real life how different can it be?” 

“Significantly,” Hanzo laughed, “but it is still as exciting,” the comparison to Robin Hood felt warm in his chest and his smile could not be kept at bay. 

Reinhardt had cooked a multitude of dishes that ranged from bacon, sausage links, cooked eggs, some brisket, a bowl of mashed potatoes, and beans. Hanzo sat in his chair next to Jesse who was relaxed in his usual sweats and a tank, his hair was pulled back into a small ponytail and the archer couldn’t help but stare, a small blush rising on his cheeks. He didn’t know Jesse had piercings in his ears along the cartilage. 

Jesse noticed with a side glance, but all he did was smile as he stuffed his mouth full of potatoes; there was pink rising in his ears and nose. 

“I wanted to make a large dinner for Hanzo,” Reinhardt said loudly, his voice booming to the gathering at the dinner table. Hanzo’s eyes went straight to the burling man, embarrassment starting to take over. “Since his days are numbered I wanted for us to celebrate his time here. He might leave tomorrow or the next day, but today he is here with us. To friends!” 

Mercy clapped with a bright smile on her face, “So thoughtful, Reinhardt! It has been such a wonderful time with you here, Hanzo,” 

“Yes, agreed. Though we have not talked much, it is nice to gain a new friend,” Zarya rose her glass and took a swig. Several people chimed in agreeance. 

It was overwhelming how much attention he was receiving and he didn’t know how to respond. So, he sat there with his head down, his face beet red with his hands in his lap nervously fiddling with his t-shirt. 

Fareeha cleared her throat, “You are still welcome to join Overwatch, friend,” 

Flustered, Hanzo did not answer, he could not even pick up the fork at his right to the full plate before him - someone had already done that for him, he wondered who. 

The man at his side cleared his throat, “We’re puttin’ on too much pressure, I think. It’s okay Hanzo, you don’t gotta say nothin’ or do nothin’, here’s some of that juice I saw you drinkin’ yesterday,” he reached across the table and grabbed a charaf of a fruit juice pouring it into the glass at Hanzo’s place. 

Hanzo watched Jesse do this and appreciated it thoroughly, but he willed himself to speak, “Thank you. I just… do not have words to express my gratitude,” Meaning: he’d never had to express his gratitude to people who hardly knew him yet adored him. He was baffled and perplexed, but he also felt that he liked it. He liked being wanted.

After a few short words the conversations then transitioned to their normal behavior. Mei laughed at a joke Zarya said, Winston huffed to Angela on the subject of her weapon - it was still having issues - and Hana was gaming on her phone while she ate in silence. 

When they were done with dinner Hanzo was told he did not have to help clean up so he took this time to try and center himself and be with his mind and body for a little while. 

Hanzo trekked outside to his and Jesse’s morning spot and sat, the sun barely there. It was a bit warm but there was a cool breeze that foretold a brisk winter. It would never get cold enough for water to freeze; it would portray a Japanese spring in Hanzo’s mind. Still, a jacket was nice to have on hand when the time would come. 

Hana had stolen a part of him today, a part that wanted to stay and play and ask her about South Korea and her MEKA. He wanted to get to know her better. His fingers curled into his palm at the frustrating desire to stay. There was a sense to protect her like he had felt for Genji all of his life, even the past ten years when he thought he was dead; it was just there in his chest like a wire strung across a canyon, wavering in the wind yet sturdy to hold him. Sometimes he’d slip but he’d catch himself and climb back up to balance once more, that’s how protection worked for him. 

The young Korean girl was only nineteen and had already accomplished so much and was heavily decorated in her military. She had done more in her last few years than Hanzo had done most of his life. It wasn’t that he envied her for it or was jealous of her medals and awards, but that she was thrust into the fighting so early in her life. She didn’t have much of a childhood, there was only her purpose to serve the military once they got a hold of her. Hanzo felt kindred to her, he too did not have a childhood. Not as much as she had, anyways, from the moment of his birth his only choice was to serve his father, and then to replace him. 

Hanzo admired Hana for her courage and knew that even if he stayed to protect her she would be the one protecting him. She had a fire in her that burned with a passion the man did not have within himself. He wanted to be by her more to try and absorb the flames so he could get on with his life; to accept the forgiveness Genji offered him. 

A presense sat next to him while Hanzo had his eyes closed, it smelled of vanilla. Jesse inhaled on a Cigarillo and the smoke blew past the archer. A moment passed and then an object was placed on Hanzo’s thighs. It drew his eyes to open. 

A plastic folder with clasps on the sides sat there, the tab reading Shimada, Genji in perfect print. The folder was about two inches thick of papers, pictures, surgeries, injuries, weapon data, psyche analyses; it was a multitude of things about his younger brother. Hanzo’s hands carefully picked it up and opened it enough to look at a few pages here and there, he didn’t want the wind to sweep these away. This was why he was here. 

Now he could leave. 

Jesse wasn’t saying anything. 

A brief image came up as Hanzo sifted lightly, an image of a young, beaten Genji who was wrapped with so much red-stained-gauze that he closed the file and looked down at it solemnly. 

“Thank you.” Hanzo whispered. 

Several minutes passed, the two sharing their gazes at the where the sun had been, the blue of the water so dark it could captivate one for hours. “I know it ain’t my place to say nothin’ about your stay here, but since you got the folder this means you can leave whenever ya want,” his voice was soft but filled to the brim with emotion, maybe something else. “‘An I can’t even imagine what it must be like to face what’s in yer head about Genji an’ all that, but,” he set his occupied hand on his knee, the smoke trailing around them, “Damn, this is harder than I thought I’d be,” he chuckled without humor. Hanzo was staring at him now. “Okay, so, like, even though you’ve been here for a short while I’ve gotten attached to ya, somethin’ real bad, too. I was up all night tossin’ and turnin’ because I kept thinkin’ about how I wouldn’t have a shootin’ partner anymore or a sun risin’ buddy, and it was sorta gettin’ me down,” he flicked ashes onto his boots, “It’s a selfish thing I’m doin’ right now, I know that, but I’d like ya to….I’d want to… shit. I want you to stay, Hanzo, even though you’d have to face Genji. It’s a selfish thing. Even if you deny my request I had to say it,” 

“You want me to stay,” 

“Yes’m,” 

Hanzo couldn’t fathom why, it knitted his brows together. Even after Jesse had stated the reason why he needed a better justification than that, “Why?” 

The gunslinger chuckled again and met eyes with him, “I thought I was pretty obvious by now, you’re pullin’ my leg, right?” 

“No, I am not,” 

Jesse’s face went red, “I got a stupid crush on you, ya fool,” he laughed, “it’s been nice bein’ able to be around someone who doesn’t ask a million questions and doesn’t judge me for the stupid shit I’ve done, not to mention we can just be quiet and be content. It’s my favorite thing, honestly,” 

“Mine, too.” 

“If I face Genji,” Hanzo sighed heavily, his eyes went to the folder in his lap, “if I see him in his new body and….he will berate me. Shame me. Guilt me. I fear for my own sanity and that he will validate every feeling I have predicted about this and - “ 

“I know it ain’t my place, but can I say somethin’ about the whole thing?” 

Hesitation, “Yes, I suppose,” 

“You saw your brother for what, fifteen minutes? Maybe not even? Back in Hanamura, I mean. You’ve yet to sit down and talk to him ‘bout things and the past and yer feelin’s, how do you know what he’s gonna say when he hasn’t gotten the chance to?” Hanzo could see Jesse watching him with his peripheral vision. 

But, Jesse was right. Hanzo didn’t want to admit it because he wanted a reason to flee and escape into his mind again, but….his feelings were mutual to the man. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t have a crush on him, too. It was a childish word, crush. 

“I suppose it is because I do not want to face the body I ultimately forced him to occupy,” said Hanzo. “It is a reminder of what I did. I have myself for that everyday, I do not want a physical...embodiment of my sin to face me,” 

Jesse understood, though, he understood why Hanzo was so afraid. Why would Genji forgive him for almost killing him and pushing him into a cyborg body to live out his life? But Jesse had known Genji for a long while now, years of friendship had built up between them and he had to watch a furious young man face his anger and resentment to Hanzo. It was a struggle to watch let alone go through it, but Genji found peace in Nepal, he had found a way to forgive Hanzo and Hanzo needed to see that and learn from it. To experience the kindness of people that cared about him even after he screwed up. “I think you should tell him how you feel,” 

Baffled and surprised at the statement, Hanzo turned to Jesse, “What? Why would I do that?” 

“Because you’re lettin’ your pride and shame rule your life. I think you should tell him how you feel and let him tell you his,” 

Hanzo was getting mad, frustrated beyond belief, “How could you say that to me when you have not felt what I have? Done what I have? To face my brother is to face my death,” 

Jesse scoffed, “Darlin’, if you were gonna face death you already would have. By drink or by drugs, or by your own hand, it would’a already been done. I may not have been in your exact shoes, but I know what it’s like to feel pain like you’re dealin’ with. You think you alone have done bad shit in your life? I killed a lot’a innocent people in my day, killed kids because they were in the way. Their screams and pleas haunt me when I sleep, just like Genji does yours,” 

It was a slap in the face and the archer’s expression twisted as if he’d been tainted by something vile. When in reality, Hanzo was realizing that his pain wasn’t the only pain in the world. He’d never had someone tell him that they were suffering too, and that even decades after their crime they were still feeling the repercussions of it. The logical side of his mind told him that it was true and that his feelings were being validated as well as that he wasn’t alone and could rely on Jesse, but his emotional mind was taking over and his depression was spiking.  


_He’s lying to you, he just wants to fuck you and leave you like everyone else._

_He doesn’t really care about you, he wants to watch you crumble._

_No one loves you._

_No one cares about you._

Hanzo was trying to fight these thoughts. His lips whitened into a thin line and his eyes closed hard, his breathing elevated. “You are lying,” he whispered through a clenched jaw. 

“But I’m not!” Jesse exclaimed. “Why would I lie about somethin’ this serious?” 

Hanzo shot the man a glare, “To take advantage of me while I am down,” 

“Really! So me tellin’ you that I like you is just a lie, that I don’t got these stupid damn feelin’s about someone who tried to kill my best friend? If I were gonna lie to you I would’a stayed quiet and let you alone. I was mighty pissed when Genji told me about you and I hated you, I hated the idea of him lettin’ you live, but when he told me to forgive you like he was doin’ I trusted in his judgement and did like he said. And instead of hatin’ you I wanna take you out to dinner and shit because he was right,” Jesse was breathing hard now, his Cigarillo went to his lips where he pulled hard on it, frustrated. “If I wanted you to suffer I’d let ya, but I ain’t,” 

But Hanzo was not in his right mind now, the words Jesse told him were selected and put into a structure that his mind wanted and he started lashing out, “Then you should have let me be and kept your hatred! All of the nice things you all have been doing, just stop!” he was slowly getting up to stand. 

“Why?” Jesse barked following suit. He was taller than Hanzo and stood over him. 

“Because I do not deserve it! I am worthless and do not deserve what you are trying to give to me! The pain I feel is my punishment, I want to live out my life like-”

“Like what? Like you’ve been doin’? Cause that’s worked out well for ya so far, hasn’t it?” 

“Everything had an order before I came here!” 

“Starving for days on end tryin’ to find a job? Or sleeping in th’a mud because no one would take you in? Sounds like a peachy ole time,” 

“Because it is what I deserve!” Hanzo yelled. “Just let me wither away like this life has planned for me!” 

The archer began to walk away but Jesse grabbed him by the arm, “I can’t let ya do that,” he was heated and his voice was stern.

“And why not?”

“Because you gotta see that life ain’t just about our sins, you’re allowed to enjoy things too!” 

“I have seen enough! It has been enough,” he tugged his arm free of Jesse’s grasp but he did not walk further on, instead he looked down at the ground defeated, the folder held firmly in his hand. “I have enjoyed my time here, now I must leave and be on my way,” 

“Why are you so hellbent on only hearin’ what you have to say, why can’t you listen to me and trust me on it?” Jesse begged. His Cigarillo burned without purchase in his hand, ashes fell without care. 

Hanzo could not answer, so he turned and left for the door that would take him down to the ground floor. He left Jesse on the roof and went to his room. Looking at the folder he grew angry again, his fists clutched around the material wishing it would bend to his will, but he couldn’t and instead threw it across the room with a yell. Grabbing his other belongings he threw them at various places without a reason, he punched at the wall resulting in a bloodied print where his skin broke; he picked up his anti-depressants and threw them hard. The cap ruptured off and the pills spilled on the floor. 

Leaning against the foot of his bed he slid down and propped his knees up, his hands resting atop them, shaking. His hair had come undone slightly and strands began to fall in his face. Closing his eyes he willed his breathing to settle and calm. 

When he composed himself enough to look at his room once again he saw the small little blue sword lying idle on the floor as if to remind him what was most important. Leaning over he grabbed the charm and held it delicately in his hands like it might break. The note Genji had written was scattered with the rest of the box’s insides, the Japanese handwriting smiling at him. 

He rested his head back on the mattress and wept, tears cascading down his temples and onto the comforter. His sobs shook his body and he wailed, his hands coming to cover his face as though he were being watched, the plastic of the toy pressed against his cheek. 

 

\---

 

It was late when Hanzo emerged from his room with a mission in mind. It was well past one in the morning. Standing in front of the door that held only a few small things Hanzo knocked on Jesse’s ward and waited. No answer. So he went on a search. He was also rather tipsy from the alcohol he was able to find in the kitchen. 

The range was empty but the lights were still on, Athena advised him that Jesse was in there a short while ago but didn’t shoot. The kitchen was bare, the dishwasher running as white noise. The hallways were quiet and Hanzo realized he might have to wait until the morning to say what he needed to say. 

But he couldn’t wait, so he went into Winston’s office and checked the rooms and found nothing, but the one place he should have checked first that you could see from the second floor of the ape’s office was their morning spot. 

The back of Jesse’s serape was illuminated by the exterior lights, the glow of a lit Cigarillo held loosely at his face. 

It was chilly when Hanzo stepped outside, he hugged himself wishing he would have brought a jacket instead of taking on the weather with his t-shirt and pants. As Jesse had done before, Hanzo sat quietly next to the man. 

They shared the space for a while, but Hanzo broke it with a soft and careful tone, “I am sorry about earlier.” 

Jesse took a long drag, “Me, too, Hanzo,” 

“It is very difficult for me to be among people who want to care for me and care about me. I do not know how to react or what to say and I become overwhelmed. My anxiety and depression take over and it is a downward spiral from there. I do trust you and I reciprocate your feelings, but I do not know how to do either efficiently. I do not know what I will do when Genji is here and I have to face him, or what I will say. I am not happy with life and not have been for a long while, but with you I have been able to experience happiness. I would like to continue that,” 

Jesse digested the information - noting things in his personal memory log, “So’re you sayin’ yes to goin’ to dinner with me?” 

Hanzo met the man’s eyes and saw a cheeky smile on Jesse’s face, he shyly met it, “I suppose I am,” 

“You worry too much about how others see you when you’re weak,” Jesse began thoughtfully, “when you think you’re weak anyways. Every single one of us’s got baggage, Hanzo, all of us have nightmares of our own. We all cope in different ways, some better than others, some worse than others, but we lean on eachother when we need help or are havin’ a hard time. I’m not sayin’ all the time, there are some nights where I drink myself stupid and sleep it off, but in the end all we can do is cope. Can’t be fixed of these problems we got in our heads, y’know? They’re there for a reason and it sucks, but we’re still standin’, ain’t we? We’re still here breathin’ and wakin’ up everyday even when we don’t wanna. We gotta help others so they don’t have to do what we do,” 

“You mean Overwatch,” 

“Yeah. To fight their wars for them if we can, fight off the bad guys so they can’t take away their families or loved ones. Anythin’ to give ‘em one more good night without a worry,” 

“That is very honorable, and noble,” 

“Wouldn’t say that I’m doin’ it for the title or for honor or such things like that, I just don’t want a kid out there losin’ their folks and endin’ up the way I did,” he took a drag and set his Cigarillo on his knee, “People die everyday, I can’t stop that. I’m no god or somethin’ big like that, but what I can do is try to be there when a war creeps up on ‘em or I’m needed to help take down an undercover op. It’s a little silly when I say it out loud, but...it’s the truth,” 

Hanzo blinked and mulled for a breath, “It is not silly to want others to live peacefully, you are trying to make a difference,” 

“Maybe, or maybe I’m a fool in denial of tryin’ to redeem myself for my past,” he shrugged, “either way, at least maybe I can save one life,” 

The archer didn’t want to say something as cliche as “You have saved mine,” so he didn’t, it was a little too early to say he’d been saved at all. It was a start, sure, but he couldn’t bank on someone else saving him from himself. Maybe Hanzo wasn’t meant for redemption, he didn’t know, no one knew, but there was a small portion of him that Jesse had offered that allowed him to enjoy a few things that told him otherwise. He wanted to believe that he could find his reasoning like Jesse had for joining Overwatch, or, well, staying with it until this point. 

“Thank you,” 

It pulled Hanzo to the moment, “For what?” 

“For stayin’. I know it can’t be easy,” 

He agreed, “It is not easy, and it won’t be. You do not need to thank me, though,” 

Another drag, more smoke, “I’m still thankin’ ya,”

“Then you’re welcome.” 

“At least if things go south for you you got a good family to help you out. Ain’t sayin’ we’ll be nice about it, but, at least there’s that,” 

Hanzo knew it would get bad, that wasn’t even a question. He was fine in this current moment, but thinking about what was to come pinched nerves and warped his emotions with cruelty towards himself. He shook his head to whisk them away. “You are probably right,” 

“I usually am,” Hanzo looked at him and Jesse chuckled poking his elbow at the archer’s arm. “But I think I should head in, it’s gettin’ late,” 

“All right,” 

“You goin’ in, too?” 

“No, I would like to stay out here for a while longer,” Hanzo mused. 

“Hm,” Jesse rearranged himself and shrugged out of his serape before placing it over Hanzo’s head so it would wrap around his shoulders, “I’ll want it in the mornin’,” 

Hanzo was speechless as he watched the man descend downstairs. Curling his hands into the fabric he pulled it up to his nose and smelled everything that was Jesse. It was warm and comforting like a mother’s arms, it wasn’t itchy or suffocating and Hanzo relished in the feeling of the fabric against his skin. 

Watching the stars above him he pulled his knees under the cloth and closed his eyes. The sounds of the ocean below the compound crashed and proceeded peacefully, the breeze displacing some of his hair. He had done what he wanted to yet still felt drained and empty and pained. He didn’t know how to ask for someone to stay and help him, to just sit there and not allow him to be alone. 

In the simple span of some two weeks he had become attached to wanting company around him, to wanting something there beside him that knew what he felt and how it felt to be in his spot mentally. 

On the top of the Gibraltar building he laid on his side covered by the serape as the moon shone at him from high above. Tears stung his eyes and he wished them away, but as he closed them to rest they fell onto the red fabric he held pressed against his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Thank you again and again for reading and providing kudos and subs. <3 <3  
> -Remember to leave kudos or a comment if you liked it. <3
> 
> tumblr: goddesofawesome.tumblr.com  
> twitter: https://twitter.com/GoddesofAwesome
> 
> I will try to post chapters every week.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanzo and Hana get to bond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -This chapter is pretty short, I'm sorry it took so long for me to get a chapter posted, I've been super busy with work and the holiday that just passed. (Hope you guys had a good Turkey day!) 
> 
>  
> 
> TW: none

Waking up and expecting to overlook the ocean disoriented Hanzo as he opened his eyes and saw the makeup of his room. His body was a little stiff - he’d have to do some yoga later to stretch out - as he rose and took inventory of what happened. 

The red serape fell down his chest as he went vertical, the fabric landing in his lap. It smelled of the outdoors and tobacco. The archer held it delicately in his hands momentarily before folding it carefully and setting it on the end of his bed. A small headache at the front of his face reminded him of his drinking and he frowned in response. 

On his bedside table the orange bottle of his anti-depressants stared at him with a little post-it note stuck to the top with sloppy handwriting: “Didn’t find you in your room this AM and found you sleeping at our spot. Brought you back and cleaned up a little, hope you don’t mind. -J” . 

Hanzo took notice of the room now that his tantrum the night before had almost been completely erased. Genji’s gift had been neatly placed on his wardrobe, the other things folded and set on the other side of the bed - how were people able to get into his room without his print? - and the pills had been put back in their rightful bottle. 

“Good morning, Hanzo,” Athena’s voice chirped, Hanzo jumped at the sudden noise. 

“Hello,” he mumbled. The small screen next to his door was lit with her icon. 

“I have one message for you, would you like me to read it?” 

“Yes,” 

“It is from Hana at 10:45 this morning. ‘Come by my room later to game, I wanna show you something,’. End of message.”  
Hanzo checked the time and it was a little past noon. He hadn’t expected to sleep so late. “Thank you, Athena,”

“It is my pleasure, Hanzo.” and she went quiet. 

So, Jesse had carried him to his room. Hanzo’s face went red in embarrassment just at the thought. He even left his serape. The man was delighted but also frightened by the joy that filled him with loose ideas. 

Running his fingers over the frayed edges of the cowboy’s article Hanzo wondered how old it was, where he’d gotten it from; what tale Jesse would lavish with details that didn’t actually happen. Closing his eyes he pulled his legs over the side of his bed and stretched his back and prosthetic legs. Opening the bottle he shook a tablet out and swallowed it dry, he got up and brushed his teeth and combed out his hair before tying it back up again, and then grabbed the serape to return to its owner. 

The hallways were quiet sans the music that came from Hana’s room and the clatter from his footfall. A lingering smell of cooked food clung around the kitchen as Hanzo searched the watchpoint. Jesse’s room was quiet when he knocked so he figured the cowboy would be around elsewhere. There weren’t many places to go, honestly. 

The long hallways and lone rooms reminded Hanzo of home. The Hanamura shrine was often left to a minimal staff when he was living there. Both he and his brother had a guard, their father had two, and there were always omnics and armed men at the entrances to handle any threat or person who came to visit. Hanzo remembered taking his unscheduled time to walk the shrine alone. It calmed him and put him at ease after a stressful afternoon or morning, he was able to think about a few things here and there that needed to be addressed or to make sure Genji would arrive at the next important meeting on time. He was usually sent out in search of his brother, and when he was busy one of his guards tracked the little sparrow and brought him home. 

Their father was not a kind man, he was a businessman. The family business came first above all else, Hanzo’s education as heir was just as important as his own ruling. Sitting with his father for breakfast was a quiet endeavor, Genji almost never attended. He would still be sleeping off his hangover or getting home from someone else’s place. 

Hanzo had always been a little jealous of how freely Genji could live without cares or worries. He had learned in school that other people had dreams of their own and to take on life with their own two hands, but Hanzo never got the say or chance to change his destiny. Watching through the way his brother lived his life was enough for him. 

At the time it was true. 

The hangars were empty and Hanzo finally had to ask Athena where Jesse was, “He is in Winston’s office,” she replied. He thanked her and began his way to his favorite nap-time-getaway. 

Minutes after Genji was born their mother had died from childbirth. The doctors had said all was normal and all would be well. It didn’t end up that way. 

Thinking about it in the recent past Hanzo learned that their father looked at Genji with disdain. Letting the boy live his life out of the shrine was easily getting him out and away from himself and to see the being that killed his wife, like it was all the boy’s fault. 

One of the anniversaries of Genji’s death Hanzo had snuck into the Hanamura shrine and found his way to their family’s vault which kept hundreds, if not thousands, of documents secret only to the Shimada family line. 

In the dark vault with his phone only to light the Japanese writing on the pages Hanzo found that his mother had been sick shortly before his brother’s birth. Their father had ignored the warnings of a couple of doctors that foretold this and blamed it on her pregnancy. It was only with his own pride that their father let his wife die; a tumor in her brain untreated. 

Hanzo had no one to share this information with, no one in his family left to share his anger with. Loneliness was one hell of a punishment - one he thought he rightfully deserved - and it was ruthlessly crippling. 

He had grown up to believe his father was always right, that everything he said was factual; Hanzo saw his father almost like a god. Who else was he supposed to look to when things got hard for him, his brother? No. Hanzo only turned to their dad and relied on his word and action that it was right and correct. Even when the boy learned their family was a multinational organized crime syndicate he knew his father wouldn’t live this life if it didn’t serve a purpose, so he trusted in him. 

Even after his death Hanzo trusted that his advisor was right in telling him to kill his brother. 

How stupid he was. 

Hanzo hadn’t really been paying attention to when he walked into Winston’s den and office, when he looked up Pharah, Zarya, Reinhardt, Mercy, Winston, and Jesse were looking at him. There was a holographic chart hovering in the middle of the group that had gathered around the table in the center of the room, information regarding a man with an owl-faced mask with a dark hood and a new drug. 

His face was so red he thought he was going to explode, “I apologize, I was not paying attention,” Hanzo rushed out.

“It’s fine,” Angela smiled, “we’re just discussing a mission. Did you need something?” 

Everyone was dressed very casually, all of their battle-gear left in their rooms. Jesse had his hair pulled back again - Hanzo thought his face couldn’t get any hotter - and he rushed over to hand the item to the cowboy. 

“Thanks,” Jesse grinned, a toothpick between his lips, a red plaid shirt collared high on his neck. 

“You can stay if you’d like,” Pharah stated. She stood very poise, a child born of the military. 

Hanzo was so embarrassed he didn’t know what to do, “I...have humiliated myself,” and with that he rushed out of the room, his fists were balled at his sides.

_Should have been paying attention._

_Foolish dragon._

Heavy footsteps echoed behind him, Hanzo didn’t want to see or face whoever it was. It sounded like Zarya, perhaps Reinhardt, but a dark hand grabbed his shoulder, “Hey, wait,” Hanzo turned to look with the side of his eyes at Jesse as the man let his hand drop from the archer’s shoulder, “You okay? Why’d you say you were humiliated?” 

Hanzo looked away and began where he was headed, “Let us talk of this later. Go back to your meeting, McCree.” 

“We might not get a chance to talk later, Hanzo, we got called into an op that’s headin’ out tonight,” Jesse said catching up to Hanzo, the latter slowed his pace a little. “Hana and Mei are stayin’, they got some recon to do here with Winston and Angela, but the rest of us are goin’. Might be gone a couple weeks, maybe three,”  


The panic that Jesse was leaving, Hanzo’s only safeguard, rose his heart rate even more, “Oh.” and then, “I was embarrassed by interrupting your briefing, that’s all,” 

“You sure that’s it?” 

Hanzo didn’t know what Jesse was implying or why he felt so inclined to leave the room at all to persue him to ask what was wrong. “Yes,” he said, his brows rising quizzically. 

“All right,” Jesse took the toothpick from his mouth and rolled it between his fingers for a moment. “You ain’t gonna leave while I’m gone, are ya?” 

So that’s what this was about. At least it didn’t take long to get to the point, “I said I was going to stay,”

“Genji might get here before me, you gonna be okay?” Jesse was thoroughly worried. “I sorta wanted to be here for that, wanted to be support for ya, y’know,” 

Hanzo was still in his embarrassment and only thought to appease him at this moment, “I will be here,” 

Jesse relaxed a little and occupied his mouth once again, “All right,” although he didn’t look sated, he still took it. “Hana was lookin’ for ya this mornin’, you should see her,” he turned to leave, his amber eyes striking Hanzo daft. 

“Yes,” Hanzo muttered watching the cowboy leave. The jeans on him looked really good. Turning to walk towards the dorm hallway Hanzo took a few minutes to himself to lay down before he socialized again. 

He ended up napping until the evening, Athena alerted him that someone was at his door. Sleepily Hanzo rose from his bed, rubbed his eyes, combed out his hair with his fingers, and got up. There was a letter under his door that had been slid through the bottom crack. The door chimed again. 

Opening it, Hana smiled and wove, “Hiya! Did I wake you?” 

“Yes, but it’s fine,” Hanzo replied.

“Good, ‘cause I have been dying to play Fury again with you. Since most of the crew shipped out a little bit ago I made you and I some impromptu dinner,” she wasn’t holding anything but threw a pointing thumb over her shoulder to her room. “Oh, what’s that?” she asked finally noticing the cream letter Hanzo was holding. 

“A note,.” he opened it and found that same sloppy, English handwriting with a piece of red fabric taped to the bottom of it; it was about six inches long and two inches wide. The note read: _“I’m holding you to that promise. -J”_ Hanzo took the fabric and felt it in his hand, the softness making his heart flutter. A piece of the serape had been torn and given to him as a symbol of -

“What’s it say! You’re so red, Han!” Hana tried to peek over the letter and nearly clambered on his shoulders as he turned it away from her. 

“It is nothing,”

“Yes it is! Show me!” 

“Nothing!” he held the fabric tightly, a small smile creeping onto his face as Hana toyed with him. 

“Oh shit, it’s from Jesse, isn’t it?” she noticed the fabric in his hand and she whistled. “That boy’s got it bad!” 

“Yes, he and I have discussed it,” Hanzo stated. “Apparently he intends to use this as some sort of house arrest bracelet,” 

Hana finally snatched the letter from his hand and read the six words it contained, held it up with a cheeky grin and said nothing. 

“What,” Hanzo sighed. She just grinned harder, “What?” he demanded. 

“Nothing. Let’s go eat and kill some people. Mama needs her R and R,” the Korean girl turned to her room leading the way - the note still in her hand - and held the door open for him. “I know you’re dying to play it too, you can’t fool me,” 

Obediently Hanzo followed, a warmth in his chest at their interaction and was showed to his beanbag where he sat last time. A charged controller was waiting for him with a bottle of water at his side - a soda at Hana’s - and the game up on the screen ready to play. Hana went to her desk and grabbed two steaming cups and sat them in front of their stations. “Dinner,” she said reaching for the two pairs of chopsticks she had grabbed from the kitchen off her bed. Holding a pair out to Hanzo she said, “You game with me you eat like me,” 

The man took the pair casually, he set the red strip on his lap with care, and took hold of the partially opened lid from the instant noodles cup, “Genji used to sneak into my room late at night with these, they bring me fond memories,” he stirred the contents careful not to spill the water. 

Hana made an amused noise, her mouth full, and then covered her mouth with her hand, “I didn’t know that, that’s really cool. Why’d he sneak in late?” 

“He would party all the time, almost every night he was able to get out of the shrine grounds. Father would watch all entrances as if to catch him, but he knew a secret route and would sneak in my window. As thanks for not telling our father he would give me instant noodles,” Hanzo explained finally getting a serving ready to eat. 

“Interesting choice of payment,” 

“It was, but it was Genji. It was the thought that counted,” 

They shared a mutual silence of eating and then they started the game. A couple of hours had passed as the two were intensely focused on their cyber missions at hand, and then Hana broke the silence, “So,” she glanced over at Hanzo, “Jesse, huh?” 

Hanzo missed his shot and got killed by a female character with throwing knives, “What about him?” 

“You said earlier you two discussed the whole spiel about him liking you, so I guess it’s mutual, then?” 

“Yes, however,” he lounged back in his chair, the replay of his killer slicing him from behind, “I… I don’t know,” 

“What?”

“It seems too fast, perhaps. Doesn’t this mean he is serious?” Hanzo motioned to the cloth and fidgeted with the controller as his character sat in the respawn room ready to go, “It makes me anxious,” he admitted. 

Hana not only killed three people but turned to physically look at Hanzo simultaneously, “What about it makes you anxious?”  
Hanzo was never one to judge but he didn’t know if Hana understood his mental illnesses, “Just… things,” 

The girl frowned and looked at the man next to her with concern and confusion, but she was a bright person and understood in almost an instant. Getting up and crawling over her bed she pulled something out and then tossed it to Hanzo before sitting back down. Looking at the items, two bottles much like his own sat in his palm. Two medications; he didn’t really know what to do with them. “Jesse told me you take meds, and honestly? Makes me feel a little less alone. All of us have problems related to one or the other in some manner, usually combat related. I take the tan ones for ADHD and the small blue ones for manic depression. I know it’s hard because you think you’re alone and that no one understands, like the things in your mind? It thinks it’s right all the time, that whatever you think in your mind is you and so obviously it must be true. It’s not, but it still sucks ass. Some mornings I’m okay with taking my medication because it helps and makes me feel better sometimes, but other days when I wake up I don’t wanna get out of bed. Like, I don’t mean that in the ‘oh poor me, I’ll just stay in bed all day and look cute’ trope shit, it’s the ‘I don’t even wanna get up to eat or pee or shower and I keep having crying spells and they won’t stop’ things. Your anxiety stuff is valid because you’re feeling it. Jesse’s gonna be gone for a while and I know you trust him a lot, but you can trust me, too, Han. I get it. I like you, man, you’re a cool guy and I’m not just saying these things because of your brother or for Jesse or out of pity. I genuinely think you’re cool.” She took a sip of her soda, “So what are you anxious about?”  


Flustered and caught off guard Hanzo didn’t answer right away, instead he let the information digest a moment as he chewed on it.  
“Did I say too much?” asked Hana now worried. 

“No, that is not it. I just do not…” a small satisfied sigh, “Thank you.” 

She smiled, “Anytime, Han.”

“I’m anxious, not only that it may be moving too fast, but that I am perhaps in over my head on the matter,” Hanzo finally admitted. “I have not had the luxury of friends before, or anything more than friends before.” 

“You’re afraid you’re going to lose us? Or him, or your brother, aren’t you?” 

A contemplative moment before admitting, “Yes. If it were to happen, after I have tasted what it is like to be wanted, I do not know… if I could go back to the way I lived before,” 

Hana leaned over and grabbed the red fabric from Hanzo and held it in front of her face as if she were inspecting it, “You wouldn’t risk it all just to try and hold on to it?” 

“It is not that I will not be able to hold it, but it is if life does not let me keep it,” 

And then Hana was pushing Hanzo over so she could sit on the same chair with him. Their shoulders and sides were squished together and the man felt like he should move or that he was uncomfortable, but he didn’t mind, really. “You’re here now, Han. Not everything lasts forever, but somethings do,” she took the cloth and wrapped it around his left wrist and knotted it securely. 

“You are very wise for someone so young,” 

“I had to grow up very early,” Hanzo looked at the girl and allowed a thankful expression, he was grateful for this moment and would look at it fondly for a long while to come. Hana wrapped her arms around his shoulders and hugged him close, “I know what I said won’t make it better or cure anything, but I hope it’s enough that I said it,” 

Hanzo couldn’t agree more. The fact that Hana would even come out and say the things she said because she wanted to be his friend was beyond him, but he took it, as he had taken this adventure in stride, and told his mental illnesses to rein themselves in for a little while, even if it was for a couple of hours. The man wanted to enjoy this moment and enjoy other moments here at the watchpoint. 

Meeting Genji was at the foremost post of his mind, a mountain so tall it was piercing the stratosphere where he kept things in check - mostly - but the mountain would climb still, a height much taller than he would ever know it could stand. All he could do, he realized, was brace for the moment that was to come hoping that his mind wouldn’t corrupt him as it had done for the past ten years. He was scared, he knew that and it wasn’t rocket science to figure it out, but Hana was right here holding him in a way that he wanted a lot more. Having friends was new, but he wanted it and craved it as much as he wanted the attention for it, too. He liked being noticed and wanted in a group setting, or even when Jesse came wandering around the watchpoint just to see what he was up to; Hana had even pestered him to hang out just to play video games, something he hadn’t seen himself doing ever in his life. Yet, here he was. 

“So,” Hana sang, “what do you like about him?” 

Hanzo laughed and they separated, “You are really asking me that?” 

“C’mon! He’s a good looking guy, I can relate to you,” she looked eager and he wanted to share. It felt nice. 

“He has nice hair, and eyes,” he admitted sheepishly, a spotlight suddenly shining atop him. 

“He does! Yeah! I like when his hair is up, it’s my fave,” 

“If I were not mistaken I would think you were the one interested in him,” Hanzo teased. 

“I don’t play for that team, or any other teams, but I can admire when someone looks good and appreciate it,” she leaned against him and grabbed her soda from her other spot, the can touching her lips, “You can see his piercings better,” 

Hanzo noted that she wasn’t sexually interested in anyone and would make sure to remind himself when talking about that sort of thing in the future with her, “It is true, you can. His eyes are very nice, almost like they glow, and he has a good figure,”

“You mean a nice ass?” 

Hanzo burst out laughing and covered his mouth as he snorted, “You say it so easily,” 

“I’m not wrong, then!” she laughed with him. 

“You are not wrong, but I like more than just his looks,”

“Oh, yeah, sure. We all know that Jesse’s got the looks but doesn’t have a clue,”

“Not true!”

“Have you seen the way he dresses?” she laughed hard almost snorting out her drink and Hanzo had to hold his stomach to try and collect himself. “If you were to fall for anyone here I’m glad it’s him, he’s a good guy. If he does you wrong you let me know, I’ll make him pay for it,”  
Hanzo looked at the girl so much younger than himself with the smile in place, “Thank you. I will remember that,” 

This seemed to satisfy Hana and she turned back to the game, her butt still glued to his seat. “Good, now enough serious talk, let’s kick some ass,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -As always, thank you thank you thank you!!! The love is always greatly appreciated! <3  
> -I hope to get a chapter up by Tuesday or Wednesday and get back on track.  
> -Leave kudos or a comment if you enjoyed the chapter!!
> 
> tumblr: goddesofawesome.tumblr.com  
> twitter: https://twitter.com/GoddesofAwesome
> 
> I will try to post chapters every week.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The arrival of Genji is looming deathly close, maybe a little too close for Hanzo's comfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -This goes from 0 - 100 realllllll fast, so hold on to your belt buckles, kids  
> -As promised, here's the chapter! 
> 
> TW: use of alcohol to cope, PTSD occurrence, gore/blood

Hanzo discovered after three sunrises it was not enjoyable without Jesse McCree. Climbing to the top of the cliff was a good workout and made the man sweat out some pent up energy, but once he arrived at his destination and gazed upon the blackness around him it felt too lonely and cold. 

Folding his legs beneath him he sat on the building that overlooked the sunrise and held his warm travel mug full of coffee between his hands while it rested atop his thighs. Frost clung to a small cropping of foliage that grew to his left, the tips of the green had gone brown from the cold that came during the night. Exhaling out of his mouth Hanzo watched the small cloud and thought of it as the breath of a dragon, how his reptilian guardians would cringe at the very thought. It was amusing and so he kept to it until the sun broke over the horizon. 

It was peaceful, quiet, and calming to watch this natural occurrence everyday: it was part of a routine. Without a routine Hanzo could get sidetracked and plunge into despair. Hana was helping with the routine bit. When he wasn’t in the shooting range or going to Angela for his medical history - which was mandatory now that he wanted to stay and become a part of Overwatch - he was gaming with the young girl and eating instant noodles. He wouldn’t try the soda, though, that he wouldn’t bend to. 

Everything else was simply waiting for Genji to get back from his mission. Hanzo had one week to prepare for his brother’s arrival - as well as Zenyatta, Lùcio, and Symmetra - and the only thing he could get himself to do was distract himself. When he began to think about the fact that he  _ would _ be meeting his brother made his insides flip and coil and wither away.  He’d already had two panic attacks since Jesse left, both in which Hana had to help ground him, and knew another one would be inevitable. It would probably occur upon seeing Genji with the inability to flee the moment. 

It felt foolish to think so obsessively about his brother and the anxiety it caused because that’s all he could seem to do. Every hour of almost every day a thought of his young brother would come to fruition and torment him; his depression taking the form of the cyborg. 

When the sun was fully risen and Hanzo was as satisfied as he could be in the lonely morning, he descended back down and traversed to his room where he grabbed Stormbow and his yoga mat. 

The range was dark and silent. Athena greeted him, “Good morning, Hanzo. Shall I prep the usual?” 

“Yes, please,” 

Lights illuminated the large space and cast away looming shadows that clung to small corners, a rumbling of mechanical whirring introduced a small handful of bots that hovered out to take their spots for target practice. Setting Stormbow down on a crate next to his quiver which was already there he unrolled his mat and rolled his shoulders and neck to start warming up. 

Hanzo went through a few poses that produced more sweat and about a half hour had gone by when the doors to the hangar opened. Startled, the man turned to see who had entered, he honestly expected Jesse at first, but the short climatologist entered the room in some workout sweats. She held a purple mat under her arm looking nervously at the archer. “Hello,” she said walking towards him. 

“Good morning,” Hanzo answered coming out of a pose carefully, he rested his hands on his hips, his breathing a little heavy, and cocked his head to the side noticing her floral mat. “Would you like to stretch with me?” 

Mei’s eyes brightened and she smiled, “Yes! That would be excellent. Practicing alone in my room is not ideal, it is rather cramped,” 

“The rooms are a bit small for that,” said Hanzo. He did not want to admit that he was glad to have the company. 

The two did their own thing and stretched at their own pace until Hanzo had to let himself rest and drink some water. He sat on his mat watching Mei from the corner of his eye as she held a difficult position for a minute before coming out of it to relax. 

“May I ask something?” Mei broke the silence between them and sipped some water from her own bottle. Her glance was a little sheepish.

“Go ahead,” Hanzo invited.

“You shoot with a bow, do you know how to use other weapons, as well?” 

Hanzo pursed his lips, “I suppose I do, yes. Next to my father I was the best swordsman in Hanamura. I have not practiced with other blades as of recent so my skills may be lacking. If I had to pick up a knife or a gun I would know how to use it. I would not know how to use your ice gun,” 

Mei giggled, “It’s not that difficult, honestly. You aim and you shoot. There are few more technical things, sure, but it has the same concept,” 

“Then how do you explain building walls with bullets?” he laughed.

“Making it difficult for me, aren’t you?” Mei teased and joined him, “I guess you’re right, they are quite different,” 

“When my bow starts being able to build things I will come and let you know.  _ Then _ we will talk,” the two laughed together. Hanzo hadn’t spent much time around Mei because she was always in her lab in the basement working on this and that, usually in the dark with one light on. She wasn’t necessarily quiet but she wasn’t loud either, she talked as if she were shy. Hanzo never perceived Mei as the chatty type but one afternoon he saw her and Zarya talking one afternoon and saw something completely different. It was later revealed by Hana that they were dating and it made sense; Hanzo secretly liked not being one of the only gay people at the base. (So that meant Jesse, Mei, and Zarya) ← Hanzo’s mental note. 

Realistically, Hanzo and Mei didn’t have much in common besides yoga. She liked to talk about climate issues all over the world and how she was helping in Antarctica and went into cryostasis because of an intense polar storm that cut them off from society. Hanzo loved hearing about her stories at dinner time when Winston would ask about something. How fascinating it was to wake up in a completely different time, how scary it must have been for her to relearn what the world’s status was. Global affairs, climate changes, how Overwatch had developed. 

Hanzo briefly remembered his father mentioning a storm that had caused catastrophic consequences in the past, maybe it was the same storm that hit Antarctica in the past. Shrugging it off for now he slid behind his mat and began to roll it up. “I am going to start practicing, you may keep stretching. I do not want you to think I’m leaving,” 

Mei smiled warmly, “You’re fine, Hanzo. I finished so I’ll probably stay to watch you shoot a little bit. I heard you’re excellent! I haven’t gotten to see you in action yet,” 

Hanzo chuckled and turned away to grab his quiver and to sling it on his back. With Stormbow in hand he said, “Then I hope I do not disappoint,” 

For the next two hours Hanzo shot without pause while Mei watched diligently. Every so often Hanzo would Robin Hood a couple of arrows together and Mei would exclaim and clap her hands together. It made the archer feel proud. He was confident about his shooting, sure, but with others’ validation it was nice. 

Once Hanzo was finally done Mei helped him clean up and they parted ways as they came to the dorm rooms. The man went to his shower and stood in cold water until he began to shiver and then made the water warm. 

“ _ Perhaps I am a fool to think there is still hope for you. But I do. _ ” Genji’s voice echoed in his head and Hanzo scrunched his hands against his face. Pulling at his hair he sank down to the floor of the shower and pressed his knees against his chest, the water pinging against his prosthetics. 

The memory came to him quickly and with impact. He hated this, Hanzo hated feeling this way and wished he could forgive himself as his dear brother had. How could there be hope for him in a world like this?

_ Such beauty is wasted on the soul of a killer. _

An angry hand slammed against the shower wall with a thud and he yelled in anguish. Hanzo was so tired of feeling like this, he’d do anything to make it stop. 

In Hanamura whilst Hanzo grew, from the second he was gasping for air his culture was pressed upon him with great pride and an even bigger responsibility. To speak against his father’s wishes or desires was unheard of, to disagree with anything that was spoken of him would mean severe punishment. In Japan, suicide was an easier way out of life’s burdens than actually going through them. It had crossed his mind several times throughout his life but never could he venture to do it. Fear, shame, there were a multitude of emotions that countered his decision to jump from the palace walls and plummet to his death, but if he was being honest with himself it was because he also had to take care of Genji. 

Hanzo had not ignored the distaste his father had for the youngest Shimada, but Hanzo only thought it was because Genji was stubborn and had a free spirit. Because of their father’s dislike Hanzo took care of the youngster until he could bathe and feed himself. Even after he was still there at his brother’s side when he was needed. The eldest would warn his brother when he would go out to party of the consequences he would gain upon returning home, but Genji always said, “ _ He cannot lay a finger on what he cannot touch, _ ” and would venture to his room unscathed with an empty noodle cup and saggy, cologne-filled clothing that wreaked of other people and of other places. 

If Hanzo were to escape the family rule he would have to leave and go in hiding, his family would have sought him out until he was brought home and killed or maimed as punishment. 

All of his options were dire, so at a young age he bottled up his feelings and never expressed them, tried to never feel them, and tried to be the person his father wanted him to be in every manner, aspect, and degree. 

Hanzo was in the shower long enough for the warm water to run chill and forced him to get out. Grabbing the towel he dried himself and got into clean clothing, undoing the sheets to his bed he crawled under the covers. With a swift hand he twirled his hair into a quick twist and pulled it on top of his scalp so when he laid down it was away from his neck. Shirtless, the covers were soft against his skin and he closed his eyes trying to settle the disturbances in his mind. 

There was a knock on his door and Hana’s voice trailed through the material, she was singing his name urging him to come play Fury with her. Keeping his eyes closed he wished her away hoping he could have this moment alone. The girl had helped too much, she’d done so much already for him how could he possibly unload more onto her. Hana had her own problems, her own battles to fight, she didn’t need additional pileup. 

The knocking ceased and Hanzo relaxed. But only for a moment. His phone buzzed and he slid it off the bedside table and saw a message from Hana, “ _ Hope everything’s ok! You know I’m always here~ <:) _ ”. He thumbed over a few letters attempting to write a response, to ask for help in this moment in which he needed someone. Being aware that he needed help didn’t help his mental stand-off against itself; the reality was Hana knew and understood Hanzo’s disposition and still opened her arms and allowed him to vent and to speak his mind about how he felt. 

Core habits raged hard in his chest where pins and needles jabbed and probed in painful spurts. His fingers shook as he held his phone trying to tell Hana he needed her. Hanzo needed a drink, he needed to get out of this moment. 

_ You’re not allowed to speak how you feel.  _

With a sudden determination he leapt out of bed and practically jogged to the kitchen. Wet hair clung to his neck like sucker fish, leeching off of his blood craving alcohol. Pushing through the cabinet that he had found alcohol before he found a cheap bottle of vodka that was three-quarters full and ripped the cap off. Taking a large swig he swallowed, hissed at the burn down his throat, and then took a chaser shot to fill it. 

Now looking around the room he was thankful it was empty. Taking the bottle he took the route back to his room where he could lock the world away and cope with how he knew best. Bare feet slapped against the concrete flooring and it echoed in his solidarity. 

But he didn’t stop at his door, he went down to the end of the hallway and stood before his brother’s dorm. With another drink he stared at the pictures that hung on the door and the childhood shots of he and Genji together. 

Without having eaten anything all day the alcohol warmed his stomach and buzzed wildly behind his eyes already. 

Another drink. 

Hanzo didn’t know if he wished Genji were here now or that he was arriving in a few days, sometimes he wanted to talk to his brother and work things out and all other times he wanted Genji to tear him apart and take any pride he still may be clinging to. It should have been his life that was taken away, not his brother’s. 

Another drink. 

Some time had passed, Hanzo didn’t know how long, and he had slid down to the floor and leaned against the wall with the bottle of booze with only a third left. The archer was heavily inebriated and had taken the family picture off of the door and had held it as if a truth could arise from the image printed on it. 

A sigh came to his right and he glanced next to him to see the Korean girl sit next to him. She had on a pink hoodie with the hood up, rabbit ears bending back from the lack of support, and black leggings. Leaning against him she took the bottle from his hand, took a swig of her own, and then handed him a bottle of water she had taken from her room. 

With blurry vision he took the water and cracked it open taking a sip. 

With a soft and feathery tone Hana asked, “Wanna talk about it?” 

Hanzo slurred some words in Japanese and cleared his throat, “I am fine,” 

“Clearly,” but Hana’s voice wasn’t condescending, it was just a stating a response. “You look so different in that pic,” she pointed with a freshly painted pink nail at the young Hanzo. “Your hair was so long, you have it pulled back but I can see it,” 

Looking at the image Hanzo replied, “My bangs were uncontrollable, they always stuck up in that manner. That is why I have it pushed back as much as it will allow me,” 

“Nah man, you looked handsome. I can definitely see the Shimada heir in that face,” she smiled up at Hanzo. “I like you with shorter hair, though. Frames your face,” 

Hanzo humphed, “Thank you,” 

“I haven’t seen it down yet until now, it’s actually pretty flippy on the ends,” 

“I would have put it up by now, since it is dry,” 

“I can go get your sash and we can put it up if you want,” Hana offered. 

“Hm,” Hanzo mused and said, “my back hurts so I should move,” 

Hana helped Hanzo stand and she walked by his side to his room where he went and grabbed his sash and then sat at the foot of his bed. Naturally, being drunk doesn’t help with coordination in normal every-day functionality, so Hana chuckled when he failed at tying his hair and went over and sat behind him on the bed taking the golden scarf out of his hands. With delicate fingers she pulled his hair back and carefully tied the sash in place. “There, perfect,” 

Hanzo reached back with careless hands to touch it, “Thank you, but I am tired,” Satisfied with Hana’s handiwork he moved off of the bed, stood there for a minute, and went to the wall to the left of his bed and sat down. 

“What’re you doing?” Hana asked. 

“Lying down, what else does it look like?” 

“Why don’t you lay in bed? The floor can’t be that comfortable,” 

“I do not like the bed,” 

“The covers are messy so you were in it earlier, why don’t you like the bed?”

“Because I do not deserve it,” 

Hana paused feeling her heart break, “What do you mean you don’t deserve it?” 

“I have too much to account for in my life, I do not deserve the softness that a bed provides,” he laid on his side with his back against the wall, his arm coming up under his head as a pillow. “The floor is fine,” 

“The floor is not fine,” Hana said getting up and going over to Hanzo. She yanked on his arm and said, “Get up, get off the floor, Han,” 

“No, I like it here,” 

“You can’t possibly like being on the hard floor,” 

“More comfortable than the bed. Who needs a mattress when the earth can provide better,”

“Now you’re just being stupid,” Hana sighed and sat there unable to move the man much heavier than herself. She could lift weights, but dealing with a drunk, muscled individual was not ideal. “You  _ do _ deserve the bed, c’mon,” he tried again. 

“I am not being stupid, you are the stupid one insisting I get up when I am already lying down,” Hanzo made a disgruntled face and glanced up at her with hooded eyes. Drunk and tired. 

“I’m not leaving until you get up and get into a  _ real _ bed,” she said sternly. 

“Then you will be waiting a long time,” he closed his eyes and made no sound or movement. 

“Ugh!” Hana exclaimed. “Why are you being so stubborn? Just get up, you’ll pass out soon enough anyways, just, c’mon Han, please,” 

Opening one eye Hanzo looked at the girl and then closed it, sighing. “Why do you insist on it,” it wasn’t a question. 

“Just because you’ve screwed up in life doesn’t mean you can’t have a bed to sleep in. That doesn’t mean you have to sleep on the damn ground,”

“I killed my brother, I deserve this-”

“Your brother is alive!” Hana burst interrupting him, “He’s giving you a second chance, Han, a second chance that you didn’t even  _ know _ was possible until a few months ago! Genji  _ wants _ to fix what was broken and to rekindle what’s happened between you two.  _ You _ are the one stopping it from happening! Denying yourself something as simple as a stupid bed...the pain that those memories must cause you, but Han, it’s just a bed,” her eyes were glossy and filled to the brim threatening to spill over, her mouth was twisted to stop herself from crying and to keep it together so she could be the strong one here because she needed to be; her fists were balled around the hem of her hoodie. “You’re so damn stubborn. It’s  _ just _ a bed. That’s it. It has nothing to do with what you did ten years ago,”

“It does not matter where I sleep, the nightmares still come. A bed will not make a difference, I have tried,” Hanzo bit, his eyes glaring. “The nightmares do not stop no matter how ‘simply’ I think an inanimate object is. When I wake up I am still plagued with -”

“You’re not the only one who’s killed people, Hanzo!” Hana exploded, her eyes betraying her. Hanzo was startled and shut up quickly, his mouth going into a thin line, “I’m not belittling that killing your brother is hard, but I’ve had to kill hundreds in the field, I get nightmares too! Every night! So does Jesse, so does Mei, so does Lùcio! Out of my MEKA with just a gun I killed someone my own age in battle, I could see the pain in her eyes, I watched her die! I saw the damn picture of her family slip out of her pocket when she fell!” she wiped her eyes as fast as she could. “The life leave her eyes... you’re not alone. I’ve told you that before, you idiot. I know it sucks, I know how it feels,” 

Hanzo did not like watching Hana cry, his heart ached terribly, “Hana,”

“No, don’t ‘Hana’ me! You...you…” she cried and wiped her eyes, more tears fell and she rubbed at them until they were red. Two hands gently grabbed her wrists and she looked up to see Hanzo. He was frowning and looked like he might spill tears of his own, “What’re you doing, asshole,”

“I am sorry.”

Hana looked at him and sniffled loudly, “It’s fine,”

“No, it is not. I’m sorry I am being so selfish. I...I’m sorry,” he looked down and away from her, he swayed just slightly. “I will sleep in my bed,” 

“Really?” 

“Yes, really,” 

“You’re not just saying that to make me feel better,” 

“I would be lying if I said that wasn’t part of it,” he half-smirked at her and she sighed. “You mean a great deal to me, I am sorry I have treated you badly,” 

“You’re just saying that cause you’re trashed,” 

“Maybe,”

She laughed, “Okay, well, c’mon then,” she helped him stand and go to his side of the bed where the covers were unfurled. “Um, lemme get you some water and some aspirin, I’ll be back in a sec,” she left the room and came back a moment later with both in tow. 

“I already have a water,” 

“You get another, yay,” she set it down on the table. 

“How is anyone able to get into my room?” 

Hana looked up at him, “What?”

“I thought the doors were fingerprint protected,” 

“Oh, well, Athena allows entry if she thinks it’s okay. Like, you’re drunk right now and she’s monitoring you as we speak, so she let me in,” 

Hanzo thought of Jesse carrying him to his room and Athena taking note. It made him cringe. “I understand,” 

The girl went and turned off the lights and then went to the door, “I’m right next door, you know how to reach me,”

“Thank you, Hana.”

“Anytime, Hanzo. Sleep well,” and she left him alone in the dark. 

When his head hit the pillow it took exactly three minutes and forty seconds for him to fall asleep. 

 

\---

 

It took Hanzo a full day to recover and to emerge from his room to go and hit up the practice range. With Stormbow at his side he entered the hangar to find Hana and Mei-Ling already suited up with their weapons taking aim at some target bots. (Hanzo had begun to like shooting them rather than his paper targets as of late.) 

The two girls turned and smiled at Hanzo’s arrival. He waved to them and took a spot next to them, “Is it all right if I shoot with you?” 

“Of course,” Hana replied with a genuine smile. Her pink gun had a little bunny charm hanging from it, it was cute. 

It was slow going but eventually the three began a competition and ranked targets based on points. Athena spoke up and gave them a bigger variety of range and difficulty and soon the three were laughing and having a good time. 

That is, until Winston came in with a holoclip in one hand, “I have some news,” he said in his booming voice. The three turned - Hanzo immediately thought of Jesse’s crew and that something bad had happened - and gave Winston their full attention. “It’s, uh, in regards to Genji,”

“He’s not hurt, is he?” Mei asked worriedly. 

“No! No, nothing like that,” Winston added quickly. “He’s arriving earlier than expected and I wanted to let you, Hanzo, know,” 

The man in question went very still and felt his hand tighten around the grip to his bow, “How early?” 

“Two days. Three earlier than expected,” Winston’s facial expression showed concern. “Their mission ended quickly and the debriefing went smoothly. They’re staying another night and then taking the flight home,” 

The intercom buzzed above them and Angela’s voice came over, “Winston, please report to the medbay,” and then it was over. Easy and fast. 

“I’m sorry, Hanzo,” Winston said before his abrupt departure. 

“Han,” Hana started, “You okay?” 

Lying, he replied, “Yes,” and turned back to his targets and pulled an arrow from his quiver. Nocking it onto the string he pulled back and took aim. He missed his shot completely and his arrow hit the wall with a thud. He took back another arrow and fired again, the omnic exploding this time. 

Pressure came to his chest rapidly crushing his ability to breathe. Taking a moment he bent down resting his free hand on his knee trying to inhale properly. The two were right by his side in an instant - this outcome very easily foreseen - asking what they needed to do to help. 

Forty-eight hours and Genji would land. 

Two nights of no sleep would bring his brother, the one he killed, the one he murdered in their own home. 

The panic he felt couldn’t be described; it felt different than the anxiety or panic attacks he’d experienced before, this was intrusive and electrifying and it swept through him like cement filling his core. 

He couldn’t breathe, he was choking, he was dying, he couldn’t see straight, he was yelling, he couldn’t yell, he couldn’t breathe, he was choking, he was dying-

And then Hanzo was in Hanamura again, the humidity of the fall curling the tips of his long hair that had come unraveled in it’s hold at the base of his back. 

Leaning on a blue-tied sheath of his katana he took inventory of Genji’s bloody body below him, his eyes half-open and without life. The stench of iron filled his nose and permeated inside his nasal cavity, he leaned away and vomited on the wooden floor that was also puddled with both his and his brother’s blood. Bile coated his throat and stung his oesophagus as it came up once more, the act of fratricide very much real.  

“ _ Is it done? _ ” the voice came from behind him. A man in a suit stood at the higher-leveled platform with his hands neatly behind his back, a solemn look upon his face. With a small tilt of his head he looked at the corpse on the floor and then to Hanzo once more, “ _ Your father would have been very proud, Hanzo, _ ” 

He was the Shimada advisor who had been at Hanzo’s father’s side for decades, helping him lead and conquer the criminal world in Japan. 

This man was the one who had ordered Hanzo to kill Genji, who had convinced him of murdering his own kin. 

But Hanzo would not answer with words. Turning slowly and painfully where he stood, Hanzo faced the family advisor leaning on his sword as a cane and stared wildly at the being before him. He was overrun with emotion, hijacked by the event he just committed, and with the rising of his blade he pointed the tip at the trusted man. 

“ _ Come now, Hanzo, you’ve killed before _ . _ He was useless anyways, _ ” 

The words drummed explosively in his head, the dragon’s blue light flickering off of his skin willing to be freed to exculpate Hanzo of this pain. So Hanzo rose his left arm, his lips trembling as he yelled the binding words, “ **_Ryuu ga waga teki wo kurau!_ ** ” The magnificence of the two blue dragons erupted from his arm in their beautiful grace; they twisted around one another with a deafening roar towards their target: their next meal. 

As the dragons carved through the clothing and the flesh of the man they devoured, Hanzo dropped his blade and charged at him, the gore of his legs spilling blood under each footprint he left behind. The pain of his body did not amount to the rampage of his soul that kept him running forward. 

The body that fell to the ground that the dragons left behind was hardly a man at all, but Hanzo collapsed on top of the corpse and hit and punched and swung and demolished the remainder of the advisor’s face, his knuckles busted against the bone and carnage. He couldn’t hear his own voice as he wailed and screamed, the skull beneath his hands caving in from the forceful impacts. 

Hana’s voice came to him in a rush, like the wind had been knocked from his lungs and he was gasping air after being underwater for too long, the room around him returning to him like the lense of a camera zooming in. 

Straddling a broken and defeated omnic, the red that stained the metal and plastic began to alarm him. Things were slowly coming into focus and Hana was shaking as she held his wrists with incredible strength, she was crying and shaking and telling him to “stop, just please, Han, stop, stop, I’m here, you’re okay, it’s okay,”

And then he saw his hands. What was left of his knuckles, anyways. Gash upon laceration scorned his fists down to the bone, pieces of the dead omnic piercing the flesh between his fingers an inch deep. Blood dripped in long, thick strings and he stared at them wondering why he couldn’t feel the effects of the deleterious actions he wasn’t mentally aware of was happening. 

In a breath Angela was by his other side with a medical kit, Mei behind her with her mouth covered and shock in her eyes, Winston just entering the room after her. “Hana, it’s okay, you can let go now,” the doctor said gently to the girl but she shook her head. 

“I can’t, he’ll start up again, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t let go,” she stuttered out, her eyes never leaving Hanzo’s. With care Angela held her hands around Hanzo’s wrists and pried them as mildly as she was able until his limbs were free, “No! Han’s gonna start hitting again!” she exclaimed in a panic to grab him again; there was Hanzo’s blood on her skin. 

“Hana, love, it’s okay, I’ve got it under control. Mei, I need you to help get her to the medbay for me. She’s in shock,” Angela instructed but Mei hardly moved. When the blonde woman looked over her shoulder she then looked to Winston who stood quietly examining the scene. “Winston, will you please help Hana?” 

“Y-yes, of course,” he said and went to the girl’s side putting comforting arms around her, “Come on,”

“No, no! I can’t, I can’t leave him!” Hana cried, large tears streaking her face. 

“He’s going to the same place, I promise,” the ape said in a calm voice. 

Angela sat in front of Hanzo as best as she could without sitting on the blood that had pooled in and around the omnic, “Hanzo, are you with me?” his eyes went to her face and she nodded, “I need to get you to the medbay so we can get you stitched up. First I’m going to wrap what I can to try and stop the bleeding for now, is that okay?” the archer just stared, his mouth slightly agape. 

It took thirty minutes for the man to get to the medical wing where Hana was anxiously pacing and asking for him while Winston tried his best to keep her contained. 

Hanzo didn’t feel right in his body, almost as if he were observing from outside his own life and watching from a distance. He felt nothing and could say nothing, he did not feel real. Angela put a needle in his arm and began pumping  painkillers into him while he sat cryptically still on his bed. 

Eventually the medic set up a station around his hands and removed the shrapnel out of his fingers and began stitching up the mess. Hanzo watched through another’s eyes as this happened, the emotion and the heat of Hanamura still very real in his mind and body. 

By the time she had finished cleaning his wounds and wrapping them in thick gauze it was late and the hours were growing into the next day: one day until Genji arrived at the watchpoint. Panic did not reach him, anxiety did not touch him, Hanzo felt nothing while Angela spoke to him in numbed words and the world slowly ebbed to black. 

When he began to sleep he dreamed of nothing at first, but then images of a familiar cowboy came to view. Jesse sat at their point with the just risen sun hot on their skin. A cigarillo hung from the man’s lips and his hat had been set aside, his eyes closed as he enjoyed the moment. Hanzo wished he could touch his face and feel the scruff on his hands and the warmth of his skin. 

For the first time in months Hanzo did not have a nightmare. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -As always, thank you thank you thank you!!! The love is always greatly appreciated! <3  
> -Final Fantasy XV just released and I've been waiting 10 years for this damned game, so I may be lacking on content but I will try not to let that happen!!!  
> -If other trigger warning notices need to be mentioned, please let me know ASAP!!!  
> -Leave kudos or a comment if you enjoyed the chapter!!
> 
> tumblr: goddesofawesome.tumblr.com  
> twitter: https://twitter.com/GoddesofAwesome
> 
> I will try to post chapters every week.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was inevitable that Genji came home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Hey everyone, thanks for the lovely comments and kudos. You have no idea what it means to me. /crying loudly/ Seriously. The comments I have been receiving have made me feel less alone with my mental illnesses. To see that so many people can relate and like the representation of Hanzo or other members of OW with illnesses really touches my heart unlike anything I've experienced before. Thank you. 
> 
>  
> 
> TW: mentions of PTSD

The medbay came in and out of focus over several periods of time, most of them were forgotten as soon as Hanzo closed his eyes again. The smell of the sterile room, Angela’s voice mumbling incoherently to the drugged archer, and once he caught the glimpse of a pink sweater. 

In one of his most lucid moments he noticed how dim the lights in the room were, how stiff he felt in the gurney, and the two shapes that argued back and forth just outside of the doorway. Blonde hair held high in a ponytail swung as she shook her head to something the other person said, her voice was risen in agitation. The figure next to her glowed faintly of green and the light above them glinted off the metal that created his body. 

Genji. 

The next time he woke he was more aware of his surroundings than he had been before. There was a slow ache in his arms that then registered to his hands and he groaned as it slowly intensified. 

Taking note of the room he was in was hardly lit except for the two lamps on the worktable to his left that were illuminated for a folder that was spread open with pictures and images of Hanzo’s hands and the damage that had been caused. A digital clock told him it was a little past three in the morning. 

Next to the doorway across from him were a couple of padded seats for visitors, one of them occupied with a curled up Hana who had her hands crossed over her chest, the pink sweater bunching in the folds of her arms. Her hair was a little tousled while her head leaned against the wall, her headphones awkwardly sitting on her head where she had moved in her sleep; the girl’s lips were slightly parted, her nose twitched while she dreampt. 

Genji had his arms folded on the side of his bed with his head nestled into the crook of his elbow, green hair with dark roots fell across his mechanical arm, the only eye Hanzo could see was closed with the surrounding skin scarred and pink in deep sections. Soft whirs and exhales came from his brother’s cyborg body; it was almost soothing if Hanzo hadn’t been so scared of the body he forced his brother into, it might have been able to put him to sleep. 

Needles of pain pricked at his fingers and he whispered curses in Japanese, the noise roused Genji and he rose his head blinking a couple of times, the sleep still heavy in his lids. “Hanzo,” he said quietly exposing his full face now. 

The faceplate that Hanzo had seen him in previously had been completely removed as well as several parts of the facial construction so the majority of his features could be seen. Metal curved under his ears in angles and corners down his jaw and under his chin, there was a strip of silver that wrapped around the base of his skull where hair stuck out at funny angles. Genji’s ears were pretty intact from what Hanzo could observe, but the bridge of his nose and across his cheeks bore deep scars. There was a long laceration that had cut across his top lip to the side of his face, but it wasn’t nearly as pink as the others. The eldest Shimada guessed it had healed a little better than the others or wasn’t as deep. 

The two brothers shared an emotional glance for some time, their matching hazel eyes unwavering. Hanzo’s emotions rose and his eyes became glossy. He didn’t know if he was scared or happy in the moment to be seated next to his brother, the brother that loved him unconditionally even after the travesty they both endured years ago. The physical appearance of his brother made his insides cringe but he was also relieved to see his face. He couldn’t describe it and so he closed his eyes, tears falling down his cheeks as he exhaled shakily. 

Genji rested his hand on Hanzo’s knee and squeezed it gently acknowledging his pain. When Hanzo looked at his brother again Genji’s face was tear-streaked and he was biting his lip just as he had done when he was younger. Biting his lip was his way of fighting his emotion as best as he could.

As scared as Hanzo had been to meet Genji face-to-face this exact moment was anything but what he was expecting. There was sadness around the brothers but there was also a soft warmth to it that glowed like a fire in a dark forest. Hanzo’s initial thought about his sibling greeting him was filled with pain and regret; it rippled away in his mind. The pain would still come but right now Hanzo only felt the pain in his hands. 

Genji sniffled and wiped his nose with his free hand and sighed. His voice was low and fond as he spoke in Japanese, “I am….glad to see you, brother,” 

Unable to wipe the tears from his face Hanzo simply blinked to try and clear his eyes - it didn’t work well - and replied in their native language, “The circumstances could be a little better,” 

Genji huffed a small laugh and nodded. After a moment of silence between them he said, “Thank you,” 

Bewildered and shocked Hanzo asked, “For what?” 

The sparrow looked at him like it was obvious, a face Hanzo could place in their upbringing, “For staying. I can’t imagine how hard it must’ve been for you,” 

Hanzo wouldn’t deny that fact, but he then realized how selfish he had been. Facing his brother and seeing the damage he had truly done made him think about how hard it was for  _ Genji _ . Being severed from a full human body, adapting to it, learning to accept what Hanzo had done to him and forgiving him; how hard it must have been for Genji to finally face him after ten years and to want to be around him and rebuild things between them. 

He had felt guilty all these years for what he had done, but now he felt a guilt for what Genji had to go through because of him. In the spectrum of it it was all related and connected, but Hanzo had been so wrapped up in his own mindspace he hadn’t considered it. Without Genji in his presence it was easy to forget and to wallow in pity. 

“You should not have to thank me for that,” Hanzo whispered, tears coming to his eyes again. With trembling lips and voice he said, “I am sorry, Genji. Words cannot describe how sorry I am for what I did,” 

Genji took a moment to think about what to say, “I have accepted what you did, Hanzo, I have learned to understand why you did it. And, I have forgiven you. After, when I was in Angela’s care, I was irate. There was no saving me from the anger I felt towards you, I hated you, loathed you, and I wanted to hurt you as you had done to me. I….couldn’t understand why you would pursue the order you were given for a long time, but when I had discovered the truth because of Overwatch I saw why. We were born from the same parentage but we lived in different worlds.” he brushed his green hair out of his face, “I knew you were uptight and strict, but when I saw what father put you up against….it made sense to a lot of things. It was like….” Genji searched for the word by scrunching up his face, “puzzle pieces had been placed in empty spaces. I got it. I understood,”

Hanzo didn’t know why Genji was saying these thing now but appreciated it nonetheless; he listened as intently as he could, each word grating into his memory to remember. A soft moment between them instead of a fight, Hanzo was grateful. “I should have informed you when we were younger, in our teens, perhaps, of the things I was forced to partake in. I wanted to keep you from that life, to keep your hands as clean as I was able,” 

Tears fell like streams from Genji’s eyes, “And I should have been a better younger brother. When I raided the vault at home and discovered all of these things, the records of the tasks you had to do,” he stuttered out a cry, “I mourned for us, I mourned for you, for me, for mom. Seeing the life you took up a couple of years after the incident….my heart broke. The way you think of yourself and what you deserve, what the family had done to you, what  _ dad _ had made you into,” one hand gripped at his hair and the other on Hanzo’s knee. He couldn’t continue speaking, a sob racked his chest and he covered his face and sobbed. Hana did not stir. 

Hanzo did not like seeing his brother so broken and so vulnerable. He had not seen this Genji when he had confronted him at Hanamura last fall, he saw a confident man who had all the answers that he wished, he wasn’t the boy he knew as a child. But here, seeing the way Genji spoke and exerted his emotion showed Hanzo the young boy he once knew. 

Genji looked up at Hanzo then, his eyes magnified by the tears that filled them, his cheeks and nose pink from emotion and his mouth distorning from the sob that threatened him, “I wish….I wish…!” he couldn’t get the words out.

The break in the sparrow’s voice as he choked created a knot in Hanzo’s heart. It tied all of his personal emotions with his brother’s and created a hurricane of turmoil. The tears wouldn’t stop, even when he closed his eyes and tried to control the wave that crashed into his heart there was no hope for him. He wanted to blame the medication for the rise in tears, but he knew it was a farce. 

Hanzo reached out a stiff hand - noting how the white gauze had red spots between his knuckles - and placed it on Genji’s hand that laid on his knee. It hurt his fingers and he hissed quietly at the pins. “Genji,” he began through vocal strain.

“I am so thankful,” Genji rasped, “and so grateful that you’re here,” 

This was a dream, a severe overreaction from Genji finally seeing Hanzo, it was against every scenario that Hanzo had ever dreamed to happen in this final moment. “Genji,” Hanzo tried again, “please, Genji, I do not deserve this from you,” 

Hurt eyes met his as Genji’s mouth went agape at this statement. He knew that Hanzo blamed himself for it all but it still hurt to hear it, “You  _ do _ deserve it, brother, you deserve kindness for the redemption you have been searching for. You don’t have to live alone with these burdens any longer, you can share them with me.”

“How could I do that to you?” the archer asked incredulously. 

“You wouldn’t be doing anything to me. I am asking for it willingly because I want the burdens lifted from your shoulders!” Genji gasped out. “Life isn’t all about reliving your one mistake over and over again, I am here telling you this because I want you to live a better life, a happy life. You’ve spent your whole life following the orders of someone else, even in your mercenary job. I want you to do things for yourself because you  _ want _ to! Not because you have to,” 

Even though Genji had felt the repercussions of Hanzo’s actions on the receiving end, he did not understand or know how it felt to have thought for ten years that you killed your sibling, the one thing that kept him living, the smile and brightness that the sun could not offer. As much as Hanzo wanted the help he didn’t know how to relay them to Genji, after all how could Genji help with something he did not know? “I….cannot do that, Genji,” 

“Why?!” Genji exclaimed, Hana stirred in her seat a little but did not wake, “Your damned pride is keeping you in this state, Hanzo! You injured yourself because of it! Memories that haunt you, they haunt me too! Do not forget I was under your blade that night, I know the pain!” removing his hands he wiped at his face furiously, the metal of his hands became glossy with the tears. Taking Hanzo’s hurt hand gently into his own two he wept openly. “I know the pain.” 

Hanzo ached just thinking about Genji taking some of his nightmares on but it also comforted him. Not in a million years did the man think his brother would be begging to help him instead of tearing him apart for his crime. Genji had grown into a man that Hanzo now wished he wanted to be. Genji was satisfied with how he appeared and what had become of him and wanted the same for his dear brother. After what Hanzo had done he could not refuse him now, “Please do not cry, please stop crying,” 

“How can I stop when you’re in so much pain,” 

Leaning forward from his bed Hanzo took his hand out of Genji’s hold and placed both of his bandaged appendages on his brother’s face, he ignored the agony they brought, “If you truly want to help I will not deny your wishes,” 

“You’re being serious?” Genji’s eyes held his pleas and looked eager, excited almost, “You’ll confide in me?”

The question was daunting but Hanzo had already accepted the offer, he couldn’t refuse now, “Yes, to the best of my ability I will. I cannot promise anything too great, but I will try,” 

That alone was enough to satisfy Genji and he smiled through fresh tears. “You won’t regret this, I promise,” 

Sharing the space for a while the Shimada brothers felt content without saying a word further, the emotions on the table were enough for now. Genji had helped Hanzo call Angela to dose him with morphine so he could sleep without the pain in his hands, and once it had been administered Genji set his head back on the bed in his folded arms and closed his eyes. It only took moments for the young sparrow to be swept into sleep but for Hanzo it took a little while for the medication to set in properly to where he felt like he was floating and relaxed. 

Crystal clear waves crashed against the Gibraltar bluffs, the sun above he and Jesse as they sat in comfortable silence once again. Hanzo took a drag off a cigarette while Jesse puffed off of his usual vice, the brisk weather scraping their noses pink. Hanzo could truly rest here in the vicinity of the man he liked more than he was willing to admit just yet. 

 

\---

 

Angela greeted Hanzo in the late morning with her hair pulled away from her face with glasses on the bridge of her nose. The manilla folder that had been spread on the desk was sifted through and she sat on the chair next to his bed that Genji had taken residence before. Hana and his brother were asked to leave while she discussed Hanzo’s treatment privately. With a cup of coffee on the desk next to her she sighed and gave a sympathetic smile to the man, “Are you ready to talk about treatment plans and diagnosis?” 

“Yes,” Hanzo nodded apprehensively. 

“Great. So, here are images of your hands after I had them stitched and stapled,” the woman set the few photos on his lap, “The lacerations on your fingers and between your knuckles were pretty severe. The length in duration in which you berated the omnic caused slight nerve damage. It sounds scary right now, but they will heal properly with continual care and a little physical therapy for your hands once they are mended well enough.” With her pen she pointed to the stitches, “You have approximately thirty-two stitches on your fingers and eight staples between your knuckles. They will stay in from five to ten days depending on the rate in which they heal, it’ll be a day-by-day analysis,” Angela looked up at a pale-faced Hanzo. Putting a reassuring hand on his shoulder he looked up, “You will recover perfectly. Nothing is jeopardizing your archery. The only reminder will be a few scars, the cuts are rather deep,” 

“What of the treatment you have planned?” 

“I have printed out instructions for you as well, just to keep a reminder with you or in your room,” Angela took the photos and then pulled out a piece of paper with beautiful cursive handwriting and placed it where the images were, “You will report to me twice daily for the first couple of days and then once daily after I have cleared you. We’ll change the gauze and medicine on the wounds during those times. The list has things I do not want you doing. No shooting, no lifting of anything over five pounds, and when you bathe I will require that you wear protective bags to not get the bandages wet. I have secured them well enough so you shouldn’t be able to move your fingers much. Minimal things like putting on clothing or putting up your hair may be difficult for a few days and if you need assistance I am able to help you. Your brother and Hana have also volunteered to help you with these things if you’re comfortable with them. Everyone else has advised me they will assist you with everything else. Cooking, opening doors, basic things you wouldn’t think are difficult until an injury like this arises. Any questions?” 

Hanzo was embarrassed he may have to have someone help him put on clothes but understood the risk in the first couple days, the stitches or staples might rip open and that would prevent the recovery rate. “None so far,” 

“Great! There are a few other things on there for you to read later. As far as your discharge goes I will release you this evening after changing the bandages before bed. Now,” she rested the folder in her lap and clicked her pen and slouched into the back of the chair, her legs were crossed neatly. “I want to discuss what happened,” Hanzo didn’t. “Is that all right?” 

He didn’t have much of a choice really, “Sure,” 

Angela gave her sympathetic smile again and answered, “I know it’s difficult, but I think it will be better for both of us to talk about this openly since I am your general practitioner as part of Overwatch,” 

With reluctance, “I understand,” 

“To start off, may I ask a few questions first?” 

“Yes,”

“How long have you been taking antidepressants?” she was ready to note his file. 

Thinking at the years past Hanzo hadn’t really started taking medication until his early twenties after his family doctor diagnosed him with Major Depressive Disorder. Despite his father’s denial and refusal of the medication he took it anyways. “Fourteen years ago. I was twenty-four,” 

“Has your anxiety been present the same amount of time alongside your depression?”

“My anxiety did not really start peaking until after the...incident. I would say it has been nine years with the anxiety,” 

“Have you ever experienced a PTSD attack before?” 

The question sort of caught him off guard, he wasn’t expecting it. He’d had plenty of anxiety and panic attacks in his life, but he didn’t know what differentiated them from a traumatic attack, “I do not think so,” 

“You know what it stands for, right?” Hanzo nodded, “The oncoming symptoms of PTSD can be similar to anxiety attacks. Tightening of the chest, chest pain, difficulty breathing, panic, dizziness, shaking, and trembling. With PTSD one can disassociate or feel like they’re reliving the triggered traumatic experience over again and even act as if one is there. Sometimes certain smells can become noticeable even though it is not physically present. After Hana’s testimony of the event I believe you had a PTSD attack,” 

Honestly, Hanzo wasn’t surprised. Taking apart all of the disabling attacks he’d experienced before he could now see the difference and took a moment to absorb the information. Speaking honestly was hard but he cleared his throat, “I think I have had several of them in the past, then,” 

Angela was writing things down and Hanzo wanted to peek over her hand and see what she was noting, “Do you know of any specific triggers that set you off? Anxiety or PTSD,”

_ Anything Genji related.  _

When Hanzo didn’t answer Angela filled in the blanks, “Do they have to do with your brother?” the man nodded, “Don’t be ashamed of the triggers, they are what they are. The incident was traumatic and left a very large imprint on your being. Suffering from the effects of trauma are typically common for those in the military or armed forces, as we all have here in Overwatch. Also events such as sexual assault, rape, being drugged, or kidnapping can result in PTSD symptoms and attacks. There are many more, but yours specifically seems to be drawn from the incident,” 

“...yes,” 

“There are a small number of medications we can add on to your antidepressant, but it will not guarantee anything. I also wanted to advise a topic of sensitivity regarding your recruitment into Overwatch,”

“Which is?”

“You have only been here a short amount of time so I won’t know much until I have monitored you more closely, but the stability of your mental health will determine what type of missions I will clear you on,” Not sure how to respond simply because Hanzo had not yet been on a mission he sighed, disgruntled, “Not to worry, dear, don’t take it too seriously. However, what I want you to do for the meanwhile is to write down things that have triggered you specifically, okay?”

Hanzo felt uncomfortable and out of place. He was getting treatment,  _ real _ treatment for the first time in a decade. Although it felt nice to have people care it was also scary to think that he could hurt those people. Again. He knew that what Hana witnessed would not be forgotten overnight and the thought of leaving rose in his mind once more. “There is no other treatment?” 

“There are many types of therapy you can participate in, but I am not a registered therapist. If you’d like I can get my hands on some behavioral therapy books and the like for you to read in your own time,” 

“I would really appreciate that,” and he really meant it. He never liked the idea of a therapist: talking about how you feel and bringing up painful memories to someone else who could potentially use it against you. 

“Great! I’ll get on it today,” she smiled and squeezed his shoulder again, he wondered if Genji adopted that from her. “For now I’m going to go through your charts and get a few things organized. In a couple of hours I’ll redress your bandages and discharge you,” a thought came to her mind and her face lit up, “A little birdie told me you’d be interested in this news: McCree and the others will be returning from their mission in a couple of days,” She winked and stood, Hanzo’s face went red. 

“Thank you,” he replied. Smiling at the thought of Jesse finally returning made him happy, made the butterflies in his stomach rile up into a frenzie and Angela chuckled at his reaction. 

“We’ll speak later, Hanzo,” and she left the room with his file and papers. 

 

\---

 

Freedom was bittersweet. Hanzo left once Angela had changed his bandages - he took a glimpse at what his wounds looked like and had to immediately look away - and didn’t know if he wanted to go to his room or the kitchen first. 

A blur of green dashed down the hallways towards him and Genji, without his faceplate on, greeted him, “Yo! Sorry I wasn’t here a little earlier, Lúcio and I were in a deep conversation about lizards. You hungry? I made some chicken udon,” 

So his evening was decided, “Sure,” 

“You met Lúcio yet? He’s a cool dude, loves frogs, loves music, loves rebellion. He’s a medic healer. When he got outfitted for his room he put up soundproof panels so he can jam at all hours of the day. The panels are so good you can’t hear anything unless you’re in the room, it’s pretty incredible. Winston never ceases to amaze me,” 

“I have been in his office several times, he is quite impressive,” Hanzo agreed.

“You’ve been in his office? Without him?” 

Smirking, “I escape in there to nap on occasion. It has a nice view and is usually vacant,” 

“You’re lucky, he must really like you if he lets you in there,” Genji put a finger on his chin in thought.

“I do not ask for permission to enter, I simply do. I assume that because I do nothing of harm or cause a distraction he allows me to,” 

“Hm, you’re probably right,” 

As they neared the kitchen Hanzo could hear music and a couple of voices he didn’t recognize. Genji began talking about lizards to a deep extent as they finally entered the room. An omnic monk hovered at the table with orbs revolving around him, he was laughing robotically at something the Brazilian man was talking about. Lúcio and Zenyatta were nice enough, but Hanzo couldn’t pay attention. He was pretty drugged on the painkillers and wanted to sleep. 

The soup Genji had made didn’t taste like anything no matter how much the archer ate of it, he was just not interested in what the table had to offer him with people or food, but Genji was excited and wanted to have him eat. 

Hanzo was polite and stayed for an hour or so and then received a message from Hana on his phone, “ _ Can we hang? _ ” There wasn’t an emoji or emotion and he felt a little uneasy but replied with confirmation. 

Hana was outside of her room leaning on her door with her hair pulled into a ponytail, when she saw the archer she pushed off and held up her hand in a small wave, “Thought we could hang in your room?”

“Sure, but there is nothing to do,” said Hanzo unlocking his door. It was as pristine as he had left it and he felt content to have it back. 

Hana made her way to his bed and sat on it crossing her legs, she fiddled with the strings on her hoodie, “How’re you feeling?” her eyes were glued to his hands. He had briefly forgotten that she had seen it all happen. 

“I am okay, a little tired, a little sore. What about you?”

“Don’t worry about me, Han, I’ll be fine. I’m worried about you,” 

“My wounds will heal and I am going to do sessions with Angela. Please, I want to know how you are truly doing,” Hanzo sat across from her on his bed bringing up his legs and crossing them like she had. 

“No,” she said shaking her head, “this isn’t about me and how I’m doing, what I saw happen to you, well, I haven’t seen it in a long time. Not since my previous squad back in Korea. I’ll be fine-”

“Hana,” Hanzo said sternly, “I am your friend. Confide in me as I have to you. Please,” he cared too much about her to let her sit in misery. 

The girl sighed and fidgeted with her fingers momentarily, “It was pretty scary, not gonna lie. I didn’t know what to do and when the time came for me to step in I couldn’t even do anything. You’re so strong and I’m not and I couldn’t stop you. You were hysteric and kept screaming Genji’s name. After you attacked the omnic Mei ran to get Mercy and I stayed to try and snap you out of it. There was so much blood I didn’t think that much could come out of a person’s hands. You were so scared and so sad. I haven’t slept since,” 

Unsure of how many days had elapsed he asked, “How long is that?”

“Two days,” she laughed without humor, “I was in your ward most of the time until Mercy kicked me out to try and get some rest. I knew you would recover and get good care from her, but I had to see you in person to make sure you were okay,”   
“You must sleep, Hana,” his worry was through the roof now that he knew she hadn’t slept. “Rest is crucial,” 

Side-stepping his remark she said, “Hanzo, I care about you. I’ve only known you for a short while but I feel like we mesh pretty well. I wanted to ask you that the next time you can’t handle a situation or if something triggers you to let me know, and I’ll even come to you when things get tough for me so we’re even. I trust the people in this place with my life, but I feel like with these deeper issues I can come to you. I don’t have any siblings, but if I did you’d be a great big brother,” 

To be called a ‘great big brother’ did not settle quite right with Hanzo because of his predispositioned thoughts. He had an idea of who he was and what she told him didn’t fit the bill. Genji’s arrival had proven to be pretty good considering, but that didn’t mean Hanzo was in any manner a good sibling. “I will try my best to keep you informed,” a quiet response, “if you keep your word to inform me of yours,” 

Hana held out her hand and curled all of her fingers except her pinky, “Pinky promise me, make a pact,” With a kind smirk Hanzo held up his hand and she huffed a forgetful sigh. Touching the tip of his pinky with her own, “In battle and at home,”

“In battle and at home,” he repeated. 

“Good. Awesome,” Hana exhaled and smiled.

“Will you be able to sleep now that we have our pact?” 

“Mm, not sure. I hope so, I’ll probably game a little and hope it winds me down,” 

Hanzo could not understand how gaming would calm her down to rest, it was too focus driven and intense, but she lived in a different world than he did mentally so he shrugged it off. “Thank you, Hana, for caring,” 

With a small shove to his shoulder the girl chuckled, “Thank  _ you _ for caring. You’re a little thick-skinned but deep down you’re a big ole softy. When your hands are healed I expect a full day of Fury,” 

“I would very much like that,” it saddened him to realize he wouldn’t be able to game with her for the week or so, it almost saddened him more than not being able to shoot. He snickered at the thought. 

“Well, I’ll take my leave,” Hana decided unfurling from her position. Standing she straightened her ponytail and opened the door. Before leaving she turned to Hanzo once more adding, “About Jesse, he has a lot of baggage too. You should tell him how you feel,”

“But he and I have already discussed that,” 

“He’s coming home in a couple days, just a thought,” and she left, the door closing softly behind her. 

Looking down at his hands Hanzo shimmied the red fabric out of his gauze and stared at it, his heart raced and he couldn’t help but smile. Part of him wanted to take things slow with the cowboy and the other part of him wanted to pick up the pace. They were living in the same building just a few doors apart from one another. It was inevitable that they would see plenty of eachother. Jesse would ask what happened with his hands and he would have to tell him the truth. Anxiety grew in the pit of his stomach but he willed it away in anticipation to see the scruffy, messy man again. 

Laying on his bed he stared at the ceiling and thought of what he should say or do when Jesse arrived. Maybe something bold or something subtle. Closing his eyes he imagined Jesse just getting off of the boat looking ragged and travel-worn. The desire to kiss him became fervent and his cheeks became hot, his pants a little tight. 

“Sleep,” he told himself wishing the desires and lusts away. There was still time to think about how he’d greet Jesse, but in the time he would need to concentrate on being around Genji and easing the nightmares and heinous ideology that kept him awake still.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Guess who's coming back to watchpoint next chapter???? He wears a warm serape ;)  
> -You guys excited for the holiday content coming next week??? I AM. I want ugly sweaters and dorky lines.  
> -If there are any additional trigger warnings that I need to add, or there is something culturally/language/character portrayal/geography/etc incorrect please let me know!! I want to fix these things ASAP.  
> -I have quite a bit left to write, so this will probably go up to chapter 15. <3 c:  
> -Leave kudos or a comment if you enjoyed the chapter!!  
> tumblr: goddesofawesome.tumblr.com  
> twitter: https://twitter.com/GoddesofAwesome
> 
> I will try to post chapters every week.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanzo does not have patience with waiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Hey guys, thank you for reading and commenting!! <3  
> -Overwatch winter stuff is out!! I love it all!!!!!!!! AHHH
> 
> TW: none

“Hey, Han,”

Dim lights in the upper portion of Winston’s office came into view as Hanzo was awoken from his nap. It was raining and the patter against the window could easily lull the archer back to sleep. Rising from his crouched position he stretched his neck and looked up to Hana. Her hair was down in two side braids, her face lack of makeup, and wore pajamas with her pink hoodie. “Hello,” he greeted whilst clearing his throat. 

She popped some gum, “Brought you some food,” 

Hanzo sat up as the girl handed him the tin-foil-covered plate. The plate was set on the ground and he carefully tried to pry the foil from the glassware, but after a moment of fumbling and trying to remove it Hana slid her petite hands over his and tore just a little off for him. “Thank you,” he grumbled, the aches in his hands very much awake. Moving the foil off was easier that he had a good vantage point, with the top of his fingers he moved it back with a grunt of victory. 

“Here,” she held up a fork and moved her hands in his space again and helped him hold it correctly without it falling out or causing any pain. It was an easy enough meal: white rice, broccoli, and some chicken breast that had already been cut up. “Sorry,” she sighed, “I asked Mercy if you could cut your own food and stuff, but she said no. So I had to,”

“I do not mind,” he lied. It was all for his well being and he knew this would only last several days, maybe two weeks, “Thank you for helping me,” 

“Anytime,” she smiled and brought her knees up to her chest resting her chin on them, “Nice nap?” 

Taking the first bite was a little tricky but Hanzo managed and swallowed, “It was fine,” honestly he couldn’t remember it. He had been turning and tossing all night because his hands kept bothering him. First he would lay in a position and then he’d wake up lying on his hands with pain shooting up his arms. Little spots of blood were caked on the gauze. Angela would be changing them soon anyways. “What have you been doing this morning?” 

“Winston called me in about a new mission coming up. He’s making me second-in-command for it. Jack’s arriving in a week or so, but until then we’ve got a lot of work cut out for us,” Hana shrugged her shoulders, her arms wrapping around her legs. “By the time we deploy for it you should be healed up, I wanted to make you our defensive sniper,” 

Excitement of feeling needed sprouted a small grin on his face, but he eased it away as he took another bite and concentrated on maneuvering his fork correctly. “A fitting position for me,” he teased.

“I know, right? It’s like you’re good at that or something,”

“Or something,” 

Hana chuckled, “Once Mercy gives me the green light to construct the full team thing’s’ll get really fun. We get to go over the files together and practice and run through drills, it’ll be cool! I’m excited for it,” 

Smiling, “I am looking forward to it, I am interested to see how you and I will fight together. Not to mention with everyone else that will be enlisted for the team. Do you have ideas on who else will join you?” 

“A couple,” Hana looked up while she thought, “Satya for sure, Jack obviously, you, possibly Mei, and Lú or Mercy. I’ll know more once I dive into the case file,” 

“Sounds like it will be a good team,” 

“Thanks! Jack will be the leader of it, but one of my duties is to pick who I think will be best, then Jack will go through the list and okay things. He’s almost never rejected my suggestions before, so I’m hopeful,” 

“You will have less time to game,” Hanzo noted, “How will you live?” 

Hana feigned to faint and said dramatically, “I don’t know! People will die, children will starve! Think about it, no one is going to be escorting the mark! Hanzo, no one will be on it! We’re doomed!”

“Truly!” Hanzo replied enthusiastically, “To think of that brings my heart to a cold stop. Without you the teams will surely struggle. You are not in the top one-hundred for simply nothing,” 

“That’s what I’m saying,” the girl smiled, “I guess it’ll be more rewarding when you and I storm in and start carrying the teams again,” 

“Please, if anything I bury the team,” 

“Ha! Not the last time we played. You can’t fool me, Han,”

“It was worth an attempt,” he finished off the rice and sat back to digest.

“Have you thought about what I said?” 

“Hm?”

“About Jesse, duh,” 

Hanzo mused, “I have, a little,” 

“Tell me!” 

“Do you think anything too bold would be too soon? I do not want to scare him with a notion he is not comfortable with,” 

“Like?”

Hanzo’s face went pink, “A kiss, I suppose,” 

Hana squealed and said, “No, it’s not too soon! All that stuff about moving too fast or too slow, dating tropes are stupid. It’s about how you  _ feel _ , Han. If you feel that it’s right and something you want to do, I mean, you could ask him if it would be okay to do. But, from what he’s told me he wouldn’t mind a kiss in the least,”

“What,” Hanzo was startled, “What do you mean what he has told you?” 

Hana giggled mischievously, “He likes you a lot, Han, that’s all I’m going to say about it. Everything else is up to you,” 

Hanzo groaned, “You lure me in with such good information and then you deny me,” 

“My services are here all week at a low cost,” With his elbow Hanzo nudged the Korean in the arm and she pushed back, both of them smiling. “How’re you and Genji so far?” 

It took him by surprise, “We had a very emotional conversation, but otherwise he has been very attentive to the topics of our conversations,”

“That’s good, right?” she cocked her head to the side with curiosity. 

“Yes, I suppose it is. I am still on edge and ready for him to attack me verbally, maybe even physically. The manner in which he spoke told me otherwise which should provide me with comfort, but... it is still difficult, nonetheless.” 

“I bet he’s in the same headspace as you. Not knowing what to say or to talk about, if you’re going to lash out at him or say something wrong. You’re both doing your best and that’s all you can do, right?” 

Nodding, Hanzo answered quietly, “Yes, you’re right,” 

“It’s just one day at a time. Every single day is different from emotions to attitudes. You might wake up one morning and be in a great mood, but later you might get triggered and it can crash back on you. You have to take care of yourself first,” 

Finishing his meal and dropping the fork on the plate he thought about her words. “I am not very good at taking one day at a time or taking care of myself,” 

Pointing a thumb at herself Hana boasted, “That’s why you have me! And Jesse.”

Hanzo showed his smile to her and began to stand up, “I am lucky,” 

 

\---

 

Turbulence woke Jesse McCree with a startle and he sat up grabbing at his chest. Sweat dripped from his face, and while he closed his eyes he leaned his head down and pulled his serape up to dab the perspiration from his brow. 

“Bad dream?” 

Jesse looked up and over to Zarya who had made herself comfortable on a crate, her gun packed away inside of it; she had one earbud in, the other blasting muffled Russian pop. Her face was bruised and a large cut on her arm had been sutured. “Yeah,” 

“Want to talk about it?” 

Huffing out his breath Jesse replied, “One I haven’t had in a long time, is all. I was fallin’ again, got pushed off a cliff in the Grand Canyon,” 

“You took lots of missions there, no?” 

“We had a few, yeah. Blackwatch mostly stayed to what it knew, but occasionally we’d get some tough dumb hotshot causin’ a ruckus. I never had a bad trip there during those days, not even when I was with Deadlock,” 

“When I was a child I often dreamt of sitting under a bare tree in the winter. Winters in Russia are harsh and very brutal. I would be dressed in my nightgown, nothing else, and it was always night. The dream never changed everytime it came to me,” she picked at one of her pink nails. “Even now I still dream of that tree in the snow. I use it as a sort of warning for myself,”

“A warnin’ for what?” 

“It would always come to me before something would happen. A war, a fight with my parents, when I adopted my first kitty cat,” 

“Have ya had one recently?” 

“Not in a year or so,” she answered. “You’ve mentioned to me of this dream before, maybe it is like mine: an omen of sorts. Maybe it is because you get to see the archer again,” she winked at him and he smiled with a goofy grin. “But, in all honesty, I think whichever way you choose to decipher your dream is as good as any,” 

“Now what if the dream is about some good lookin’ guy strippin’ down for me and-”

Zarya was laughing, “Then I would ask you to keep that dream to yourself,” 

“C’mon, Zarya, hear me out!” 

“No!” the Russian laughed. “Get some rest, my cowboy. You will probably need it. Plus, I do not think you would want another black eye,” she chuckled loudly.

“Yeah, yeah,” he laid back down and rested his hat over his face and blackened eye to dim the lights that blinked in their small room aboard the hoverplane. Being able to see Hanzo the next day made him crazy. His body was restless and his stomach was full of butterflies, not to mention he couldn’t stop smiling under the stupid hat on his face. The next time he’d wake up - hopefully - they would be landing back at the watchpoint. 

 

\---

 

As much as Hanzo wanted to talk with his brother about small things and new beginnings, he couldn’t get his mind off of the fact that Jesse was arriving today. Angela had called him in at their usual morning meet-up and she began to unravel his gauze. 

“Do I still have to wear the gauze?” 

Angela looked up with a “are you serious” glare and said, “Of course you do,” Hanzo sighed defeated. The wounds on his hands were grotesque and puffy in some places, and when Angela took his right hand and held it up to her eye-level and spread the fingers apart some he winced and instinctively pulled it back, “Hold on, I need some better light,” she set his hand down and walked across the room to pull a lamp at her side. Taking hold of the limb again she inspected it carefully and frowned with disapproval. “Some of these have gotten infected. I will have to remove the staples and do them again. I wonder if you are allergic to that cleaner…” she mused quietly through Hanzo’s anxiety and worry as she got up once more to gather supplies. 

“Is it bad?” 

A hum, “Not yet. I’m glad I noticed it this morning. It appears to have just started. I’m going to stop it before it can spread further. I used a specific disinfectant between your knuckles, different than the one from your fingers, and only those are infected.” 

“This isn’t going to be fun,” Angela advised sitting down again. “I’m going to give you medication so you won’t feel the pain, all right?” 

Hanzo didn’t want to be loopy and drugged when he met with Jesse and shook his head, “I would rather I didn’t,” 

“The infections have gathered around the staples’ entrances, removing them is going to be pretty nasty, Hanzo, I’d rather you take something for this than suffer through it,” 

“Is there another method that will not make me sleep the entirety of the day?” Hanzo then asked looking at one of his hands’ wounds. 

If Angela knew if this was about Jesse or not she seemed to comply easily and got a syringe and a bottle of clear liquid. “This’ll just numb the isolated areas. You will still feel pulls and some pins,”

“That is fine,” he answered shortly. 

The operation went smoothly but took longer than Hanzo anticipated. He watched the digital clock pass each minute with disdain, and by the time it was over the others had already arrived. While Angela was busy prepping the skin for a new staple they both paused to hear the rumbling of the hoverplane’s engine as it landed. Hanzo’s excitement went through the roof and he could hardly keep still. “Yes, dear, I know you’re excited but I must do this properly or that bow of yours will have to be kept away longer,” Hanzo willed himself still. 

When he was done and Angela shooed him out of her ward he bustled down the hallway to the kitchen where Pharah and Reinhardt were sitting at the table with large mugs of coffee. They both looked worse for wear and Hanzo became worried. 

Before he could be noticed by the two he took a turn and went towards another location in which he might find the cowboy. He wasn’t in the range or in his room, and so he finally decided to climb the stairs to the helipad. 

The red serape caught his attention first, his heart beating so hard he thought it would break his ribs, and the cowboy hat was pressed carefully under the cowboy’s arm while he dug around in one of the large armored crates. 

“Jesse,” Hanzo started as he got close enough for the man to hear him. Jesse turned with a smile immediately on his face at who had called him. His hair was down and looked tangled and rugged, his clothes needed a good wash too. But Hanzo stopped short when he noticed the dark blue and black around Jesse’s left eye and the stitches that littered thst side of his face. Rushing over he held up a hand, “What happened?” 

Jesse laughed and was about to explain but noticed the wrapping around the hand that touched his skin, “What the,” Jesse took Hanzo’s wrist and looked at his hand, “What in tarnation? Hanzo, what happened?” Sheepishly, the archer held up his other hand showing the identical wrapping. “Honey buns, what in the hell happened?” the cowboy was so worried he stepped in closer and  his brows furrowing together. 

“It is nothing,”

“Nothin’ my ass,” 

Hesitantly, “I wish to talk of this later.” and then, “Please,” 

McCree moved his arms under Hanzo’s and wrapped into him tightly. Taken aback, Hanzo then eased his head onto the man’s shoulder and rested it there while his hands carefully held the sides of the cowboy. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here,” Jesse said softly. 

“Do not blame yourself for what happened,” Hanzo replied meeting the low volume of their voices. “I am happy you are home,” 

_ Home _ . 

Jesse nearly lost it, for Hanzo to call this place home and to have stayed despite his brother’s inevitable arrival. “I am too, sugar,” 

Pulling away from Jesse he looked up into the gunslinger’s hard eyes and watched them with such affection. He smelled of fire and smoke and a little bit of something sweet, and despite the marks upon his face Hanzo still could not believe how breathtaking the man before him was. “You are so beautiful,” he felt himself say despite wanting to keep it internal. 

Jesse grew red and he leaned in close so their foreheads touched, “Boy howdy, you’re meltin’ me, darlin’,” 

Feeling Jesse’s breath on his face made his smile sweeten, “May I…” 

“May you what?” 

“May I kiss you?” 

With a grin Jesse leaned in letting their lips brush as light as a feather, “Always,” Jesse’s voice was low and controlled. They pressed together, their mouths meeting fully and the taste of vanilla and tobacco hypnotizing the archer. It was careful and aware for a short duration but Hanzo was hungry for more. 

He split McCree’s lips open with his tongue and felt the other’s teeth and tongue, Jesse moaned at the motion and gripped the small of Hanzo’s back a bit harder. With a swift movement Hanzo bit at the man’s bottom lip and sucked on it gently before Jesse took his mouth captive again. It was his turn to explore a little and Hanzo thought he might explode from the taste alone, the taste that lingered in Jesse’s mouth now shared with his; it was bliss. 

Once parted and both men were searching for air Hanzo took the initiative to feel the skin above Jesse’s collared shirt with his mouth and tongue. He kissed lightly, the stubble scraping lightly against Jesse’s skin; a soft moan was exhaled as Hanzo bit at his neck, a lapping tongue smoothing over the wound he had inflicted. 

They were both heated, strained in their trousers, and breathing like the air had been taken straight from their lungs. Jesse held Hanzo close as they let their hearts take a break to come back to earth, Hanzo wished he could comb his fingers through Jesse’s hair or to take a finger and move his chin back down to his own so they could kiss again, but he was restrained, even if temporary, and he hated it. 

“We ain’t movin’ too fast, are we?” the question Hanzo had been harboring came from the gunslinger’s mouth. 

Hana had told him to move with what he was feeling, and if Jesse was feeling similar things then it wasn’t fast, right? Feeling confident in a sudden boost of Hana’s words he stood on his toes and leaned up to Jesse’s ear nibbling at his lobe momentarily before speaking, “We could go back to your room and figure it out,” The noise that came from Jesse was so desperate and welcoming that Hanzo nibbled at his ear again.

Jesse parted the two of them and took Hanzo’s bandaged hand every-so-carefully in his own and began towards his room. Hanzo was excited and felt himself smiling like an idiot as they reached the cowboy’s door. It opened with ease and the two entered the dark bedroom. 

When the door closed Jesse pressed Hanzo against the wall and stared down at him, their eyes both glistening from the small light that came from the window, the setting sun casting purples and blues onto the walls. The room smelled of gin and gunpowder, Hanzo wanted to wrap himself in it like a blanket. With delicate hands, Jesse thumbed the skin under the archer’s shirt letting his fingers ghost to his hips where he placed his palms with better reassurance. 

“I’ve been thinkin’ of you everyday since I left,” Jesse whispered, “How much I wanted to kiss those pretty lips o’ yours, kiss yer neck and shoulders. Give you the affection you been missin’,” he pressed his lips against Hanzo’s neck and brushed light kisses here and there as he felt the other’s breath hitch with a shudder with each movement. “And… you stayed,” 

Taking a deep breath the archer whispered back, “For you,” their eyes met, “I would do anything,” 

Their lips met and it felt hotter and a little more desperate, Jesse gripped Hanzo’s shirt, he bit Hanzo’s lip and felt iron his tongue. The archer did not protest and simply licked at the wound drawing a groan from his partner’s throat. “Guess this means we don’t needa have that first date then,” Jesse breathed. 

Hanzo smiled and began decorating Jesse’s face with kisses, “I still want that date, Jesse,” 

A chuckle, “Yes, sir,” 

With the top of his hand Hanzo nudged Jesse in the way of his bed and sat at the foot of the mattress. Jesse followed close and straddled Hanzo’s lap. They kissed sloppy and wet, Jesse’s roaming hands eliciting noises from the archer, but Hanzo was getting frustrated that he couldn’t touch or feel the skin under his hands. “Wait,” he mumbled. Jesse sat back and watched Hanzo begin to undo the gauze to his hands carefully. 

“Han-Hanzo no, keep those on,” 

“I cannot feel you, Angela can put new ones on later,” 

Jesse grabbed Hanzo’s wrists gently to stop him from continuing his task, “You don’t need to do that to feel me, Hanzo,”

“How else am I to reach up your back or to feel your hips?” he was frustrated and his voice spat with irritation. 

McCree hummed against Hanzo’s neck and kissed him there, “Then I won’t use my hands, it’ll be even ground,” Grinding tenderly into Hanzo’s lap he whispered, “if that’s all right with you, darlin’,” 

The thought excited the archer but he also felt guilt for taking that pleasure away from Jesse, “I do not want you to do something you are uncomfortable with,” 

“I’m pretty talented with my mouth, I think you should gi’me a chance. So I can show you that hands aren’t that important, for science,” 

“For science, of course,” 

“Lay back,” 

Hanzo laid against the mattress with his hands above his head, his shirt lifting up to show a peek at his stomach. Jesse leaned down and kissed at the skin, his nose nudged up his shirt inch by inch and all along the way he kissed lavishly. When Hanzo’s tattooed nipple came to view Jesse sucked on it and flicked his tongue along the nub, the archer’s gasps and strangled breaths made McCree dizzy. Biting his nipple gently Hanzo moaned, Jesse smoothed it over with his tongue and flicked at it a little more before moving onto the other one. 

“Jesse,” Hanzo moaned as Jesse sucked on the dry nub, his body beneath the gunslinger writhing, his hips pressed hard against the other’s groin. “Jesse, wait,” 

Looking up worriedly Jesse asked, “What is it, darlin’? You okay?” 

But Hanzo didn’t say anything. The remaining light that shone from the setting sun cast shadows upon Jesse’s face and his tousled hair, his unkempt beard, even made his wounds and black eye looked ethereal. The white button-up he wore was messy, the serape was hanging off of his shoulders lazily. Even though his hand was useless he moved it up and used the tips of his fingers to move the hair out of his face attempting to push it behind his ear. With the hair out of his face Hanzo could see the freckles that danced in the sun’s light, his eyes glowed like a fire had been lit in them. With his other hand he cupped Jesse’s face soft enough that he wouldn’t hurt himself and felt the man lean into his touch. 

Hanzo couldn’t believe how stunning this man was before him, how the gods graced him with such an effervescent glow. Dust particles appeared gold and the sound of Jesse breathing filled Hanzo’s ears with everything he’d ever wanted. He couldn’t believe that only a day ago he had been dreaming of this moment, of the moment Jesse had returned, and it was here and Jesse was perfect.

Slowly Jesse leaned down to let their lips meet, the sloppiness gone and replaced with something much softer. They were pressed together, their kisses were slow and consuming and Hanzo’s chest was elated and light. 

A drop fell onto Hanzo’s cheek and he looked up to see tears spilling from Jesse as they kissed again. “Jesse, why are you crying?” 

“Sorry,” he wiped them with the inside of his arm, “It’s nothin’,” 

Hanzo spoke sweet nothings in Japanese and held his face with one hand, “Tell me,” 

“It’s real dumb, I’d rather not,” 

“Nothing you say is dumb,” 

Jesse locked gazes with Hanzo and sighed defeated, “No one’s ever….” he chuckled without humor, “No one’s ever liked me like you have,” 

“How do you mean?” 

“You ain’t lookin’ to pass the time with a quick fuck, or to pay me for it, you look at me with I don’t know what and, it fills me with this thing that I can’t explain,” Jesse shook his head, “I look at you an’ I see the stars and the sky and the sun and moon, you feel like silk on my skin and you fit with me like….like...butter and biscuits on Easter mornin’,” Hanzo didn’t really understand the last reference but got the gist of what it meant. “Bein’ on that mission was the hardest thing I’ve had to do in a long while, I haven’t felt this attached to a person since I was real little. And to have you feel the same way,” he laughed, “I feel like the luckiest guy on earth,” 

Hanzo chuckled but felt the pain along with the joy, “It is I who is lucky. When I hear your spurs down the halls, it is like you are talking to me before you even step foot in the room. You are a beacon that shines bright in my dark days,” Shifting, they sat up and Jesse was on Hanzo’s lap again. The archer wrapped his arms around the large chest and kissed where his head fell. They stayed like that for a while and then Hanzo moved to look up at Jesse, “ _ You _ are my sunrise,”

The statement filled Jesse with adoration and he leaned in to kiss Hanzo hard. Teeth clanked and their tongues wrestled, their lips were wet and sloppy. Once Jesse had joined him in watching the sunrise every morning the archer never truly watched the ocean, he watched the man at his side. Sometimes their eyes would catch and they’d both look out at the ocean, but Hanzo would eventually watch Jesse again. How the sun hit his face, how the chilly breeze rustled his hair on and off of his face in graceful waves. 

When their mouths grew sore they laid on the bed side-by-side facing one another in the dark. Their eyes had adjusted. Hanzo had tangled his legs in and around Jesse’s and rested one of his hands over his waist. Jesse had his head resting on Hanzo’s chest while both of his arms wrapped around him, a song humming in handsome chords. 

The intercom to Jesse’s room buzzed, Winston’s voice coming over the static, “Jesse, I need you to report in. I need to debrief you,” the line crackled and ended. 

“I bet they’re mighty mad at me for not finishin’ clearin’ out the hoverplane,” Jesse chuckled. 

“Probably,” Hanzo agreed. “You should get going, you do not want to disappoint Winston,”

“Now that ain’t nice, Winston is always disappointed in me,” the two laughed and slowly untangled. 

“You also need a shower,” 

“Well you didn’t gimme any time to do that,”

“Maybe I should have waited, then,” 

“Nah,” Jesse stood up from the bed brushing back his hair, “I would rather smell,” 

Hanzo placed his hands in his lap and watched Jesse turn on the lights, “If I am to kiss you more I do not want you to wreak,” 

“Well in that case,” 

Standing to leave the room with him, the two shared a sappy smile, “Will I see you after?” 

“Considering you know where I live, I’d say yes. But I’ll shower after my debriefing, can’t promise the metting’ll be short,” Jesse opened the door as the two exited, “Could take a while,” 

“I will wait,” 

“Even if it goes real late?” 

“You would be surprised at what I am willing to accomplish if I want something bad enough,” Hanzo offered with a snicker. 

“Then I’ll see you in a while, darlin’,” Jesse leaned down and Hanzo met him as they kissed gently. “Damn, I could get used to that,” he whispered as they parted. 

“As could I. Now,” Hanzo pressed aching hands on Jesse’s chest to usher him away, “go before I steal you away,” 

“If that’s what you’re offerin’-”

“Go, Jesse,” Hanzo laughed and Jesse sauntered off with a pout. Where Hanzo had begun to unravel the gauze was loose and the archer figured he would give the medic a stop to see if she could fix it. No doubt there would be some sort of lecture as to why he wanted to take it off, but Hanzo felt that is was worth it. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -I will post a chapter next week per usual, but I am flying to be with my fam for Christmas so I may be lacking for a week or two. Follow my tumblr or twitter for updates regarding that.  
> -If there are any additional trigger warnings that I need to add, or there is something culturally/language/character portrayal/geography/etc incorrect please let me know!! I want to fix these things ASAP.  
> -Leave kudos or a comment if you enjoyed the chapter!!  
> -check out the art I drew of mchanzo: http://goddesofawesomeart.tumblr.com/post/154229947098/so-i-totally-drew-art-for-my-fic-hahaha-learning
> 
> tumblr: goddesofawesome.tumblr.com  
> twitter: https://twitter.com/GoddesofAwesome
> 
> I will try to post chapters every week.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -As always, thank you for the wonderful kudos and comments!! <3
> 
> TW: This chapter is NSFW, 18+ only. (waggles eyebrows)

A week had passed and November was welcomed with rain, rain, and more rain. The sunlight was becoming scarce as it only showed its bright face for about five hours, not even that. The days were rainy, dark, and slow going in the watchpoint, and to Hanzo’s dismay found that this gave him too much time to be around Genji. The sparrow tried to talk to him constantly, would text him about meditating with him, or if he just wanted to hang out. He was reaching out and trying his best, but Hanzo was having more of a hard time with it than his brother was. 

Their heartfelt conversation back in the medical wing had not been spoken of again and the archer hated that he couldn’t get himself to say more than a ‘hi’ to his sibling on a daily basis. Hearing through the vine, Hanzo had learned that Hana spoke to Genji on his hesitance and so Genji began to come to Hanzo with a more docile invitation to things. Although Hanzo appreciated it it still gave him strong anxiety. How was he supposed to face Genji, what would they talk about, what would they do if they hung out? 

Angela had removed the gauze and was giving his wounds a once-over, “Looks like we can keep the bandages off,” she said looking at him with a smile. “I’m going to remove the stitches and staples and see what damage is left,” 

Happily returning the smile Hanzo felt excitement at being able to shoot again, hell, even to game with Hana again was pretty exciting. And he’d be able to touch Jesse without the barrier of those stupid, white gauzes. To feel the skin and the stubble on his face, to feel the scars that littered his back and sides and on his chest, and the softness of his hair that he so desperately wanted to run his fingers through. 

“They look great, Hanzo,” she praised, “the infection didn’t leave any additional scarring and the overall condition is better than I expected. The scarred tissue may not lighten for a long while, though,” she got up and moved her white coat off of her shoulders and hung it by the door where a small hook had been drilled into the wall, walking to the desk she opened it and pulled out a couple instruments and sat next to Hanzo again. 

“What are those for?” asked Hanzo curiously inspecting them from his position. 

A small calculator looking tool with two wires attached to it stared back at him, Mercy answered, “I want to test the condition of the nerves in your hands, to make sure everything's a-okay,” swivelling on her chair she turned the computer monitor on and pulled a cord from behind it, untangled it, and lead it to the box she had in her hand. 

“Should I be worried?”

“I don’t think so. This is only precautionary for my medical records,”

“Hm,”

“You don’t believe me?” 

Hanzo huffed a chuckle, “I am just interested in seeing how this machine works,” 

“Ah,” she smiled back at him, “I’m going to attach these electrodes to your hands and measure the impulses my computer picks up. It’s just to see how well your nerves react to small electrical pulses. I will probably only need to use one, but - Hanzo, don’t look at me like that I’m not going to electrocute you,” she laughed at his displeased expression, “the voltage is not nearly high enough to do something like that. Here,” she leaned over and placed one of the pads on the top of his hand - he almost drew his hand away - and turned the machine on. “I’m going to put it on the lowest setting,” 

A tingling sensation vibrated from the electrode down his fingers and in his palm. It was strange how vivid he could feel the different parts of his hand then: fingernails, how thick his skin was around each finger, and the nerves that tickled on his palm. “I see,” he concluded. 

“I’m going to turn it up and start recording the feedback, is that all right?” 

“Yes, fine,” Hanzo replied quickly, his attention drawing to the computer that held different charts and terminology he didn’t understand. The intensity of the pricks increased and he watched the screen read out information. 

It took a significantly short amount of time, to Hanzo’s disappointment, and Angela had tested both hands. She removed the equipment and looked at the screen, her fingers scrolling through the data. “I will be able to give you results later this evening. Come by around eight?”

“I will be here. Am I able to shoot?” 

Turning to face him she gave an approving grin, “Knock yourself out. If they start to ache do not ignore it, please take a break or come see me if it persists.” 

“Okay,” Hanzo left the medical room and almost collided with his brother who was faceplate-less. 

Genji squeaked and then smiled, “Hanzo!” he clapped his brother’s shoulder, his scars bending at his expression, and then his gaze went to Hanzo’s hands, “Hey! Got those removed!” he grabbed them and held them up for his inspection, the archer was startled by the sudden physical contact and, again, wanted to draw away. “They look good,” 

“Thank you. Angela is a good doctor,” he pushed out of his mouth despite his wanting to run. 

“Yeah she is, I mean, have you seen my bod? Pretty stellar work,” he flipped Hanzo’s hands over to look at the palms and then released them, “I’m glad they healed up so well,” 

“Me, too,” 

There was an awkward silence as Genji looked for something to say, and then he found it, “I’m...sorry if I’ve been too pushy lately. About hanging out. I know it’s going to take time for us to rebuild things, I’m just excited. I haven’t meant to make you feel worse or anything,” 

“I know, Genji. Please… be patient with me,” Hanzo advised. 

“No problem, bro. How about you send me a message when you’re up for something, I’ll just lay low until then,” he was grinning to show that it was okay and that Hanzo shouldn’t feel guilty, but he did. 

“That sounds great,” he replied. 

“I’ve got a check-up, so I should get in there before Ang kicks my ass,” he danced past Hanzo and disappeared into the ward. 

Standing there for a few moments the man stayed in the space his brother had just been in before proceeding to the dorms. As much as he wanted to shoot he promised Hana a full day of gaming. She would never let him live it down if he didn’t come to her first, so he walked to her room with excitement. He knocked twice and she came to the door with her hair in pigtails, a tank top, and some pajama shorts, “Hey,” she greeted pulling a red sucker from her mouth. It had stained her tongue and teeth. 

Holding up his hands Hanzo said, “I believe I owe you some Fury time,” 

Hana’s face lit up and she squealed, “Oh my god! They’re off!” Like Genji, Hana took them into her grasp and examined them, “I’m so happy for you!” she then hugged him and pulled him into her room, “How does it feel? To be free, I mean?” she bounced up and down while she sat on the foot of her bed, the sucker bulging her cheek abnormally. 

“It is nice,” he admitted, “To bend them and to feel with them again, it’s a luxury I took for granted,” Hanzo sat in his usual bean-bag chair facing the girl. “It was the longest week I think I have ever had,” he chuckled and she joined him. 

“Patience and following Mercy’s instructions paid off,”

“Yes, I suppose they did,” 

“Less talk, let’s game!”

“Yes!” 

It was slow-going for Hanzo as he moved his fingers over the buttons and joysticks on the controller, his reaction-time considerably less because of the lack of use. After a couple of hours of maneuvering his character through various levels while Hana continued to get the highest rankings, he began to regain his groove and started getting kills again. 

He didn’t want to worry himself or become paranoid of his fingers not feeling as much as they should be, but Hanzo’s thoughts floated at the front of his mind while he battled with Hana in a particularly difficult level. He scaled a wall to get into a better position and held back the bumper to draw an arrow back, but in the doubts of his mind his finger went numb and released the arrow, hitting nothing. Setting the controller on his lap he felt his finger and was able to feel it there, all of it. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing,”

“Don’t ‘nothing’ me, mister,”

“Just paranoid about the nerve results. I thought I could not feel something momentarily, but it was just in my mind,” 

“You  _ just _ got them off. It’s going to take a little bit for your hands to get back to normal. It’s like with any major injury that heals, you just have to be patient with it,” 

Hanzo’s character got killed and Hana swooped in to get revenge. “I know,” he agreed quietly. 

Thankfully it was only that one fleeting moment that Hanzo had a difficult time with his hands, the gaming came back to him more through each hour they played. 

Lúcio knocked on the door and cracked it open when Hana yelled for him to enter, “Hey!” he said as he and Hanzo met eyes, “Was wondering if I could hang with you guys?” 

“I do not mind,” 

“Samesies, take a seat!” 

Lúcio sat in the beanbag Hana had left vacant for her bed and cracked open a soda. “Have you seen the new level they’re going to release next month?”

“Ya!” Hana replied excitedly, “the jungle looks  _ so _ intense! Like, did you see the objective points? The one on the canopy is gonna be so sweet,” 

“No kidding! But man, is it gonna be hard to not fall off it,”

“Right? They gave such little clearance around the point for anyone else  _ but _ the team to fall off. It’ll be so fun,”

Hanzo interrupted, “Is this level going to be for Fury?” 

“Yeah,” Lúcio answered, “They released a new level like...a few months ago? They do it every-so often to keep players interested,” 

“How old is this game?” 

“Only about a year and a half,” Hana answered this time, “but with so many games to play who has time to play just one?” 

Hanzo laughed and sniped a final blow on a tank across the field, “I will take one at a time, thank you,” 

Hana and Lúcio joined him and the latter said, “Probably a good idea,” 

Another hour or so had went by and Hana asked Hanzo, “How is it going with Genji?”

Having been caught off guard Hanzo missed his target and got killed in the process, he wasn’t sure how comfortable he was talking about Genji in front of Lúcio, he wasn’t sure how much he trusted him so he kept it minimal, “Difficult,” 

“I know it’s not really my place, but I told him to back off a little the other day,” said Hana, embarrassment in her voice. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. It’s not my place to address things I know nothing about. I just, I care about you and -”

“It is fine, Hana. It has actually helped, so thank you,” 

The girl was quiet as he let a relieved sigh escape her, “Genji, he’s just, excited, you know? I’ve known him for a couple years and we get along great. He games with us sometimes and he’s overall really chill, he’s wanted to talk to you for a long time,” 

“Hana, it’s fine,” Hanzo reassured, “It is just going to take me a little while longer. Ten years I spent loathing myself for what I did, a week is not going to cure it all. I know it is difficult for my brother and for everyone else here with my presence, but I am… trying my best,” he had stopped playing and Lúcio had turned his attention to him. “I am trying,” 

“I know, Han,” whispered Hana. “We all know you are. You’re here, that’s proof enough,” 

Anxiety was prominent in Hanzo’s chest and he ran a hand through his bangs pushing them out of his face, “Sometimes I just want to run,” he admitted hushedly. “I feel like I should have run in the first place,” 

Hana and Lúcio were at his sides in an instant with concern sprawled across their faces. It was the Brazilian that spoke up, “Running from your problems only makes ‘em worse, it builds on you like sand. At first it’s tolerable, but as time goes on the sand gets heavier and before you know it you can’t breathe and you suffocate. You running away from him again would just make you feel worse,” 

“Then why does it feel like I am still suffocating? The sand, that stupid sand is still choking me!” he threw the controller a couple of feet from him - not enough to do damage - and could feel his innards coiling in on themselves like taut wire. “He is everywhere now, there is no place where I go where he is not,” 

“What can we do to help?” Hana asked putting a comforting hand on his leg. “We want to help, Han, tell us how,” 

The man sighed and looked at Hana pleading with his eyes for her to find some answer for him, “I … do not know,” 

“Then how about this,” she mused and shared a glance with Lúcio, “because we need to make a plan with you, when you start to freak out like this,” 

“A plan?”

“Yeah, when you start to get too anxious or depressed. Hana and I have already talked about this, but we wanna be your crisis support team, SCT for short. You don’t have to tell us anything, or even do anything, we just want you to come to one of us so we can do anything and everything that we’re able to do in the moment,” 

But Hanzo didn’t even know Lúcio to know that he could trust in this plan, that what Lúcio promised would be kept between the three of them. He would rather it be Jesse than him, only simply because he knew Jesse better than Lúcio. 

But how could Hanzo even refuse such an offer? 

But how could Hanzo even accept such an offer? 

“Hanzo,” it was Hana but he didn’t look up, the anxiety was only worsening. “Han,”

He spoke in a mumble, “How can I, how does…” and then Lúcio had grabbed the earbuds stuck in his hoodie pocket and put them in Hanzo’s ears where soft, calming music thumped into his drums and he was stricken in shock. The tempo was soothing and promising, the Brazilian's hands keeping the buds in place so Hanzo could not withdraw them. 

In a few moments Hanzo’s heart rate had dropped considerably and he was able to focus again. Within the span of five minutes Hanzo had gone from a near-anxiety attack to consciously watching his breathing count. 

“There,” he could read from Lúcio’s lips. Slowly and eventually Lúcio took the earbuds out and laid them on his lap haplessly. With the expression Hanzo gave him he laughed and said, “I’m an audio-medic, the healin’s in my music. I got me some bad anxiety too, bro, and lemme tell you sometimes music is all that can heal it. I built my life around what I love, music, and I can heal with it, too. I made this technology to help myself and others,” Hanzo stared at him disbelieving, “I know we’ve never hungout, man, but I have read your file a million times and I have heard another million stories about you and what you’re like. I just really think what you’ve done with your life is incredible,”

“Incredible?” 

“Not like, um,” Lúcio struggled for the word he was looking for and then snapped his finger, “immeasurable. You’ve struggled through so much but you’re still here and are still fighting even though you can’t see it,” 

Hana chimed in, “Even though you wanted to run, Han, you’re still  _ here _ . With us, in this room, with Genji living just down the hall,”

With a defeated sigh, Hanzo leaned forward and rested his head on Hana’s shoulder, “This sucks,”

Lúcio chuckled a small laugh and Hana patted Hanzo’s head, “I hate to tell you, but it won’t get any easier. It might get harder,” the medic advised. 

“Can you trust us as your team?”

Sighing with thought Hanzo finally answered, “I need to think on it. If that is all right,” 

“All the time you need, Han,” 

 

\---

 

Eight came around quickly and Hanzo walked into the doctor’s office right on the dime. Angela was sat at her desk with a tank top and blonde hair staring back at him. “That you, Hanzo?” she called over her shoulder waggling a pen in her hand. 

“Yes,” he sat where he had been laid before. “Have you been all right?” 

Looking up from her glasses she smiled, “Yes, thank you. It’s been a productive day, yours?” 

“It was okay, I have been nervous about the test results,” he admitted. 

“Ah,” she swiveled to face him, “you have nothing to be nervous about, dear. Your test came back perfect,” she clapped in congratulations and he smiled graciously. “If you just keep an eye on how much you’re straining your fingers for a little while I think everything will continue to be a constant perfect,” 

“That is the news I wanted to hear,” Hanzo looked at the scars on his hands and then back to Angela.

“Well, that was all I had for you, it was just the good news,”

“Quick and easy,”

Angela matched his smile, “Quick and easy,” she repeated. Hanzo left the bed and walked back towards the door, but he turned to the doctor  once more. “Is there something else, Hanzo?” 

“Thank you, Angela. For taking care of my wounds,” with his hands on his sides he bowed to her. “You rebuilt my brother’s body, the burden you must carry for that task and then having to heal my hands, thank you.” 

“Oh, Hanzo,” Angela’s smile was warm and kind, “Genji forgave you, so I have forgiven you, you are a member of this team and so I shall treat you as I would any of them,” 

“I am grateful for your treatment,” 

“I am grateful for your kindness, now go. I have work to do,” she shooed him with her hand in a teasing manner and he snickered at her playful expression. 

Hanzo walked to his room and found a relaxed cowboy leaning against his door with a bottle of brown booze in one hand and two glasses in the other, “I hear we got cause to celebrate,” he drawled. 

The mere notion that Jesse thought to even do something like this made his heart flutter and he couldn’t help the smile that crept on his face, “I believe we do,” he said showing his hands as proof. 

Whistling, Jesse pushed off of the door and got a closer look as Hanzo went to him, “I’d say they’re mighty fine,”

“Please,” Hanzo rolled his eyes, “they are littered with fresh scars,”

“Maybe I got a thing for scars, you don’t know that,” he tried to look offended but couldn’t keep the face. 

“If you did it would not surprise me. And, that is not a weird kink, I would think it normal,” Hanzo opened his door allowing Jesse to enter. 

“Damn, thought I might freak ya out,”

“Just because I am stoic does not mean I do not like things. You make it seem like I am vanilla,” he watched Jesse take a seat on his bed - his shoes were kicked off moments before - and open the bottle of alcohol with the glasses balances on the mattress. “If that spills I will not forgive you,” 

“And you said you weren’t vanilla, what’s life without a lil spice?” he chuckled and poured the drinks, his free hand holding Hanzo’s out for him. 

Hanzo took it and rose a brow at the man while he sat in front of him, “There is a difference between liking scars on someone and having whiskey soaked into my bed,” 

With pursed lips and a thoughtful gaze Jesse grunted, “Touche,” he cleared his throat, “Now, I got a toast of sorts to say before we drink,” 

“A toast? This is not formal,” 

“Sh, lemme say this,”

Hanzo laughed, “Go ahead,” 

“This toast is in honor of you, Hanzo, and your healed hands. Hands are great, like, they can do a lot and so little. You shoot a bow and arrow like Legolas from Lord of the Rings, and I can shoot a gun. Same body parts but we use ‘em differently, they’re pretty neat, I guess. Anyways, I’m mighty glad they healed fine and you are in good health,” his eyes looked concentrated but he couldn’t stop huffing out small giggles. 

“I do not feel like this is a serious toast,” 

“It’s however you wanna take it,” Jesse shrugged and held up his glass, “but I am glad you’re back one-hundred percent. I hated that I was gone and I keep thinkin’ about it, but, what happened happened and there ain’t nothin’ I can do about it now. I like you a lot, Hanzo, more than I’ve ever liked anyone before. I wanna tear the world apart for you and build a new one around ya,”

“Jesse,” Hanzo was getting a little overwhelmed. 

“No, no, I wanna finish.” Hanzo nodded to let Jesse continue, “I wanna take the sun and make sure all yer days are bright so we can watch it every mornin’ together, and I wanna snatch the stars outta the sky and put ‘em in a jar so nights aren’t so bad for ya. You deserve the world an’ more,” 

Hanzo was speechless. 

“To you,” McCree rose his glass again and Hanzo followed suit. They clinked glasses and both took a sip. 

“Jesse,” 

“Yes, darlin’?” 

Hanzo snickered, “That was….extremely gay,” 

Jesse burst out laughing, “What can I say, you bring the gay out in me,” 

“But, thank you. That was very sweet, and kind. I did not know you were such a poet,” the archer admitted taking a sip of his too-strong whiskey. He hissed as it burned his throat. 

“I’m gonna be honest with ya, Zarya helped me think of it,” Jesse laughed some more behind his glass as he took another drink. 

The fact that Jesse went out of his way to ask someone else to help him floored Hanzo. It was so endearing, not to mention hot, that he sat up and leaned over to close the distance between them. A hand kept him sturdy on the bed between his knees and the cowboy. Their lips brushed carefully at first, cautious if one of them wanted to pull away, but Jesse ran his fingers up along Hanzo’s neck and into the taught hair that was pulled up into its usual style, his lips pressing their kisser closer and a little harder. 

The taste of whiskey was fresh in Jesse’s mouth as Hanzo ran his tongue slowly along the his teeth. The archer’s heart pounded furiously in his chest, he wondered briefly if his ribs would be able to contain the threat of his heart, and hoped they would stay intact. 

“I’m gonna spill this,” the gunslinger smiled against Hanzo’s face and pulled them away as he took another quick sip and leaned over the bed to set his glass on the ground. Hanzo handed him his glass as well so they sat on the floor next to the bottle. “C’mere,” Jesse’s eyes were dark as he pulled at Hanzo’s hips towards him, their mouths meeting again. 

To feel Jesse’s skin and hair and clothes, it had all felt so out of reach before with the gauze preventing any such thing, but now he was grazing his hands under the plaid button-up and felt along a few grooves where scars laid and around to his back. Hanzo was drunk from the feeling of Jesse’s skin against his own, the moans that came from the mouth he kissed made him whimper and lust for more. 

Hanzo wasn’t really about subtlety to things he wanted, so when he began to unbutton Jesse’s shirt the man chuckled in surprise and then helped the archer undo the rest to slip off of his shoulders. 

The sight nearly made Hanzo’s mouth water, his pants were tight against his erect groin, restrained for the moment, and he smoothed his hands over the entire expanse of Jesse’s chest and nipples, over his shoulders and down his sides. Having gone still by Hanzo’s affectionate and laborious motion, Jesse found it hard to breathe under the trance of the archer. Hanzo dipped down and wrapped his mouth around a firm nipple where he teased it lightly with the tip of his tongue, Jesse’s breath hitched as he gasped, “Darlin’,” 

“Lay down,” Hanzo ordered, his voice low. 

McCree did as he was told and allowed Hanzo to straddle him across the hips where their stiff groins met. Their eyes connected and Hanzo kept them locked together as he moved his hips back and forth slowly, his hands resting on the tan stomach of the gunslinger. The sensation was bliss and Hanzo craved more. Rushing down, he let their lips clash in heated passion, Jesse thumbed the waist of Hanzo’s briefs that appeared slightly higher than his pants while his fingers slipped in and past the tight fabric to rest against his ass. 

Hanzo moaned into the kiss and Jesse bit at his bottom lip and pulled it with vigor. “I want you,” Hanzo whispered with their mouths fumbling for domination, his hips digging a little deeper. Jesse thrust up in response, air caught in his throat. 

But Jesse pulled his hands free and placed them on Hanzo’s chest to separate them a couple of inches. The look of dejection on Hanzo’s face made Jesse panic as he fumbled for words, “I want you, too,” he breathed attempting to catch his breath, “but if we do this I... I don’t want it to be a one time thing. I can’t fall for you and then be left on the side of the road. This means somethin’ to me,”

The smile that formed on Hanzo’s lips put a relief on the man’s heart and he relaxed under the archer’s fingers gliding against his cheek, his lips brushing against the other, “It is a promise.” Jesse had never been one for labels before, but with Hanzo he wanted one. Moving his hands from Hanzo’s chest to his hips he grinned against the stubble of the man’s beard. With each delicate kiss he placed a word against his skin, “Boyfriend,” a kiss, “lover,” kiss, “partner,” kiss, “my sunrise,” 

Slipping his fingers beneath Hanzo’s shirt he lifted it up and the man obliged in snaking it over his head where it was then tossed to the side. They kissed sloppily and wet; Jesse sucked on Hanzo’s neck long enough it would leave several marks and Hanzo eagerly let him, he had even risen his neck for the man to get a better range of skin to mark up. 

They kissed like that for a few minutes and took turns laying and sucking bruises on each other's necks and shoulders. With wanting hands Hanzo undid the buckle, button, and zipper to Jesse’s jeans. He allowed the cowboy to do him the same treatment but struggled with the button. They laughed as Hanzo guided his hands to properly release it and Jesse easily slid the pants down his thighs and tugged on the heavily strained briefs after. Without giving Jesse a chance to appreciate his size he forced the man’s jeans and briefs down simultaneously ridding both of them of all fabric restrictions. 

Hanzo had guessed that Jesse had a pretty good sized cock, but as he leaned down to kiss the length inch by inch he found that it was a third larger than he had pictured in his head. The noise he elicited from Jesse then made him dizzy. With another loud moan he sucked on the head of Jesse’s dick lapping his tongue over the top and across the slit and then releasing his mouth with a pop. He grasped the end of Jesse’s shaft and wrapped his lips across the length again taking more of Jesse into his mouth. With a slow progression he began a steady pace that had Jesse writhing and moaning and cursing; his hands grabbed at the comforter beneath him desperately. 

Watching Jesse become a mumbling mess did many things to Hanzo and his cock budded precum just at the sounds. Jesse cursed loudly as Hanzo released himself and wiped at his mouth before kissing the man’s swollen lips. “I want you inside me,” Hanzo breathed moving to Jesse’s ear where he nibbled on his lobe, their cocks rubbing against one another. 

“Fuck, Hanzo,” Jesse exhaled and peppered soft kisses down his neck. 

“Is that a yes?” 

“It’s a ‘hell fuckin’ yes’,” 

“Hm, are you sure?” 

Jesse chuckled, “ _ Yes _ , Hanzo,” 

Retrieving a condom from the table next to his bed - he had prepared for this a couple of days ago - and the small bottle of lube he was able to get from Angela he quickly and swiftly switched their positions. Hanzo spread his legs so Jesse could situate himself between them but Jesse did not move as he rested on his knees. “Is something wrong?” Hanzo asked worriedly. 

“No,” Jesse shook his head, a stupid grin on his face, “I just can’t believe the most beautiful human bein’ on this stupid planet wants  _ me  _ to fuck him,” 

Hanzo’s brain went stupid and the butterflies in his stomach hitched high into his throat as his heart pounded in his ear. It shouldn’t have sounded so romantic, but Jesse had a way with saying things that turned his insides into mush. “Beautiful,” he repeated softly. 

Finally filling the vacancy between his legs Jesse pressed a hand on each side of the man pinning him there while he pressed their lips together. “Gorgeous,” with the tip of his tongue he trailed it down Hanzo’s neck and then onto his chest, “Angelic,” and as he licked delicate circles around his chest his non-mechanical arm found Hanzo’s cock and followed it down until he could feel the tight entrance that awaited him. With ease he slid a finger inside and shuddered at how tight and warm Hanzo was. A moan escaped the archer’s throat, urging him on. 

Quickly Jesse removed his finger and grabbed the lube to slick up the rest of his fingers and then retook his position. A second finger was added and Hanzo shivered beneath him, his fingers clawing at his shoulders for more. With gentle movement Jesse slid the two in an even rhythm  until Hanzo had relaxed a little more. 

Between Jesse’s tongue on his chest and his fingers in his ass, Hanzo could easily come if he wanted to, but he held off as a third finger slid in with the others, the stretch bringing waves of pleasure through his spine. Unintentionally he had bucked up his hips in response to the delicious pace Jesse kept, but the gunslinger had much more to offer than just fingers. 

Sliding his fingers out and away, Jesse paused the intimacy to slip on the condom Hanzo had provided for him and then slicked himself up with a generous amount of lube. Jesse once more took position over Hanzo, his mechanical hand lined up his cock to enter without fail. 

With a shuddering breath Hanzo spoke, “I want to watch you, I want to watch your face,” 

Moaning with anticipation Jesse kissed Hanzo, “Anythin’ you want, darlin’,” he growled out. With ease he slowly pushed his way inside of Hanzo, the tightness overwhelmed him and he moaned loudly and without shame. Hanzo was struggling to watch and to not roll his eyes into the back of his head because the expression on Jesse’s face turned him inside out, his cock somehow getting even harder. “Fuck, you okay?” 

“Yes,” Hanzo exhaled, “yes, Jesse,” Jesse started out slow watching Hanzo’s face for any sort of pain, but the archer showed no sign of agony, and as if the man read his mind he said, “Faster, cowboy,” 

Jesse easily obliged and fastened his pace, the response from Hanzo igniting every fire he had within himself. Only within a few minutes he found himself getting close and he cursed under his breath at how short he was able to take this. “Han-Hanzo, I’m gettin’ real close,” 

“Come inside me,” replied Hanzo, he knew there was a condom there to prevent what he honestly desired, but he didn’t care. Watching Jesse would be enough for him. 

And those words were all it took for Jesse to climax, Hanzo’s name spilling out his mouth like a saint’s name to be blessed. The pure thrill of witnessing Jesse releasing into him drove him to the edge and he dug his nails hard into his partner’s shoulders as he cried out with the gunslinger’s name at every gasp. Jesse pulled himself out of Hanzo after a moment to catch his breath and removed the condom and threw it away. 

When he came back to the bed he crawled next to Hanzo and kissed him with fervor, his partner’s hands weaving themselves into his hair. “I need to write toasts like that more often,” 

Hanzo laughed and stared at the man before him, those glowing eyes piercing his heart over and over again with feelings he didn’t know he was capable of having for another person. “Good speeches always get me riled up,” 

“Damn,” Jesse played along, “I’m not good at this writin’ thing. Zarya is gonna be tired of me buggin’ her real soon and real fast,” 

“And to think I almost liked you for your personality and good looks,” teased Hanzo. 

“I’m not good. Not bad. But I sure as hell ain’t ugly,” 

“I never said you were not good nor bad, but you have a point,” 

“Honey-bear, have you seen my face? My eyes? My toned muscles? I am the definition of ‘good looks’,” 

Hanzo sat up pretending like he was going to leave, a shit-eating grin on his face, “I guess all of those compliments towards my appearance were false then, since I am in no competition to you,” 

“Aw, c’mon!” Jesse laughed pulling Hanzo back, “I’m talkin’ ‘bout us mortals here, you’re no mortal, darlin’, you’re an angel,” 

“If you were not so devilishly handsome I would say that that is a cheesy line,” Hanzo chuckled, “but I suppose it will do to keep me here,” 

“Good, or I would’a had to tie you up,”

“Hm, an interesting proposal,” Hanzo moved in and brushed his nose against Jesse’s, “maybe I  _ should _ leave,” 

With a deep kiss Jesse convinced Hanzo to stay put, their mouths hardly parted for the remainder of the evening. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Guys, they finaLLY FRICKED. HA. I have much more planned, too. HEHE.   
> -Happy holidays to each and every one of you! I hope this season has left you with joy and love and promises to make next year even better. <3  
> -Not sure if next week will have a chapter on time or not, I will not be in town.   
> -If there are any additional trigger warnings that I need to add, or there is something culturally/language/character portrayal/geography/etc incorrect please let me know!! I want to fix these things ASAP.  
> -Leave kudos or a comment if you enjoyed the chapter!!
> 
>  
> 
> tumblr: goddesofawesome.tumblr.com  
> twitter: https://twitter.com/GoddesofAwesome
> 
> I will try to post chapters every week.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanzo is getting his first mission with Overwatch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Thank you for being so patient with me. Now that the holidays are over I plan to return to my weekly schedule of chapter posting! c:  
> -As always, thank you for the wonderful kudos and comments!! <3

The canyon was vast and deep, the river that once carved and cut the rock was dry now as vultures ventured high in the sky looking for a fresh meal. The dryness suffocated Jesse as he stood in his attire at the top of the canyon with blistered lips and skin from the brutal sun. His lungs were restricted with each breath, the sweat that absorbed into his clothing was practically drenched and his body ached just from standing in the hot, cruel sun. 

It was not something he wasn’t used to, growing up in New Mexico the sun was extremely unforgiving and he remembered one too many summers where his skin was blistered from the days he worked outside for his mother. They were a long time ago but he remembered them as visibly as he saw reality: his mother sitting on the porch in her rocking chair working on a blanket for the coming winter while he chopped wood in the front yard. This heat, however, was different. 

The years he spent in the Deadlock gang haunted him in his thirties, even in his dreams here at the canyon that overlooked the old cafe near the old hangout it clung to him like death; every time he closes his eyes he can see where a friend of his was killed for missing a shipment they were meant to pickup, Another friend had his knees shattered for not killing a target properly, a friend he watched get his hands severed for grabbing the wrong person’s weapon; he could go on for hours of the friends he had - the people he thought were his friends - die. 

Everything in his being revolted this canyon, this place, the cafe and the hangout nestled in the canyon walls. The heat stifled his thoughts and he stumbled forward attempting to catch what little air he possibly could muster into his lungs but he just suffocated until his toes edged the cliff and rocks crumbled down into the canyon below. The bottom swirled in his vision and made him dizzy, the blood of people he’d killed splattering across the past he was so desperately trying to escape. 

The familiar voice of his old mentor when he first joined Overwatch echoed in his head like the canyon before him, “ _ The way up takes a lot longer than makin’ it down,  _ pendejo _. _ ” Before every mission that could potentially cost them their lives - which was every one of them - he would say that line to his crew that usually contained three or four others. It was a colloquialism for, “Dying is easy, let’s make it a living hell for these guys,” 

Gabriel Reyes had saved him from his Deadlock days, a savior dressed in black with blood covering the front of him as he had slit the throat of another gang member who challenged him. Jesse didn’t know it at the time that Gabe was his savior, but as the days grew into years their relationship went from rocky to friends to family. Gabe had become a father to Jesse and his affection was cold and hard, but Jesse knew what those bitter words really meant and he clung to them like oxygen to his lungs. 

As he fell to his knees on the orange rock beneath him both of his arms came to steady himself, the once mechanical limb that had replaced his left arm stood with flesh and bone ready for the battle that would consume it. 

Gasping for his breath once more spots decorated the corners of his vision and the canyon began to crumble under his weight. The warmth consumed him and devoured his insides and his skin felt as if it was going to boil away. He screamed in agony while his body fell from the canyon top, the fall taking the rest of what consciousness he had left. 

The air whipped his clothes, his hair forced out of his face. Each millisecond that he fell a part of his body dissolved with the fall. It began at his feet and slowly moved up his legs, and just before he hit a rock jutting out from the canyon wall, he rose from the bed in Hanzo’s room with a pained yell while the dark consumed the room. 

Hanzo was not in the bed but rose from the floor at the foot in a flurry to see what had roused him. Crawling over the bed with haste he pressed a light hand on Jesse’s chest about to tell the man he was okay, but the cowboy reacted in defense and grabbed the archer’s arm pulling it back to strain the shoulder. “Jesse!” Hanzo cried as pain erupted into his neck. “It’s me! Jesse!” 

A full minute had passed and Jesse finally realized that the dream had taken over upon his wake, he released Hanzo’s arm with delicate care and brought his hand to kiss the top of it, “Darlin’,” it came out as a plead. Hanzo did not get angry or hold it against the man, he had woken too many times in the same manner, but instead cupped Jesse’s face in his hands and rubbed his thumbs on his cheekbones in calming circles, “Oh, darlin’,” a shuddered exhale escaped him while he leaned into the touch. 

“It was just a dream, Jesse,” Hanzo whispered with reassurance. “You are fine,” 

“I couldn’t breathe, I was fallin’, I was dyin’,” 

“ _ Koibito _ , you are not dying or falling, you are here with me. You are safe with me,” 

The gunslinger took several deep breaths allowing his hands to rest over Hanzo’s hips. He did not say anything for a little while and when he did ten minutes must have passed, cold sweat now drying against his skin. “I’m sorry I woke ya, sweetheart,” 

“Do not be sorry for a nightmare,” Hanzo moved his fingers gently into Jesse’s hair and wove them back as if brushing it,  “What do you need from me, what can I do to help?” 

“Nothin’, you’re doin’ enough all ready,” 

“Do not tell me ‘nothing’,”

“Just keep lovin’ on me, then. It’s helpin’,” 

Hanzo leaned in and peppered Jesse’s face with kisses wishing they could absorb the fear and anxiety that crippled the man in his sleep, he wished that his fingers could ebb away at the pain, “There is an arcade back home in Hanamura that sat outside of the palace walls,” the man began quietly, “When both Genji and I were younger our father would often give us money to play there. I had no desire to play the games, but Genji could spend hours upon hours without even stopping to eat or drink. I went with him to remind him to do those things, and I loved seeing the joy in Genji’s eyes when we were not at home. One day our father would not allow us to go to the arcade for we had several meetings to attend to, about another gang if I remember correctly, and Genji was so upset that we could not go. I thought it was merely a boy throwing a tantrum, but when I grew older I learned it was his escape from the family duties and responsibilities that tied us down. He had no desire to be a part of it even when we were children, and even though I did not understand it at that time I retrieved Genji late in the evening and snuck us out with some of my saved cash. I remember the hug he gave me when we got outside of the palace walls, it was full of gratitude that I did not understand then that I understand now.” Hanzo placed an affectionate kiss on Jesse’s lips savoring the softness against his own, “The beating I got when I returned home felt worth it and without guilt, the chores I had to endure for one night out without permission served its purpose. As long as Genji was safe and kept unharmed and happy I was content. I would endure as much as our father wished to put onto me as long as he remained untethered. I changed as I grew, I know, but I want to give you what I was able to give to Genji: kindness and joy and affection where it is due,”

“Hanzo,”

“My sunrise, the light that illuminates my world, we may not have an arcade to sate your escape but… if I can be the escapism then I will provide all that I am able,” The eyes that met with Hanzo’s stilled his stomach and his heart skipped a beat. His chest filled with warmth and his face felt hot, Hanzo’s knees even felt a little weak as he sat crouched in front of Jesse. 

“But how, how can you give someone with a past like me such-”

“You have shown me a kindness that I may never be able to repay, Jesse,” Hanzo interrupted, “we both have pasts that are build on death, we cannot forget or escape that. In the short while that I have been here I did not know that I could be shown such affection and to have my feelings reciprocated so genuinely. As promised, as your boyfriend, I will do what I am able. I am at your disposal,” 

“Honey,” Jesse’s voice was so quiet Hanzo almost didn’t hear it. The gunslinger closed the distance between them and kissed the man deeply, his fingers digging into the shirt Hanzo had slipped on a while ago. Hanzo pressed as firmly while he bit on Jesse’s bottom lip and lightly pulled at it. A moan escaped from the cowboy as Hanzo’s hand travelled down Jesse’s neck and firmly held him there. “Honey-bear,” Jesse said breaking them apart, “sweet-pea, can I ask ya somethin’,” 

“Anything you desire,  _ koibito _ ,” Hanzo purred pressing his lips against the bruise-stained neck of his partner. 

Jesse’s face explained that what he’d said was a mistake, “Nevermind, I’ll save it for later. Let’s go back to sleep,” 

“Tell me, Jesse,” 

“Instead of talking ‘bout that I could just give you a little more attention?” 

Chuckling, Hanzo sat up up on his knees so he sat taller than Jesse, “That would be nice, but whatever your question is is just as important,” 

“My nightmare made things a bit too serious, I don’t like serious, I’d rather fuck around and kiss you all over, and I mean  _ all over _ . Sorry I brought it up,” he leaned in and licked a small bruise on Hanzo’s clavicle. 

“I do not want to -  _ oh _ ,” Hanzo shivered when Jesse’s mouth found a suddenly exposed nipple that Jesse had made available to himself. The cowboy maneuvered his hands up Hanzo’s front and the archer held his arms at his sides and clutched his fists while Jesse flicked his tongue in circles. “Jesse, Jesse, no, stop,” he pushed Jesse away only a couple centimeters so he could direct his gaze to his brown eyes. “You can kiss me anywhere you want  _ after _ you tell me what you were going to ask,”

“Stubborn fella, ain’t ya,” 

“The most stubborn,” 

“Just forget about it, really, darlin’,” 

“You wanted to ask me, so ask,” 

“No, I’m serious, let’s just forget it, please,” 

Hanzo frowned, “Jesse,” 

“I don’t like bein’ serious, so let’s just move on,” 

“You have said many serious things to me as of late, we did a serious thing the other night, we are in a relationship which I consider quite important if not serious, and you had a serious dream,” Hanzo pressed and laid his hands on Jesse’s chest. 

“Hanzo,”

“Jesse,”

“ _ Hanzo _ ,”

Hanzo put more space between them and looked at Jesse with stern, direct eyes, “If we do not talk about it now we will talk about it when we wake up,” 

That’s what Jesse had said a few moments ago and he sighed irritated, “Drop it,”

“You are the one that asked me if you could ask-”

“I know I did,” Jesse huffed out a sigh and ran his hands through his hair, “It’s just a little too serious for this moment,” 

“What could possibly be ‘too serious for this moment’?” with a gentle hand Hanzo reached back over and placed it on Jesse’s cheek like he had when he had woken with a startle, “What could I possibly be so shocked at that makes you withdraw your intention?” 

From what Hanzo had heard from the other members of Overwatch was that Jesse wasn’t an crying type of guy. He never cried when he got shot or hurt or was getting surgery, he never shed a tear for some funerals he had to attend to with close friends, and already Hanzo had seen him cry once. Now he was seeing tears build up in Jesse’s eyes once more. The gunslinger ran his hands through his hair once more and then slouched where he sat, “I don’t know how I can go on missions anymore if you ain’t there or if you go and I ain’t there, how am I gonna know that someone is gonna protect you, what if I don’t come back, what if you don’t come back, what if I see you die on the field, or if you see me die on the field,” it was coming out rapidly like gushing water, a single tear left his Deadeye leaving a wet trail down his cheek, “I’ve lost sleep over this the last couple o’ weeks we’ve gotten more intimate, hell even before that, and I can’t stop feelin’ like somethin’ bad is goin’ to happen like it did when you got your hands all cut up,” 

“Oh, Jesse,” 

“I’m just still torn up about that whole thing, I am and I know I can’t change it, but...dammit,” he removed himself from Hanzo to wipe at his face furiously and then looked away from his partner at the dark wall across from the bed. “I worry so much about ya day in and day out, how much I wish I could do more than I’m capable. I wanna take your depression and fuckin’ shoot it in the head and make it go away. I know this ain’t about me, but when Angie told me the news on our way home about what had happened I fell apart, I couldn’t stop cryin’ because I had promised to protect you and to be there when you needed me and I was gone. I know I said that before, too, but,” he exhaled hard and shook his head and held his tongue for a strong moment, “I ain’t scared o’ you, I’m scared of your mental illnesses and what they do  _ to you _ . I’ve talked to Hana a lil’bout this and Lú got involved, but, when I came back and saw yer hands I already knew, I already knew what had happened and I didn’t want to believe the good doctor, you know? Before we started sleepin’ together I would hold my phone thinkin’ of textin’ if you were okay every night and if you needed someone or just some company, but because I hadn’t been there I keep thinkin’ that you’re gonna disappear on me or not talk to me or disregard me and I hate it, and I can’t even  _ imagine _ what it’s like for you. I keep dreamin’ I’m fallin’ or suffocatin’ because of all this,”

Tentatively, Hanzo took his scarred fingers and moved Jesse’s chin towards himself so they could see eye-to-eye but Jesse was still avoiding eye contact, “I am not going to say that none of things will happen because I do not know the future or what it holds for us, but Jesse, all we can do is live each day as it comes. My depression is manageable most days, my anxiety is a little more difficult to control, but what happened with my breakdown has nothing to do with you being there or not, none of it was or is your fault. We like each other and we want to protect each other, but we can do all of that stuff  _ together _ . If you die I will die, it does not matter if I am physically stable I will mourn to the point of breaking. If you were to go on a mission and do not return home I would be devastated beyond words, as I can imagine you would feel the same. But, we cannot control that as I cannot control when I break. Or when you break. But,” he forced Jesse’s chin up then and he finally looked at Hanzo, “I have lived my life in despair long enough to wake up in pain, and so have you. I want to wake up every morning next to you and see the affection you have for me as I have for you, despite what may happen in the unknowing future,” 

Jesse’s eyes closed and tears fell down his face, “You’re the biggest problem I’ve acquired in a while,” he teased with a small smirk. “Makin’ me care and shit,” 

Hanzo chuckled, “Caring is the worst,”

“Agreed,” 

They shared a small laugh and then Jesse slowly leaned down to rest his head on Hanzo’s shoulder and wrap his arms around the broad waist there. Putting his own arms around the tan man clinging to his being, Hanzo rested his head against Jesse’s letting his hands stroke the scarred skin on his back. It was a companionable silence they shared for a long while. The stars had moved considerably in the sky and the sun was going to rise soon bringing forth a new day, but the rain had started again and clouded the sky and the sun that they would now not be able to see in their morning ritual. Eventually they could hear footsteps pass Hanzo’s door as Mei left her room to go down to start her work promptly at five in the morning. 

A deep voice vibrated without words outside of the room and Mei’s voice responded followed by a laugh. Jack Morrison had returned a few days prior and introduced himself to Hanzo with vibrato the archer would not forget. The man had worn a red visor across his eyes that also covered his mouth down to his chin when he had entered the building soaking wet and carrying an old, tattered army duffle filled with his belongings. Once he removed the mask a large scar crossed over his face with striking blue eyes and thin lips that spoke louder than anticipated. 

He advised he hadn’t slept in four days on his way back to Gibraltar and almost immediately went to his room - his door had no decoration - and slept for then three days. Angela had walked down the hallway and entered his room several times to check him over to make sure he hadn’t taken too many sleeping pills by accident or that he’d died from some injury he passed over as fine. She said he had been known for incidents like that with a lavish story about how  in Overwatch before the fall when he had been shot in the gut and said it was just a small wound he’d gotten by a silly mistake just so he could make sure twenty other soldiers came out alive of a firefight. He later passed out from bleeding out so badly he could no longer keep himself upright. Angela and Ana - an Egyptian woman that specialized in sniping and had extensive medical knowledge - had him on a blood transfusion for two days. Jack still didn’t wake up for week because of the additional surgery he needed. This wasn’t the only or last time he would do something like this. 

So, Angela felt required to enter his room to make sure he wasn’t hiding an injury. 

“Would you like to sleep again?” whispered Hanzo while he wove loving fingers through soft, clean hair. 

“Only if you stay with me and keep the nightmares away,” Jesse replied just as softly. 

“You know I will,” 

They laid together as wrapped and intertwined as they had been in their embrace, the blankets at the foot of the bed forgotten while they shared a single pillow. They shared a gaze until the darkness of the clouds grew a little lighter and Jesse had closed his eyes giving up on staying awake. Hanzo listened to the man’s breathing slow down as sleep claimed his consciousness, the tightness he had held Hanzo with loosened significantly. Once a good time had passed once more Hanzo felt that he could close his own eyes to join his lover in sleep hoping his dreams would take him to their spot so the warmth of the sun could bathe them in its rays of protection. 

 

\---

 

All of those present at Watchpoint: Gibraltar were summoned by Winston into his office where everyone had a chair and a projection file had been set up and displayed on the wall for instruction. 

Hanzo and Jesse did not keep their affection hidden behind doors, so when they sat next to one another and the archer grabbed his partner’s hand to lace in his own no one batted an eye. Genji had feigned tears at his joy at the news of their relationship and said he was going to throw a party for them so gay it would rival Mei and Zarya’s relationship. 

The newest member, Satya Vaswani, had only arrived the previous day with bags under her eyes and hours of information to debrief with Winston and Angela about their current investigations.  A beautiful woman from Utopaea, India with gorgeous hair and even more impressive legs to which she showcased at almost all hours of the day. A prosthetic had replaced her left arm completely up to the shoulder with slick steel. Long, black hair draped down her back in a silk sheet that parted down the middle with a gold-plated maang tikka with a blue gem that sat on her hairline, the same blue painted her holo-gem earrings that hung down to her shoulders that looked as though a small light had been placed in a glass casing. A manipulated and altered ao dai fitted her body seamlessly high on her hips where the fabric hung down to her ankles, the front and back in blue drapes with gold lining; black stockings hugged her thighs and fell into form-fitting heels. 

Hanzo admired her beauty but had not yet spoken or introduced himself to her yet. She had the expression like his own: cold but focused. He wanted to say something to her this early afternoon but she was swept away by Lena with an open file between them, a pen in the English girl’s hand as she went over a few details of the report. 

Jack went up to Winston with a smile on his face and life in his eyes - much different eyes than the ones Hanzo was introduced to days before - and sported a white polo shirt and some black slacks, his visor was left in his room and his hair was slicked back nice and neat. He looked simple and professional and the ape boomed with laughter at whatever the man had said. Hanzo was then curious as to what they just shared. 

Genji and Zenyatta sat in front of his brother and partner and shared a weird joke about some weird frog that had a bump on his head from this and that. Zenyatta laughed like chimes had been installed in his circuitry and Genji smiled with pride at his mentor, the scars bending at his expression. 

Hana took the remaining spot next to Hanzo and told him about a new teaser for the newest level on Fury and that he  _ had _ to see it once the meeting was over, he agreed and Lúcio gave him a thumbs up as he placed himself next to Hana. 

The room crowded with all of the present members and Winston finally cleared his throat to start the meeting, “Hey everyone, as most of you know we have been tracking a lethal drug that has been circulating around southern Europe that has a few connections to Talon. The connections aren’t fully confirmed, but Reaper has been seen at a majority of the locations in which the drug has been spotted or has had reported casualties,” with a clicker Winston changed the slide to an image of a liquid kept tightly in a small vile about the size of a pinky finger, “The U.N. is calling it  _ Shade _ . The liquid comes out dark and is wiped on the back of one’s neck. Symptoms include seizures, hallucination, lung restriction, and paralysis. Not necessarily in that order or. Ninety-five percent of the population that had been drugged have died within several hours of contact. Most of those that have survived have severe brain or nerve damage. It’s mostly seen at clubs and underground parties of the sort, and now that Symmetra has returned with more information we are able to finally go ahead with a dispatch which was cleared by the U.N.. We have a location-” the next slide showed a large warehouse that now housed a trendy, modern club with an elevated glass ceiling. Buildings hugged the perimeter and only left room for small alleyways between them. The street was packed with cars and civilians walking up and down the way. “-the intel that we have been able to gather over the last few months have confirmed that the next big hit for  _ Shade _ will be at the club Ágrio Choró in Ilios, Greece. Hana has put together a team and Jack has come up with a plan,” he stepped aside and Hana jumped up from her seat and skipped to the front. 

“Hey, guys!” she made a heart with her fingers and winked at the group as the ape handed her the clicker. Jack had risen from his seat as well and went to stand militarily at the girl’s side. “This is a  _ huge _ mission and it’s going to take a lot out of us and a lot  _ of _ us. With Talon potentially being involved we cannot take this mission lightly. We’ve been working for almost a year on this baby and it’s time we finally crack it wide open,” she clicked the slide and several faces of the Overwatch team appeared with  _ Offensive <3 _ sprawled at the bottom in Hana’s handwriting. “Jesse, Jack, and Lena are going to be going in undercover as club-goers to take the club at ground level,”  _ Defensive! :o,  _ “This will include Hanzo and Mei taking higher positions to get a better look at what’s happening on the ground,”  _ Tanks >:3 _ , “Me and Zarya will be on the outskirts of the perimeter as backup and to keep our eyes on the doors and the comings and goings of all entrances,”  _ Support ^_^ _ , “Along with the offensive group, Satya is going to be joining them in disguise to be our infiltrator. Going through the backways of the club and creating cameras so Winston and Angela can see everything that’s occurring back on the ship we will be having cloaked. Lú and Zenyatta will be on call in case things happen to go sideways.” 

Jack looked from Hana to the group and began, “In the surrounding city taking care of anything we may leave hanging in the wind Genji and Reinhardt will be on standby. Here are the positions we have mapped out on the blueprints provided by Athena. There are five entrances but only one for guests and paying customers. The other four are for employees in the kitchen and behind the bar and there’s one on the north and south wing for the DJs. There is a small loft that can hold approximately fifteen people which they call the VIP room. This is most likely where one of the Talon members may be at so we have acquired an invitation for Lena to be a part of that small soiree. Jesse and myself will be taking the north and south wings respectively. He and I are going to be looking for suspicious activity or anyone that may be experiencing the oncoming symptoms of  _ Shade _ . Satya will have access to the entirety of the bottom floor where she can place her hardware where she is also going to be disguised as a server. We have gotten her a slot in a shift so she can arrive early and scout the area beforehand. We have the uniform ready to go. Hanzo, you will be on the roof to get an eagle eye’s perspective on everything we see in this facility. The glass panels that connect to the bricks open about forty-five degrees allowing you to be able to get a shot if you need to, Mei will be on the opposite end of the roof to aid you,” a new slide showing the grid of the club and the streets surrounding it where Genji, Reinhardt, and the medics will be stationed.

“We have emergency kits that will be on all of us in case any of us are drugged,” Hana added putting her hands on her hips, all of her weight shifted to one foot. “These epipens are not foolproof and may not even cure all of the side effects we may experience, but it will keep us alive. That’s what matters here. The side effects can come on rather quickly on some, longer on others, and we cannot rely on Lú or Zenyatta in case the place is too packed or they are unable to assist us in that moment. We are all going to be trained on how to use this pen in the very near future before we depart for Greece,” 

Angela cleared her throat and rose her hand to speak, Jack wove a hand so she could take the floor, “I wanted to add quickly that Winston and I will be able to help if things get too out of hand. This mission is going to be incredibly dangerous and we all need to have our wits about us at all times,” 

“That’s a good point,” Jack agreed. “We are leaving for Ilios in ten days. In this time we are going to be running through multiple simulations to ensure our teamwork, coordination, and communication are firm. We cannot risk anything to be left undone or not practiced enough. This will also be a chance for each of you to see and learn each other's styles of fighting so you may get a feel of their rhythm. Body language is important and crucial. If you see that something may be wrong or off on another member call it in immediately. Hana and I will not have insubordination during these simulations. They are expected to be taken as seriously as the real thing no matter how silly you may feel. Our lives are on the line, as well as many others, and this is our job as Overwatch. Some of you may not know each other very well or may not know one another at all, so now is not the time to be shy to your teammates. You don’t have to know every nitty-gritty detail, but know and trust your teammates,”

Hana butted in, “We have the next ten days scheduled out for each of you, as well as ourselves, with only a few moments of private time. Each day is critical until we leave so we must focus and do what we do best,”

“If you have to miss a simulation or a meeting you must have a reason good enough that Angela can validate it for you. Otherwise, get used to getting up at five and staying up until midnight. These next few days are going to be rough,” 

Hanzo had been on missions as tight as this before and he was not worried or intimidated by Jack’s tone and authoritative stance. There was definite respect that Hanzo had for the man and if this mission truly dangerous then he would trust in their encouragement. Especially Hana’s. Looking to his right at Jesse the man looked a little nervous and was chewing on the inside of his cheek, his fingers fidgeted a little on Hanzo’s hand. 

“We’re going to start training today in two hours. This gives you all time to eat lunch and get your gear ready. We’re to meet in Hangar 5, so come ready to work,” Jack finalized. He clapped his hands once and smiled excited, “I’m ready to kick some Talon ass, I hope you guys are too,” 

“Hell yeah!” Lúcio exclaimed raising a fist, one ear had a headphone on playing music. 

“It would be nice to see them dismantled,” Satya said coolly with a sharp grin, her face positively devilish. 

“Yes! Together, my friends, we will crush our enemies!” the German stood up with his chest puffed out and pride on his face. 

Mei and Zarya talked back and forth quietly and then the Russian woman boasted, “Anything that threatens the life of my snowflake will have to meet my fists,” the Chinese woman blushed heavily and batted at her girlfriend shyly whilst giggling.

“Good,” Hana smiled at everyone. “Break!” she jumped on one foot and gave two thumbs up to the group allowing everyone to leave and finish their own business before they got down to the hard stuff. 

Once the office had cleared out Jesse and Hanzo had begun their way to the kitchen where Reinhardt advised he was going to make a “hearty feast”. The cowboy stopped and Hanzo was pulled back from their hands being clasped. “Jesse?” 

“We ain’t gonna be near each other in the place,” he sighed. 

“Come now,” the archer said serenely, “We are all more than capable of handling ourselves. This may be a taxing mission but you and I are very good at what we do, as is everyone else on our team,” 

Closing his eyes and placing his flesh hand on his hip Jesse replied, “I s’pose you’re right,”

“I am always right,” 

Snickering Jesse replied coyly, “Yeah, sure ya are, darlin’,” 

“I am offended,” Hanzo said this like he was being mocked and looked away with a fake pout. “How dare you offend the heir of the Shimada-gumi,” 

“You ain’t heir of nothin’,” Jesse finally laughed, “Maybe the  _ air  _ to my lungs,” 

“Was that,”

“Yes, it was a pun,”  
“I cannot believe I am dating you, willingly,”

“You say that a lot, like I’m forcin’ ya to, sugar, and lemme tell you your poker face ain’t foolin’ no one ‘round here,” they began towards the kitchen once more. 

“Hm,” Hanzo hummed smiling. Genji passed them at his high speed laughing like a maniac as Lúcio chased after him on his skates yelling at the Japanese cyborg to give his property back. Hanzo had not yet talked to his brother and soon the time would come to where he would be forced to. Genji was willing and excited to take things however Hanzo wanted to rebuild their relationship but the eldest wasn’t so sure anymore. His anxiety rose in his chest like a tub that filled with water, slowly and painfully. “Maybe after we eat we could do some exercise of our own before we have to report in,” 

Jesse looked down at his partner with rosy cheeks and a goofy smile on his face, “You say things like that in the open like it ain’t no big deal. You know I will never oppose to alone time with ya,” 

“Good,” his smile went sly as he looked back up at the gunslinger, “As I will be atop the building in our mission I plan on taking that incentive into the bedroom,” 

Choking on his spit Jesse pounded on his chest with his free hand with a face redder than the canyons in which he dreampt of. “Anythin’ you want, honey-bear, I’ll do anythin’ you want me to,” 

They shared a romantic glance and made their way in to help the burling German cook potatoes and sausage, his singing vibrant and excited. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Happy New Years everyone! 2017!!  
> -If there are any additional trigger warnings that I need to add, or there is something culturally/language/character portrayal/geography/etc incorrect please let me know!! I want to fix these things ASAP.  
> Koibito - urban dictionary defines it as "lovers, lifelong partners" Yeah, Hanzo's got it bad.  
> maang tikka - gathered from a few online sources, this is traditinally used as a wedding piece worn by the bride, but in modern days it is used as a fashion statement on runways or at big events. It is also seen in Western fashion. (If this is the wrong term, PLEASE correct me so I may change it! I did my best on trying to locate the name of her headpiece.)  
> ao dai - This is a Vietnamese national costume (according to Wikipedia) that a woman wears with pants beneath it. I had a hard time finding the right name for the dress Symmetra wears so I had to do some of my own research. (Again, if this is wrong, PLEASE correct me so I may change it!)  
> -Leave kudos or a comment if you enjoyed the chapter!!
> 
> A massive thank you to aligheriii for drawing this incredible artwork from chapter 9!! http://aligheriii.tumblr.com/post/155321954585/jesse-yes-darlin-hanzo-snickered-that  
> I literally cried and proceeded to print out the comic to have on my bedside table. 
> 
>  
> 
> tumblr: goddesofawesome.tumblr.com  
> twitter: https://twitter.com/GoddesofAwesome
> 
> I will try to post chapters every week.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team goes to Ilios and things don't go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Shit's gettin' serious n'y'all
> 
> TW: blood, suicidal idealiation/past action/implication, action/blood, gore

The night before the mission Hanzo had finished their training early and went to shower off the sweat he had built up during the last few hours. Instead of using hot water against his skin he let it run cold to cool his warm muscles off, his black hair hung down in a wet sheet. He had been feeling good lately. He was taking his medication everyday, eating full meals, and getting plenty of extracurricular activity. Hell, he’d even had a conversation with Genji:

“Brother,” Hanzo had begun seeing Genji seated at the table alone chewing on some toast while he swiped his free hand over a tablet’s screen. 

Looking up and smiling with awe Genji replied, “Hey! You want something to eat? I can make you some toast and rice,” 

“That...would be most kind,”

The little sparrow nearly leapt out of his seat to do the small task of cooking for his big brother and he hummed in approval showing that he didn’t mind at all, and once the breakfast was prepped he set it before Hanzo and sat back in his seat. “What’s up?” Genji asked with a kind smile. 

“I wanted to apologize for being so distant. Even when we talked last, it seems like too long has gone on without me saying much,” Hanzo admitted grabbing the chopsticks Genji was then handing him. “It is rather difficult for me still,”

“You don’t have to apologize for anything, Hanzo. It has taken me ten years for me to see you, you can take ten years to be my friend if you wish. We have all the time in the world,” 

Staring at his brother’s brown eyes Hanzo knew that ten years was far too long for Genji to wait, even with all of the training on patience he’d had with Zenyatta Hanzo still knew that there was an impatient bone in him still, “How did you become so wise?” 

The question came out of the blue and Genji looked up at the ceiling thinking while he chewed, “Well, it didn’t come overnight, if that’s what you’re asking. It took years. I told you that bit when you were in Angie’s care,” he swallowed, “but it’s not that I became wise, brother, it is simply that I learned that time is irrelevant. Between what you and I had to go through as young adults, twenty-some years to create what you and I both were, it became clear later on in my duration in Nepal that I realized it may take just as long to learn how to be the person I wanted to become,” 

“You took the chance that rebuilding yourself could take twenty years?” Hanzo asked surprised. Young Genji would snap after two weeks. 

“While I was angry at the cyborg body I had inherited I also wanted to live. I’d been given a second chance at life, like Angie had resurrected me from the dead, and despite loathing the body I was in I knew I had to learn to accept it. Suicide was very prevalent for me in the early years. I thought that killing myself may be easier on everyone around me, I thought through multiple plans and had even sought them out a couple of times. But, my cyborg body would not die like it had before. Pills, a noose, cutting veins that no longer existed, it didn’t matter. I couldn’t die. So when Zenyatta came to me with answers I took them,” 

Hanzo hated hearing that Genji had attempted suicide more than once. It hurt his heart like a crushing blow and he slowed his chewing to process that his brother was beyond that now, but he wouldn’t have been in that position if it- “You would not have considered suicide if I had not tried to end your life,” 

“I have come to accept that, as I have accepted that if you hadn’t gone through with your task to kill me things would have gone very differently with the elders. You probably would have been killed. If you ran, they’d hunt you down and kill you then. They would probably kill me as I slept, even in another home they would seek me out. I think that no matter the end-sequence that came to us, this was probably the best outcome. We may both be dead without the chance at redemption,” Genji picked up his cup of orange juice with his metal fingers clanging softly on the glass. 

That had been a word on Hanzo’s mind for the last several years: redemption. What it meant as a word, what it meant for his life and his future. Accepting Jesse’s feelings was the first step, to accept that someone else cared for him so deeply that they wanted the best for him. The cowboy said he wanted to, “ snatch the stars outta the sky and put ‘em in a jar so nights aren’t so bad,”. That line resonated with him a lot, the implications and emotions that it meant, what it meant for Jesse to say them and for Hanzo to hear it. 

Redemption didn’t seem as far as it used to feel but it still felt another lifetime away. Maybe two lifetimes, if he was being honest. Genji was offering it again with open arms and without judgement and Hanzo’s instincts told him to run. 

Again. 

“I see,” Hanzo simply replied not knowing what else to say in the moment, but Genji could see his brother’s expression change and he cocked his head to the side curiously. 

“What’s wrong, Hanzo?” 

“It is always the same things that bother me,” he answered honestly. It wasn’t a lie but it also wasn’t everything Hanzo felt like would spill out of his mouth like poison. Hurting Genji was the last thing he wanted to do, he’d done enough of that in his life. He didn’t want his words to ache the synthetic joints that made up his brother’s cybernetic body. 

“Ah,” Genji nodded seeming to understand. “Things will not get better easily or quickly,” it was a quick summary and he washed it down with the last of his white rice. Genji didn’t know how many times he could say “I have forgiven you” until Hanzo would believe him because it didn’t seem to work that well, like Hanzo didn’t really believe him. 

“Apart from the apology I also wanted to thank you, Genji. Really,” the eldest shared a glance with his younger sibling before concentrating his gaze on the food before him. His chopsticks tapped on his plate briefly and then he set them down to lean back in his chair, “The kindness you have shown me has resonated with me,” 

“You do not have to thank me for being kind to my own kin,” Genji huffed a small laugh and nudged Hanzo in the side with his elbow, “We are past the days of old.  _ I  _ am past them, at least. One of us has to be,” for some reason this elicited a grin from Hanzo, “Maybe it is my time to take the role as the big brother now and make sure you arrive twenty minutes early to every meeting and practice, and to eat every meal of the day, and not to forget to do my chores,” 

Hanzo scoffed with his grin and said, “You may be more qualified than me, yes, but who will make sure our lineage continues on to rule our new empire?” 

Genji thought a moment and then clicked his tongue with an answer, “Well you’ve got a boyfriend all ready so that covers part of it,”

“Genji, please,” Hanzo laughed, “we cannot create children, that is what I meant,”

“You do know that two men don’t have to inseminate a child, right? How old are you? Hello, is my brother home? Or has he gone decrepit and senile?” Genji knocked on his brother’s head lightly and looked up at his face, “Do you know it’s not the nineteenth century? Have you had your brain checked out yet?” 

Hanzo laughed and batted his brother away, “Please, we have only been dating for a short while. It seems inappropriate to think _that_ far into the future,”

“Uh-huh, especially the goo-goo eyes you give him when he’s not looking. You get all weird and doppie like you got struck between the eyes,” 

“Perhaps that is because I like him, Genji. That happens when you start falling for someone,” 

“Ha! So you admit it!”

“To what?” Hanzo asked laughing.

“You’re falling for him, so that means you’re falling _in love_ with him. Like, hardcore, too. Let me tell you though, Jesse looks like a lovesick puppy even when you’re not around,”   
“People date to find a person to live with the rest of their life. They either break up or they get married,” explained Hanzo as he picked his utensils up again to eat some rice. With a mouthful and a gentle hand covering it as he spoke he added, “Jesse and I will either break up or get married, it is simple, really,”

“You’re avoiding the L word, though,”

“It is too early to tell someone you love them after a week and a half of dating. We have not even been on a date outside of the watchpoint yet,”

“So?”

“Genji,”

“What?!”

“ _ Genji _ ,”

The sparrow laughed and Hanzo pushed at his brother’s shoulder, “I do not think I am  _ in  _ love with him yet, but I do know I love him as I love you or Hana,” 

“Ew, you love me? You say it so casually,” 

Hanzo pushed his hand into his brother’s face this time and they both laughed, “Why must you make things so complicated?”

“Someone has to,”

“That is usually my job,” 

“Yeah, well like I said before, it’s my turn to take those complicated things on now,” Genji finished his meal and sat back like his brother had before and rested one arm over the back of the chair casually. “You remember that, yes?” 

“Of course I do,” this seemed to somber Hanzo quickly and his smile disappeared. 

“That also includes you not knowing who you’re  _ in _ love with and who you just love normally. So, it’s my job to investigate on this matter,”

This took Hanzo aback and he looked up with a grin creeping back onto his face, “Which details what, exactly,” 

“Well, obviously, I’ll have to find out if Jesse loves you yet or not,” 

“Do not do that, Genji,”

“Why not? We’re best bros. We’ve known eachother for a long time, he’d probably tell me soon anyways without me doing anything,” 

“Genji, please do not do that,” 

“C’mon, I wanna see him go all stupid like you do! It’s cute,”  _ to finally see you happy. _

“What will I have to do for you to  _ not _ do that?” 

“Oh, we’re bargaining now? Let me think,” they were silent while Hanzo ate and Genji prepared his side of the deal, “All right, I won’t do that if you spar with me today,” 

One of the very things Hanzo had been avoiding in their practices, but tomorrow they were leaving for the mission. How could he say no? “Fine,” he concluded with a defeated chuckle. 

“How mad would you be if I asked Jesse anyways?”

“Extremely,”

“Like...kill-me-dead? Or just a punch-in-the-arm-dead?” Genji looked at him with intense seriousness and Hanzo felt like his stomach was going to plummet out of his body and his heart was going to shatter. And then the sparrow was laughing hysterically, “Brother! You’re so serious!”

After a moment of shock and appal Hanzo began to laugh with him at the well-used humor, “You really should not joke about that,” 

“I have to make you think light of it somehow,” he shrugged. 

It had worked, to Hanzo’s surprise. “I suppose,”

“Plus, how many others can say they’ve been killed before? It makes the joke that much funnier,” 

“Do not push it,” 

“All right, all right,” 

They sparred that evening and Hanzo realized he hadn’t had that much fun in a very long time. The two practiced with their fists only. Hanzo had learned that through the simulations with the team that his brother was incredibly skilled beyond his own knowledge, not that he wasn’t good at his job or anything, but it was impressive and nothing short of making Hanzo a little proud at his younger brother. 

Then the night came and Hanzo was feeling great. Adrenaline was still pumping in his veins and he walked down to the dorms with a granola bar Reinhardt had offered him. He hadn’t seen Jesse much in the day so he when he got to the door and finished his snack he knocked on the metal. 

It took several moments for the door to swing open, but once it did Jesse had a towel around his waist and his hair was sopping wet. With a charming smile he greeted Hanzo, “Hiya, sugar-bug,”

The sight of Jesse’s bare chest that still dripped with water made his mouth go dry and his heart leap in his chest, “Hi,” he replied with a sly smile. 

“Come on in,” Jesse opened the door for the archer to enter. The cowboy slicked back his wet hair and said, “You’re lucky you knocked just then or I wouldn’t have even thought about comin’ out of the shower,” 

“Why’s that?” 

“Too warm and comfortable,” Jesse answered. “Takes a lot for me to get out of the shower for someone,” 

“Even for me?” 

“Especially for you,”

Hanzo gasped and pressed a light hand on Jesse’s chest, “How rude. If anyone is to see you in the shower it should be me,” 

“Yeah, and why’s that?” Jesse’s eyes were hooded and dark, his lips curled in that devilish grin. 

In that moment Hanzo felt his face heat and his heart race, his pants grew tight at his growing desire, “Not only have I already seen you bare, but I also know how to please you,” 

Jesse’s face grew dark under a blush that rose quickly in his tan skin and his expression seemed to tighten with the sudden statement, “I can’t say I disagree with that. In fact, you’re the only one that knows how,” he flirted easily trying to regain his charming composure. 

The hand that Hanzo had placed on Jesse’s chest travelled down and groped around the half-hard cock under the thin towel. A gasp came from the cowboy’s mouth and he slouched closer to Hanzo inching their space together, “Do you really bend to my will so easily?” whispered Hanzo, Jesse’s hands found the archer’s hips and pulled them almost flush against one another. 

“My will ain’t my own when I’m with you,” Jesse confessed as his hot breath washed over Hanzo’s neck, his lips brushing against the skin there. 

Gooseflesh rose on Hanzo’s skin and he palmed Jesse a touch more before releasing them and putting a foot of distance between them. The heart in his chest pounded loudly against his ribs, his mind now only with one objective, “Undress me.” it was firm but not cold, a command only meant for his lover. 

Jesse didn’t falter in his instruction and almost immediately placed his hands under the seam of the man’s shirt, raising it over his head and throwing it onto the floor haplessly. He let his gaze linger on the sculpted chest only inches away from his touch before he began at the sweats that hugged at Hanzo’s hips. With ease he pulled them down with his briefs simultaneously and rested on his knees momentarily to admire the length of his partner, his fingers lingering on the socks and shoes just before removing those, too. 

“I did not say you could stare,” Hanzo put a dangerous finger under Jesse’s chin and pushed it into his skin instructing and pulling him to stand. “Good,” he cooed leaning in and pressing his mouth on Jesse’s parted, chapped lips. Jesse’s hands went to remove the towel from his body but Hanzo grabbed his wrists and shook his head, “How uncouth,” 

Heated and a little breathless Jesse mumbled pleadingly, “Darlin’,” 

With a small amount of force Hanzo pushed Jesse’s wrists to walk in reverse, the bathroom only feet away from them. Navigating the gunslinger through the open doorway into the steamy room he brought Jesse’s hands to his mouth and kissed both of them with focus and intent. Jesse intoxicated him wildly; he possessed Hanzo like a madman. Pushing Jesse to sit on the toilet-lid Hanzo leaned over and turned the shower on, the water almost immediately warm from just having been used, and then moved his lips along the shoulder that led to the mechanical arm. He allowed the cold, metal hand to run along his side. It was the gentlest of touches, a pace that could almost be too slow, and Hanzo knew that the shudder that went through him wasn’t from the chill of Jesse’s prosthetic. 

Hanzo kissed a hickey he had left on Jesse’s shoulder and smoothed it over with his tongue gently. Jesse glowed in the lighting of the bathroom, the darkness of his hair that still dripped in places, the eyes that held promises and words that struck Hanzo like lightning. 

Straddling Jesse where he sat was easy and soft, and when the cowboy nuzzled his head into the crook of his neck and wrapped his arms tightly around his waist Hanzo found it impossible to breathe. Jesse hummed a tune and held Hanzo captive against his embrace. 

With a weightless hand, Hanzo brushed Jesse’s hair out of his face and made his palms comfortable against the scruffy cheeks on the cowboy’s beard so he could look at him properly. The archer held Jesse’s eyes with his and felt so filled with adoration that he felt like he might cry. His chest was full, almost bursting, and knew that if the world did not have Jesse McCree in it, if Hanzo did not have Jesse McCree, the stars surely would not shine as brightly or the sun beam as strong. 

Maybe Genji was right that Hanzo was already in love with Jesse, he didn’t know if what he was feeling was love but he was pretty positive it was. He wanted things from Jesse no one else could provide for him. Not just sex, either. Hanzo felt that he had been lost all of this time because he hadn’t met the gunslinger yet and the world had been waiting very patiently for them to find one another. It was an indescribable feeling that plagued Hanzo’s mind and heart, a feeling that he could only show with actions, perhaps. 

With a genial motion, Hanzo brought Jesse’s lips up to his own and kissed him tenderly, the latter pushing his tongue between their lips so their kiss could deepen. Jesse held Hanzo like he may disappear or leave his grasp, it was the sort of desperate that told the archer Jesse felt the same. 

They kissed until the water steamed too hot and Hanzo had to turn the knob down enough that the water wasn’t going to burn their skin clean off. Standing, Hanzo pulled Jesse with him and disposed of the towel around his waist and the silk ribbon in his hair so they could get into the shower without fault. The water coursed over Hanzo first, the man let it soak his hair completely. Jesse kissed him under the spray of the faucet, neither of them caring where the water came and went, and with the kiss Jesse’s hands found Hanzo’s lower back and pushed them flush against one another, their cocks rubbing needingly together. 

Hanzo’s fingers dug into the nap of his partner’s nape pulling at the hair there, his tongue sliding effortlessly across Jesse’s lips as they parted for air. A small moan escaped the cowboy’s throat and he pressed into Hanzo needing more, Jesse’s hands roamed to the ass that was now slick with water. He massaged Hanzo’s ass firmly in his grasp allowing the cheeks to part now and again, desperate noises escaping from Hanzo. 

Grasping the back of Jesse’s shoulders in his hands Hanzo pushed him against the wall of the shower; Jesse gasped as the sudden chill that ran down his spine from the cool tiles. The shower was small, small enough to comfortably hold one man, but with two it was rather tight. Neither of them minded in the least - Hanzo then got the idea to have Jesse come back to his room one night so they could bathe in the bathtub his dorm was equipped with. 

Reaching down Hanzo stroked Jesse’s cock in his hand slowly, precum already budden at the head of his penis. Moaning achingly, Jesse pushed his head against the wall, his hands rising up Hanzo’s back to tighten on the skin there.

“Turn around,” Hanzo breathed hotly against Jesse’s neck and the man did as he was told, the steam from the water making both of them feel overheated. With his erect cock, Hanzo rubbed it between Jesse’s cheeks eliciting groans from both men. 

Jesse begged against the shower wall, his voice trailing to his lover, “Bareback me,”

It was insanely arousing how much Hanzo wanted to do that and that Jesse wished it upon him, but his sane-mind told him how dangerous anal sex could be without a condom, or lube for that matter, and he hesitated a moment before replying, “It will only take me a mere moment to get both items,”

“No,” Jesse begged helplessly with a loud whine, “I want you to come in me, darlin’, I like it rough,” 

Soft, caring hands rode up the gunslinger’s back, “You only want this because of the moment,”

Turning to face him, Jesse draped his arms over Hanzo’s shoulders with a cocky grin, “Even in sex I know what I want, honey-bear, and what I want is you to rip me apart,” with a tantalizing tongue Jesse slicked it along Hanzo’s jugular, “Please,”

Hanzo turned it over in his mind for a couple of agonizing minutes while his partner’s mouth lavished over his neck, “If you know that it is what you want then I will not deny you of such a request,” 

Turning his back to the archer once more Jesse placed his hands against the shower wall like a convict, “Ravish me, darlin’,” he growled low and husky. 

With renewed vigor Hanzo forced a couple fingers into the gunslinger’s mouth to slick them up, his other hand circling around Jesse’s entrance teasingly. The tongue wrapped around his digits with focus, a moan vibrating up his throat and into Hanzo’s hand. When they were good enough for the archer he removed them with a complaint from Jesse and pushed a finger into his entrance without care. 

“Lordy,” Jesse gasped, his head leaning against the wall. A second finger trailed behind and almost immediately Hanzo began to scissor him not allowing him to stretch appropriately. A strong groan approved of Hanzo’s action. As the third and final finger joined the other two Jesse’s voice was a nonstop trail of curses and praise, Hanzo only saw it fitting that he remove them free of the entrance to torture and acquire some much-needed begging. “Tear me apart,” he begged weakly looking over his shoulder just enough to see his lover’s face. 

Lining himself up to Jesse’s entrance Hanzo slowly began inside, a strong gasp wracking his body. There was nothing better than having Jesse wrapped around his hard, weeping cock. No one had ever taken him as Jesse has, the way Jesse backed up to try and gather more into him, how he pleaded so he would hurt in the morning, that sometimes he wanted Hanzo to drag his fingers against his back so hard they left red trails on his freckled, tan skin. 

Once Hanzo had pushed himself in fully he wrapped his arms up Jesse’s waist and held him at his shoulders, his teeth biting at the shoulder blade that yearned for marks. Both of them took a sweltering juncture to catch their breath before proceeding. It began as an easy and slow pace, the dryness somehow not too painful for either men - the water in the shower helped, but it was nothing like what lube could provide - and slowly built to grunts and cries of pleasure as Hanzo gave Jesse the roughness that he desired. 

The slapping of their skin filled the room with their euphoric sounds. Hanzo’s nails dug into Jesse’s sides as leverage and felt his abdomen coil tightly threatening an orgasm, “Jesse, I’m…” words escaped him as his pounding continued, Jesse’s moans confirming he was not far behind.

“Babe, come - come inside me,” the cowboy begged shamelessly. 

The thought of spilling inside of Jesse drove Hanzo to the edge quickly and he called out Jesse’s name heavily as he came with a shudder so hard he thought he’d died and gone to heaven. The man under him cried out and spilled himself against the wall in long, wet streaks, his mouth trembling with Hanzo’s name. 

They stood there until they were both past their orgasms and Hanzo slowly pulled out of Jesse, his cum trailing out of the man’s entrance in a string. Turning around to face Hanzo he cupped his face in his calloused hands and kissed him passionately and hard, their lips clashing in a loving battle. 

“I was not too rough, was I?” Hanzo breathed breaking their mouths apart.

“You were perfect, darlin’, you’re always perfect,” Jesse praised with a kind smile. “You’re so good to me,”

Hanzo pawed at Jesse’s torso and sides, relaxing into his frame, “Because you possess me I feel that I cannot control myself with you,”

“Anythin’ but that,” Jesse defended with a huff. “With the mission startin’ tomorrow we’re gonna hav’ta refrain from foolin’ around,” 

Hanzo chuckled against the man’s chest, “In such a club as the one we will be scouting, I would assume that any sort of lewd action we took would be easily looked over,” 

“Now, don’t get me all excited we could get frisky in public,”

“Is it something you want?” 

“Somethin’ I want but not when our lives are in jeopardy,” 

“I think we can arrange that at some point,” Hanzo promised. 

“Boy, howdy,” Jesse shivered just thinking about it, “I’m gonna get all riled up,”

“Somewhere crowded with dim lights and loud music, me on my knees in front of you…” Hanzo trailed off and watched Jesse’s dick stiffen at the idea. “But you would not be able to make a sound, people would notice and stare,” 

“R-right,” never in his life could one person get him as wound up as Hanzo could, and then to satisfy him beyond anything he’d experienced before. It was addicting for Jesse, he wanted to be drenched in Hanzo at all times of the day. 

They kissed and began another session that ended all too quickly once more, the water would soon begin to run much cooler than either of them would like. After their romp they bathed properly and wiped the shower wall where Jesse had sullied it and left the bathroom to dry off and change into clean clothing. 

The time was finally get late, late enough that the two men had to saunter over to the bed and wiggle under the covers for sleep. Their alarm was set for four-thirty A.M. and would mean a two-and-a-half-hour hoverplane flight to Ilios.

 

\---

Reinhardt was too loud in the kitchen while everyone came in to grab coffee or something quick to eat, Hanzo sat up on the helipad as Jack made sure everything was ready. It was peaceful up there with the sounds of the engine idling and the ocean crashing below them. The rain had stopped for a small increment of time and allowed a few other members to come out and enjoy the dry weather before they were piled into the plane. 

Pharah waved to the crew as they departed the watchpoint, her short hair whipping furiously as the hoverplane began on its journey. 

\---

 

The rain wouldn’t follow them to Greece until the late evening when the teams were dispatched to their appropriate locations. Pouring from the heavens like a personal grudge, the rain showered Hanzo and drenched him to the bone, nothing on him remained dry. 

Crouched on the glass roof Hanzo stayed in the shadow as he ran his precision-like gaze over the crowd that partied on the ground. Stormbow was at his side with an arrow nocked on the string but it was not pulled back. Because of the unfortunate weather the windows were not able to be cracked or opened as the crew had initially planned, so Hanzo was simply prepared for any exterior threats mostly. If something drew his attention inside he could easily prop the window open and blow his cover while taking out an enemy, which was something he might actually have to do given the circumstances. 

Neon lights of many colors danced around the room as the DJ played a song that vibrated the whole building, a couple of spotlights from the small stage swept through the crowd at random beats to the song, and the bar on the back wall was dimly illuminated for those that wanted a drink. 

It was difficult at first to locate the ground members, but once he spotted shredded tank top Jesse wor, Lena’s bright, pink skirt in the VIP section, and Jack’s silvery shirt he felt more at ease. Satya passed by Jesse in her uniform and did nothing more than give him a drink - whiskey probably - before mumbling something very discreetly to him and then leaving.

The com in Hanzo’s ear buzzed and his boyfriend’s voice came over, “Symmetra has everything in position, the offensive team is at the ready and we’re scoutin’,” 

“Copy that,” Winston answered, the tapping of his fingers on a keyboard soft in the background. 

“Defense in position,” Hana stated.

“Copy that,”

“Reinhardt and I are in position,”

“Copy that,” 

“I have a clear visual, I am in position,” Hanzo added.

“Copy that,”

Mei chimed in, her voice low, “I am ready for a blizzard,” 

“Copy that. Angela and I are geared up and ready to dispatch if we are needed,” 

Various team members answered with, “Copy,”, “Copy that,” and Jesse’s, “Roger,” 

A doorbell-like ding pinged on Hanzo’s com - the private line he and Jesse set up to ease the cowboy’s anxiety - and the archer tapped it to reply, “Everything okay, Jesse?” 

“So far so good. How ‘bout you?” 

“Negative threats,”

A small sigh of relief, “Keep me informed,”

“Every half hour, I know,” a small smile crept on Hanzo’s face. 

“Don’t be teasin’ me like that,” Jesse huffed a chuckle, “you know I’m serious about this,” 

“I know, love. Now, get to work,” 

“Yes, sir,” their line went void. 

It took an hour for anything suspicious to be reported in. Satya was punching in an order and secretly talking into her com, “A group of people just came in the back with only one bag. I counted four of them but there may be more. One of the employees asked them how they got in the backdoor, a tall woman said they had ‘special access’.” 

Angela had taken over in Winston’s place, “I copy. Please confirm a headcount,”

“Confirmed,” Satya moved from the bar and away, her line going quiet. 

“Mei,” Angela began, “move your position to the back of the warehouse and give me feedback on the activity there,”

“Yes, ma’am,” the Chinese woman replied happily. 

“Hanzo, do you see any activity on your end?” 

“Negative,” Hanzo answered, the rain still pouring heavily. 

The com went silent for a little while longer until Satya finally called in, “Six people. Four women and two men, they are all dressed like the party goers here but they all have an orange bracelet on. It looks large enough to hold a vile of  _ Shade _ , so be careful,” 

“I copy,” Angela typed furiously and added, “Camera three has spotted two of them, Jesse head towards the stage, Jack meet him there to corner them there,”

“Roger,”

“Copy,” 

Hanzo watched as people moved about with their instruction, the club’s song changing to something deep with a hard bass. The droplets on the glass shook and his arrows clinked against one another with the vibration. 

Lena was schmoozing her way through all of the VIP members that were on the elevated level. She charmed most of them into giving her their number just for the sake of flirting to get intel and information, she danced with one woman who hardly had on any clothes at all. Their mouths moved but Hanzo couldn’t read them from this far up, he hoped she wouldn’t get hurt being alone up there. The VIP selection - a list which the members had gone through with pictures and everything - were seedy people with criminal backgrounds, a couple of them with several homicide cases that could never be charged properly. 

If anything, Lena was far more experienced with group missions than him and had been in the business just as long as he had, if not any amount longer. She knew what she was doing and knew how to manipulate those she needed to talk, but with  _ Shade _ being involved along with the criminals he worried for her a little bit. No, not just her but for everyone on the ground that were exposed to it. 

Fifteen minutes went by and Hanzo checked in on everyone he could see, his vision stopping when it got to Jack. He was against the far wall with his hand over his chest and his head bowed, he practically slammed his hand against the com, “Jack, report,” The man didn’t react to the message and Hanzo took a moment to remember if he set it back to the main line - which it was in - and called again, “I need a healer to check in on Jack. South wall farthest from the stage. His posture is alarming,” 

“Got it,” Lúcio replied and not a moment later the entrance to the club allowed him in and he went to where their captain was located. When Jack and Lúcio were face-to-face Hanzo felt relief only for it to be shattered, “He’s been drugged. I’m about to use his epipen and then I’m escorting him out,” 

“Zarya, when Lúcio and Jack get outside meet at their position and help get Jack safely to the ship,”

“ _ Kopiya _ ,” 

Hanzo began to panic a little and checked on Lena, Satya, and Jesse quickly. All of them seemed fine, if nothing else. Jesse looked like he was on the pursuit of someone, though. Preparing himself to crack the window to fire a shot to help his partner and teammate a deafening sound cracked to Hanzo’s right and a bullet hit his shoulder sending him whirling to the ground in a cry of pain. Stormbow fell to the ground with a  _ clank _ and he struggled to get enough cover to call in his attacker, another bullet hit his abdomen and he fell against the glass hard enough for it to crackle under his weight like cracking ice. 

Gasping for air Hanzo pressed his com on as he continued to try and move out of sight, “I’ve been hit!” he barks into it. A tiny, red light catches his vision on the building north of him about ten stories higher than himself, he curses and as he rolls to the side only for a third bullet to pierce his leg. He wails. 

Voices on the com begin to frantically move into action, Jesse is looking up at the ceiling seeing the darkened figure of Hanzo and the blood that pools beneath him. “I’m goin’ up to assist him!” he calls to the group.

“No!” Angela exclaims, “Keep your position! Hana is on her way to you, Hanzo!” 

The archer was seeing stars: the pain searing like white fire in his skin and his head swam with panic and an alarm to RUN! RUN! RUN! 

Several things happened very quickly: an explosion a block away shook the ground and sent plumes of fire and smoke into the raining night, screams in the neighboring streets shattered the silence that was outside of the club; there was a figure in all black with only their eyes visible, the Shimada-gumi emblem embroidered over the person’s heart, and the butt of their gun meeting with Hanzo’s nose; Genji called in that he’d been hit and was down, unable to move. 

Blood and pain coated Hanzo’s face and his uninjured hand went up to try and protect his face from another incoming attack, but it didn’t matter if he could deflect the attack or not. The figure clutched Hanzo’s gi with one hand and rose him off the ground without breaking a sweat, the blood from his shattered nose gushing like Niagara falls down his chin and onto his assailant’s arms. 

The person spoke in Japanese, their voice eliciting a feminine tone, “ _ You have brought shame to the Shimada name. Now, you will die _ ,” Pointing the gun at the glass ceiling they shot it full of bullets until it shattered and fell to the crowd below, a gust of warm air rising from the dancers. Screams and shouts came from below as civilians were struck with broken shards or now saw the commotion from above - Jesse watched in horror with his hand on his gun. Satya was rushing towards him shouting commands at him to snap him out of it. 

A large, pink beast flew to the roof where the assassin held Hanzo, Hana’s MEKA scaring the perpetrator enough to drop Hanzo and to stumble back, her guns decorating the person’s body with several bullet holes to the chest and gut. 

By the time that Hanzo had hit the ground he had gone unconscious. His body had fallen atop several people and helped soften his fall, but his left arm had been exposed to the cement floor and snapped in several places upon impact. 

“Evacuate! EVACUATE!” Angela was screaming through the com, the pouring of rain and the stomps of Winston in the backdrop. They were coming to assist. “There’s a bomb there! Get out! Everyone get out!” she sounded scared and panicked. 

In a flash of blue Lena was down next to Jesse and Satya as they made their way to retrieve Hanzo, Mei rushing in from the other side to help civilians get out as quickly as possible. She had also pulled the fire alarm which got a very immediate reaction. She began yelling, “BOMB!” to everyone so they would know that this wasn’t a joke, and thankfully most of them listened. It took the inebriated ones a few seconds longer to register this wasn’t a drill. 

But, it didn’t matter. Mei bent down to pick something up on the floor that blinked at her and then immediately pulled her gun out and began to ice it, screaming in the com that it was the explosive. In a mere ten seconds she erected an ice wall about ten feet from the other four and the whole stage exploded around them. 

Fire licked at everything and everyone, smoke billowed dangerously around the infrastructure consuming all sight visibility. No one spoke on the com, it was radio silent. 

Creaking wood collapsed onto the floor and Satya quickly formed a shield to protect those it was about to crush. With a wipe of her other hand the cameras turned into little hydrants and began spouting water at the fire that threatened them. 

“Hanzo,” Jesse pleaded as he looked at a destroyed man. The other people that had been under Hanzo’s fall were helped out by Zenyatta who had rushed in to aide. His hands swung and darted in different directions as he helped heal and get people out to safety. Hanzo did not respond in any manner to the gunslinger. His pulse was hard to find. 

Moving her shield away and allowing the wooden beams to crash to the empty floor space, Satya dashed to Mei who had experiences brute force of the explosion. She didn’t look burned or singed, but blood trickled from the back of her head around her hair like a halo. 

Hana stormed in with her MEKA to hold up parts of the building that continued to fall and kill innocent people hoping to save a few lives by getting them to scramble out. 

A blast from a large gun scattered shrapnel at Jesse and Zenyatta, the human falling back as blood spotted on his shredded tank top and thighs, a few pieces had lodged into his cheek and near his eye, his head hit too hard and he blacked out. The attacker came out of a plumb of smoke and grabbed Zenyatta by his omnic throat and began to crush it with incredible strength, but with a quick motion of his mechanical hand, one of the robot’s orbs surged through the assailant’s stomach and out of the other side, the person crumbling to the floor, dead. 

Winston charged into the club and threw down his shield generator which built a blue bubble around the omnic and the two humans who were down for the count. Satya carried Mei over in her arms into the safety of the shield and looked at the ape for guidance, “Angela went to retrieve Genji, the others are heading back to the ship,” he advised quickly. “I’m going to carry Hanzo and Jesse with me, you others get going!” 

When the team had evacuated the club and began for the hoverplane Angela came over the com, “Genji and Jack are secured. I need a headcount,  _ now _ ,” Everyone began listing themselves off, Winston declaring he had the gunslinger and archer, and she exclaimed, “Good. Now get your asses back here, immediately. We’re flying out of here as soon as the last foot is on the loading dock,”

An explosion further from the warehouse shook the earth once more as the remaining team hauled themselves back to the ship. 

When they arrived, Lena dashed to the cockpit and began flipping switches and igniting the flight-course back to Gibraltar. Winston sat the two down on the ground for Angela and Lúcio to look over as he joined the English woman up in the cockpit. 

Satya carefully laid Mei down next to Zarya and the Russian began cooing to her girlfriend as Symmetra rushed to the medkit to grab some gauze to press against her head wound. 

Angela took one look at Hanzo and gasped, his injuries were truly horrendous. Lúcio began to bandage what he could of Jesse until they arrived home where the shrapnel could be properly disposed of. Zenyatta sat between the two doctors and began a meditation that allowed his orbs to sing: a healing process that would help keep the patients alive.

A long road was still ahead of them, even with Gibraltar only being a couple hours away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -If there are any additional trigger warnings that I need to add, or there is something culturally/language/character portrayal/geography/etc incorrect please let me know!! I want to fix these things ASAP.  
> -Leave kudos or a comment if you enjoyed the chapter!!
> 
> A massive thank you to aligheriii for drawing this incredible artwork from chapter 9!! http://aligheriii.tumblr.com/post/155321954585/jesse-yes-darlin-hanzo-snickered-that  
> I literally cried and proceeded to print out the comic to have on my bedside table.
> 
>  
> 
> tumblr: goddesofawesome.tumblr.com  
> twitter: https://twitter.com/GoddesofAwesome
> 
> I will try to post chapters every week.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Enjoy!
> 
> TW: none

Gabriel Reyes sat on a wooden crate in the poorly lit warehouse Blackwatch was currently taking cover in. With his elbows resting on his legs and his hands dangling and fiddling with a knife, the man’s expression told everyone that he was thinking and they needed to be quiet while he readjusted their mission plans. 

Dirty fingernails picked at the blade, his dark skin blending in with the blackness that threatened them. His dark eyes watched his fingers, the darker scars carving thin lines across his face picking up the tiny amounts of light. 

It was freezing, the snow falling in through the cracks in the high ceiling above, all of their winter gear cut and beaten, some had stains of their own blood that had seeped through the fabric, Jesse’s face black and blue from the fight they barely escaped from. He had a small goatee that was caked in blood from his busted lip, the breath that escaped his lips airy and white; he sat the closest to Gabe and looked over the boss’s face with curiosity and doubt.  

Two of their men were killed only an hour ago and lay dead a quarter of a mile inland, the Russian’s waiting patiently for them to crawl out of their hiding place. Red was strewn across snowy patches from the few enemies they had slain, the bodies now starting to freeze as the temperatures dropped well below freezing. 

“All right,” Gabe’s voice broke the deafening silence with a scratchy, hoarse tone and looked at the remaining four members of his team with potent focus. “This mission is lookin’ pretty serious, as we all saw back there. Since our coms aren’t working we have no choice but to either continue forward or head back with our tails between our fuckin’ legs,” he spun the knife in his hand and sighed. There was so much information that they hadn’t been given about this mission and Gabe was fuming, angry, and sore with the idea that Jack had given him rotten intel on a patrol that was taking lives. If they made it out alive he’d give Jack a piece of his mind with a fist or two. “I don’t know about you guys, but I think I’d like to make it home in one piece,”

Jesse nodded ever so lightly as he watched his mentor’s face with caution, their retreat home now bringing a new burden to the table. 

“We’s gonna get our asses handed to us, boss,” a woman whispered, careful of her words, “What if you’s get fired? This ain’t your prob, how were we’s to know we’d be outnumbered six to one?” 

“We didn’t,” Gabe replied. 

“Exactly, boss. We lost Ackles and Ferenell, we don’t got’s the manpower to take ‘em all out,” 

An olive-toned man spoke up, his Filipino accent thick, “This mission will not compromise Overwatch. I say we leave and come back when we know everything,” 

Reyes nodded looking each of them over. He was glad he didn’t train idiots. They were all speaking very blatant points that anyone could see, but they actually spoke them and that meant something to him. If their lives were on the line they had every right to make a comment and give their opinion, especially when this mission wasn’t as important as others had been in the past. But, Gabe looked to Jesse and rose a brow as if asking, “ _ I want to hear what you have to say, cabron, _ ” 

Exhaling, Jesse bit the inside of his cheek and formulated his thoughts into words, “They all ready know we’re here hidin’. If we take one step outta this compound in their direction they’re gonna mow us down like weeds. It won’t matter how stealthy we try to be, by the time we think of retaliatin’ they’ll have gained twice the amount of troops. We’re dead in here, we’re dead out there, we’re dead if we go home without that damn file. I say we pack it up and wait it out a few hours and run home,”

Gabe knew how deep Jesse was into Blackwatch and for him to say that they needed to flee was such a rarity that the leader blinked a couple of times before registering what he had to say. The man trusted Jesse with his life. In the four years they worked together they had learned to watch for each other’s backs, they were family and it was more important than some file about a weapon that wasn’t even built yet. 

“Anyone else got any other opinion?” No one else had anything to say, “Then it’s settled. Johnson, take the upper beams and use the scope to keep an eye on the enemy’s activity while we get another path cleared out. Flores, you’re going to be on the ground to assist Johnson incase things heat up,” 

“Roger,” the two responded in chorus. 

“Rest of ya are with me,” 

The sun refused to rise and cast through the dark, winter clouds as they acted on their escape. Jesse had taken point in the front as he navigated through parts of the sewer to the next town over. Gabe and Klein were behind him with their weapons at the ready. 

Once the captain had deemed the path clear after an hour of blind navigating, he went to retrieve the two and then climbed back into the depths of the underground maze. 

Their breathing and footfalls were the only sounds that echoed past the occasional dripping water onto the frozen sludge beneath them. A crackle travelled to them and Jesse held up a clenched fist and everyone halted, their guns raised. With a gloved hand Jesse covered the light on his gun to hide their position and carefully leaned around the next corner to see if he could catch a glimpse at anything. 

With a blinding flash the cowboy stumbled back as a shot ricocheted in the tunnels, shards of glass and metal having been packed into a bullet had been shot at Jesse. His face was littered with fresh blood and new puncture wounds. The wounds burned as acid from the shrapnel was absorbed into his skin. 

Johnson and Gabe rushed forward and took the enemy out, heavy boot clatter off in the distance as backup came to the Russian’s aid. “Move!” Gabe barked directing his crew in the other direction. He leaned down and hauled Jesse up to his feet slinging one of his arms around his shoulders, whimpers escaping from between Jesse’s clenched teeth. “I got you, son, c’mon,” 

The two moved through the pipes a little haphazardly behind the three that took point, Jesse’s legs getting weaker with each minute that passed. “Gabe,” he sobbed. 

Looking at the boy held by his own arms Jesse’s face was swollen and pussing, his right eyes was forced shut and bled tears down his face. “We’re almost there, pendejo,”

“Okay,” 

Reyes rushed them to catch up - his crew had found a manhole to escape from. Two of them carefully emerged on top and then used quick hand gestures for the others to follow. Once Klein was halfway up the ladder he pocketed his gun and reached down to help Gabe haul Jesse to the top. 

The cold snow bit them like fire licking their skin, the powder reaching past their knees in the abandoned and destroyed town of Tsvetok - it was lost during the omnic crisis - and began trudging to the nearest building to get Jesse into some cover. 

An old convenience store welcomed them with expired food and drinks, destroyed registers that had been raided years ago, and a few medical supplies that could help tide Jesse over until they got back to their hovership. 

Johnson began pulling the shards from his face as quickly as possible while Klein and Flores grabbed antiseptic to start sanitizing the poisoned skin. Grabbing the sniper that Johnson had wrapped around her body, Gabe gracefully pulled it free and positioned himself at the front of the store towards the manhole that could provide threats. 

Jesse’s limbs shook dangerously as the acid touched his bloodstream, the antiseptic burned his face and he was given a belt to press his teeth into to suppress his screams. With a powerful blast the store to their right exploded in fire and smoke that gulped down the walls of the convenience store. Gabe kept his position and pulled the trigger in three consecutive shots, curses shot with each blow. 

Gabe grunted as a bullet hit his exposed shoulder, his body rolling behind the cover of the remaining countertop, blood seeping out of his jacket. 

Despite his pain, Jesse bellowed, “Gabe! GABE!” 

 

Jesse shot up from his medical bed yelling the man’s name, the dim lights easy on his eyes. “Gabe,” he tried again. Angela rushed into the room and went to turn the machines off from behind the man that were blaring for attention. “Mercy,” 

“Hello, Jesse,” she finally looked at him and greeted the cowboy with a trying smile. “How’re you feeling?” 

Closing his eyes and resting a hand on his chest, Jesse calmed his breathing and laid back against the bed, “I’m okay,” he finalized. 

“I am glad to hear that,” Angela said, her eyes tired from the long hours she was working.  A rocking of turbulence made Jesse realize his waist was buckled into the bed and that everything in the room was bolted down to the floor. “Hoverplane,” he noted. But, it wasn’t their hoverplane. This one was a lot nicer, bigger, roomier; it had everything their little cargo ship didn’t have. 

“Yes,” she confirmed, “Once we were out of Ilios I phoned a friend from the early days about our situation. He sent out a ship to pick us up in England, we’re on our way to New York,” 

“New York?” he hadn’t been in the States in a long time. His face was well known in the south and he hoped that at the hospital he would have anonymity. 

“Yes,”

“Do I know this fella?” 

“I’m not sure you have met, maybe at a gala once or twice,” 

“Gotcha,”

“Want to hear your prognosis?” 

“I guess,” 

“Several lacerations that required minimal stitching, small head injury that gave you a mild concussion,” 

“That don’t sound too bad,”

“Considering, no. With what happened in Ilios all of us will be staying in New York for a short while until we know the watchpoint will be safe to return to,” Angela sat down at the foot of his bed and moved her glasses up into her hair as she rubbed her eyes. 

“What about Fareeha?” Jesse asked alarmed.

“Don’t worry, she’s on her way as we speak. She will be meeting us at the hospital in a few hours,” 

Jesse sighed again, “Good, good. How long til we land?” 

“Only a couple of hours, now,” 

“How’s everyone else doin’?” 

“Some are better than others,”

“Gotcha,” 

“You should rest some more, McCree,”

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to,” he admitted. 

“I can give you a light sedative to help,”

“Anythin’ that’ll get these nightmares to disappear while I’m gettin’ some sleep would be mighty fine,” 

“I will do my best,” she stood with practiced grace and filled a small syringe with medication and then inserted it into his I.V.. “Nightmares are just memories of things that we regret,”

Jesse huffed sarcastically, “Thanks, doc,” 

“I mean that they are just memories. Things of the past.”

“Doesn’t mean that’ll make ‘em go away,”

“I’m aware of that, but the thought can sometimes help rationalize them when you wake up,” 

Jesse didn’t respond because he didn’t want to, he didn’t agree with everything Mercy had to say, but she was a good person morally. They had many disagreements on a whole slue of topics, and more than once they’d gotten so heated with one another that their yelling had involved others to help separate them; they were mostly on a professional-level for conversation nowadays. Anything else besides medical information or his recovery would end in a spat, they were on the same team and he wanted them to stay as friends on the battlefield if nothing else. Hell, he’d even take ‘acquaintance’ just so they could be on the same side. Over time, she’d agreed with him on the matter and so anything else about their intimate lives were kept to themselves unless it came to harm Jesse where she would be obligated to step in. 

Before any awkward silence could settle between them Jesse felt the effects of the medication and he closed his eyes to let himself be dragged under by the dark embrace. 

 

\---

 

Hana was seated next to Winston as they filled out tedious paperwork at the hospital. Angela, Lúcio, and Zenyatta were assisting the medical staff in transferring their few severe patients into proper rooms. Hana had done paperwork with the ape before several times and knew the routine, she had memorized most of the members’ personal identification information just for situations like this. 

Angela’s friend was going to house them in the hotel that was connected to the lower tier of the hospital while they stayed undercover for a brief period of time. He was not present but in China for a project he’d been working on, but that was fine given the hospital was incredibly well staffed. 

The Korean sighed as she finished Jack’s information and reclined in her chair, her hands pulled her ponytail out and then ran her fingers through it to put it back up. None of them had slept or eaten, exhaustion was present in all of them. 

“I think I can handle it from here, Hana. Thank you for your help, as always,” Winston smiled tiredly at the girl, “Only a couple more packets to do,”

“I don’t mind, I can stay if you need me,” 

“Nah, I’ll be fine. Go get some sleep,” 

“I was actually going to go stop by to see the crew upstairs before I went off to my room. Angela said that Genji was awake when we pulled in and I’d like to say hi and try to make him smile a little,” the sleeves of her pink hoodie had been pulled up to her elbows and she now pulled them down to rest on her wrists. Small holes were cut on the cuffs and she stuck her thumbs through them and rested her arms across her lap. “Once you finish in here you should get some sleep, too. We all need it,” 

Winston removed his specs and set them on the desk that separated the two of them, “I know. Once we’re all registered it’ll be a lot smoother to address things,”

Yawning, Hana replied, “Right,” and stood slowly. She had changed into some gray sweats and flip flops when they had some downtime on their way to the United States. “I have my phone on and charged if you need me for anything,”

“Thank you, Hana,”

Hana made a point to stop at the vending machine next to the elevator that would take her to where her friends were and purchased a couple of granola bars and a bottle of water. She pushed the button for the elevator to pick her up and rode it to the wing where the medics of Overwatch were huddled together discussing someone’s file - overhearing she heard it to be Mei’s and that she would be discharged within the day. 

“Hey,” she greeted waving the hand that held the water bottle. Because of the time zones and their travel to the west, they were left in the dark early hours of the day. Clocks around the hospital read it was a little past one in the morning and Hana wondered if going to bed soon would put her on a good sleeping cycle. The three greeted her in kind. “Can I see any of them yet?” 

“Yeah,” Lúcio nodded pointing a gloved hand down the hallway, “We’re occupying this entire wing,”

“Not all of it is being used, though,” Angela added.

“It is for our well being,” Zenyatta held up a notefull finger. 

“Okay,” she looked down the hallway and said, “I’m gonna make a couple stops,” 

“Sure,”

Hana’s first stop was Jesse’s room. She sat next to him for a while just enjoying the quiet with him as he slept. He hadn’t gotten severely injured, to her relief, but he still looked pretty weathered. The next couple of rooms were similar with Mei and Jack. They were asleep in dimmed rooms. She didn’t know if she should say anything to them even when they couldn’t hear her, and so she stayed silent and just sat with them hoping her presence would somehow transfer over to them. 

Jack was a firm, cold man. In Hana’s time of knowing him he had always been like that, but according to Angela he had been a very different person when they met in Overwatch so many years ago. Regardless of him being stern with everything he did, Hana still cared for him like she would a fatherly figure. He knew the answers to almost any question, was there when you needed to blow off some steam or just go shooting with someone. She was worried about him and how  _ Shade _ was going to affect him in the coming future. He was always so strong and confident with everything he did, she wondered how he would react to being told he’d received some neurological damage. Hana felt her stomach hollow at the thought. 

Mei’s room was not barren: Zarya had curled her burling body into a small chair and had a blanket covering her shoulders as she slept on her knees, her head resting against the wall. Hana went over and pulled the blanket up so it wouldn’t fall from her large shoulders, the sound of her sleeping easing Hana’s heart. 

At the foot of the woman’s bed was a list of things they had done. Mei had a portion of her scalp shaved and stapled together from where it had split upon impact and that there was no concussion or damage to her brain. She was just resting now and Hana gripped her hand and squeezed lightly, “You got this.” Mei was strong. She had endured so much already and would continue to endure more, but even when she was faced with the bomb at her feet she saw only to protect those around her. It was noble and honorable, Hana thought as she eventually left the woman’s ward. 

Satya was awake and flipped through a book written in Hindi. Her mechanical arm had been removed and was missing from the room, her other was bandaged around her bicep and elbow, the top of her hand covered in gauze. “Oh, hello,” she greeted looking up as the young girl entered.

“If you’re busy or want to be alone I can leave,” Hana offered pointing a thumb at the door. 

“I don’t mind,” Satya showed a kind smile. “I was happy to hear you came out of the battle unscathed,” 

“I got lucky,” Hana confessed. Her MEKA kept her safe from physical attacks. 

“Even if you are lucky, it still eased my mind. How are you faring mentally?” she closed her magazine and set it to her side, her once perfectly manicured nails lightly chipped on the ends. 

“I should be asking how you’re doing, you’re the one in a bed,” Hana chuckled sitting in the vacant chair next to the bed. 

“I received several burns, nothing that jeopardized my life. I am simply here for evaluation for the next twenty-four hours,” 

With a small smile Hana finally answered the questions, “I’m okay. Tired mostly. Worried a lot. A little nervous about our stay here,” 

“Yes, as am I. Vishkar will not approve of my temporary reassignment here, they even may come to retrieve me. However, I still have work to do and information to give to Winston and Athena before I depart; _if_ I depart,”

“I hope you won’t have to leave,”

“Me, too. I heard that Genji and Hanzo received brutal afflictions. Have you seen either of them yet?” the Indian moved some stray hairs behind her jewelry-vacant ears. 

“I haven’t, not yet. Angie said that Genji’s awake so I’m hoping to say hi to him, Hanzo’s still out though,” she stuffed her hands into the front pockets of her hoodie. There was a desire to talk about what this meant for the Shimada brothers, but this wasn’t a time to talk about work. Satya and Hana had always had an odd relationship, but it was close nonetheless. They both sought fascination in each other’s weapons and skills and bonded over terrible rom-coms, romance novels, and omnic engineering. 

“You killed Hanzo’s assailant, correct?”

“Yeah,” the girl had littered some fifty bullets into the person’s chest. 

“Was he sent to kill him?”

So, Satya wanted to talk shop, “Yeah, I think so. He had a crest on his chest that looks like something I’ve seen in Hanzo’s room. From what Genji’s told me about their past I’m sure their family wants them back or dead,” 

“The probability of either possibility are very high. We will have to do what we can to ensure their safety,” 

Hana rose a brow, “I heard from Lú you haven’t talked to him yet, though,”

“If he is brother to Genji, I have full faith in him. He is a part of our team and his life is as valuable as any of ours,” she defended, “Don’t you agree?”

“Yeah, I do,” 

“Then his protection is vital to Overwatch,” 

With a smirk, Hana replied, “You always know the right things to say, even when it’s virtually a complete stranger,”

“I like to think my intuition is rather astute, my hunches are almost always right,” she twiddled her fingers at Hana and they chuckled together. “I read a review in this magazine about a novel called  _ The Inner Workings _ . Have you heard of it?”

“I haven’t,”

“It’s our kind of book and it is rated highly, perhaps we should give it a try,” 

Hana nodded, “Absolutely. Our library has been rather dry lately,”

“Was that an intentional sexual pun?”

Hana laughed out loud, “Nothing escapes you,”

Satya joined her cackling and held her head up high with a coy smile, “My turrets would detect it,” 

The two women chatted a little longer before Hana excused herself to the cyborg’s room across the hallway. He smiled like the room had lit up and he struggled to sit up to greet her, “Hana!” he exclaimed. His shattered side was littered with wires and plugs and cords that connected a multitude of outlets in computers along the room’s wall. A thousand different sounds and beeps came from the machines. “I’m happy to see you,” 

“You, too,” she went to his side and gripped his remaining hand in hers, “I’m glad you’re still here. I don’t know what I would have done if you’d left us,” 

Genji made a disbelieving noise with his mouth and said, “I’m not that easy to take down. I’m the best assassin in the world, give me  _ some _ credit,” 

“Maybe a little. Like, a centimeter’s worth,” 

“Oh, come on. I’m worth more than that,”

“Keep pushin’ and I’ll make it smaller,” and then a relieved sigh, “How’re you feelin’, Genji?” 

The man shrugged and said, “I’ve been better. I was lucky my two real limbs didn’t get hit,”

“Yeah, I’m glad,” 

“The way the nerves connect to the false ones in the metal are still foreign to get used to. I forget that those two aren’t real. They feel so real and the nerves make it feel that way, too. I thought I had lost them all over again when the explosion went off. I was so scared that I had been transported back in time to…” he looked a little lost and pulled his gaze from Hana and set it on the wall. Swallowing hard he said with a hushed voice, “you know.”

_ The _ incident. Hana knew. “It’s also nice to have prosthetics, though. If you lose one you can just get another,” she attempted to lift the mood. 

“That’s true,” he admitted trying to grin again but failed. “Angela told me all of his diagnoses. I’m heartbroken and scared to think I could have lost my brother. I know it’s silly to still want close relationship to him after everything that happened, but… we used to be so close before everything happened. He was my best friend and helped me with anything that gave me a hard time. He saved my ass more than once from our dad’s wrath. I understand why he’s so distant with me and I get it, but I thought we would have the rest of our lives to figure each other out, you know? If I were to lose him now I don’t think I could go on,” 

“Genji,” Hana whispered squeezing his hand, “remember when you got word that he was going to be at the watchpoint? You told me that life wouldn’t deal those cards without a reason. This world wouldn’t take him away that fast without either of you reconnecting. I still believe that, and I know you do, too. Sure, Hanzo got beat up real bad, but he’s still here. In fact, he’s in the next room over and he’s still breathing,”

Genji let his eyes close  and he sniffled back a few tears, “I can’t help but wonder if this was how he felt when he thought I was dead. How vacant and empty and how painful it all could have been. I still believe what I said was true, but I guess I didn’t think how bad things could get with him being in Overwatch. Both of us in Overwatch,” 

“That’s the risk of being in field work. You take the risk of fighting with your friends and you know that one of you may die in the next fight you go into. It’s never easy to accept or to face when it does happen, but it’s the risk we take in attempting to make the world a little better than when we came into it,” Hana remembered watching an early partner in the Korean Army get shot in the head and fall to the ground. They were like sisters and shared everything, and just that morning they had been joking around like they weren’t about to lose everything in four hours. 

“Hanzo thought he’d lost me, Hana, how can I…” Genji gasped for air and rested his head against the back of his bed trying to blink tears back, “for ten years he thought I was dead. How… why… I just…the pain. The fact that he even came to the watchpoint in the first place, and then he even faced me. After so long of suffering he was still there, he was still putting his doubts aside so I could tell him how I felt. Even after all the shit he put himself through he was still there for me without even realizing he was. I’m so proud of him and I don’t want to lose him again,” 

Hana moved her hands to his face and made him look at her, “You’re  _ not _ going to lose him. You’re catastrophizing because your anxiety is high. Yes, he’s beaten up pretty bad, but like I said earlier, he’s still alive and when he wakes up he’ll be able to see you. I know that you know that Hanzo has stayed for you.” 

“And Jesse,” 

“True, but Jesse was simply there at the right place and the right time. As was I. Would it be so wrong for him to want to stay for more than one reason?” Hana knew that if Hanzo left she would feel hurt. They were close now. “It was another thing on the list that convinced him it was the right decision,” 

After a large inhale and a slow exhale, Genji sat back up and looked at Hana, in Japanese he said, “ _ Thank you _ ,” 

Hana responded in Korean, “ _ You’re welcome _ ,” 

“Can you stay for a little bit?” Genji asked.

“Of course I can,” 

 

\---

 

The next time Jesse woke up he was sore and achy but overall felt better than he had several hours ago. His eyes felt slow as they opened to rest on the sunny day that encased his window in bright light. 

A doctor that he didn’t know came in an hour later - Jesse had let the time pass to collect his thoughts and emotions - and told him that he was going to be discharged within a couple of hours. 

The staff had given him a clean pair of sweats and a shirt along with some slippers while his other clothes and items were cleaned and examined for any traces of  _ Shade _ . “Just take it easy,” a female nurse advised him as he stood and tested standing. 

The first room he visited was Hanzo’s, and despite having seen the man on the floor of the club the image still shocked him. The report on the end of his bed told Jesse that Hanzo received five bullet wounds, a broken arm, nose, and both zygomatic bones. The bullet in his shoulder and chest were at close proximity rather than when he had been sniped and Jesse wondered if the bullets the person shot at the glass panel ricocheted off and hit him. 

Black, blue, and purple composed the majority of Hanzo’s face, a tube held his mouth open as it transferred oxygen to his lungs so he didn’t have to work as hard, and his broken arm was cast and hung out of the way a couple inches from Hanzo’s body; his bullet wounds were stitched, patched, and gauzed. The bullet that had hit his chest was only a few centimeters from some major arteries that would have been life threatening. 

Sitting in the chair at Hanzo’s bedside Jesse didn’t know what to say or to do. Even though Hanzo was in a medicated coma, the hesitation and anxiety still clung to him like a thick fog. 

Finally finding a few words, he leaned forward enough that his wounds didn’t complain and began, “Things like this have always happened to me my whole life. People I care about get hurt doin’ things on the job, sometimes even facin’ death because somethin’ went wrong. I knew I shouldn’t’a been surprised when you got hurt, but I was and still am. Maybe this whole time I’ve just been too infatuated with ya that I forgot somethin’ in the middle. I don’t know,” he scratched the back of his neck and sighed, “Here I am talkin’ about myself when you’re the one layin’ there with a tube down yer throat. I’m sorry this happened to ya, and when you wake up I wanna tell you all this again. I know it wasn’t my fault but I still feel guilty as hell like I set up that hit on you and yer brother. We’ve been movin’ real fast with our relationship and now I think I know why: both of us ain’t had time to enjoy things or people and we’re acin’ like we’re dyin’ tomorrow; clingin’ to one another like we ain’t gonna get another day to kiss. I don’t regret none of it, I really don’t, but we got time, darlin’. We got lots of time.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -So, as it turns out, I still have quite a bit of writing to do for this fic. Lucky for y'all, lol. Still have to resolve the Big Bads (and introduce them?) and get these kids back on the mending trail.   
> -If there are any additional trigger warnings that I need to add, or there is something culturally/language/character portrayal/geography/etc incorrect please let me know!! I want to fix these things ASAP.  
> -Leave kudos or a comment if you enjoyed the chapter!!
> 
> A massive thank you to aligheriii for drawing this incredible artwork from chapter 9!! http://aligheriii.tumblr.com/post/155321954585/jesse-yes-darlin-hanzo-snickered-that
> 
>  
> 
> tumblr: goddesofawesome.tumblr.com  
> twitter: https://twitter.com/GoddesofAwesome
> 
> I will try to post chapters every week.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Thank you guys for being so patient. This chapter was pretty hard to write because it is very close to home, but I think it is well worth it now. I added a little personal message to you guys at the end <3  
> -I hope you all enjoy this chapter that is very close to me. <3
> 
> TW: heavy suicide/ideation/wanting to/etc.

Small etchings of light came through the bare cherry blossom tree, the light was subtle and dim as the stars took over the night sky. The weather could not be felt, but the snow on the ground and what clung to the branches said it was winter. The silence was hard and deafening and hung thickly around him. 

With a slight adjustment the stars began to look chrome, maybe even a bit silvery, they glowed brighter and brighter with a fluorescent twinge that made him squint his eyes shut. The silent hum churned within him making his limbs ache and his heart race. He was choking, suffocating, and no matter how hard he tried to inhale a fist or a gun had been shoved down his throat restricting airflow. His brain told his hands to move but only one of them cooperated and he felt along his mouth and found a mass protruding from it. 

Only one eye opened as he came to, the grasping against the tube setting off several alarms behind his head as his heart rate and pressure climbed rapidly. The Swiss doctor rushed in with Lúcio hot on her heels as they began to take procedure in taking the monstrosity out of his throat. The two fumbled with a few things and then he was sweeping air into his lungs with huge gasps and coughs, the lucid feeling of reality mixed with a declining high from medication surged through his head producing waves of pain to scour through his face and restricted arm. A few pricks of agony came from various locations on his body, but the waves that crashed against his cheeks and nose and eyes and mouth screamed in welcoming him to the living world. 

Hanzo Shimada gasped for breath but found it almost impossible again. There was a splitting eruption on his face and the more he concentrated on it the worse it got. 

He didn’t know he was screaming and that the motion of his face was stretching and bending the dark, horrid bruising across his features. Lúcio prepared an additional pain sedative and waited for Angela to give him the okay to insert it into his I.V.

Angela moved around the man with ease and without worry, her face a stoic statue, while her hands ran across holoscreens and charts. “All right, Lúcio, go ahead,” 

Hanzo thrust his head against the back of his bed and wailed, the pain from his arm colliding with his shoulder and into his spine. “Genji, get out,” Lúcio instructed. 

With temporary prosthetics the other Shimada sibling was standing in the room with fear on his face. His brother’s yelling had summoned him but now that he was here he didn’t know what he was supposed to do. The Brazilian had ushered him out but he didn’t want to, he wanted to be there for Hanzo as much as he could. 

After a moment more the man on the bed began to quiet himself, his one open eye lulling closed as sleep began to take over forcefully. His body relaxed and his muscles went limp, Lúcio sighed with relief and then turned to Genji, “You shouldn’t be out of bed,” 

The cyborg’s armor across his face was bare leaving scarred skin, black hair, and brown eyes to stare at the medics, “Can’t I just stay in here with him?” 

Without looking up from the computer that her hands were typing away at, Angela replied, “Not until you’ve become fully stabilized on your temporary prosthetics, Genji. We talked about this already,” 

Genji wanted to protest but he knew the good doctor was right, “Can’t  _ someone _ stay with him at least?”

With a short side-glance to him and then back to her work, “He won’t know he’s alone,”

It was sort of a backwash sort of remark that made Genji’s face screw up into a scowl, even Lúcio looked a little surprised, “He’s been alone practically his entire life, the most he could have is someone to wake up to.” 

Angela pinched the bridge of her nose turning her full attention onto him now, exhaustion coated the bags under her eyes and the strain of long nights past, “You know as well as I do that leaving him in here alone is not what I would like to have, but with this case now blown out of the water and the UN taking press conferences with Winston and myself all hands are needed on deck to sift through hundreds of files and holorecords from the night of the attack. Everyone who is able has a job, and right now yours is to rest in  _ your _ bed,” 

Genji was upset and hesitated to leave. He wanted to defend his brother and to request that someone’s job change so Hanzo  was not alone once more, or to give him something productive to do besides lay on his bed connected to a dozen machines while reruns of bad telenova shows play on the tiny television above the door to his room. 

It had been a full seven days that they’d been at the hospital in New York and he was more than antsy. Everyone else had been discharged except the Shimada siblings and he hated it. He hated knowing that in the room next door his brother suffered in a deep sleep without anyone there to help guide him. 

It was a little bit of a stretch for Genji to think that way, but what Angela said was law and slowly the man left the room and went back to his own where he began to insert cords back into their rightful places. Lúcio joined him seconds later to help with the reconnection. “Don’t be too hard on her,” he mumbled. “She’s been running off of bad coffee and a couple hours of sleep here and there,” 

“I know,” Genji admitted sitting on the bed once more. He didn’t add to his statement or say anything more as the Brazilian finished up and left the room to the cyborg. 

 

\---

 

Hanzo awoke much smoother a few days later. The Swiss doctor had kept him in a medicated coma until some of the major swelling had decreased on the man’s face and the pain wouldn’t be  _ as _ prominent as it would be now. Sure, Hanzo was going to feel the agony still, but this time Angela hoped the medication she had changed for his pain would bring him about more calmly. 

Only one bruised, black and blue eye squinted open and adjusted to the lighting of the room, his mouth opened slowly a couple of times as his tongue wet his lips and the insides of his cheeks. With slow realization at the ache that crept its way into his awareness his eye closed and he exhaled out of his mouth sharply - his nose was not capable or repaired enough to have air through it just yet. One more surgery was still left to fix the remaining tissue that kept a stubborn attitude. 

“Hello, Hanzo,” the woman greeted soothingly and gentle. 

Slowly but surely Hanzo looked over to her with a pained gaze, “Hello,” his voice was hoarse from disuse and felt like sandpaper along his throat. 

“We’re in a hospital in America right now. New York. You suffered several injuries and have been out for about two weeks, moreorless,”

It was short and straight to the point, but Hanzo’s drugged mind had questions, “Is everyone all right?”  
“Yes. Minor injuries here and there, nothing fatal. Genji is still in the ward, he’s in the room next to yours,” 

Worry, “What happened?” 

“There was an explosion a block or so from the club that took out two of his prosthetic limbs,” Curt and to the point. 

More of Genji’s body had been removed. Hanzo’s shame swept in from the depths of his mind and taunted him with stumbling back down into the rabbit hole. Hanzo knew where those thoughts would lead and what it would entail, so he entertained it in the backside as Angela continued to tell him things. 

“Jesse and Hana have been dying to come see you, once they are done with their meetings tonight I shall let them know if that’s something you would be interested in?” 

Hanzo looked up with his bruised eye, he had forgotten she was still talking to him, “I would like that,” he confirmed and she scribbled a few things down, but he added. “I am a liability, it would seem,” 

“Not a liability, Hanzo, far from it. All of us get wounded on missions, sometimes not. Some of us, a few I could easily name, always come back with a scratch or two that needs my attention,” she imitated Jesse’s cigarillo and it brought a small smile to his face, though it ached his cheeks. “You just happened to get some rather rotten luck on your first mission with Overwatch, that’s all, dove,” 

The man mused on it as she left him with a glass of water with a long straw and a button if he needed anything from her while she went and grabbed his dinner. 

Hanzo knew, though. This was it for him. 

Breaking a limb is no easy fix and Hanzo was already doing the math at the recovery time alongside the amount of time it would take for physical therapy to take effect. So far he was looking at some four-odd months. He wouldn’t be able to do anything for the team while he was like this, disabled, broken. 

He sat there staring at nothing as his mind became clearer with each half hour that went by. Hanzo had noticed three things: 1. His depression was extremely high and in a very dangerous zone. 2. The pain in his body had resolved him to lying still, any such movement made it hard to breathe. And 3rd, panic about his position with Overwatch danced in the background of his mind and he could no longer ignore it. 

Sitting there with this easy summary of things, Hanzo needed something to get his mind out of this place, he needed booze or drugs or a good smoke, and just as he was about to press the Call button the omnic monk floated in with a raised hand in greeting, “Greetings,” his voice chimed joyously, his facial expression never changing. “I wanted to offer you my services,”

“With what,”

“I shall demonstrate,” Zenyatta hovered over next to the bed and sat close to the floor. With two raised hands he posed them in a particular manner and then the orbs around his body began to slowly circulate around the omnic. Every few seconds an orb would spring up with a beautiful sound and illuminate a symbol just above it for a mere moment. The orbs circulated and sang like this for a while and Hanzo had contented himself on lying back and concentrating on the sounds they made together. It wasn’t really a song, no, it was a hum that he’d maybe heard Jesse hum in the shower when he got ready in the morning, or maybe it was a hum Hana would chew on when they gamed; either way it brought him comfort and for that he was extremely grateful. 

As he opened his one eye Zenyatta was now gone and had been replaced with his brother who sat in a chair instead of the floor. The two limbs that were severed from his body were opaque in color and the size was just off in some places. Wires wrapped around to a tall pole that was used to hold bags of fluid but now held a small computer with every port and outlet used. Different noises came from him now that the temporary limbs buzzed with separate control modules and hard drives. It didn’t seem to bother Genji in the least, instead he looked rather pleased with himself. 

“Genji,” Hanzo croaked out. He cleared his throat with a sour attempt at regaining his normal voice. 

Looking up from his hands - maybe something had been written on them? - he met his brother’s greeting with a smile, “I am glad to see you awake,” 

“I am glad to see you alive,” 

They shared a comfortable grin, “The news is going crazy over the attack in Ilios. They have film from people’s phones of the team doing heroic things to get the building evacuated. The UN isn’t even mad at us that the mission failed, they want to make us heros.”

Hanzo had never been a hero before, not once in his life had he done something he was told that hadn’t involved assassination or murder. He was sure that whatever footage they had of him specifically wouldn’t show much at all, maybe when he fell, but there was nothing _heroic_ that Hanzo had done “Is that so,” was all he could find to say. 

Genji frowned, “You were a part of the team, brother, you are a hero too,”

Hanzo darted a hurt glance at his sibling speaking in Japanese, “The only thing I got out of that mission was getting the shit beaten out of me and then dropped down three stories. That is not heroic, that is patheticism,” 

“Hanzo you are so hard on yourself,” Genji replied back speaking in the same language. Little did the two know that Hana and Jesse were outside of the room listening in on the conversation. Hana was quickly translating to her best ability, her Japanese vocabulary wasn’t her strong suit. “It was only one mission, you will have time to prove yourself on others in the future,” 

Hanzo scoffed and began to fume, “I am going to be catatonic for months. None of my skills are going to be of use, and all the while I will not be able to practice them. I am useless, utterly and completely useless.” 

Sounds from the machines were the only things that created noise until Genji broke it with the softness of a feather, “You are not useless,” 

“From the first moment I arrived here it has been nothing but a hardship. I should have taken the information I was promised and left. Then I would not be so worried about other people. I destroyed my hands on that omnic and then I am nearly killed on a wet rooftop. What am I to do for four months? I am  _ useless _ .” 

The words hurt Genji more than he thought they would and nothing could honestly compare itself to it. He was growing upset and angry in his own right and he stirred impatiently in his seat. 

_ Useless. _

_ Helpless. _

_ Hapless.  _

_ Hopeless. _

_ Burden. _

And then Hanzo heard it like a mantra in his ears:  _ useless, helpless, hapless, hopeless, burden, useless, helpless, hapless, hopeless, burden, useless-  _ “I have to leave.” shuffling against his injuries and the bed that held him there by tupes and monitors, he tried to get outside of them and to leave. 

_ You are nothing. _

_ No one cares about you.  _

_ Everyone is lying.  _

_ You are a fool.  _

_ You are more than nothing.  _

_ It’s all your fault.  _

_ Everything is your fault and you are nothing.  _

_ Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! _

“Han-Hanzo, you can’t leave, what’re you doing?” Genji nearly burst up from his seat but was suddenly pulled back by the cords. “Goddammit! Angie!” he called down the hall hoping she would hear. “Hanzo, stay there!” but Hanzo was pulling things out of his arms and pads off of his chest. He winced hard when he pulled his broken arm free of the sling and without the machines properly connected they began to scream for attention that something was wrong. 

Thankfully, Angela was listening and hustled into the room, “You have to lay down, Hanzo, you’re not well enough yet,” 

“Just let me go! Let go!” he tried to fight against the doctor but she was much stronger than his heavily medicated body. 

Genji had hauled his machine over and assisted Angela with getting him to settle down, “Where will you go? Why are you trying to leave?” 

In the brisk manner that this all had happened neither of them had noticed that tears were spilling from Hanzo’s eyes, “I just need to,”

“Lay down!” Angela barked. 

“Where?” Genji snapped. 

And then Hanzo’s eyes were on Genji’s, the pain and worthlessness that the eldest felt weighed hard on the sparrow by a simple glance. It was a moment that Angela thought they could reel him back in, but then his eyes went dark and he was thrashing against both of them to get off. With both feet on the floor now Genji rushed up and stopped him where he stood, “Move, Genji!” he cried, 

“Why? Where?!” 

“To the roof! I am going to the top of this damned building to jump off! No one here will help me die, so I will help myself! I am not worth this life, I have thousands of sins that will never be pardoned, so let me go!” he pushed against Genji and the young man almost fell back at the sudden weakness that came to his chest. “Maybe then the world can stop punishing me. This is what I want!”

Genji punched the wall so fast it blew several stray hairs out of Hanzo’s face and cratered the drywall. No one said anything. Angela didn’t know Japanese but knew that whatever Hanzo had said warranted this reaction. 

Jesse was pestering Hana to keep up, but she had held her face in her hands and wept which only grew the worry in the gunslinger’s chest. 

“How can you say something like that,” Genji whispered unable to look at his brother. “How can you easily tell me you want to kill yourself as if… as if it wouldn’t impact me. All of this because you broke an arm?” 

But Hanzo was fuming and couldn’t be brought down, “Just ‘an arm’?” he barked furiously, his face was singing in pain and he ignored it, “My hands went numb up on that roof from the nerve damage I gave to myself, I dropped my bow because of it. That assailant wanted me dead and you should have let him do his damn job!” 

An older side of Genji that he had thought he’d purged away came forth bringing just as much anger to the table as his brother had, “You are not the only one who got injured on this mission! You broke your arm, so what, now you want to commit suicide? You tore my body apart and I’m still here. You wanna talk about being useless? How about the months I spent on an operating table wondering if the next day would finally be the last. You’re so naive!” 

This broke Hanzo and he thrashed even harder against his brother to get by, the blue on his arm sparking and waiting for the lustful command, “I knew you were lying to me!” he sobbed at his brother, “You lied this entire time so you could...what, use me?!” A syringe was shoved into Hanzo’s shoulder via Angela and the eldest Shimada knew he very limited time now, in fact it wasn’t enough time to do anything. “You used me, you  _ used _ me,” he wept slumping on the to bed. “I really  _ am _ nothing,” Genji helped Angela get the man’s body back onto the bed while the man beneath them cried openly, “Kill me, please, please just kill me I do not want to live anymore, please,” his Japanese was slurring together into a blended mix of English and his native tongue. “Useless,” a sob, “Oblivious,” a sob, “Worthless,” 

Once the room was quiet again the doctor looked up at her other patient, “What did you tell him.” She was mad. 

“N-nothing he already didn’t know,” 

“Genji Shimada, you tell me what you said to your poor brother or I will backorder those limbs of yours for another month,” she held her hands on her hips with furrowed brows. 

But Genji couldn’t get another word out as he sat back in his chair weeping loudly, and in his native tongue he sobbed apologies that his brother could not hear, that he hadn’t meant what he said. They were said in anger and sorrow that his brother wanted to kill himself, his rational mind and years of learning how to cope and tolerate his emotions was easily swept out of the room. He hadn’t been ready to face his brother after all, this was proof of it: how terribly impatient he was and how reckless his words became. “He’s going to hate me,” he cried to Angela. “What have I done,” he explained to her the things he had said to his brother and Angela held a fist that wanted to slap her friend across the face. 

“I want you out of this room. Now.” the woman’s accent was thick and low and her eyes were filled with fury. “Go back to your bed like I have instructed time and time again. Right now I am your doctor and you  _ will _ listen to me: if you step foot in here without my permission once more I will have you removed from the wing and prohibit you from seeing your brother. Do I make myself clear?” 

Genji sniffled, “Yes,” 

“Now go.” 

The cyborg grabbed his portable machine and went back to his room without looking over his shoulder. The behavior that Hanzo had displayed worried Angela beyond words. She had been giving him his antidepressant daily as he always had and had hoped it would curve any thoughts such as these. 

Although Hanzo was a grown man that did not stop his mental illness from devouring him whole on occasion. With him it was quite more often than others, but he was still sick regardless of his age and maturity. Angela had seen her share of friends in the duration of her life that had chosen to put a gun in their mouth or by other means and it only broke her heart further than she thought imaginable. Hanzo was not particularly her friend but he was a part of her team and that was enough to justify protecting his life the best she could manage. 

Having seen the other members go through their own illnesses told her enough and the softness in her came out to them as she tried to tend to their needs, but she can only ever do so much. Angela wished that instead of giving them pills she had a magic wand and could make all the bad things disappear. There were nights that Jesse had scared her bad enough that she had stayed with him in his room for two days straight to make sure he wouldn’t do anything to harm himself. It had been some of the scariest hours watching him cling to her like water in an all-consuming fire, but he had made it through and so had she. 

And now, looking at Hanzo and reflecting on what actions he’d like to take, she knew she had to be strong for him and to not leave his side. With shaking fingers she commed Winston, “Hey,” 

“ _ Hey, Angela. Everything okay? _ ” 

“No, not really. I’m going to have to stay with Hanzo under surveillance for the next couple of days, maybe longer,” 

There was a sad sigh in response to this but he replied, “ _ He’s in the best hands we have here. Should I alert the team about this _ ?” 

“Only to the minimum, I don’t want to have his sense of privacy taken away,”

“ _ Understood. _ ” and then,  _ “is there anything  _ you _ need?” _

A small chuckle, “No, Winston, thank you. Maybe some coffee later on, though,” 

_ “You got it. _ ”

 

\---

 

Hanzo awoke in the evening with a growling stomach and aching wounds. Angela was sitting at the small desk the room offered with piles of papers with tabs, highlighting, notes, and other things she had added to revise. Her glasses were low on her nose and her lab coat had been replaced with a comfortable looking gray sweater; her hair had been kept up in a tight pony. 

Laying there without a word allowed himself to collect his thoughts, what had happened last, and to realize that his room had changed a little. With a closer inspection he found a few drawings on the wall across from him signed by Mei, the two of them doing yoga poses - they were impressively good drawings - as well as a vase filled with flowers made completely out of hard light; a giant teddy bear with a pink bowtie winked at him from the chair next to him that held a heart-shaped box of chocolates. A couple blue balloons hung from the foot of his bed that originally read, “ _ It’s a boy! _ ” in cute writing but had been scratched out with sharpie and said, “ _ Feel better, soldier _ ” with a bad drawing of a thumbs up. There was a stack of CDs - yes,  _ CDs _ \- all signed by Lúcio and written that he absolutely  _ needed _ to listen to the tracks, and there were a few other things scattered on the remaining empty space filled with things from the other members of his team. 

What caught his eye out of the midst of his inspecting was his stormbow propped properly against the wall with the little blue charm that Hana had given him dangling as if to greet him warmly. Even from where he was he could see a significant scratch along the shelf that he would need to eventually repair, but he didn’t care. Seeing it was like seeing safety and comfort and he was taken aback by how overwhelmed he had become just by the sight of it. 

His shuffling on his bed so he could wipe his eyes from the few tears that came to him stirred Angela to look over at him with a warm smile, “Hello, Hanzo, are you all right?” 

“Yes,” he replied quietly. Once he had collected himself he let his eye roam over the gifts once more, the feeling in his heart on the verge of pain but also spilling over the brim with warmth. “These gifts, they are for me?” 

“Of course,” she confirmed, “gifts for our best archer and sniper,” 

“But, why?” he was baffled. It was rare that he had gotten gifts, much like the charm he now stared at once more, or as to why people would want to give him things. 

“Why not?” she countered. “They’re just things to show that people care about you. And Jesse is going to come by in an hour or so,” 

But Hanzo felt undeserving of all of this, he felt undeserving of Jesse wanting to come and adorn him with affection. It was a little too much and his previous depressive thoughts came storming back. Turning his attention to his casted arm he did not say anything more. How could he accept all of these wonderful things when he himself was not a wonderful person? 

Genji was right. He had put the team in danger by not being about his wits, instead he had been making sure the stupid cowboy was all right. 

“Jack was discharged, by the way,” Angela interrupted his thoughts, “we’re monitoring him constantly, but because you called his symptoms in so early we were able to save him a lot of trouble,” 

“I did not do anything other than my job,” Hanzo whispered as he closed his eye. 

A cold hand fell atop his and slowly he looked down at it, “If you need to talk I am here, Hanzo,” 

“What would I even say,” 

“Everything. Nothing. Some things,” she smoothed her thumb over his hand and looked into his line of vision, “What your brother said came from a place he hasn’t lingered on much for a very long time. What he said wasn’t right,” 

“It is all I feared it to be. I knew that Genji’s initial response was too good to be true, that he would be preparing to strike me down when I was weakest,” 

“You surely can’t believe that’s true,”

“I did not want to at first, but this only proves it, doesn’t it? Whom else would look at me and say I am outstanding citizen, one capable of being on a team as noble as Overwatch?” the words came out laced with poison, his teeth seething at the opportunity to rid himself of them. “An assassin who killed his own brother for fame and fortune, a kill-hire who drank to forget his problems,”

“It would be rude of me to say that I knew what that felt like, if any of us knew what that felt like, so we don’t. What you’ve had to endure is beyond anything any of us can imagine. Granted, we all have our ghosts and sins, but none are quite the same. Forgiveness of oneself is harder to achieve that someone else forgiving you, but killing yourself is not the answer you’re looking for,” Angela sighed then, “Suicide will answer nothing and leave only pain.” 

Hanzo considered her words for a moment and removed his hand from hers, “If suicide rids me of the things that I feel and the nightmares that keep me awake, I would take it easily.” 

“It hurts me for you to say that.” 

“I am not a part of Overwatch if I can not be useful, Angela. I am not useful if I sit on a bed with a broken limb and hands that do not work,” 

Angela had heard that the nerves in his hands had frozen in a short moment when Hanzo was being attacked and even after retesting them while he was asleep she could find nothing but normalcy within them. “Maybe for a short while, but what is a few months in the span of a lifetime? It is a blimp, a spec that you’d have to file through to see it again,” 

A knock on the door startled both of them to look up and see the figure of Jesse McCree standing there looking nervous and a little out of place, “Hiya,” he said shortly, “I can come back later if y’all are havin’ a talk,” 

Angela smiled and stood, “No, Jesse, you’re fine. I’m going to grab something to eat while you two talk,” 

The two men were silent as she left the room and then Jesse went to sit at her desk chair. “I know it’s kinda a stupid thing ta ask, but how’re you feelin’?” 

Hanzo couldn’t make eye contact with him, “I am… fine,” while the silence between them grew a little thicker Hanzo finally asked, “Is the bear from you?” 

A small laugh escaped Jesse and he shook his head, “S’from Hana. Though she said it wasn’t big enough,” 

Hanzo smiled a little at that, despite the ache in his cheeks, and answered, “It is not as big as her heart, I will be honest, but it is kind, nonetheless,” 

“And the UN retrieved your bow. Nice o’ them to do that, they usually don’t do things like that for Overwatch,” Jesse shrugged and cleared his throat, “I know…” a sigh and a shake of the head. Rewording, chewing on his bottom lip, “I know it’s hard for ya right now, and I’m sorry it is. I really am, my whole heart just hurts for ya, and...and well... shit,” he rubbed the back of his neck and forced a fake chuckle, “I’ve said all sorts of gushy stuff to you before but here I am strugglin’ like I got peanut butter in my mouth,” 

“Take your time,” 

“Okay, well,” Jesse sighed for another time and clasped his hands together in his lap, “I gotta admit that I’m scared. I’m scared shitless, in all honesty, that this sickness you got is gonna eat you whole and spit nothin’ out.”

“My depression?”

“Yeah. And I know it ain’t just me when I say this, as you can see the whole team cares about ya, and when I say that thinkin’ about watchin’ another sunrise without you there rips me apart I mean it. We may not end up together down this long road of life, we may end up hatin’ one another at some point, who knows, but at least...at least you’d be alive to hate me. At least I would know that somewhere in this hellish world that you’d be breathin’, and that’d be okay with me,” 

Hanzo’s tone was soft, quiet, and maybe a little too careful, “You say such nice things to me all the time. You have this way of saying what is on your mind without it becoming too much to bare, but… life has become too much for me to handle,” Jesse looked away and leaned back in his chair, his eyes blinking far too many times. “I am almost forty, Jesse, and have accomplished nothing but increase the pain I am in,”

“Sometime’s life  _ is _ too hard to bare, but that’s why you stick with yer friends. They can’t cure nothin’, but it sure as hell beats bein’ alone,” 

The archer’s heart ached and bled openly, the mere fact that he wanted to reach across his bed to have the other man hold him told him a true thing that he didn’t want to face. The mantra in his head whispered at him and so he said, “I am worthless, Jesse.” with such pain that Jesse could feel his own heart rip itself in half. 

“Don’t you dare say that,” Jesse began, the gloss in his eyes threatening to spill, a metal hand running over his mouth and beard as if to keep him planted where he was, “Don’t you go on and dare say you’re worthless, it’s utter bullshit right there. If you’re sayin’ you’re worthless then that makes me deader than the Reaper himself. You being here has proved that worthless nonsense ain’t real-”

“Jesse-!” 

“You need to shut up and learn to listen sometimes, Han, because this isn’t a time for you to be a damned fool!” Jesse spat back. “You have people all around you that care about you, that would take bullets for you, that would risk their  _ lives _ for you! If you left this world I would be so broken up about it I’d probably throw myself off a cliff!” 

“Stop being so dramatic,”

“You want me to stop bein’ so dramatic then you quit this killin’ yerself stuff!” tears fell from his eyes but he didn’t care. He was angry and worried and upset. “Life is hard! Life is this bullshit mess of more shit that we gotta deal with, but at the end of the day it’s all we got! All we got is those who’d have our backs when the sun sets, and jumpin’ off the roof ain’t gonna make that grave any less cold!” 

Hanzo felt the verbal bullets hit right between the eyes and he went deathly silent. He wanted to be alone, he wanted to succumb to his thoughts. “I… no longer wish to talk about this.” 

Jesse looked away, the back of his hand covering most of his face as he tried to collect himself, but couldn’t, so he wept. He wanted Hanzo to open up to him but was met with a brick wall. He wanted to stay silent, but as he stood suddenly he barked, “Then why’d you make me care so damn much, huh? Do I mean nothin’ to ya, all that fluffy bullshit you spew on me like the sun’s light and fuck, that all a lie?” Exasperatedly, “Fuck!” 

In a mere moment Hanzo knew he had to clean this up as much as his mind told him not to, to push Jesse further away and to hurt him beyond repair, “I would not lie to you!” 

“Then you’re gonna just tie up all this dark shit that’s goin’ on in yer head and keep it for yerself? Let it destroy you like that?” Jesse was almost yelling now. 

But Hanzo met his tone, “Before Overwatch I had not known camaraderie or friendship! Let alone anything more than that! I have been given a gift that I do not know how to use!” 

“Then ask!” 

“I do not know how, Jesse!” 

The gunslinger took a deep breath and sat back down trying to steady his lungs, “Do you really want to kill yourself?” it was weak and desperately dark, his eyes couldn’t be any less empty than they were now. 

With a breath Hanzo shook his head, “No...yes...I do not know. I am just in pain,” 

“With everythin’?”

“With everything.” 

“Well, first, I think you should start tellin’ me what’s rattlin’ in that brain o’ yours so we can sort through stuff together. You ain’t gotta tell me what you don’t wanna, but in my experience this has helped me in the past,” 

“Really?” 

“Really really.” 

“Why would you do this for me?”

“You seriously askin’ me that question?” Jesse playfully teased, “‘Cause I like you, dummy. I’m yer boyfriend, I gotta do somethin’ that’ll help ya,” 

“What if you do not like what you hear?”

“It ain’t my place to say what I don’t like about things that are bringin’ ya down. I’m here to help carry ‘em so the weight is a little easier to take,” 

“What if this does not work?”

“Then we’ll think of somethin’ else,” 

Hanzo looked wary and unsure but ultimately he couldn’t say no. He didn’t  _ want _ to say no. “You will have to lead me,”

“Like a prairie dog to cattle,” 

The silence between them now was not harsh like it was moments ago, but softer and a little bit lighter. 

Angela wiped a tear from her eye as she chewed on some bread outside of the ward, her tray on the floor in front of her. She knew that if anyone would help get through to Hanzo it would be Jesse, her plan had worked afterall. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***I want to add something I think I need everyone to know: if you are dealing with self-harm or suicidal thoughts or actions please seek a medical professional or reach out to someone immediately. You are NOT a burden or are bothering them, and if they get angry it is only because they love you and are upset FOR you. Sometimes getting medical help isn't an option because of funds or other means, but self-harm and/or suicide is never the answer even when everything is pointing towards it. There are people out there that love you (like me!!!!) who would be more than happy to listen and try to help - this also includes your internet friends!!! The world can be a hard and difficult place some days (almost always, sometimes) and having a mental illness really fucking sucks, but sometimes having someone you can call or text or message is worth it in the end. Remember, my loves, you are NOT alone in your battles and struggles. I love each and every one of you SO much.***
> 
> -Going snowboarding for a few days, the next chapter will prob be up next Friday!  
> -If there are any additional trigger warnings that I need to add, or there is something culturally/language/character portrayal/geography/etc incorrect please let me know!! I want to fix these things ASAP.  
> -Leave kudos or a comment if you enjoyed the chapter!!
> 
>  
> 
> She did it again! algheriii drew another wonderful comic from chapter 8!!!  
> http://aligheriii.tumblr.com/post/155830164515/another-scene-chapter-8-from-the-amazing  
> Here is her comic for chapter 9!! http://aligheriii.tumblr.com/post/155321954585/jesse-yes-darlin-hanzo-snickered-that
> 
>  
> 
> tumblr: goddesofawesome.tumblr.com  
> twitter: https://twitter.com/GoddesofAwesome
> 
> I will try to post chapters every week.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Thanks for being so patient! I was having a hard time writing, but here it is :)
> 
> TW: PTSD

Avoidance was one hell of a punishment, Hanzo thought watching Genji for the unteenth time speaking angrily in a language Hanzo did not know. Angela all the while avoiding all eye contact. The eldest Shimada knew that what Genji had said a week ago was not honestly meant and was only said because of the heated moment, but his brother had shown disinterest. 

“He’s beating himself up about it pretty bad,” Hana had said to Hanzo one afternoon she had free. “For all of the healing and junk he did in Nepal sometimes he still gets riled up and doesn’t know what to say, especially when he’s emotional about the topic,” 

Hanzo didn’t know how to reply because of the guilt and shame he still kept over killing Genji ten years ago. He thought that his brother was perhaps being a little overdramatic, but when he said his opinion so lightheartedly Hana gave him a scolding and sad glare. It made sense the moment he’d said it and he regretted it. 

“It’s because you were talking about wanting to kill yourself, dummy.” she murmured pursing her lips with hurt.

Almost everyone that visited Hanzo were walking on broken glass, and he hated it. The pity was overbearing and he couldn’t wait for Angela to release him so he could walk around like a normal person instead of being on display in his room like a broken thing. Jesse had been slightly avoidant and wasn’t sure what to say or do these days so Hanzo just slept and waited for the doctor to give him the words he couldn’t wait to hear. 

Watchpoint: Gibraltar hadn’t yet been cleared yet and the group anticipated their return home with each day that passed. The UN came to visit the group and to thank them for their services and that they would continue the funding of Overwatch for a good while as their investigation of  _ Shade _ kept on. They had told the group they wanted to give out several medals of honor for Satya, Jack, Hana, and Jesse for their “incredible actions that lead to the quick evacuation of the club”. Hanzo was extremely proud of his team for acting so quickly, especially when Jesse had burst into his room with the certificate that had stated the wait for his medal. 

On a cold morning Hanzo was finally allowed out of his bed to start strengthening his legs to walk around and such. As difficult as it was for the first hour he thrived and drank every second of recovery as a means to being free. His bullet wound in his leg was stiff and the muscle complained with every move and he wondered in slight fear how this would affect his wall climbing. His shoulder, too, would need some time to readjust to what it was able to do once before and Hanzo tried not to linger on what that could mean for him. 

That night Hanzo could not sleep. The monitors beeped rhythmically and he found it grating when his nerves were on end. The only light that came into his room was from the outside, a small exterior bulb that cast yellow and orange beams into his room: it illuminated a small portion of wall on his opposite end. Letting his eyes lull into a daze the image he was watching seemed to shimmer and move minutely, and as small as the movement was it still brought Hanzo back to the present very aware and alert. 

“They were right when they said you would notice  _ anything _ ,” a feminine, accented voice said. The room was still vacant. 

“Who are you?” Hanzo asked while his eyes searched carefully for any disturbance around him. Bulbing and shimmering of the walls and a few objects surrounded him, no sound came from this person as they moved. 

And just when Hanzo thought the person may have left a finger touched the tip of his nose and illuminated a woman before him with dark hair pulled to one side and glowing implants on a portion of shaved head on the other, “It doesn’t matter who I am,” she said with her sultry voice, her long nails fanning in front of her face before she crossed her arms and pushed her weight onto one foot. 

“I would beg to differ,” 

“You would  _ beg _ ?” the woman asked cocking a brow up, “I find that hard to believe from the eldest Shimada. More like ‘demand’ is the right word you’re looking for,” 

“You obviously know who I am, wouldn’t it be fair for me to know who you are?” Hanzo tried to play cool and coy but he was useless if she attacked. He would be able to put in a few blows here and there, but his wounds would hurt and cripple him, not to mention his broken arm. 

“That’s if we’re playing fairly, Hanzo,” a risen finger and thumb stretched out a purple rectangle that read information about the attack in Ilios. A few languages translated over the text until it read into Japanese and an image of Satya with her barrier appeared next to the article. “‘ _ As one Hanzo Shimada fell from the rafters the group Overwatch swooped in to save their ally and other surrounding victims. _ ’ Were you wanting your name mentioned in a global blog? My associate shot you in the shoulder to try and get your attention diverted towards her direction, but the other guy was too quick,” 

Pursing his lips and forming words carefully in his mind he replied, “I recognized my family’s clan sigil on the perpetrators outfit,” Did that mean they tried to save him?

“So you were playing fair,” she scrolled up through the article until she found a spot she wanted and highlighted it so the font grew large. 

“Tell me your name.” Hanzo demanded quietly hoping to come off as intimidating. 

“You all ready know my name, amigo, your friend Jacky had a fun run-in with some of my latest stuff. It was unintentional that he was drugged, but my coworker can be very… focused when he sees something he wants to eliminate,” 

The archer thought quickly and answered, “ _ Shade _ ,” 

“Ugh,” she stuck out her tongue, “it sounds so stupid in English. It’s  _ Sombra _ , to you,” 

Sombra. Shade. Hanzo knew only basic Spanish but his memory told him they were one in the same. Shade was Sombra, Sombra was shade, they meant the same thing. “Clever,” 

“Thank you! No one appreciates it like I do. My coworkers aren’t exactly the laughing type,”

“What did you come to me for?” 

“I wanted to check a few facts. You’re the only one in Overwatch that wouldn’t recognize me right away or try to kill me on the spot. You’d actually listen, and plus, you’re in no condition to fight me, let’s be real.” Sombra pinched her fingers and the holoimage disappeared with it, a smug look on her face. 

“If my comrades would want to kill you then you are not my ally, to which information should I provide to you that would be useful?” Hanzo quipped raising a brow of his own this time. 

“As much as my comrades hate to admit it, we’re fighting the same evil right now. Your family legacy has put a damper on our plans - well, my plans - and I’d like to put a stop to it,”

“Which are?”

“That’s not important for you to know, amigo,” Sombra smirked and moved her hands to rest on her broad hips, “I all ready gave you enough information that I’m usually willing to give,” 

If this woman was wanted by Overwatch and they wouldn’t hesitate to shoot her in the head, that mean she was, “Talon.” 

“Ding ding ding! Congrats, old man, you’re still smart for your age,” 

Hanzo’s face screwed up at the insult, he was almost forty not eighty! “You make the drug and use it to kill people,” 

Sombra sighed and rolled a hand at him, “You’re looking at such a small picture. To think you were supposed to run a crime syndicate, nothing sure gets past you,” 

He was becoming irritated, “If you have nothing more to say to me then leave, I could call for backup at any moment,”

“You would have done that sooner if you truly felt threatened. But fine, I know when to take my leave. The next time we meet we will be on the same team, if only for a short while. Make sure to mind your arrows, amigo,” Sombra made a finger gun and pretended to shoot it at Hanzo, her purple lips blowing out the fake smoke. “Things will go very badly very quickly if you accidentally hit me or one of my compadres,” 

Frowning, Hanzo replied, “Noted,” 

“Glad we had this chat, I’ll delete your name from the articles I see as payment,” she smiled and wove her hand above her head, her body slowly disappeared and Hanzo was left alone once more - or so he hoped - with a perplexing and confusing proposition given to him by a Talon agent. Without another moment to think he called for Angela to rouse with the button on his bed’s console. She would be able to get everyone gathered faster than he would. 

 

\---

 

The group had gathered in a conference room that the hotel provided with Winston at the head with quite a large stack of papers and files that Pharah was able to grab before she came to New York. It wasn’t even a forth of what they had on Talon, but they would have to make due for now with what they had. 

Angela had insisted that Hanzo take a wheelchair despite his many complaints and refusals, but she had stated that even though his muscle recovery was going incredibly well there was a chance they would weaken and give out on him, it was just a precaution. He hated the precaution. 

For the first time in a week or so Hanzo dressed in his own attire instead of the hospital’s and finally put his hair up that badly needed a long soak and conditioning. Hana had come to help Angela and had offered to put his hair up in his golden scarf, he thanked her too soon because she had tied it in a large bow with tails that swept the back of his neck. “Redo it,” he ordered.

Hana smiled at her work and shrugged, “Can’t, hands are broken,” 

“You little brat,” he scowled. The embarrassment that was to come made his face heat up and his mouth curve into a scowl. 

“You think a little temper tantrum is going to change my mind? No one cares, Han, and Jesse will probably die because you look so cute,”

Hanzo huffed angrily, “I do not want to look  _ cute _ , Hana, I am anything  _ but _ cute,” 

She laughed with Angela as both women teased him, the youngest replying, “You may not think so, but we do,” 

Jesse did, in fact, think that Hanzo’s hair tie was cute, so cute that he was rendered speechless as his face went red. When Hanzo asked his boyfriend what he thought of the “childish act” Jesse replied, “I like it,” 

Hanzo wasn’t happy. 

Seeing the whole team together for the first time since Greece was comforting to the Shimada. He had seen most of them separately as they would come to visit him, but as they had grown to be his extended family seeing them all at once brought warmth to his heart. He’d never admit that aloud, either. 

Hanzo spotted his brother as he came in with his visor pushed up to the crown of his head and gave him a small smile, Genji immediately turned away looking ashamed. It hurt Hanzo to see his brother this way, to realize how guilty his brother felt about what he’d said, but the thing that Genji didn’t understand was that words were a lot easier to mend than flesh. What Hanzo had done in the past had taken Genji years to forgive, but Genji had said sore words in a moment of anger and sorrow at his brother’s mental condition. They were two completely different things and the eldest hated that Genji couldn’t forgive himself for something so… minor. To Hanzo, it was anyways. 

Jack took the stand at the front of the room, a cane was clutched at his side, “Hey,” he greeted with his deep vocals, “We all know the risks we take ‘cause we’re all still in this room. If Talon really truly sees us as allies for the meanwhile this changes the perspective on things a little.  _ Shade _ was created by Talon for what we don’t know. They expect us to play nice while they drug people in our wake and try to kill them? I don’t think so. We’re going to have three groups going forth. The first team will be handling all telecommunication interference in all and any missions we receive until both the Shimada Gang and Talon are brought to justice. This will include tracking and monitoring all radio waves that come into our line of hearing,” he cleared his throat, “The second group will be investigating the Shimada Gang. The third, Talon. Both of these groups are going to be responsible for getting any possible information they can get their hands on before we decide to strike as a team. If there is a team you would prefer to be on please let us know so we can prep for that and arrange the team composition appropriately,” 

Satya rose her hand like she was in gradeschool and Jack nodded towards her, “Shouldn’t we be back in Gibraltar? I would think that our priority would be to clear our base so we may capitalize on all of the information gathered there,” her hair had been swept into a long braid down her front, a small gem was attached to the end of it. 

“We’re working on it,”

Satya folded her arms across her chest, her stance very annoyed, “That doesn’t answer anything. We’ve been here for weeks, anything past a few days is too long. We can’t do anything here, let alone prepare to infiltrate two of the most powerful organizations in the world, you are daft to think otherwise,”

Hanzo respected the woman. She was strong, intelligent, and didn’t take shit. She was confident in everything and anything she did and even when she wouldn’t admit she cared about her team verbally she showed her caring with her actions. And she was right, if they dispatched from this location in New York they would surely fail the mission. There weren’t enough supplies - hell, there were hardly  _ any _ supplies - and Jack was expecting them to pull three different missions? The archer scoffed a languid chuckle that he thought no one could hear, but as he looked up at the group once more he found that almost everyone had turned their attention on him. 

“Do you have something to say, Hanzo?” Jack asked with stern eyes. 

Embarrassment came over him quickly - also he realized that now everyone would notice the bow if they hadn’t all ready - and he cleared his throat with his good hand, “I believe that Satya is right,” 

The commander must have been in a terrible mood because he sighed and snapped, “Why’s that? You think my plan isn’t going to work?” 

Satya looked at Hanzo with appreciation sprawled across her face and as if her own self-confidence had somehow made it across the room to soak in the archer he replied in turn, “I know it is not going to work.” Lena had made a noise that could have resembled a gasp but he wasn’t sure, “I am a pure example of why it will not work. We had every resource and we all still got beaten. Do you honestly think that just because you have confidence in our battles means we will win the war? It is flattering to have us in such a high light, but we are still just people, and omnics,” he nodded towards Zenyatta who chuckled approvingly. 

Jack put his free hand on the table and leaned in like he could get close to Hanzo, his expression seething, “I don’t take kindly to insubordination,” 

Angela jumped in, “Jack! Honestly, you’ve had one bad month and you’re going to snap at everyone who disagrees with you? Don’t be such a child,” 

“Talon wants us dead,” Jack spat, “and now  _ his _ family endangered  _ my  _ team!” The room went very quiet. 

Hanzo’s patience was wearing thin. Jack had been nice and supportive in his own ways throughout the past few months, but this side was new and told Hanzo that his injuries from the club were causing a lot of frustration at other things that he was now taking out on the group. “I will hold my tongue.” 

“No one should have to hold their tongue for anything,” Hana jumped in looking at Hanzo. “Jack, Hanzo and Satya are just worried about everyone, including you. Our lives are at stake and they just want to make sure -”

“Just do what I say!” 

Winston stood up and rushed over to Jack pulling him to the side so they could talk quietly to themselves for a moment. Angela stood at her chair and clarified, “One of the symptoms in survivors of  _ Shade _ is aggression, please pardon his behavior,” 

The group talked amongst themselves for about ten minutes while Winston helped Jack get into his right mind. Jesse leaned in towards Hanzo grabbing his good hand, “We get to be on the same team, right?” 

“Yes,  _ koibito _ ,”

Relief seemed to sweep over McCree and he smiled before kissing Hanzo’s temple, “Thank you kindly, darlin’,” 

Jack took the spotlight once more and everyone quieted down, “You’re all dismissed. We will discuss this at a later time.” he sounded strained and Hanzo worried. Everyone did. 

“That gives us some free time,” Jesse surmounted gazing at the archer with a glint in his eye. “We should do somethin’,” 

“I am limited to the amount of activity I can do, so I hope whatever it is you have planned does not take much of me,” 

“Nah,” the cowboy looked at the opposite end of the room off in his own world momentarily before he was brought back. He looked distant, Hanzo thought looking at the scruffy face of Jesse. There were small bags under his eyes that he’d just noticed and his lips were unusually chapped. 

“Have you been all right?” Hanzo asked changing the subject slightly. Not to mention that Jesse hadn’t been by his room in a couple of days. The archer wouldn’t pester the cowboy if he didn’t want to walk all the way from the hotel to the hospital grounds, but it still felt a little odd not to see him everyday. 

“Sorta,” Jesse admitted coolly. He stood and stretched out his legs and looked down at Hanzo where he sat in his wheelchair, “Just been workin’ a lot lately,”

“On what, if I may ask?” 

“Stuff for Winston and Angie, Lena’s got a few things that I’ve been helpin’ her with, and Pharah and I have been workin’ on a case for a couple years now. Since we have down time here thought I’d make some rounds with the folks and try to wrap little things up,” but the way Jesse looked, now that Hanzo looked more closely, didn’t look like little things. Now he felt selfish and guilty for only thinking of himself while he stayed in the hospital. 

Genji had caught Hanzo’s eye again and as the eldest brother looked over to his sibling he saw the small pulley he used for his temporary prosthetics; Genji was rushing out of the room as quickly as possible now that he had the chance. Hanzo’s guilt suddenly heightened and he felt buried down in a quick pile of emotion. “That sounds tedious,” he mumbled as Jesse went behind the chair and backed him out and prepared to go down the halls. 

“I guess so,” he sort of trailed off as they went through the hotel’s lobby. “Wanna go up to my room? Don’t think you’ve seen it yet, now that I think about it,” 

“I have not,” 

So the two went down another hallway and passed a few labeled doors to get to the elevator lobby. Mei and Zarya were there waiting for it, as well, and greeted them kindly before the doors opened inviting the four inside. 

All of the Overwatch member’s rooms were on the thirtieth floor right next to one another. The view was incredible and Hanzo admired it briefly before Jesse unlocked his door, propped it open with his boot, and rolled the man inside. 

The room was rather small holding one king bed, a holotelevision on the opposite wall, a small desk with a chair - the desk was littered with various belongings and files - and a small bathroom off the entrance of the room that was fully equipped with a shower and tub, toilet, and a full vanity sink. Jesse wasn’t the neatest person on the planet, but Hanzo was still surprised by how tidy he had kept things here so far. The bed was made, if not a little sloppy, and his clothes were all kept in one spot on the floor instead of scattered around like at Gibraltar. 

Rising carefully from his chair Hanzo moved his hand along the sheet before walking over to look at a few other things. Jesse looked anxious and said, “I don’t want you up and about if it’s gonna hurt ya, darlin’,”

“It is good for me to walk a little, but thank you for your concern,” Hanzo flashed him a kind expression and fiddled with a few cleaning instruments for his partner’s gun. The tall man rocked back and forth on his heels keeping his eyes glued to the archer afraid he might fall, “Do not look at me like that, Jesse,” Hanzo advised without turning around to scold, “I have had much worse and had to do a lot more in such a condition. My leg is weak but I am not immobile,” 

“Sorry,”

Turning to face Jesse Hanzo brushed his hand down the man’s neck feeling a few of the new scars there; they shared a silent and intimate moment, Jesse’s eyes glazing over the yellowing bruises upon the archer’s face. In a hushed manner Hanzo asked, “What are you thinking of?” 

As if ashamed of his thoughts, Jesse’s eyes moved away, “You,”

“In which manner?”

“I’ve… all ready told ya how I feel ‘bout all this junk,”

“Tell me again,”

“I don’t wanna keep pesterin’ you about my feelin’s,”

“You never bother me about your feelings,”

“All I am is a broken record,”

“Then how am I able to help mend it?”

A long sigh and Jesse moved to sit on the foot of his bed, a shaking hand running through his dirty hair, “None of it can be fixed, it just is, sweetpea,” 

Hanzo carefully moved between Jesse’s parted legs and stood before him as his hand found his partner’s neck once more, “You still blame yourself for what happened,” it wasn’t a question. With a small movement Jesse nodded. “For both my hands and at the club?” Another nod. “Why do you blame yourself for something you did not do?” 

“I just… always have.” Jesse admitted quietly, “When someone’d get hurt I felt responsible that I couldn’t prevent it, like I didn’t do enough,” 

“But you  _ have _ done enough,”

“I never feel like I do. I’ve killed a shit ton of people in my life, y’know, and I guess that when I killed someone I never forgave myself when someone else got hurt. Even if I didn’t have nothin’ to do with it, I just assumed it was because of me,” he was still shaking and Hanzo thought about calling Lúcio. His worry grew as Jesse picked up some of his words, “I knew that it wasn’t ever my fault, like I know the things that happened to you weren’t even related to me, but I feel like I deserve the guilt, I guess.” with both hands Jesse wrapped them around Hanzo’s waist enticing the man to sit down with him. 

Carefully and slowly Hanzo straddled Jesse’s legs - his thigh wound ached at him like a nagging finger - and brushed his lips against his partner’s nose, “The only wound that you have inflicted upon me, Jesse McCree, is how you have stolen my heart,”

This elicited a small chuckle out of the man and he rose his own lips to meet Hanzo’s. It was both gentle and tender, both mindful of the other’s emotions. “Why you gotta say things like that? Makes me melt,” Jesse growled out slowly while his mouth travelled to Hanzo’s neck. “And don’t go askin’ for it back, I’m not a thief that likes returning what he’s stolen,”

Hanzo basked in the affection his neck received and leaned his head out to give his boyfriend access to more skin, the scruff of Jesse’s facial hair moving gently with the man’s lips. It was what got Hanzo drunk and dazed in a world he knew didn’t exist, a lifestyle he wanted to have that wasn’t within arm’s reach, so he let himself meld with the man below him to have this moment between them. Both broken and hurt but still there to help the other along. These cures were never long-lasting, the kisses and love making were only there for a short while, but Hanzo realized as Jesse adorned his flesh with kisses that maybe that’s all he needed. Little things from time to time to reassure him that his life wasn’t a waste. It was sad to think about, but he reflected on his times and moments spent with Hana and Mei and all the other members of Overwatch and how much he adored them, and even though he still held his reservations on completely relying on someone else to help him he thought that it was endearing and quite honorable. 

Jesse removed his mouth and they looked at one another for a stilled moment in time, their gaze heartfelt and serene. They kissed again, a little deeper this time, while their hands found places to touch and feel. It was nice, Hanzo thought, to be in Jesse’s arms and not have to say much and to know how adored he was. It was still new to him, and although it was very exciting, it still brought his doubts. He shooed them away as best he could. 

Their pace quickened quite fast and soon Jesse was maneuvering Hanzo onto his back still mindful of the broken limb that still caused his partner pain. It was easier for Hanzo to lay beneath him, he didn’t have to exert any of his limbs, and while Jesse sat above him with both hands on either side of his head he felt neither overwhelmed or trapped. He was safe with Jesse. 

Their next kiss was passionate and heated, one of Jesse’s knees nudged against the stiffening bulge in Hanzo’s pants, but somewhere in the moment things changed. Jesse kissed Hanzo a little harder demanding more and the archer couldn’t keep up. He was breathless and getting flustered as Jesse felt along his good side with a firm take, even his stance became slightly rigid. “Jesse,” Hanzo tried to give them a freckle of space, but Jesse didn’t hear and his shaking limbs felt for more, kissed and wanted more, and when Jesse was starting to undo his pants he started becoming panicked. “Jesse, stop,” he used his hand to pry the gunslinger away from him. 

Jesse was sobbing. His mouth had scrunched up as tears fell heavily onto Hanzo’s shirt, “I have to,” he mumbled trying to compose some part of him that ended in a failure. Hanzo began to sit up to stop his partner for doing anything else and held the man’s face to him as much as he could; Jesse tried to keep pulling out of his grasp, “I have to,” 

“Jesse, you do not have to do anything,” Hanzo tried with desperation in his voice. Jesse was starting to scare him and he wasn’t sure what to do or say. 

The cowboy let his voice crack as he pressed his face into Hanzo’s chest and wept, his cries were loud and distressed. Hanzo wasn’t sure what had just happened and Jesse’s reaction only scared him more. Once he sat them both upright he placed his hand on the back of Jesse’s head and combed his fingers through the hair there hoping it would calm the man some. 

“What’s wrong?” Hanzo asked making sure his voice was not threatening or judgmental. But Jesse didn’t reply, he actually began to sob harder. An emotion so strong it racked his whole body and the archer felt powerless to do anything about it. “Is it about my wounds?” Jesse eventually shook his head ‘no’, “Is this about your past killings?” another ‘no’, “Jesse,  _ koibito _ , please tell me,” he whispered this time. 

Jesse tried to take a breath and pried himself away from his lover’s shirt if only for a few inches. With a strained and broken voice Jesse replied, “Voices,” 

Hanzo thought through the files in his head quickly and remembered a few instances where Hana had mentioned Jesse having PTSD. He wasn’t sure he knew the symptoms or what it did to a person outside of himself. “What about the voices?”

“Old voices,”

“What do they say?”

With a loud sniffle and an arm that wiped across his running nose, Jesse sat up a little more and took a breath but tears still fell, “Things I try to forget, things I try to unsee and can’t,”

“And what do you see?” it was a question that could be answered in two ways, Hanzo just hoped he hadn’t overstepped anything. 

“The field, a field where Gabe and I…Ana. It’s cold and my feet hurt, he’s yellin’ at me again, stop yellin’ Gabe, I’m just... Ana had my back and then she...the field’s small Gabe, stop yellin’ at me, I did what you told me to!” he trailed off then as he looked up at Hanzo, the image captivating the man’s imagination and memory, it was hijacking his senses. 

“No, no, forget what you are seeing, look at me,” Hanzo begged hating himself for this, for bringing the episode on harder. “Jesse, look at me, please.” Jesse started to sob again and knelt his head down, his hands came away from Hanzo and he looked at them as they shook wildly, his eyes wide and scared. With excruciating pain Hanzo reached both of his hands, even the one in the sling and cast, to grab onto Jesse’s to ground him to something. The motion seemed to jar the gunslinger out of his episode, if only slightly. 

“Just...just don’t hit me again… please… I said I was sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please don’t,”

Hanzo didn’t know what to do. He was tearing up without knowing the next steps to take so he tried to think of something quick that would have worked on himself before. With only a mere second to find a solution he dug his thumbs into Jesse’s palms - his arm complained and he bit the inside of his cheek to try and suppress it - and made sure that his nails could be felt. After watching Jesse momentarily he then closed his eyes and began to hum. It was the only thing he could think of that didn’t involve him getting up, and at this point he didn’t know if it was safe for him to walk away from Jesse right now. After what had happened with Hanzo and the training bots, he couldn’t let something like that happen to his partner. 

It was a song that Hanzo had heard Jesse sing before a few times in the shower before they got ready to meet everyone in the kitchen, once or twice he’d heard it hummed while they trained together. He didn’t know the lyrics but knew the tune well. For all he knew it could be a hip-hop song from the 2020’s that sang about ass and tits, but even if it was they could laugh about it later. For now, he hoped, it was a significant song enough that it would ground him. 

Jesse eventually rested his head on Hanzo’s shoulder and stayed there for a long time. Hanzo hadn’t kept track of time but he would have guessed an hour had passed them. He didn’t care, it wasn’t like he had anywhere to be. Jesse hadn’t done anything to hurt himself so Hanzo felt himself victorious; he had even hummed that damn song the entire time. 

The next words were so quiet Hanzo almost hadn’t heard them, “Thank you.” The archer wanted to reply that Jesse never had to thank him for anything, but instead he brushed his fingers through his hair again so his broken arm could relax - it ached and pained like something fierce. It was worth it, though. 

They spent an hour holding each other before Jesse wanted to move again and it was only because he was going to piss his pants. Hanzo had laughed and shooed him away and the evening that came was softer. Something had been created, Hanzo saw as the two of them made their way back down the elevator - in that stupid wheelchair, no less - and into Hanzo’s ward that he noticed it. Maybe it had always been there, whatever it was Hanzo wanted to see it everyday for the rest of his life. 

He couldn’t describe it, really, it was just… a bond. Jesse had been there for Hanzo, but now that Hanzo had seen him in something as equivalent it lessened something that felt weighed before. When Angela told Jesse that it was time for him to leave Hanzo hated it and didn’t want to see whatever it was between them disappear from his sight. Angela reminded Hanzo that the more rest he got would result in an early discharge, so he kissed Jesse and watched him leave. 

When Hanzo was left alone in the darkness of his room he let himself cry, even if just for a few minutes. He cried for Jesse and the pain he had seen him endure, the grief of his past just as heavy as what Hanzo had done. Their pasts were both filled with sorrow and grief and pain and bloodshed, and he wished he could go back and erase it all. He wanted to see what Jesse would have done if he hadn’t had a debt to pay with that gang, to see if he would have kept up the ranch his mother had or if he’d do something else with his life. Hanzo could see him being good with customers, he was friendly and liked meeting new people. A salesperson, perhaps, or maybe someone in business. He didn’t know, but he wish he did. He wished he knew what Jesse would have,  _ could _ have been, if his life wasn’t swept away so quickly. 

As sleep came to him from the exhaustion Hanzo had spent that day, he dreamed of himself getting off a hoverplane in New Mexico, his path taking him to a small bar in the terminal where a handsome, rugged man asked to take his order. Hanzo would notice the piercings in his ears and the one on his brow and the way his tanned skin glowed in the warm lighting of the bar. Hanzo was immediately charmed and flirted his way into getting the man to spend most of his time on him. Their lives intersecting in this alternate universe with different backgrounds and lifestyles and cultures. A slightly tipsy dream-Hanzo getting the guy’s number before leaving for his connecting flight to Seattle. 

Maybe they would have met in another life, maybe they wouldn’t have, but Hanzo knew as he dreamt that even if they would never meet he would go back and erase Jesse’s past just so he could start out fresh and without pain in the coming years. 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -I'm finally back home! I've had some depressive things that didn't let me write, but I was able to, nonetheless.  
> -Again, as always, thank you so much for the kind words, it means the literal world to me. <3 You guys are so wonderful and beautiful and I love each one of you.   
> -If there are any additional trigger warnings that I need to add, or there is something culturally/language/character portrayal/geography/etc incorrect please let me know!! I want to fix these things ASAP.  
> -Leave kudos or a comment if you enjoyed the chapter!!
> 
>  
> 
> She did it again! algheriii drew another wonderful comic from chapter 8!!!  
> http://aligheriii.tumblr.com/post/155830164515/another-scene-chapter-8-from-the-amazing  
> Here is her comic for chapter 9!! http://aligheriii.tumblr.com/post/155321954585/jesse-yes-darlin-hanzo-snickered-that
> 
>  
> 
> tumblr: goddesofawesome.tumblr.com  
> twitter: https://twitter.com/GoddesofAwesome
> 
> I will try to post chapters every week.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Thank you everyone for still reading! I can't believe I've written this far! When I first planned out this fic I hadn't thought I'd get past 5 chapters, but 10 chapters later here we are!!
> 
> TW: suicidal mentions

Hanzo stood in the doorway of Genji’s ward with determination set to his brow. His brother glared at him with pity and maybe a little bit of resentment not wanting to talk with his sibling. He’d been avoiding him for a reason, so it came as a surprise when Hanzo showed up a little after nine in the morning with his arm still in the sling - all of the members had signed it or had drawn a little picture on his casting - and his face a beautiful array of blues, purples, and bright yellows. He looked angry, to say the least, and Genji didn’t know what to say to his brother’s arrival. 

Angela had released Hanzo that very morning deeming his bullet wounds fairly healed enough for him to walk around on his own. The Shimada was excited to leave the room that confined him to his thoughts and wounds. He had made a list of things to do when he got the green light from the doctor and confronting Genji was one of them. A little shove from Hana got him going and so here he was.

“May I come in?” Hanzo asked after their stare of silence. 

Genji watched him as he thought through various responses but ultimately responded with, “I’d rather you didn’t,”

Scowling, “Too bad, I am coming in.” 

“Then what was the point of asking?” Genji barked irritatedly. 

“I was being polite.” Hanzo took the seat next to his brother’s bed and watched the various machines beep and display different information that he didn’t understand. “Then I take it you know why I am here,” Turning to look away, Genji faced the other wall and replied with a small affirming noise. “I have thought in length about what you said to me and what it meant at the time; what it meant for you to express such emotions,” he was speaking in Japanese, “I want to ask you how you think I feel about this,”

The sparrow looked confused with pinched brows, his native language low and with pain, “Why would you want me to do that?” 

Hanzo had thought a lot about this whole ordeal and how he’d approach it, and thankfully this was one of the responses he had anticipated, “To prove you wrong,”

Genji frowned and kept his glance away, his face showcasing a few emotions, “You mean to say that you’re here to validate how fucked up it was that I said something like that. You mean to challenge me.”

A sigh escaped Hanzo’s mouth and he leaned back in his chair, “Quite the opposite. What you said did not affect me in the ways that you think it did, Genji. You were concerned and worried and in result you lashed out,” Genji’s eyes met with his again and Hanzo knew he had nailed it, “I have said things to you in the past that were just as toxic, but we both knew at the end of the day it didn’t matter. We were under a multitude of weights and we had no one else to listen or to bark at.” 

“Why’re you saying this?” 

“Saying things you didn’t mean are far from my worries. Especially from you. We’re still trying to rebuild our relationship, and although you seem to think our fight reversed all that we achieved I can assure you you are vastly incorrect,” Hanzo crossed his leg to rest on his knee, “I am more worried about how you have internalized this.” 

Genji searched his brother’s face for awhile, Hanzo couldn’t really read his expressions or guess his thoughts - he hadn’t much experience with the scarred face of his brother - but kept quiet and patient for a reply. “Why would you worry about me in that way?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” 

Chewing on the inside of his cheek the sparrow answered, “I have pardoned myself of the past, I have also pardoned your past. I have nothing for you to worry about.” It was stern and Hanzo rose a brow to call bullshit. “I’m serious,” 

“So am I.” 

Genji groaned frustratedly and looked pointedly at Hanzo, his gaze piercing, “I have internalized nothing.”

“You may have found your peace in Nepal, but I still know when you are lying.”

“How?! How would you know!” 

Hanzo made a realization that anything Genji felt close to his heart he lashed out in a mannerism that did not reflect how he said he felt. “Calm yourself, Genji. I am not here to attack you.”

“Then why would you insinuate that I have something to hide?” the sparrow barked.

“You told me yourself that we are supposed to be open with one another. I am here as someone who will listen and not judge you, as you have done for me,” 

With skeptical eyes a response came, “Why are you opening up now? Because you felt pity on me?” 

Hanzo knew that these questions were defense mechanisms, “Because you are my brother, Genji, and I care for you. I have not forgotten, or will ever forget, the night you arrived while I was in Angela’s care. As difficult as I have been these past weeks to you I have always intended to correct our relationship. Not correct,” he thought of a different word, “Mend. To mend our relationship. I want to express that same kindness that you had given me, if you will permit it,”

Genji looked conflicted and confused but overall relieved. Hanzo  _ had _ been opening up more to him week by week. It wasn’t the result he was hoping for, he was anticipating that it would be faster, but as his brother allowed the validation and confirmation that he was actively trying made him feel … soft. He thought back to the night Hanzo referred to and remembered feeling very similar if not a little more panicked. “I’m just scared.” he admitted finally, his eyes shifting to look at his cybernetic hands, his fingers fiddled with each other.

“Of what?”

“We’ve both had our share of mental illnesses and battles with suicidal thoughts, but because I had only heard of your past experiences I thought that maybe they had all gone away. When you said you wanted to kill yourself in the present I felt… hopeless. I felt so void and scared and so damn sad that I didn’t know what to say or do. I exploded at you. It doesn’t fully excuse the words I used against you, but knowing that you hurt as much as you do pains me everyday. I haven’t known how to apologize for what I said without sounding selfish or possibly ruin what we had built between us. I’m  _ still _ scared. I don’t want to lose you, I never want to lose you,” he ran a mechanical hand through his messy hair, “To even think of the possibility of you killing yourself tears me apart and all the while these past ten years you thought you had killed me. I knew that you were still pained, but in that moment I realized that I have no idea what I’m fucking talking about. I’ve tried to relate and empathize with the things and emotions you’ve gone through when you were told to kill me, but never had I …” he trailed off, his eyes closing and his mouth trembling. 

“Genji, you do not have to continue,”

With force, “But I want to,” 

“I am here, take your time.” 

And Genji did. An upwards of five minutes had passed before he could control his emotions enough to continue, and even then he still did not open his eyes, “Not only did you think I was dead, but you had done the act yourself. Not one single part of me can feel what you have felt nor can words even begin to try and heal you. What happened to me sucked, it really did. What was left of my body collided with parts I didn’t want. I was so angry, so infuriated. I mean, you know this, I’ve told you before. It’s just… all our lives together we had relied on one another for support. When dad would hit you and I couldn’t do anything about it, it tore me up so bad because I couldn’t help and I was scared. You covered for me night after night when I would get high or drunk searching for an escape through partying and sex. It never worked, you know. 

“I never felt so accepted by anyone more than you. To me then I didn’t know how to say thank you so I bought those stupid instant ramens. After I would go to my room I would lay in bed and cry. I’d cry about everything and nothing. So much was expected of you and not once did I offer to help. When you faced me with your blade I had no idea how you could do that, how much trust I had in you for you to turn on me. I was so broken by it, it hurt so bad for so long. But I learned that you were manipulated and tortured by the elders to do as dad had once done. You all ready know that, too. I have a point, I promise,” Hanzo waited. “Even in the days where I woke up seething with anger and hatred towards you, even when I said I wanted to kill you for what you’d done to me, even before I learned why, I still couldn’t actually bring myself to do it. I would throw fits where I couldn’t control my actions, it would be a blind rage, but even still I wanted you to have better things in life then when we parted. 

“So when you talk about dying it… it just rips my chest open. When you said you felt useless I couldn’t have disagreed more. There is not an ounce of uselessness in your DNA, there is nothing that creates Hanzo Shimada that is useless. Even if your hands were severed or your limbs were taken you will always find a way. You always have.” Genji sighed, his eyes still closed, “You always have.” tears came down his face then, the tears sliding down and between his scars, all the while somehow looking angelic. 

Hanzo rested his good hand on the mechanical arm closest to him, “So have you, little sparrow.” he whispered in Japanese. “We have suffered a lot, haven’t we?” Genji nodded without replying, “Perhaps this suffering has allowed us a second chance to become the people we always wanted to be. I know you have,” he moved his hand and brushed back a few stray hairs out of his brother’s face as a mother would, “I cannot promise I will not feel suicidal in the future, but I  _ can _ promise that I will come to you.” Even though Hana and Lúcio had told him they were his mental illness team he felt he owed this to his brother. Hana could be considered his sister, so he would consider going to her as well, but Genji was his priority. He always had been. 

“I… would like that.” the man forced out between holding in his emotions. 

Hanzo sighed out as a small grin graced his lips, “It is funny that I now sit at your side and console you when only weeks ago it had been the reverse,” 

Genji slowly opened his eyes blinking away the tears and then rolled them, “Let’s not continue this cycle. I don’t think it’s very healthy,” 

Chuckling softly the eldest agreed, “Instead it should be while drinking and playing Fury,” 

This got Genji to laugh a little, “I heard about that. I also heard you’re pretty good with the archer. How ironic. I’m not sure if I should tease you about it or be impressed,” 

“Why not both?” 

“Fine, both. Man, I can’t believe Hana got you into that game. Of all the games she plays she gets you addicted to that one,”

“Why do you say that?” 

“I just didn’t peg you for the objective oriented style type of games. Whenever I would play them as a kid you would tease me endlessly about it,” 

“I was not able to play them then, but since I have been given this second life I have chosen to try them. It appears I enjoy them quite a lot,” 

“Hana said you and her pulled an all nighter once,” 

“We did! I ended up falling asleep on her floor,” he chuckled and Genji joined him. “We had a meeting the next morning and we almost missed it because we were sleeping. Jesse had to come retrieve us. Hana just went to the meeting in her pajamas,” 

“But not you?”

“Please, of course not me,” 

They laughed together and then settled with smiling at one another, “Thank you, Hanzo. Really,” 

“You have nothing to thank me for,”

“I’m still thanking you,” 

Hanzo sighed and took his turn to roll his eyes, “As much as it pains to express my feelings, know that I  _ do _ love you,”

“Even when I lash out at you?”

“Especially when you lash out at me,” 

“What if I accidentally deleted your file of Fury off of Hana’s console?”

“I would be pissed, but yes,”

“Even if I went into your room and messed with all your stuff?”

“Yes,”

“What if I took Storm Bow?”

“You are getting annoying,”

“What if I took the charm from Storm Bow?”

“Genji,”

“Oh, I got it! I’ll make sure to wash all of your whites with Jesse’s plaid things,” 

“I am leaving,” Hanzo pretended to get up only to have his brother laugh loudly.

“All right, all right! I won’t do that … yet,” 

“I would prefer if you did not do that at all,”

“As your little brother I can’t promise anything, Hanzo. That’s like asking Winston to stop being an ape,” 

Hanzo laughed at that and nodded his head, “I do not think the comparisons are similar,” 

“Debatable,” 

 

\---

 

With the news that the group was able to leave so soon got them riled up in an excited tizzy. A few people had begun to pack feverishly - mostly Mercy and Satya. The team had decided to have dinner together and get a couple of drinks in the hotel bar on the lobby floor. 

Before the dinner began - as Hanzo had requested his doctor - he did not tell anyone that he was released that day. Hanzo would be lying if he said he wasn’t excited to walk around on his own and to do as he pleased. 

And the second thing he had on his list was to visit his beloved boyfriend. Jesse was working with Jack as they sorted through a few boxes of files that Pharah had brought with her from Gibraltar; the cowboy was crouched down on his heels with his hair pulled back in a small sprout that rested at the nape of his neck. He wore a blue plaid shirt that billowed a little on his back, the sleeves were pushed up to his elbows with indecent folds that made him push them up every few minutes. 

Jack was in some jeans and a fitted shirt, his cane at his side as he sat cross-legged facing Hanzo, the box between the two men. His fingers laced through some papers, occasionally stopping to read some of the information, but ultimately moving on to other things.

“Hm, look at this file,” Jesse grumbled as he handed over a well-worn folder to the other man.

The notion made Jack look up from his work to notice the archer arrive in the room. A small smile came, “Nice to see you out and about, soldier,” 

Hanzo had slipped on a v-neck gray shirt and some black slacks, his hair was pulled back in its usual gold scarf with the few hairs he let free, “Thank you,” he smiled in return walking closer. 

Jesse nearly whipped around fast enough to throw out his neck, but as the sight of Hanzo his smile grew two sizes too big and he lunged forward to hug the man, “Darlin’!” 

Hanzo chuckled against the body that pressed tightly against him, “Hello, Jesse,” 

Once Jesse was satisfied with their embrace he placed his hands on Hanzo’s shoulders and admired him as they parted just faintly, “You’re lookin’ so much better. That brusin’ is almost all yellow,” 

“Almost. Still a few trouble spots,” 

“Well, darlin’, sweetpea, you had your face broken,” Jesse laughed, “I was assume there’d be a few ‘trouble spots’,”

“You make it sound so lovely,” Hanzo said sarcastically, “You two seem busy. I can come back at a later time,” 

Jack wove a hand at him, “You’re fine, Hanzo. We’re going to head down to the bar in an hour or so anyways, you two could get the jump on pre-gaming. I heard a couple others might go down early, too,” 

“This isn’t going to jeopardize Overwatch’s location, is it? All of us in the same room,” Hanzo asked worriedly. 

“Angela’s friend set up some security protocols that should prevent that. We rented the whole back area off so we should deal with small exposures, if anything,”

Jesse’s smile could match the sun. It was bright and excited, almost like a puppy on Christmas morning, “We should go down! Get caught up and all that,” 

Hanzo shrugged with his good shoulder, “Lead the way,  _ koibito _ ,”

Considering the hotel could accommodate up to thirty floors of guests the elevator lobby was nearly empty and the ground floor had only a few more than that. Golds accented the aesthetic of the hotel brimming the light fixtures and railings in the shiny material. It looked elegant and rich with reflective marble flooring with two men at the front entrance to hold the doors open for incoming and outgoing guests. The lobby smelled of rose and a spice, maybe cinnamon, and Hanzo noticed a small vase of flowers near the front desk where an omnic and a woman sat doing their respective jobs. Looking up, the ceiling scaled three floors up that allowed the elevators to see through glass paneling into the lobby below - Hanzo had watched through the glass as they descended. 

The bar and restaurant were off towards the back that looked over a massively impressive pool with two fountains of animals that spouted chlorinated water into the basins, a garden just as large lay behind that housed a maze that invited guests to get lost in. In New York of all places Hanzo didn’t think such an enormous place could exist, especially with the land out back that was not taken over by other buildings. 

When they entered the back room it was dimly lit with warm accents. Candles centered each table with a small bouquet of fresh flowers that continued on the aroma. Behind the bar stood one omnic who was dressed finely in a tuxedo while his hands cleaned glasses with a white towel. There were several shelves of liquor that varied in quality and pricing, the most expensive on the top, and good-sized booths adorned the front of the bar to welcome guests to the omnic’s mastery. 

Jesse sat them at a table near the bar where he could sit across from Hanzo instead of having to turn to face him, “This okay?”

“Just fine,”

“Great,” Jesse beamed. Before he sat down he went up to the bartender and ordered a couple of whiskeys for them - top shelf stuff - and brought the glasses over to sit between the two of them. “When’d Angie let you out?” he asked taking a sip of his drink. The bite of liquor making him purse his lips a little. 

“This morning,” Hanzo replied easily stirring the drink in his good hand. “I spoke with Genji for a while before I began my rounds,” 

“Damn, you went and saw everyone else before me?” Jesse feigned jealousy and pouted his lips. 

“Naturally everyone else. For what motive would I have to see you first?” Hanzo finally brought the glass to his lips, a smirk on them as he took a drink. 

“You’re right,” Jesse complied, “Bein’ a boyfriend an all don’t mean nothin’ in the scheme of things,” 

“Hardly anything, honestly.” Hanzo watched Jesse carefully, a smirk shared between them. With a whisper he spoke over his glass, “Of course I came to you first,” 

The statement and sentiment made Jesse blush hard, the pink rose over his nose and rested high in his cheeks. He took a long sip and then set the glass on the table and leaned in resting his arms on the wood, a hooded gaze cast the archer’s way, “Usually that’s me, but I don’t judge for comin’ early,” 

Hanzo’s smile went crooked and he sat back in his chair with a sensual expression, “How uncouth. We are in public, my dear Jesse,”

“Ain’t you figured it out all ready that bein’ dirty in public is a kink of mine? Tsk tsk, honey, thought you woulda caught on by now,” 

“It is not a matter that I had not caught on, more of one that I like to keep in a secret place until I am able to expose it,” 

“How do ya figure you’d expose it, then?” With a graceful movement Hanzo rose his foot and rested it between Jesse’s legs and pressed the tip of his shoe into the groin of his partner. Jesse made a soft gasp and his eyes went wide, “Didn’t actually think you’d do somethin’,” he laughed low and charmingly. 

Hanzo leaned into the table then with a smirk that could match the devil’s, “Then you do not know much about me,”

“I know plenty,” Jesse challenged. 

“Try me,”

Raising the glass to his lips he mused on taking a sip or replying first, but he was cut short when Hana sauntered into the room in a gray  _ New York City _ sweater, skinny jeans, and some sneakers. Her hair was wrapped in a loose bun with a few pieces framing her face. She wove her hand with a small smile as she neared them. “Not in front of our child, Hanzo, what were you thinking?” Jesse teased.

Rolling his eyes Hanzo snickered, “You are hopeless, cowboy,” 

“Hey guys,” Hana greeted grabbing a nearby chair to bring up to their table. “Sorry I’m crashing the party, but everyone upstairs is driving me nuts. See, at Gibraltar I could drink booze, but in America I’m not legal for two more years,” she set her phone on the table and tapper her painted nails against the back of it. “Man, it’s gonna be so boring for me tonight while you all get wasted,” 

Hanzo rose a brow and Jesse leaned in towards the girl, “I’ll sneak ya some, you know I always got ya covered,” 

Hana chuckled and nudged him with her elbow, “Hopefully you won’t get a ticket like last time for giving alcohol to a minor,”

“I didn’t know Spain had changed their drinkin’ laws! Ain’t my fault. Plus, it was still fun and I don’t regret it.  _ You _ didn’t even get in trouble,”

“Of course  _ I _ didn’t, I’m an angel. Plus, you tried to tell them you were my brother and they didn’t buy it for a minute. Racist pigs,” 

Hanzo rose a brow, “I do not mind letting you drink, if they are that racist at least they will believe it since we are both Asian,”

“No!” Hana barked with irritation in her voice, “It’s messed up that they profile like that, if Jesse and I were actually related and they acted that way, I mean, it’s disgusting,” 

“You are not wrong,” 

“The world’s run by pigs, remember that’s why we’re here. To help clean up their messes,” Jesse mumbled while taking his last sip. 

Hanzo nudged his glass to Hana and nodded to it. The girl looked up carefully at the omnic - he wasn’t paying them any attention - and took the glass with a smile. She sipped the whiskey with care and then handed it back to Hanzo. She was legal to drink in her home country, most of Europe, too, so she had all ready been introduced to liquor. She hardly made any expression that would express how strong the drink was, “Thanks,” 

“Of course. Anything for my sister,” the archer replied. It was half joking but also half sincere. The two shared a warm glance and then Hana broke it off as her cheeks went a little pink. “Have you gotten anything useful done while we have been here, Hana?”

Reclining in her seat she nodded, “A few things, yeah. Satya and I finished a book and got to talk about it for a while. Got to contact a couple of friends that were in my squad, even got a few leads on things here and there. With so much down time it’s been nice to be able to sit behind a computer and just do what I do best,” 

“I am glad,” 

“Me, too. Honestly thought, I’ve had such terrible cabin fever. I was so excited after you and Satya told Jack we should go back home. Almost immediately they deployed drones to scope out the base. Mei and Zarya are used to being holed up at the watchpoint so it’s not too much for them, and you’d think since I love to game I’d love to hole up in my room and game the hours away, but when your creature comforts are revoked it kinda sucks,” 

“Agreed,” Jesse chimed in. “I’ll get another round,” he grabbed Hanzo’s almost empty glass and his own and went back to the bar where he leaned easily on it. 

“You doin’ okay, Han?” Hana asked looking up as she picked at the cuticles on her nails. 

“I am all right,” 

“C’mon,”

“I am excited to be out of the hospital ward,” he said truthfully. 

“Yeah, how come you didn’t tell me about that?” she demanded raising a brow. “Woulda thrown you a party or something,” 

“For that exact reason,” he laughed. 

“Party pooper,” 

Hanzo stuck out his tongue just barely and Hana replied in the same manner. “How are  _ you _ doing?” 

She mused on it and sighed wistfully, “Honestly, I’m just relieved you’re out of the hospital. I still worry everyday about you even though I know each day is new. But, apart from that I’m  _ so _ ready to get outta here. My MEKA is just sitting in the cargo hold below the parking lot and she’s just getting filthy there,” 

Smiling, “I did not know it was a ‘she’,”

“Eh, it changes. Sometimes it’s a boy, sometimes a girl, sometimes neither. Depends on how I feel,” she shrugged. Jesse came back over and sat down with three glasses instead of one. One whiskey, a rum, and a sprite with a cherry stabbed with a plastic sword. “What am I supposed to do with this, go to a five-year-old’s birthday party?” Jesse didn’t reply as he watched the omnic turn away once more and quickly grabbed her cup. Chugging a fourth of the sprite down he then poured some of his rum into the beverage. “Oh,” 

“Never say I didn’t do nothin’ for ya,” he took a long swig of his rum as the omnic turned back to face them only to see how much booze the cowboy had supposedly drank down. 

Hanzo laughed heartily, his good hand resting on his chest as he expressed his joy. How much of a family these two were to him, how they  _ acted _ like a family around him.  Taking her glass with promise she sipped it and smiled at Jesse, “Thanks,” 

“Anytime, sugar,” Jesse sang into his cup. “Rum by itself sure is nasty, though,”

“I will trade you,” Hanzo suggested finally calming down, “I do not mind dry rum,” 

“Really?” Jesse rose a brow.

“Really. Back home sometimes when Genji would come home at night he would bring half a bottle of some booze he and his friends had been drinking. Most of the time it was rum or vodka. I took what I could get,” Hanzo explained looking between his companions. 

“Didn’t you have sake to drink?” Hana asked. 

“Or beer?” Jesse added.

“Ah, I was not allowed to drink before the elders or my father during the day. By the time the sun had set I was so exhausted that I did not care to drink with them. So, I drank alone in my room,” It sounded sadder when he told the short tale but he smiled and shrugged, “Occasionally if Genji was still conscious he would drink with me for awhile. More times than not I would climb to the roof and watch the moon and stars with the bottle. They are actually very fond memories,” 

Jesse whistled, “Don’t sound very fond, darlin’,”

Hanzo pointed a light finger at his partner before grabbing his glass to take a drink, “If I told you of other things I was forced to do you may not think it so daunting,” 

“That’s worse?” Hana chuckled with some humor in it. “But, I can sorta relate.” she ate the cherry off of the sword. 

“Since we’re swapin’ stories here,”

“When did this become a swap?”

“Shush, darlin’, I’m gonna tell a story,”

“I did not know it was story time. If I had know my tale would ensue this I would have kept my mouth shut,”

“Why you gotta be so mean? I’m just tryin’ to tell a funny tale back in New Mexico,”

“The desert,”

“Yes, the desert! I love the desert!”

Hana watched them banter but they were both smiling while they teased, a playful rouse in their tones. 

“And what of it, were there coyotes and a canyon? Or how about the cold nights you had to spend under your serape,” 

“Okay, I’m tellin’ it anyways. So one night Gabe and I were scoutin’ this area after I was first officiated into Overwatch. I was about nineteen or so, still a spry pup,”  

“Oh, you changed it up a little. You are younger in this one, that changes everything,”

“Hanzo, I swear to God,”

Hanzo laughed and took a drink of the clear rum, “Did you have the hat then?”

“No! I didn’t. Not yet,” 

“What of your pistol?”

“ANYWAYS,” Jesse nearly barked with a laugh, “We were staked out in this stupid old shack on a lead that eventually lead nowhere. So this one night he calls me in and hands me a flask. We had water in it earlier, I had thought, but-”

“Alcohol!” Hanzo interrupted. “I am thoroughly shocked,”

Jesse leaned over the table and swatted at the archer, both of them laughing like they were ten. Hanzo moved away so the gunslinger couldn’t touch him and Hana watched in glee at their interaction. “It was vodka!” he finally said as Hanzo moved his hand away from grabbing him. “Come here so I can skin ya!” 

“And to think, a table is keeping you at bay! I must tell the management how astounding their furniture is!” he finally had to stand to keep himself away. 

“Was it your first drink?” Hana asked curiously. 

Jesse looked down, smiled, straightened his shirt with a snap, and sat back down looking at her making sure Hanzo knew he was pointedly ignoring him, “No. I had my first drink when I was twelve or so. However, this was my first drink with my boss; in Overwatch. I wasn’t expectin’ booze so when I slung it back I was hackin’ so hard I nearly coughed up my own lung. Never heard Gabe laugh that hard before! He had that kind of infectious laugh, y’know? Anywho, once I settled myself I took another swig. And then another, and then by the time the sun rose we were both skunked. Ana had to drag both our hides back to the hovership,”

Mei, Zarya, Zenyatta, and Satya came into the bar making their way over towards the trio. Satya waved elegantly to Hana who waved back as the other three followed behind her. 

Hanzo felt sort of disconnected in a split moment where he now had to share his time with Hana and Jesse. Lúcio would be down shortly, he assumed, so he could talk to him as well, but he just adored and loved - words could not properly describe it - hanging with those two in particular. They just seemed to understand him in ways that no one else in their team did. That didn’t mean he didn’t like them, he actually cared for them all very much, but when he looked at his boyfriend and then to his best friend it was hard to want anything other that his selfish time with them. 

Once they would arrive back at Watchpoint: Gibraltar things would rev them into high gear to tackle their next missions to end two large entities. Hanzo was nervous, he wasn’t going to lie about it, and when he really got into thinking too deeply about the matter a panic attack would rise and he’d be left breathless and scared.

Things would resolve eventually, and as Hanzo’s mind tried to reel himself into a darker place he downed the rest of the rum and got up to get another drink. At least tonight he’d make himself have fun. He was with his family, even Genji was going to come down. He’d make himself remember tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -FLUFF AND MORE FLUSFF  
> -Again, as always, thank you so much for the kind words, it means the literal world to me. <3 You guys are so wonderful and beautiful and I love each one of you.  
> -If there are any additional trigger warnings that I need to add, or there is something culturally/language/character portrayal/geography/etc incorrect please let me know!! I want to fix these things ASAP.  
> -Leave kudos or a comment if you enjoyed the chapter!!
> 
> my friend drew a scene of Hanzo and Hana gaming together! Check it out!  
> http://lucinaandlinkarebae.tumblr.com/image/156771053950
> 
> tumblr: goddesofawesome.tumblr.com  
> twitter: https://twitter.com/GoddesofAwesome
> 
> I will try to post chapters every week.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanzo finally gets that damn cast off of his arm!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Thank y'all for being so patient with me! I've been pretty depressed and it's been keeping me from writing, but I was able to churn this out and get things rolling again! :) 
> 
> TW: mentions of suicide

A night of drinking brought sloppy kisses and curious, roaming hands. Once the team had been kicked out of the bar at midnight Hanzo and Jesse fumbled with each other’s clothes as they got into Hanzo’s room. The archer had left the bathroom light on for himself but the rest of the room was dark, the shadows cast across both men a little sinister if not a little enchanting. 

Both men were incredibly inebriated. Hanzo stumbled over Jesse’s jeans as they were discarded, both laughing as the gunslinger caught him, their mouths brushing and then clashing, their hands roaming and grabbing and missing and more laughing. With Hanzo still in his sling it proved to be a little more difficult to get rid of his shirt, but they eventually managed and Jesse paused while his hands rested on the man’s chest, a faraway gaze in his eyes. Hanzo rose his good hand and caressed the scruffy cheek of his partner, his smile warm and welcoming. “Jesse,” Hanzo rasped. 

“The sound of yer laugh, I swear it could bring me up from anythin’, darlin’, it melts my heart into somethin’ stupid,” Jesse slurred, his hands sliding around Hanzo’s waist drawing him closer; with a goofy grin the cowboy rested his forehead against his boyfriend’s. “We get to go home, and I get to go home with you. I’m the luckiest man alive, I think,” 

Overwhelmed and flustered, Hanzo exhaled a shaky breath and pushed Jesse away half an inch so he could breathe a little better, “It will be nice to have our morning routine back on track,” 

“Yeah it will,” Jesse agreed. 

Hanzo looked into the eyes that glowed and showed him reflections of images and memories; they swam with booze and adoration pulling the archer in once more. It was always difficult to stay away for too long, even if it was just a moment that Hanzo wanted to separate himself, but in another second he saw a beauty he wondered if anyone else had appreciated before. Surely there must have been many others, but they were only there to abuse and take advantage of the beauty before him, he hoped that he never came across that way. 

Hanzo chuckled, “You smile a lot more when you are drunk,”

Jesse laughed, “Not usually, usually when I’m drunk I get sad and end up blackin’ out, but with you it’s different, y’know?” 

And Hanzo did understand. When he would drink before it would be to drown out his depression, to revolt against the label on his anti-depressants that told him not to drink with his medication, and to somehow find eventual sleep. It wasn’t  _ every _ time Hanzo drank that he wanted to feel that way, but it held a majority of the occurrences he could thought of. “I do know, yes,” There was also the sense of belonging that was rising in Hanzo. As horrible as his fall was it made him realize how much the team cared about him. Even those he hardly talked to came and gifted a card with niceties and kind words; his outburst of suicidal thoughts brought heartache to those who loved him but it also brought him a sort of resolve. There hadn’t been anyone to care if he lived or died in a long, long time. To think that if he killed himself that these people would be sad and hurt and mourn for his death, and that hit Hanzo incredibly hard: it made him feel that his chest had been filled with bullets but emitted a different kind of pain. 

Hanzo remembered the first encounter he had with Jesse, an awkward meeting on a boat that would lead him to a future he hadn’t anticipated. Jesse had stood there beautifully against the dark water and metal of the ship that shined in the light of the moon. He wouldn’t admit it to himself then, but as Hanzo reflected on the moment his heart swelled and he couldn’t stop smiling. Jesse took notice of this immediately and snickered, “What’re you so happy about?”

Hanzo, with the realization, decided to share it, “I am happy because you are my anchor, and I do not know how to thank you for that.” Jesse rose a brow not really understanding, “You were the first person I met in Overwatch and you welcomed me with open arms and made me comfortable around you. If I was worried or overwhelmed I knew I could rely on you, somehow I knew that despite my reservations about the entirety of me being in Gibraltar you were a figure I knew was safe. I did not know anything about you yet I let my life be carried in your direction. You were the person who made me feel like I belonged in a place where I knew I would not, you became my anchor,”

Jesse’s face was dark with blush and he chuckled nervously, “Damn, sweetpea, just droppin’ that on me when I can’t even see straight,” 

Hanzo then felt bad and worried and removed his hand from Jesse, “I am sorry, I did not mean to put this upon you like that, I was just…” he trailed off attempting to push himself out of the man’s grip but he only held onto Hanzo’s back tighter, “I apologize,”

“Don’t apologize, I just wasn’t prepared for you to get all soft on me,” 

“I am always soft with you when we are close,” Hanzo mumbled as his face reddened, his eyes diverting to a dark corner of the room, “I cannot help it. You make me feel things I have never felt before and holding them in feels wrong. I held in my feelings and words when I was younger and it did not benefit me, it was the opposite. I was punished for expressing myself,” 

“Hanzo, it’s  _ okay _ . I love it when you get all romantic on me, don’t ever feel like you’re making me feel uncomfortable or anything like that. It was just unexpected, I didn’t know you’d still be so affectionate on lil ole me when you’re drunk,” This got Hanzo to smile and brought his eyes back to Jesse’s, “Honestly, I figured you to be more of a dominant and blunt type,” 

Hanzo rose a brow with a smirk, “How so?” 

Jesse rolled his eyes, “You really makin’ me spell it out for ya?”

“Absolutely,”

Jesse sighed as if the task was too much, “You like torturin’ me, don’t ya?”

“I would find it impossible to deny that,” 

Jesse’s face went even darker and he stuttered a little, now nervous and embarrassed of what he was expecting, “I-I don’t know if I really wanna tell ya,”

Hanzo’s face went dark and he closed the space between their chests - as much as it would allow for the sling - and pressed his lips on Jesse’s chin with a brief kiss, “Why is that?” 

“Now you’re just toyin’ with me and I don’t appreciate it one bit,” Jesse chuckled. 

“As much as I would like to press you against a wall it is a little difficult for me at this time, how about when I get my cast off I promise to be more aggressive. Oh, and to torment you in public with lude words,” 

“Lemme tell you one thing, you don’t have to do much to get me hard, darlin’,”

“That is so sweet,” 

“What can I say, I’m a poet,”

“Truly a man with a talent for words,” They laughed for a stilled moment and then settled on standing there with their eyes locked like two lovesick idiots. Hanzo broke the silence with a hushed tone, “When we get back I would like us to go on a real date,” 

“You mean drinkin’ with the others and fuckin’ on a regular basis aren’t real dates?” 

Hanzo laughed loudly and Jesse smiled with triumph, “I never said I did not enjoy those things, do not get them confused. Getting away from the kids would be nice,” He just wanted to show off Jesse, in all honesty. 

“Well, you got a point,” 

“Even if it is at the watchpoint I want it to be a serious affair,”

“Like dressin’ up, the whole nine yards?” 

Hanzo looked embarrassed, “Yes,” 

Jesse kissed his partner’s cheek, “Anythin’ for you,” 

 

\---

 

The flight back to Watchpoint: Gibraltar was extremely exciting. Hanzo could feel the heightened and anticipatory energy as they exited the United States border and headed over the ocean. They left late in the night when everything was packed neatly and all had been properly accounted for. 

Jesse and Hana were playing a handheld game with racing, a few of the Overwatch members had sat around them watching and cheering as the game went on. Lena and Winston were in the hull piloting while Angela was reclined in a seat just off of the room with headphones in, a notepad and pen in her hands. 

Hanzo had spent some time with his brother while they were in flight; they talked about a few things here and there and then they talked about their past a little and left Hanzo feeling nostalgic. It had resulted in him feeling tired and exhausted so he walked to the back of the hovership and climbed amongst the cargo until he got to a high place where he could nestle himself in for a nap. 

The archer fell asleep quickly and dreamt of overlooking the scenery at the top of skyscrapers where the sun was setting with blues and pinks, small and bright stars peeking out of the darkness. The wind was warm and settled nicely on his exposed skin, the gold scarf flapping with the movement. 

Hana had woken him up by sitting atop him slowly crushing him while repeating, “Wake up, wake up, wake up!” Needless to say it worked quickly. “We’re home,” she finalized once he looked at her dead in the face while struggling to rise. They shared a small smile and she hopped off a few seconds later scaling back down the crates. 

Gibraltar was chilly and wet just as Hanzo had remembered leaving it, the sound of the ocean crashing below them soothing and comforting like he was being welcomed with open arms, and the cliffs stood looming above them in dark shadows telling Hanzo they had missed him. 

The smell of the interior nearly made Hanzo weak. He didn’t know it had a scent but now that he had been absent for a little over a month it hit him with a wave of emotion. Hanzo smiled with tears bubbling in his eyes as he ran his good hand over the walls to the kitchen and then to the shooting range. He stood idle in the room that Athena lit for him for a while soaking in the feeling that he had missed this place, that this collection of walls and people/omnic had become a place of security for him. 

While he traversed back down from where he came he found his belongings set neatly outside of his door - several other bags were placed in the same manner outside of their respective owner’s door - and shuffled himself and his things into his room with slight difficulty. Only having one hand to use was hard when he had three bags plus the case for his bow and quiver. 

His room was bare and scarce of his things that had been packed for the last mission, the remainder of his clothing folded neatly in the dresser. He sat on his bed and looked around the walls hating how bare they were and wished he had something to decorate them with. With a deep breath he closed his eyes and exhaled. 

When he had arrived here he didn’t want a permanence in this place, he told himself he’d never put anything on his door or the walls because that would tell himself, more than others, that he wanted to stay. 

But now he  _ did _ want to stay and it scared him. It also excited him and he got up and searched through his luggage until he found his wallet. Hanzo pulled out the picture of himself and his brother when they were tiny - the image given to him by Genji on his first day with the box of memorabilia - and set it on his comforter. With some looking around he had to leave his room and went into the kitchen where he found a cabinet dedicated to odds and ends such as tape, pens, pencils, tablets of paper, extra holotablets, microphones, headphones, staples, tacks, and a few other items. Hanzo had heard a few members call it the “Junk Cabinet” and that it was open for everyone to help themselves to. 

Grabbing a small tin of tacks Hanzo returned to his room - Reinhardt was cooking with Lúcio who both had greeted him with boisterous voices - and set box on his bed while pulling out a single clear tack. With one hand he pressed the photo against the plaster and then used his index finger and thumb to shittily push the tack through the top of the photo and into the wall. Until he had both hands to do this it would have to do for now. The tack was off center but Hanzo didn’t care. Once he straightened it at eye level he stepped back and smiled at it. Hanzo never had the luxury of designing his own room or hanging things he liked on the walls, and he would have to admit he thought it was kind of fun. He had sorely missed out as a teenager. 

With excitement and renewed motivation he dug through a few of his things until he found the note written in Japanese that had gone along with the photo and tacked it beneath the image. He didn’t have much else yet to put on the wall but now he had a reason to, he had a reason to seek out an opportunity to take photos of his teammates and to put them in a place he could refer back to. 

Slowly throughout the night he unpacked his things until dinner was called over the com. Hanzo emerged from his room noticing several others coming out of their own - including Jesse and Satya - and he waited for them so they could walk together to the kitchen. 

Dinner came at two in the morning and everyone still showed up. The food was incredible and everyone was more than grateful to have a meal that was home cooked instead of bought at the hotel or hospital. Not to mention how burned out everyone was from any local joint that wasn’t fast food. 

Angela had started a toast to being back in Gibraltar that had started a clockwise event that had everyone saying how happy they were to be back and what they wanted to accomplish now that they had their resources again. Hanzo had been seated between Jesse and Angela and ended up going last because of where he sat. When Jesse had finished and started to fill his mouth with chicken and green beans again Hanzo felt his anxiety spike and he stumbled for words. 

With a little help Lúcio offered, “You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to, Hanzo,”

“No, I want to, just give me a second,” Hanzo replied and the group silenced in waiting for him. 

No one would say it aloud, but Hanzo had become a special entity in their company. To Hanzo he thought of this family as special, and everyone else thought of him as the special addition. He had a particular set of ailments that plagued him - as well as most of the Overwatch members did - and because he was still grasping how to understand friendship and opening up to those he trusted they thought of him with fragility and care. It wasn’t to be seen like they pitied him or thought Hanzo was weak, it was quite the opposite. 

“I am excited to be back here, to a home I had not expected to call my own,” Hanzo began after taking a drink of his water to clear his throat, “To say that I am home amongst friends is something that is extremely hard for me to accept completely, but… it is, without a doubt, one of the best feelings I have had in a long time. To be seated with my brother at the same table, to find friendship in all of you, I am grateful beyond words. I apologize that my family has put you all in danger’s way, but I am also humbled to fight them alongside each of you.” He said it all rather quickly but it still held its importance. He smiled bashfully at the table and then his face turned a darker shade of red and he stared down at his food. 

Satya moved her fingers in a fluid motion, “You are part of our family, even if it is a little broken and scattered at times. In the end we all come to the same place and sit around the same table, for most of us we are all we have left besides our own lives,” 

Jack spoke up, “I haven’t always been nice to you at times, but I can’t deny that she’s right. We have all lost so much - families, countries, wars, friends - and even though we put our lives on the line still to this day, it’s nice to come back to familiarity,”

“Sometimes not all of us come back,” Reinhardt added quietly, “but in the end it is all worth it. To make friends in a cause you believe in, in a _good_ cause. It is hard to lose people you love and care for and those times when that person doesn’t come home with you can be the hardest. But, it is better to be surrounded by friends than it is to be alone,” 

Zenyatta hovered at his place with an empty plate before him, “Zarya and I do not agree most of the time, we have different viewpoints on several important topics, but at the end of the day we both know we are on the same side and we fight together,”

The Russian smiled and held up her beer to toast at the omnic, “It’s true! We fight nail and tooth on a daily basis, but when I’m hurt and bleeding he comes to heal me despite my opinion on his kind, as I will defend him when he needs it. We are a team fighting the same evil,”

Genji chewed on a piece of bread and held up his hand, “You’re all forgetting the most important detail here,” he swallowed and rose his scarred eyebrows at his brother, “we’re around each other so often we know how to blackmail each other. I like using my intel for extra food or the good snacks Mei hides,” the table chuckled together. “You guys should  _ see _ the stash I have under my bed! Too bad I have my room locked,”

“Athena could just let us in,” Angela charged with a smirk. “Now that I know where the Moonpies are going,” 

Genji flustered and stuck his tongue out at her, “Who said I had those?” 

“I was just guessing, but you gave it away. Without your faceplate your poker face isn’t that good,” 

“Shit,” 

Hanzo noticed Hana had her cheeks puffed out a little, an action that said she might wanna say something but was too shy to say. He never took her for the shy type when she had something on her mind, but it could wait until after dinner for them to talk privately if that’s what she wanted. The girl noticed the archer’s glance and met gazes, her cheeks deflated and she smiled shyly at him, he returned the gesture. 

Jesse took him out of the moment with his elbow that nudged gently into his side, “Not to mention our more-than-friendly-relationship,” he said it with a smile and a wink and Hanzo flushed. 

With boosted confidence that those around him had expressed their reciprocated emotions he added to the table, “And to relationships that are more than anything you would have ever expected,” he made a very noticeable glance to Jesse who screwed up his mouth at being put on the stage, embarrassment flooded him. 

Several expressions were awes and cheers, Mei and Zarya looked at one another with pink in their faces, joyous smiles on their faces, Pharah and Angela meeting eyes and blushing shylyy. Hana made a very distinct, “EW” to the table and a few laughed. 

Reinhardt’s face went dreamy and he smiled, “Oh, Ana,” and rose a glass to the woman who was not seated with them and took a drink of his beer. 

Jack tried to smile but couldn’t, the pain of who he loved the most lost to the other side. He took a small drink for the person anyways, and closed his eyes as he remembered good times in the past. 

Lena’s face sparkled and she stood proudly with one hand on her hip and the other holding her glass of wine out to the table, “I love you lot! To us!” 

In synchrony the entire table rose their glass regardless of what filled it and smiled at her, “To us!” they chorused together. 

Jesse reclined in his seat and rested his mechanical arm over the back of Hanzo’s chair and wouldn’t take his beaming eyes off of his boyfriend, pride and joy flourishing from his being. With a swift movement he moved in and kissed Hanzo on the cheek before settling back again. 

 

\---

 

Two weeks after they had settled in news reports began to film on live television of sites being blown to smithereens with hardly any traces of a building left. These places happened to be previous Overwatch locations that hadn’t been utilized in more than a decade. What did this mean? Whatever and whomever was attacking the Overwatch locations were eventually going to find Gibraltar. It just so happened that it was the only occupied site remaining. 

Hanzo had one week to go until his cast could be looked at. He had been taking excellent care of it in the hopes that Angela would clear him to have it removed. He had been running on a daily basis, sometimes several, and kept his good arm in shape with lifting weights so when the time came to utilize both arms again he would only be down one. 

He and Jesse had been sparring lightly when the news came on. Athena began to broadcast it for the few that were in the training hangar too focused on their task at hand to look up, so Athena took it in her hands to make sure they all listened to the news as it came on. And it worked, eventually the few that were in the room walked over to the screen at the door and watched the smoking and smoldering remains of a previous location in China. The newscaster showed a similar instance that occurred only days before in Iran. Hanzo began to worry. 

The next week while Hanzo was in Angela’s medical wing getting his arm X-rayed and evaluated Winston reported for Zarya, Mei, Zenyatta, Jesse, Genji, and Satya to report to his office. Hanzo felt week in that moment and swallowed thickly. 

“You’re in luck,” Angela smiled at him looking over his latest scans. “Looks like today’s the day to get your wing back,” 

Hanzo grinned at her feeling only slight excitement. He should have been jumping up and down, even if figuratively, but the call of agents sent Hanzo’s gut into turmoil. They were being sent on a mission soon, he just knew it. Winston was briefing them on new information about something that he didn’t have the right to know. 

Jack entered the room struggling to keep his hands from shaking, he sat in the seat across from Hanzo and clutched at his cane, his entire being seeming to vibrate. “Hey Hanzo,” he greeted exhaustively. 

“Jack,” 

“He’s here for his medication,” Angela advised the concern on the archer’s face. “Give me a moment, Hanzo, it’s just a quick injection.” she left his side and went to her cabinet preparing a few items. When she had a small tray ready she went and sat at his side, he tried to roll up his sleeve but had immense difficulty, the doctor helped him with gentle hands. “One to ten?”

“Nine,” 

Angela made a confirming noise and filled the syringe on her lap from a vile of murky looking fluid. “Higher than yesterday,” Sterilizing a spot on his arm she injected the medication and then held a cotton ball to the wound only for Jack to replace her fingers with his own. “Any significant changes?” 

“Couldn’t get a wink of sleep,” Jack replied resting his head against the wall and closed his eyes waiting for the liquid to take its effect. 

“Hm, all right. Maybe we have to up the dosage. I’ll get with a few colleagues and see if they’ve found anything new. Any other symptoms?” 

“I feel like there’s a pain behind my eyes, it’s only been there since yesterday evening,” 

“Okay. Keep me informed of any changes today. I have my com on for you,” 

“Thanks, Ang,”

“Of course, Jackie,” 

Hanzo grinned to himself at the nickname, an endearing term to show the depth of their friendship.  Angela returned to Hanzo’s side while Jack stayed as he was for a few more minutes before leaving in silence. 

“Now let’s get this thing off!” she exclaimed excitedly. 

“Yes, I am ready!” Hanzo tried to join her excitement but felt he was lacking slightly. 

The procedure took less than an hour and when Angela helped him stretch out his elbow it felt like a detached part of him now coming to life, almost like a robotic entity that had taken control over his arm. “It’s going to feel weird for the first couple of days, but you’ll get used to it in no time,” 

He flexed and curled his fingers, bent his elbow every which way, touched the surface of where the broken bones had once been. “I can lift weights?” the sliver of red fabric had been encased in the cast but now hung snugly around his wrist once more.

Angela looked at him with about as much shock as a fly, “You know better than to ask that question, and you probably know the answer,”

“Take it easy?”

“It’s like you can read my mind,” 

Hanzo nodded, “All right, I will be kind to it,” 

“Good. No climbing and no weights over five pounds for the first week,” 

Hanzo tried not to groan but ended up rolling his eyes, “Yes, ma’am,”

She smiled and patted his shoulder, “Now get outta here. Go show off that tattoo of yours again,” 

Hanzo had left with many thanks and a hug - one  _ he _ initiated - and went searching for his partner and brother, both of which he knew were still with Winston. He thought about visiting Jack but decided against it when he learned from Athena that he was in his room probably napping. 

So, he went to Hana’s room and knocked. She opened it with a smile, “I knew you’d visit me first!” 

Hanzo chuckled, “How do I look?” he showcased his freed arm and she feigned to swoon and gawk over the limb. “Oh come now, do not be so ridiculous,” 

“I can’t get over it how smokin’ it is! I’m going blind! The tattoo, the dragons, they’re taking my eyes!” she clawed at her face without hiding her smile and small laugh and Hanzo punched her in the arm. “Now my shoulder! I’m being revoked of my senses!” 

“Your shoulder is not a sense,” 

“It is if I want it to be,” 

“How many senses do you have, then?” 

“I don’t know, eight?” 

“What! How? Which ones?” 

“That’s my private information!”

“Well I know one of them now is your shoulder,”

“Yeah, that’s because I  _ let _ you know that information, mister,” Hana had welcomed Hanzo into her room and she curled up in the beanbag chair on the floor grabbing her controller. Hanzo sat on her bed and sprawled out and leaned against the headboard. She was playing a game he hadn’t seen before, it was a first-person-shooter and the graphics looked incredibly smooth. “This came out while we were in New York, a shit ton of my followers had recommended the game to me and after some research of my own I bought it. So far it’s pretty good, I like the gun handling and the mechanic of switching weapons, but getting health packs is kinda weird, I think,”

“How so?”

“Like, okay, see that screen? It’s supposed to be green when I get a health pack that has enough oomph to heal me to full capacity but it doesn’t, so far with what I’ve played I haven’t seen one health pack that doesn’t give you full health. It’s kinda strange, but it’s just something I have to get used to. The melee action is pretty sweet, though,” she did a few actions with her character - Hanzo had leaned over and got a bottle of water she had stalked in her mini fridge - and then found herself in a full shoot-out. 

“Left!” Hanzo shouted as he spotted several enemies approaching through the brush. Hana dodged it with a roll, planted a mine in the process, and sling-shot to a nearby tree to evade the explosion. The enemies deteriorated on the explosive and she had gained extra experience for her flee. 

“You wanna try? I can switch it to an easier map,” she offered shaking her controller at him. 

“Sure,” he took it and messed around with the controls until he had a good bearing on which buttons did what. He was fairly gifted with learning the movements so quickly, even Hana had praised him for it, so when she had told him to enter a live match and he got second overall highest score she nearly leapt off of her seat screaming in victory, Hanzo, too,  had hollered and they high-fived in triumph. 

“Okay, but let’s get down to business. Brass taxes and the like.” Hana sauntered over to her controller stand and pulled the white one free turning it on. She made a hand gesture at Hanzo and he scooted over so she could sit next to him. They sat shoulder-to-shoulder and began a new game of Fury, “Let’s see if you’re still good at this,” 

“Please, just because I am older does not mean I forget things so easily,”

“Prove it, old man! Beat my kill streak and we’ll call it even,” 

The two played against other live players, a few on the mic had started screaming because the one and only Hana Song was playing with them or against them, asking for a friend request, all of which she ignored. “This is Hanzo time, assholes, go away!” she yelled at the holoscreen as Hanzo laughed and took her next kill. “NO!” she barked and laughed while shoving him in the arm. 

“Do not be distracted, I will continue to steal your targets!” 

Close to the end of the match a knock came to her door, “Enter!” she called to the person. The door opened and Jesse peeked in tipping his hat as he did so, “Hey Jes,” 

“Hiya, mind if I join for a bit?” 

“Of course not,” Hanzo answered sharing a glance and a small smile with his boyfriend. 

“Thank ya kindly,” he sat on the floor next to him with his knees propped up and his arms resting on them, he removed his hat and sat it next to himself and watched them play. “How long y’all been at this?” 

“A couple hours,” Hana said as she nearly bit her tongue as she sniped a kill and Hanzo nearly screamed next to her, “Ha ha ha! Keep up!” 

“You jumped in front of me! That is cheating!” 

“Cheating is for losers and I don’t lose, Han, keep up.”

The match finally finished and the ratings came in that Hanzo was only two kills behind Hana, and she made all efforts to tease him about it. Jesse stayed oddly quiet and Hanzo looked over Hana’s lap down at the cowboy, “Are you all right, Jesse?” 

He looked up startled as if caught in a deep thought, “Oh. Yeah! I’m fine, sugar, don’t worry none,” but his expression said otherwise. 

“If you two don’t mind I was thinking about going to make dinner or something, you can stay in here but I’m gettin’ up. Gotta stretch my legs,” Hana said laying dramatically over Hanzo while stretching her limbs as far as they could go which covered his face obnoxiously. 

“You smell! Have you showered since we have been back?” Hanzo sneered as she rubbed her head onto his face. 

“Nope!” 

“Get off!” Hanzo barked but Hana reached for her hair and began stringing it over the archer, “Hana!” he laughed pushing her away. 

“Fine!” she slithered off the bed and onto Jesse - he laughed and held up his hands threatening to tickle her, “Nope! Nope! Okay, I’m off!” 

“That’s the best judgement you’ve made all day, I reckon,”

“Worst brothers ever,” she stuck out her tongue but waved as she left her room. 

Hanzo stood up, stretched his back shortly, and then looked down at Jesse, “Tell me,” 

“Winston has a lead on the explosions or terrorist attacks or whatever,” the cowboy began, “he got some live footage of a few of the perps before the cameras were shut off and blow up. They were wearing that same outfit you described in Ilios,” 

“The gumi?”

“Yeah. It’s only a matter o’ time before they learn of this location and make plans to destroy it. Winston is scraping the initial plan we had in New York about the two teams. He… doesn’t want you a part of it, though…”

Hanzo’s brows came together in anger, “Why not?” 

“He says you might be compromised or not physically ready to get back into the field or somethin’. Thought I’d give you the news before he did,” Jesse sounded small and that he regretted what he said. Hell,  he did. He wanted Hanzo to be a part of their attacks against his family line. 

“So everyone else gets to help take down the Shimada clan except me,” Hanzo said darkly, his gaze diverting from Jesse. 

“Yeah. Look, I thought maybe we could do that date tonight or somethin’, help take your mind off of it. Fool around and whatnot after,” he tried to sound hopeful but Hanzo could hear the doubt in it. 

Hanzo was in shock. He was angry. He was spiteful. He was mad at Winston’s decision. Sitting there on Hana’s bed he thought in the stifling silence between the two of them. He couldn’t do nothing! This was the family that he betrayed, the family that still sought his life, that sought Genji’s life! How could he be expected to sit here and do  _ nothing! _

“I need to think.” he said as he stood and walked around Jesse and left the room. He needed to go to his room to think.

No. 

The roof.

No. 

He stood in the hallway - Jesse did not emerge from Hana’s room - and not only felt furious anger, but also determination. Hanzo wasn’t one to sit by and let others tell him what to do, especially one that included his previous family. Maybe Winston was betting on Hanzo planning against him, the archer didn’t know. 

Hanzo finally made a decision and headed for the range. What he needed was to shoot because it helped him think clearly, it helped him focus, and despite what Angela had told him only hours previously he was not supposed to lift more than five pounds he was going to exceed it and needed to. 

The Shimada-gumi was threatening the lives of his friends by bombing the other locations, There was no way he was going to let that happen, or have his brother risk his life for the one they sought after the most. If they were going to hunt Hanzo down until he was dead he was going to sacrifice himself to hunt down the gumi before Overwatch did. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Hanzo's ready to sacrifice himself for his family!! it's huge development for himself but also pretty scary. The Gumi are in full force on taking Genji and Hanzo down so what does that mean? DRAMA AND ACTION HEHE  
> -Again, as always, thank you so much for the kind words, it means the literal world to me. <3 You guys are so wonderful and beautiful and I love each one of you.  
> -If there are any additional trigger warnings that I need to add, or there is something culturally/language/character portrayal/geography/etc incorrect please let me know!! I want to fix these things ASAP.  
> -Leave kudos or a comment if you enjoyed the chapter!!
> 
> my friend drew a scene of Hanzo and Hana gaming together! Check it out!  
> http://lucinaandlinkarebae.tumblr.com/image/156771053950
> 
> tumblr: goddesofawesome.tumblr.com  
> twitter: https://twitter.com/GoddesofAwesome
> 
> I will try to post chapters every week.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Hey! Thanks for reading, as always! Enjoy!
> 
> TW: suicidal mentions, self-harm mentions

When Hanzo got back from the hangar his left arm ached in the elbow and his shoulder complained and nagged that he had worked it too hard. But, the archer  _ knew _ that, he had done it on purpose. He was sitting on the ground with his bow at his side and the quiver removed from his back and placed haphazardly on the cement. Sweat clung to his clothes and stuck to his body in various areas, the pieces of hair that had come undone were glued to his face and neck like swirls and curls, his breathing was hard and exhausted; his mind weary and wishing for rest. 

“Athena, what is the time?” Hanzo’s voice was gravely, his lips dry. 

“A little past two,” she stated. “Your vitals are a little worrisome, I advise you drink plenty of water and get some rest,”

_ Why get rest when I will not be on a mission anytime soon?  _

“Thank you,”

“Of course, Hanzo.” 

But Hanzo knew that he would be on a mission just as Overwatch would be on their own. Secretively, that is. Through his practice session - more like a brutal beating to his weak limbs - he had thought of several ideas in which he could keep his own files encrypted and protected so that the other members of Overwatch could not stumble upon his findings and research. All of this would be virtually impossible with Athena running and sorting through every electronic device in the Gibraltar base. 

But before Hanzo could honestly think about much more of that now that he was done abusing himself he had an apology to give. Jesse had not deserved the cold treatment Hanzo had departed with for it was not Jesse’s fault that he was benched, he was just watching out for Hanzo before Winston would bring about the bad news. Jesse knew the depth of emotion in which the news would bring and even put himself in that situation to spare Hanzo a fallback. 

The hallways were dark and quiet, the kitchen held a few dirty dishes but overall empty, and the walk back to the dorms was lonely and eerie. Hanzo had walked these halls plenty of times alone and in the dark, sometimes he craved the solitude with the structure that created his home. It sometimes brought a sense of connectivity, like the base and himself were bonding in the late, deserted hours. 

A faint beating tempo came to him, the sounds of Lúcio’s music escaping through the crack under his door. Hanzo liked the man’s music, it had once helped him out of a panic attack. 

The archer stood before his own door wondering if Jesse might be there, but predicting that Jesse thought he might want his own time to think had gone to his own quarters. So, Hanzo went to the gunslinger’s door and knocked softly, waiting. 

Nothing came for a long minute but the door eventually opened and Jesse stood with a bare chest and plaid pajama pants, his face looking worried and held questions. “Hey, darlin’,” he greeted quietly. “C’mon in,” 

Hanzo entered the room - one lamp illuminated the small space, the shadows heavy in large corners - and sat on his boyfriend’s bed, a look of shame upon his brow. “Jesse,” he sighed with a weighted chest. 

Jesse strode over to Hanzo with ease and sat next to him on the mattress, his hand gently cupping the other’s cheek, a soft thumb rubbing comforting circled on his scruff, “I’m worried about ya,” it came out as a whisper, an ache in his throat that plead for an honest reply. 

“I am upset,” Hanzo admitted leaning into Jesse’s touch. It was warm and welcoming, the smell of vanilla and tobacco like a cologne: it was a scent that the archer associated with safety and affection. 

“I know, sweetpea. What can I do to help?” 

“You have all ready helped by telling me the news in advance. I want to thank you and also apologize for my behavior,” he reached up with his aching arm and held Jesse’s hand against his face to secure it in place not allowing his partner to release himself. “The matter is involving my once-family. It is hard to detach from it when I should be involved,” 

Jesse sighed with empathy. He guided Hanzo’s hand off of his cheek so he could pull his hips to sit in his lap. The archer easily straddled Jesse and wrapped his arms around his broad torso once the two were comfortable and at ease, his legs crossed at Jesse’s back and his face buried into the crook of his neck. The cowboy held onto Hanzo tightly afraid to let go. He wasn’t afraid of anything other than he didn’t want Hanzo to feel this way, he had been making progress on so many things. Even in just the couple of months he’d known him, the progress was staggering. Hanzo had many months, even years to go before he was “recovered”, but Jesse didn’t want anything to make him fall back on his heels; he couldn’t think of anything good to say. 

Instead, Jesse began singing that song Hanzo knew so well by tune but not the words, but sang them in Spanish. He hadn’t sung them in anything other than English before, but the song was familiar to Hanzo, it brought him to fields of tall grass in the dead of summer with a canyon that stretched far below them. It was what Hanzo thought of when he thought of Jesse in the moments they were apart, the image of his partner cloaking him with warmth from the desert sun. Hanzo closed his eyes as Jesse sang to him, his voice low and sweet, the words rolling off of his tongue so natural and beautiful. He’d only ever heard Jesse speak in Spanish a few times before, but hearing it up close, personal, and addressed to comfort him, well it meant a lot more in this moment. 

The news that had dragged Hanzo down came to a front like a cold wind moving in suddenly, the dew on the grass freezing with the biting temperature, the gray cloud streaking in small waves in the sky. The fear of falling was there, the emptiness, the weightlessness that came to him as his body hurled down into the blackness of unconsciousness that swept him under before he could feel his elbow shatter on the ground. The fear of his brother being blown to bits, being murdered by a Shimada once more, the thought of Hanzo having to mourn his baby brother again. The fear that he’d never see Jesse again if he was killed, the fear of his friends facing off against the Shimada-gumi without him and watching them die, the fear of his new world disappearing like a breath in the cold. 

Never had Hanzo Shimada cry as much as he had in the last two months, the last he had shed tears was when he had held Genji’s body in Hanamura. There were other times he remembered tears emitting from his eyes, but they were times he couldn’t properly remember because he had been so drunk or so high he couldn’t function right. The invitation to share his feelings, to  _ feel  _ his feelings instead of pushing them down with booze, occasional drugs - anything that would allow him to escape - to have other people/omnics that honestly and truly cared about his wellbeing and livelihood: about his  _ life.  _  It was unbearably overwhelming and he let himself sob. Hanzo had no explanation to his tears, they came without warning and they shed like a raging river.  

Jesse continued to sing in his hushed and delicate tone. Hanzo’s emotions could be felt, Jesse felt them almost as if he felt them himself, they were so piercing and staggering he almost lost his breath in attempts to swallow the feelings that were not his. His throat felt tight and his chest restricted, his voice stumbled over a couple of words and a tear fell from his Dead Eye. Clearing his throat he held Hanzo tighter, a push to continue the song without another hiccup; he had to be the strong one here, he had to hold Hanzo up right now, not fall apart with him. 

The gunslinger didn’t know when it had happened, maybe it was their first encounter like it had been with Hanzo, maybe it had been the day after when he found him sleeping in Hangar 6 when he went to fetch a cleaning supply for Angela, regardless of when it happened Jesse had fallen hard and fast. 

The nights he dreamt of the canyon, of the gorge he spent most of his gang-life in, the falling sensation came to him. Sometimes he was breathless and scared, other times he fell with a drift that helped carry him to the bottom, a sort of fearlessness that came with the knowledge and inevitability of dying young. His mother had told him only a couple of times that he had thick Mexican blood in him that demanded a long life, but in those couple of times she had also mentioned he had some Navajo on his father’s side. He knew it could be false because he’d never gotten a blood test done to determine his full heritage or had known his father. 

Jesse remembered nights in his shy youth when his mother would cleanse the dreamcatcher above his bed that was, “full of nightmares, it needs to be empty,” or the woven sweetgrass braids above their front and back doors for protection. Where he and his mother lived had been right next door to a reservation so a lot of their traditions had been passed onto their neighbors that became friends with some of the locals. He had always loved looking at his dreamcatcher. It was made of deep red and oranges, like his serape, with feathers and beads adorned on it. Mama McCree didn’t speak of his father much, only when she cursed his name as she lay drunkenly on the couch or when he asked her only once or twice. In the times he was able to get an answer he couldn’t really remember the memory right because he had been so young. 

The point was, he had always felt like his dreams were sometimes telling him things or maybe showing how things would be. He never truly understood why he felt like that, maybe it was the hopes that his father was Navajo and he didn’t feel so culturally insensitive about it - he had always kept this to himself in wonderment - but when he had fallen from the canyon on his way back from that mission he had felt like something was coming, a nightmare that would send him plummeting. Except, Hanzo was the one that had fallen. This wasn’t the first time he’d ever felt a sense of deja-vu as strong as that, it had happened countless times in his life that he could still feel and remember like it was yesterday, but it was, however, the second time he has associated it with another person outside of himself. The first time was with Gabriel back in the day and Jesse had been in a barren desert, no life thrived, not even animals, and the heat was so strong it had sucked all life from his body. Not long after Gabriel had become abusive: something in him had changed. Before it could get worse Jesse had left Overwatch and abandoned his family there. The downfall was in history books now. So when Jesse dreamt he made a point to take notice, to try and catalogue bits and pieces hoping they could help him in the present.

Anything to stop the pain Hanzo felt. 

When the archer’s emotions began to settle on a level that wasn’t so high, Hanzo pressed his lips to Jesse’s skin gentle and tender, the notion a little different than it had felt before. His lungs haltered as he kissed his partner again, skin hot. 

Jesse relaxed his grip and moved enough so that their noses touched, their eyes lidded and heavy. With his metal hand he slowly removed the silk from Hanzo’s hair and moved his fingers through the black curtain. He hummed the tune of that song again, Hanzo closing his eyes to feel Jesse’s touch and to hear the tune. 

Their lips met slowly, briefly; their touches caressing and oh so gentle. A newness was there between them, it was a held breath of excitement but also pure adoration and acceptance. It touched like a spring sun: warm and honest waiting for the flowers to awaken. 

They kissed deeply but not demanding, their embrace more than sex could ever offer them, their glances that outshined the brightest star in the sky, the whispered nothings in both Spanish and Japanese spoken like sacred promises. 

Jesse leaned back and held Hanzo’s face in his hands, looking, watching, feeling, admiring. The words in his throat caught and held like a hummingbird striving to be freed. “Hanzo,” he whispered. His eyes glossed over as the feeling urged him, devoured his lungs and insides, swallowed him whole and consumed every part of him, it burned everywhere and nowhere. “I’m in love with you.” Saying it aloud was strange and foreign but he had known it for a while now. Sure, it was only a couple of months they’d known one another, but Hanzo felt so severely divergent in… everything. In the way he thought, moved, felt, talked, and saw the world, and even if Hanzo didn’t feel the same way at least he’d said it. He would rather have it on the table than die never allowing it to breach the surface. “I love you.” Jesse said it with more confidence this time because it sounded so natural to Hanzo, it felt  _ right _ and nothing ever felt right in Jesse’s life. 

Hanzo moved past Jesse’s hands that still caressed his face and pressed their lips together, wrapping his arms around the gunslinger’s neck he nearly wept in joy. The word was filled with fear in Hanzo’s eyes, for everyone he had ever loved had been killed or died in an unnatural way. Everyone that he cared about had died because of him, even if just the chance they saw him in the street one day without ever having spoken before. That word stung in a few places in his heart that someone could  _ love _ him, that a person could look at Hanzo and find redemption, hope, a life worth living and keeping, that when Hanzo Shimada looked at him the stars aligned, his day went a little smoother, his depression didn’t captivate him so entirely. And then, Hanzo was crying again but continued to kiss Jesse for he could not separate the affection that overwhelmed him. With certainty Hanzo whispered back, “I love you, as well,” but did not falter to bring their mouths together to close the space between them. “I love all of you.” he said between kisses, those damned tears trailing down his face. 

A relief swept through Jesse and he smiled against Hanzo, and he could not stop it from staying, the elation burned like a wild fire and he couldn’t stop smiling. “Even when I give ya bad news?” 

Hanzo’s chuckle rumbled between them, “Even when you give me bad news.” 

“How ‘bout when I steal your cereal in the morning?” 

“Even then,” a kiss. 

“When I’ve used all yer shampoo and left the empty bottle in the shower?”

“Even moreso,” another kiss. 

“What if I haven’t showered in a week,”

“Ever invariably,” another. 

Jesse moved close enough for his lips to kiss Hanzo’s neck but he didn’t stay there. He rested his forehead on Hanzo’s shoulder, “Even when your depression says otherwise?”

The seriousness caught the archer a little off guard, but all the same he rested his head against Jesse’s and affirmed, “Ever always.” 

Jesse hummed decisively and found that when Hanzo had joined the tune he could not tame his happiness. This place, this bed, this room, this man, it was all sacred. This was their space, their home: the only place in the vast universe that could not touch either of them with its death or fear. 

\---

 

The sunrise was a bit dark and gloomy as more weather moved in, the brisk weather pulling Jesse and Hanzo together under the shared blanket. When rain began to spit they headed inside and laid back on Jesse’s bed facing one another at a closeness that was almost suffocating; it was warm between them, their legs tangling together as they kissed lazily as the precipitation thudded outside. 

Eventually sleep took them as their bodies were woven together, neither of them caring if they were too warm. When Hanzo awoke next the rain had dulled itself to a low roar; Jesse’s breathing was even and soft, his face serene and without worry or the weights of reality. Reaching up with a delicate hand Hanzo brushed some of the hair back to expose the faint freckling on Jesse’s nose and the lashes that fluttered with dreams. The archer laid there for a few minutes allowing himself to relax a moment more. 

Untangling himself was a bigger problem than Hanzo had anticipated, but eventually he had gotten out of his partner’s embrace without waking him. With success he slipped on his shoes and pants while stealing one of Jesse’s red plaid shirts and headed to his room to take his medication before he set off to his favorite nap area: Winston’s office. 

He combed his hair and pulled it back up with his silk ribbon. Looking at himself in the mirror he noticed how red his lips had gotten but smiled at the reason why, brushing his teeth forgotten momentarily. 

Presentable, Hanzo sauntered through the hallways that had begun to sound with life, aromas from the kitchen that told him someone was cooking and making coffee, the soft rumble of Lúcio’s music making it’s way to him from a room unseen. Reinhardt greeted him warmly as Hanzo passed the kitchen whilst shoving a fresh roll into his hand, Mei waving a groggy greeting from her seat at the table. 

The three exchanged a few words and then Hanzo parted politely and headed to the stairway that would take him to his destination. Once down a hallway he looked out the windows that had been cropped in a few sections to view the ocean but only dark and angry water with storming weather looked back at him. Appreciating its own beauty Hanzo bit into the roll and chewed it mindlessly, the rehearsed lines he had thought of the previous night now getting in line for them to be delivered. 

Once he had finished the roll he closed his eyes trying to keep himself calm, but his mind took him out of bliss with Jesse and plopped him into the anger and disappointment that had came to him last night. It was good to be fueled when addressing a certain situation, but his problem was that sometimes he would burst and snap where it wasn’t needed causing the issue to tumble further away from resolution. Fiddling with the serape cloth on his wrist he entered the office and heard voices: a meeting was occurring. 

Hanzo climbed up the small flight of stairs and saw Angela, Jack, and Winston converged around the table that projected a holoimage of some country Hanzo didn’t care to recognize. Jack was the first to notice Hanzo’s presence and frowned when the archer didn’t stop walking to turn and leave because he was intruding, the other gazes finally following. 

“Hello, Hanzo,” Angela greeted with a small smile.

“Winston, I would like a word.” Hanzo demanded firmly, his eyes unwavering with the ape’s. 

Jack looked incredulous, “We’re in a meeting, Hanzo,” he snapped. 

But, Winston knew the topic that the archer had brought with him and knew he would not wait to talk about this at any other time but now. He had a feeling that Jesse may spread the news to Hanzo and had expected such a reaction as this. “Jack, Angela, please excuse us for a few minutes,”

The commander glared at Winston with irritation in his eyes. Angela went around the table and took Jack’s arm in hers and lead him to one of the other rooms - a conference room that Hanzo had only been in once - and gave them the privacy they needed for the hard conversation to come. 

“I want an explanation.” Hanzo was at the table now, his arms crossed tersely over his chest. 

Removing his glasses from the bridge of his nose, Winston cleaned them with a cloth off of the table and sighed, “I figured you would,” With silence between them Hanzo wove out an irritated hand for the ape to start. “You’re not assigned a position in our next mission because of a few variables. One of them is a concern from Angela that your mental health may need more attention than working endless hours. You’ve had several severe injuries in your duration here and myself, Jack, and Angela are concerned about your head on the field,” 

Fire flamed in his eyes, “In my time alone these past ten years not once have I let my emotions jurisdict my focus on the job.” it was hard and cold, his stance rigid. 

Winston sighed again, “We feel that your emotions now differ from your emotions before you arrived here, that the bonds you have made with the other members may compromise your decision making,” 

Hanzo slammed his hands on the table - the holoimage scattered a moment before realigning itself - and leaned forward, his tongue like poison, “I was born and raised an assassin: to purge emotion when I am in combat so my skills, which outmatch all but a few here, are not jeopardized. You summoned me here with the pretense I was to join the ranks of Overwatch, to join the  _ team _ that would help me with some bullshit about moving on with my life. Everyone in this building has issues yet they are allowed to participate while I am left to warm the benches  _ alone _ .” 

“There are other factors that come into play, Hanzo! We aren’t doing this to exclude you on purpose!” 

“You think being alone is going to  _ help _ me?” Hanzo barked, his tone rising. “Being alone is what has crippled me this past decade! Being alone is a  _ nightmare _ .” The words came from a place deep down where alcohol had once buried them, and the man realized how much he cared about his personal health in this moment that he was even defending himself like this. He had the plan to defend himself that it was  _ his _ family they were going to fight without him, not for being alone. “Put me on the team.” 

“Hanzo, I can’t do that-”

“Put me on the damn team!” Hanzo yelled and slammed a fist down to help validate his fury. 

Winston looked defeated but kept his ground, he usually didn’t let irritation or stubbornness take advantage of his calm exterior, but Hanzo pushed him in ways the others didn’t, “You are too unstable at this moment in time!” 

Hanzo’s mind whirled and spun. He thought he should have been prepared for this talk, for this conversation to occur in a manner that was not beneficial to himself. With hope he had thought that maybe Winston would have seen that Hanzo  _ did _ want to be a part of the team and would maybe, just maybe, allow him on the mission against his once-family. The anger he felt was desperation, if anything, and even knowing that Hanzo had a fleeting thought that if he wasn’t needed here, if they thought he wasn’t fit for battle, then what was the point of him even being here? 

In the hospital in New York he had this same thought but on a vastly different plane, the terms of such emotions could not be contained within just one container but of several separate vessels. 

The answer was simple: he was here because Genji wished him to be. With all of his wondering why he was here he just couldn’t sit here and do nothing. At least in his kill-for-hire he had a  _ purpose _ , he felt a sense of productivity that he was using his skills the way he was taught. What was he supposed to do if he was left behind because they deemed him too unstable? In all honesty he hadn’t been mentally stable in years, he wondered if ever had been. 

“Then what am I to do?” Hanzo was grasping onto straws for answers besides what he was  _ incapable  _ of doing. 

“Stay here, where you’re safe,” Winston answered running a hand over his face. 

So, that was it then. Safety. They were trying to protect him? Why not Genji? Genji had been taught how to control his emotions and self, to know when to act and what to say at vital moments unlike Hanzo who never said or did enough. 

It was like a knife had been driven into his gut learning that they didn’t think he could protect himself and keep himself out of harm’s way. After what happened in Ilios must have given them every answer they needed to justify this, that one singular mission mishap meant that it would happen in every mission he was assigned to. 

The archer was left without words, his mouth opened and closed without a response. No one believed in him, no one believed in his abilities to justify him enough to bring aboard. 

Not even… Genji?

“Hanzo, it’s just one deployment that we don’t want you on. You’re a vital asset to Overwatch, well all know that.  _ I _ know that. But this issue, your family above all other things, we just can’t… risk it.” 

“What would you be risking.” Hanzo’s voice had diminished into nothing like his self-worth, the question not a question at all. “If I am not sufficiently adequate to fight _my own family_ then why am I here?” He didn’t want to ask this question, but he didn’t know what else to say, what else to keep him standing before his mind crumbled around him like an avalanche. 

The ape was silent for a long stretch, “It is in our best interest - Overwatch’s best interest - that you stay here because of the risk you pose to Genji.” 

Hanzo’s head snapped up with confusion furrowing his face into creases and deep brows, “To Genji? He is my brother, what danger would I impose on him?”

“If you’re killed on the field and Genji is there to witness it - the Shimada-gumi killing their heir - we’re not sure Zenyatta or anything else could bring him back. After what you did to him in Hanamura, we can’t take the chance,” 

Frozen in place Hanzo stood like a glacier: chilled and unmoving as laps of water rushed him from all sides. “What… I did…?” 

Winston reeled realizing what he’d said and the damage he’d done, “No, shit, Hanzo, not like that. It was because of what the Shimada-gumi had forced you to do to him, Genji thinks you’re too close to the subject to think clearly and - “

Cold. Shivers cascaded down his body, the universe suddenly pushing down on him like gravity had suddenly reversed itself, his mind stilled and staring at who he was ten years ago and the image of himself now in a pond’s reflection. Even after Genji had said he’d forgiven him, even after those emotional talks that brought them closer together, Genji still blamed him. Still  _ loathed _ him for his life’s mistake. 

“Fuck, I’m sorry, Hanzo, it isn’t meant like that! What I’m trying to say - “

Hanzo didn’t want to hear anymore. He didn’t want to feel anymore. He didn’t want to think or breathe or stand or be who he was. 

Everyone was  _ lying _ to him. All of this was a ploy, a scheme, some sort of play that made him look like a goddamn fool.

The weather had crashed into him as he stood outside in the storm, Winston calling for him - Jack and Angela chasing after him asking what he’d done - but Hanzo couldn’t be there any longer. He couldn’t be  _ here _ any longer. 

Looking up into the thrashing rain he let himself be soaked and run through him. It was harsh against his skin and he embraced it for he felt it, too, on the inside. Screaming wouldn’t help, crying… he had done enough crying about shit that didn’t matter to anyone else anymore, that everything, EVERYTHING, he’d done had been for nothing. It was all useless. 

Angela trotted after Hanzo in the rain ignoring the chill or her clothes and hair matting against her body, “Hanzo!” she called, “Hanzo, please stop!” 

Turning to face the doctor he noted the pink in her face as she braved the chill that struck her, “What lies are you going to tell me now?” 

She stopped in her tracks only feet away from the man, “What are you talking about?” 

“Everything!” he spread out his hands exasperatedly with nothing left to give. 

Angela tried to piece things together but she couldn’t. Whatever Winston had told him destroyed him and she was furious. Winston wasn’t one to screw up like this and she was going to find out why. Hanzo was dear to Angela, she had grown severely attached to the archer despite their lack of conversation and hang-outs apart from their hospital time together. “Come back inside, we can talk about this as a team.” 

“A team in which I do not belong!” he cried angrily, “I am of no use if my brother still thinks so vile of me and that my skills cannot be used properly without giving you and the others some sort of aneurysm! If I am no use here and you all pity and think lowly of me then I will leave. There is no point in my staying!”  

“Whatever Winston said was wrong, Hanzo, please! Please come back inside with me, you and I can talk about this alone! Don’t leave us, we need you!” 

“With what?!” Hanzo yelled, “The only skills this life has given me are to kill and if I am unable to kill then I am… I am… nothing!” he was deteriorating internally, every word that came to him all too real, the emotions too raw, the self-destruction too vivid. 

“You’re more than a killer! You always have been!” 

“Not in a team like Overwatch! What will I do otherwise if not for my abilities? Tell me that!” 

Angela was crying but Hanzo could not see because the rain had obscured them together, she shook from not only the weather but of the condition of her patient and friend. She stepped closer and reached out her hands, “Your abilities far exceed what you believe you’ve been taught,  _ mein freund _ , so much more. You are not just a killer, what you possess in your toolkit may be the bare bones of what you know but that does not define  _ all _ that you know. I have never lied nor have I deceived you in any of our conversations,” Hanzo watched her, mouth slightly open, rain dripping from his hair and chin. “What you did in the past does not matter now. I don’t know what Winston told you but I can tell you that it wasn’t right or accurate, not with… everything at stake. You are a part of this team and always will be, even if you leave, for you have impacted everyone here in so many own ways. I know you’re upset and that you want to leave, but I urge you to reconsider even if just for the moment. Please, come with me so you may calm down. If after you feel the same I will not stop you,” 

Hanzo closed his eyes and cursed loudly in Japanese, his hands balling into fists at his sides, but he moved forward and pulled Angela towards him into a tight embrace. He held her like his life was depending on it, Angela holding just as tightly. 

“You are part of my family, Hanzo,” she said to him with emotion heavily influencing her tone. 

“As you are mine,” he replied desperately. “Just … please…” Hanzo held her so close he thought he might break her, “please…”

“I know, I promise.” 

 

\---

 

Steam came from the cup of tea Hanzo held between his hands, the wet and cold of his clothing causing him to shiver - he had refused to change or accept a blanket while Angela wrapped herself in several blankets. He was in pain and couldn’t think about much else. He had calmed himself enough to sit in the room with the doctor, but everything else that he felt had pushed him down utterly defeated. 

Hanzo hadn’t taken a single sip of his beverage. 

Angela sat across from him with more than worry in the lines of her face, her close proximity wavering on too near and too far. Hanzo couldn’t decide. The moment they had gotten into the building Angela had stormed over balling a fist at Winston demanding to repeat what he’d relayed to the archer. She was so furious that if Hanzo hadn’t been numbed by his emotions he might be a little frightened. Jack watched with his deep intensity evaluating the situation and how he wanted to approach and give his input. So far, though, he had kept quiet, leaning on his cane while his limbs shook in their usual manner. 

No apology could fix the damage that had been done to Hanzo; he could not hear the others’ remarks or shouts, it all registered as muffled background noise: things that weren’t important in the forefront of his mind. 

Jack had stepped forward bringing up an idea and Angela nodded shortly allowing the man to pull out his phone to text Hanzo didn’t know who, but the longer the archer stood there the weaker he felt. Angela rushed over to him like she had read his mind and ushered him with her as they went through the hallway back into the main part of the building so they could go to her infirmary. 

“Hanzo,” her voice was small but the gentlest the man had ever heard it, “tell me what you’re feeling,” and then, “please,” 

He met her gaze but for a mere second not sure if he wanted to respond or not. He wanted to trust her for she had taken care of him so well in the past, she had saved his life and he owed her a debt for that. Looking away at one of the walls filled with monitors and machines his lips formed a tight line on his face unsure of how he was going to answer. Stewing in his thoughts and emotions he just didn’t want to speak. He didn’t want to talk to anyone or see any of them right now, all of what he’d held dear to his heart felt tainted by the reality he knew would come to him eventually. 

Angela reached out a hand and placed it on his knee, a comforting gesture to keep him grounded and alert with her, “I feel inclined to keep you with me, I’m worried about your current state,”

This brought a reaction to Hanzo. His eyes darted to hers, the feeling of mockery too real, “Apart from any other time has my current state compromised my being?” It was harsh and he meant it to sting and the way Angela flinched told him he had accomplished just that. No feeling of triumph came to him. Winston’s words were bolded, italicized, underlined, and enlarged to a font so large at the front of Hanzo’s mind he could think of nothing else. “What difference will it make if I am here or in my room, I will soon be left alone to decide how I tend to my illness,” 

Angela’s eyes were closed and her lips trembled, “ _ Bitte _ ,” she pled, “I do not wish to fight with you.”

Guilt was now added to the mix of the toxic and triggered mess and blend of things that were ready to blow at any given moment. “The way I feel does not matter, as it never has before.”

“How can you say that?” the doctor asked baffled, “You matter to Hana, to Lúcio, to your brother, to Jesse, to  _ me _ . It’s unfair for you to say that,”

“As unfair as my benching?” they met gazes and she looked away down at the floor. He spoke in a whisper then, “Do not speak to me of unfairness.” 

The door to the infirmary  _ whooshed _ open and heavy-paced feet approached the room. Tousled brown hair, a rushed t-shirt and jeans fell from his body with given haste, his feet bare; Jesse came into the room with fear in his eyes, “Jack called me, said Hanzo was with you here,” he was breathless, he’d been running. 

Angela acknowledged the cowboy with a glance but then turned to Hanzo, “He’s in a pretty bad state, to lightly say,” 

“Lightly?” Jesse’s twang came out thickly and he moved into the room now noticing his wet and miserable boyfriend, “What in tarnation, what the hell happened?” he faced the doctor demanding answers. “You best tell me what happened, doc, or I’ll rip your wings off,”

Holding up a pale hand Angela sighed shortly, “Winston said rather unsavory things to Hanzo when he asked why he wasn’t on the team. I’d rather not repeat them with him in here with us,” 

“They were all ready said,” Hanzo snapped, “what more damage could be done if they are said again, my worth has been measured. I am not fit for the mold.” 

Jesse’s stance went from worried to straight and angry, “What the fuck did Winston say to you.” It was a demand, not a request. 

“Enough.”

Angela still refrained to repeat the words the ape had spoken and instead stood and gently took the cup from Hanzo’s freezing hands to set on the counter. He wasn’t going to drink it, it had been foolish to give it to him in the first place. “I think it would be best if you didn’t leave him alone for the remainder of the day, Jesse. I don’t want him to be alone,”  _ I don’t want him to do something horrible to himself. _

Jesse kneeled before Hanzo and held his hands in his, “C’mon, we gotta warm bed with your name on it,”

“I do not wish to,”

“All right, whatdya wanna do?”

It came to Hanzo without a single moment of hesitation.  _ Die _ . If he relayed the thought Jesse would surely break, and even if Hanzo didn’t want to admit it right there he knew that he needed Jesse badly despite the taint that had been bled into his beliefs. He looked away from Jesse.

“I need some direction, babe,” Jesse tried again, softer this time. 

But, Hanzo had broken with the words Winston had spoken. Everything looked different now, like the light had been sapped from the walls and was replaced with gray. It appeared sadder, heavier. He didn’t like it. 

Jesse gripped his hands tightly, “Hanzo,”

“I… do not wish to exist. I wish to leave.” Hanzo had wanted to spare Jesse’s feelings not a minute before but now didn’t care. “I want to be where I am wanted.” 

Jesse’s mouth was agape and his lips trembled, tears welling up in his eyes, “Han-Hanzo, c’mon, don’t talk like that. You’re wanted here. I want you, love, you know that. I always want you in every way I know how to want someone.” The gunslinger was going to have a long conversation with that ape and would carry his gun to show how serious this was, to show how serious his mistake had been. “Darlin’,” he removed his mechanical hand and moved the wet strands from Hanzo’s face, tucking it behind his ear. “I bet playin’ some Fury with Hana would help, I know how much you enjoy your time with her,”

Hanzo’s eyes closed and he exhaled with the weight of a thousand crashing waves, “Does she think of me as useless, too?” 

Jesse was crying, his expression like a man shattered and broken to the point of desecration. His face was distorted as he bowed his head and wept, Angela keeping her back to them. “Of course she doesn’t,” he said with his voice hitting the floor. 

“I want to be alone.” Hanzo whispered. 

“I-I can’t let ya be alone, Hanzo, I don’t want you to ever be alone. I know what it does to you and I can’t allow it. I’ll call Genji, he can-”

“NO!” Hanzo roared interrupting his partner; he stood quickly and so abruptly that Jesse’s grasp was forced away. “No!” he shouted again and his eyes went wide and wild. “No! No!” 

Jesse stood with Hanzo and held out his hands as if to catch Hanzo in some manner but had no idea what to expect or what to do, “Hanzo!” he exclaimed, Angela joining his side. “We won’t get Genji! He’s not comin’!” 

“No!” Hanzo tried to push past them to escape, his eyes locked on the door. 

Jesse kept him in place and grunted with the force the archer put upon him, “It’s just us! Just us!” but  Hanzo could not be torn from his sudden episode. Fathoming a memory Jesse grabbed the archer’s hands palm up and forced his real nail and his mechanical finger into the bed of his skin pressing hard enough to leave half-moons, his voice was shaky and tear-ridden but he began a song in Spanish that was different than the one they both knew. It was one he remembered from his mother in the vague memories he had of her, but it was the first song that came to mind. 

But Hanzo pulled his hands free and jabbed a palm against Jesse to escape, the cowboy reeling back clutching his bleeding nose. It wasn’t broken, but it was distraction enough for Hanzo to make his escape.

“Athena, lock the door!” Angela barked. The mechanical plates stayed still as Hanzo rushed to them, panic and sweat covering him head to toe. 

The archer was in another state of mind, yelling words of panic in Japanese - Genji’s name rising several times - and he pounded and kicked against the door wishing to be freed. Jesse ignored his injury and rushed over to try and corral the situation, but Hanzo would not accept it. When the doctor and gunslinger got a glance at the archer’s face it was not anger that filled his frantic exterior, but utter, chilling fear. It was not a fear that came with many of Hanzo’s issues, but a fear that a life was in danger. 

Hanzo could not hear the others as they tried to ground him, he did not even notice the syringe when it entered his arm with enough dosage to slow his movements; he was screaming and yelling, his Japanese so fast and filled with disarray and alarm. 

Pulling his arm back he focused his fear and yelled the words that too often had scared his teammates, “ _ Ryuu ga waga teki wo kurau! _ ” The dragons shorted the lights in the infirmary and exploded in a magnificent swirl of dazzling blue and white, the energy that was sapped from the surround area fueled the beasts as they roared at their master’s request to devour; blood split from his knuckles as it had slammed against the door and the dragons escaped the room. 

Defeat ripped through Hanzo and he fell to his knees pressing his forehead and hands against the exit, whispered and strained foreign words in a plea. 

“Hanzo,” Jesse’s voice shook as he bent down next to the man, “Hanzo, honey, can you look at me?” 

“The medicine will be taking effect any moment,”

“You said it wouldn’t knock him out,”

“No, it won’t, but it will subdue him enough for us to get him to your room,”

“Good. I don’t wanna knock him out if we don’t gotta,” Jesse sounded stressed and worried, with every right, setting a careful hand on Hanzo’s shoulder. “Hanzo, can you look at me?” he repeated.

Slowly Hanzo’s dark eyes reached Jesse’s face with so many words and thoughts and emotions that the gunslinger couldn’t read or understand. “Jesse,” he murmured. 

“Hiya, darlin’,” the man smiled weakly glad that Hanzo had finally been brought back down.

“I am… tired,” 

“I know, we’re gonna get ya to bed real soon. Can I look at yer hand first?” 

Hanzo removed his palms from the door and handed the injured one over, “You are bleeding, Jesse,”

“Don’t worry ‘bout me none, darlin’, let’s get your knuckles treated,” 

The archer placed his other hand on Jesse’s face, “I did that, didn’t I?” 

Angela was at their sides now with some bandages and ointment to stop infection. Shrugging like it wasn’t a big deal Jesse replied, “It don’t hurt none, love, just busted a vessel is all,”

The doctor spoke up, “You have a habit of hurting your hands, Hanzo, I’m glad this was just broken skin. You could have broken it,”

“Don’t think it’s time to lecture him on it,”

“I’m just saying,” 

“Not now,” snapped Jesse. 

Silence had come between the three of them until Hanzo’s knuckles had bandaids on them and had been instructed to rest. Athena had several alarms blaring on Angela’s main monitor from other members at what the commotion was, but thankfully the A.I. had intervened in any of them walking into the path of Hanzo’s dragons via the walkways. 

Jesse helped Hanzo stand and gave him a small peck on his temple before they made their way back to the gunslinger’s room. 

With slight static but a clear voice Athena interrupted the silence, “Doctor, I wish to relay the translation I was able to catch during Hanzo’s PTSD attack,” 

“Is it important and relevant to the attack?” 

“One-hundred percent,”

“All right, I’m listening,”

“ _ Don’t touch him, he’s done nothing wrong! I promise I will do the task you have put upon me, do not kill him, I will do it! Please let me out, I can fix this, I will do as father had asked! Genji, Genji, run, my dear sparrow, run. Elders, please release me I will do the job and finish it just don’t kill him!  _ And then he summoned the dragons,”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Things took a turn Hanzo was expecting. If he wasn't anticipating that response then what else lies before him? The mission starts soon (next chapter) and he's gotta get his shit together to decide what he's going to do.  
> -Again, as always, thank you so much for the kind words, it means the literal world to me. <3 You guys are so wonderful and beautiful and I love each one of you.  
> -If there are any additional trigger warnings that I need to add, or there is something culturally/language/character portrayal/geography/etc incorrect please let me know!! I want to fix these things ASAP.  
> -Leave kudos or a comment if you enjoyed the chapter!!
> 
> my friend drew a scene of Hanzo and Hana gaming together! Check it out!  
> http://lucinaandlinkarebae.tumblr.com/image/156771053950
> 
> tumblr: goddesofawesome.tumblr.com  
> twitter: https://twitter.com/GoddesofAwesome
> 
> I will try to post chapters every week.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Thank you for being so patient with me! Planning out the last few chapters have been a difficult task, but I'm on a good path now.  
> <3
> 
> TW: none

Lúcio and Satya stayed with Hanzo while the rest of the team flew to Spain to investigate and attempt to stop the Shimada-Gumi. When they arrived back past four in the morning every single one of them had a series of bruises on some part of their body, a couple of broken noses - Jack and Mei - with the overhang of exhaustion. 

Hanzo was the only one out of the three to greet the team upon arrival - he wanted to see his beloved, honestly - and stood in the cold, dry night as the hoverplane settled and the hatch doors opened. Seeing everyone made his chest fill - he hadn’t known it was empty - and watched Angela descend the ramp first. He greeted them all in kind, some were happier than others to see him, and found himself elated upon seeing Hana. 

The Korean girl jumped up and ran to him with outstretched arms and came at Hanzo forcing a hug on him. The archer laughed as Hana was thrown against him, “Hello, Hana,” he greeted.

“Man, two weeks without you is weird! I hated it,” she admitted as they separated. 

“It has been difficult, I agree,”

Looking up at him the man noticed the dark bruising on her exposed shoulder, the rest of her body was covered by warm clothing otherwise. Hanzo worried. 

Jesse wore his serape tightly against him as his warm breath left his mouth, no cigarillo hanging from his lips. A dark bruise and busted lips smiled at him devilishly with eyes that glowed in the night. It made Hanzo soften, the stress and rigidity he had been holding in his body that he didn’t know he was carrying now gone upon seeing the cowboy look so casual. “C’mere, sugar pie,” 

Hanzo took the steps to reach Jesse’s embrace, their arms wrapping around one another like the two weeks had been two months. It was agonizing to feel how much Hanzo had missed Jesse. Everyday that the gunslinger had been gone Hanzo made it a point to keep himself distracted, that Hana and Jesse weren’t getting into harm’s way on his behalf, that his brother was out there fighting  _ their _ cause alone. 

A deep rumble came from Jesse’s throat as he laughed, the scarf in Hanzo’s hair billowing in the chilly gusts. “I am glad you are home alive,”

“Me too, darlin’. I got ya somethin’ while we were in Spain,” they pulled apart so Jesse could reach into the small bag lassoed around his shoulder hanging at his back, the serape brushing and rustling with his movements. Gloved hands unzipped a pocket and out he pulled a wrapped present that resembled the weight of cloth. 

“We should get out of the cold to exchange gifts,  _ koibito _ ,” 

Jack passed them, his nose casted and bruised, and rested a hand on Jesse’s shoulder before moving on. Everyone had moved inside but the two of them. 

“No, no, I want ya to open it out here. It’s appropriate for this kinda weather,” Jesse’s cheeks were pink and it wasn’t because of the chill. 

Hanzo rose a brow and took the gift unwrapping it carefully. It was a knitted scarf with maroons and golds, a bit of blue in the frame. There was no particular design but it was beautiful all the same. He unfurled it and wrapped it around his neck. “It is perfect,” 

Smiling with satisfaction, Jesse put his hands on his hips and nodded approvingly, “Looks mighty fine on ya, darlin’,” 

“Thank you,” Hanzo said grabbing his partner’s serape pulling him close, “You did not have to win my favor with a present,” 

“I thought that was the way to a man’s heart!” Jesse exclaimed, “Buy ‘em all sorts o’ things and they’ll come crawlin’ to yer feet,” 

“Lucky for you I came on my own,” Hanzo smiled with a sinful smirk. 

“I am lucky! The luckiest guy here,” Jesse smoothed back his hair, “Satya and Lú treat ya okay?” 

“Of course. It was nothing I could not handle,” Hanzo shrugged nonchalantly. “Come,” he grabbed Jesse’s hands and began towards the base, “I want us inside where it is warm. I have been cold long enough without you,” 

The cowboy’s face went deadpan and heat made his ears go red, “All right, all right, lead the way.” 

 

\---

 

Satya had her real hand stretched out in Hana’s lap as the young girl painted a pastel blue onto them. It was proficient and neat, “The guy had me down and Zarya came to my rescue like a big Siberian bear, it was incredible! After she got the guy off she hauled me up onto her shoulder like I weighed nothing!”

“You’re lucky she was there, you may have endured more damage,” Satya said coolly. 

“True,” Hana agreed. “There! Do you want me to add a little white flower?”

The woman looked at her nails with appreciation and pursed her lips, “I think I will take them as they are, they are matte and cold like my heart,” she smirked at Hana and the two chuckled. 

“So,” Hana mused carefully as Satya now held her left hand brandishing the pinky nail with a neon pink.

“So,” Satya replied looking up in a quick glance and then back down at her work. 

“How was Hanzo?”

“I was waiting for you to ask me, I am surprised it took this long,” she teased; the tip of the brush went back into the bottle, Satya wiped excess off on the neck and held up Hana’s ring finger, “He did… all right. He had not hurt himself in physical means, so it was a victory, nonetheless. There was quite a bit of drinking some nights. He had quite a hard time coming to terms that his friends, brother, and lover were out fighting  _ his _ battle, as he put it. It was on the lines of, ‘I put everyone in this position, it is  _ my _ duty to finish it. They do not need to sacrifice themselves for my mistakes.’ One drunken evening he was heavily saddened that Genji was cleaning up his mess because the eldest is supposed to do that,”

Hana knew that Hanzo was taking this rather hard and couldn’t come to terms with letting everyone else go but himself. Thankfully both Satya and Lúcio had volunteered to stay with Hanzo to monitor him and to keep him company. “I’m glad he didn’t hurt himself,” she finalized sighing. “Jesse wouldn’t stop worrying about it. He never told any of us directly, but when Angela would call you or Lú for a check-in he sat next to her to make sure she asked about him. He’s mad at Winston for not letting him stay behind with you guys,” 

The woman nodded understandingly and looked at the two other fingers she had coated, “I believe it is good for Hanzo to experience some solitude while he is here and to learn that his mental health is just as important as his physical health. He was raised in such a strict upbringing so it is difficult for him to shed the past, which I understand as Genji has told us before. He and I chatted for a long while and he opened up to me quite a bit, so I am grateful he trusted in me despite our political differences,” 

“After ten years of learning how to live your life how you thought you deserved it after such a crime, he won’t change overnight. It sucks, I wish I could wave a magic wand and fix it for him so he could get into a new routine of knowing that  _ this _ will last and won’t disappear in a night,”

“I think that’s where he has difficulty: he thinks this will all evaporate. So far in his life everything sort of has; it is a defense mechanism,” 

Hana blew on her one finished hand and looked over the perfect application, “In the span that Han’s been here I’ve done so much research online on his illnesses and stuff and have learned quite a bit, but… there’s not much you or I could do. He has to  _ want _ to make changes and actively work on them,”

“Yes,” Satya confirmed, “I, too, have done some of my own reading during the nights after he had gone to bed. To break such a habit is something  _ we _ cannot accomplish, only assist in,” 

“And since we didn’t get anything accomplished on this mission except for an ass-kicking that means we’re going to be deployed again. Jesse will more than likely be required to go, what with Winston’s weird attitude lately,”

“Then Lúcio and I will be here to assist him once more, and any other time after that in which we are needed,”

“Since when are you so soft?”

“Since I became friends with this insufferable group,” Satya’s smile was small but genuine. “You are my friend and therefore I feel a sort of obligation to become friends with him,”

“Well, you shouldn’t force yourself to be friendly because you feel  _ obligated _ to, you should do it because you want to.”

“As a result, you will find pleasing, he and I get along quite well. We have many similar interests, our personalities are very in tune with one another,”

Hana rolled her eyes teasingly, “I’m guessing you showed him how you create your turrets,”

Satya looked as though she had been accused of treason, “How dare you assume that!”

“But you did, didn’t you?”

“That is utterly besides the point,”

They chuckled together and the Korean girl looked at her finished hands, “Did he ask or did you suggest it?”

“I’ll have you know that he asked me. I don’t  _ always _ push my turrets on others,”

“Okay, but ninety percent of the time you do,” Hana laughed.

“I don’t like the patronizing tone, Hana,” but Satya was still smiling, a coy look on her face. “Stay close to him,” she added after a soft moment. “when you’re able,” 

“Of course,” 

 

\---

 

Genji and Hanzo chatted briefly at the dining table that was only half occupied. Everyone was tired and exhausted and were attempting to put things away from the hoverplane before retiring to their rooms. The two brothers discussed their times apart and what they did: how Genji got too drunk one night with Mei and the two of them got kicked out of a bar, how Hanzo drank a bit but opened up to Satya a little, how Genji recognized one of the perps as a family friend they left behind, how Hanzo’s expression darkened and he reclined into himself, how Genji noticed and tried to brighten the mood by expressing how proud he was of his elder brother.

Jesse was at Hanzo’s side looking through his phone only paying attention to the conversation with his hearing, his presence merely there for support. 

The sparrow ran a hand through the black hair that peeked through the back of his armor, his scarred face flashing several emotions hating that he brought the subject up. As he apologized Hanzo held up a hand and smiled, “It is inevitable that I hear such things. I have to learn to cope with these issues, though it may be difficult,”

Genji smiled and reclined in his chair, “You’re very wise, brother,”

Hanzo shrugged and showed a light smile, “Me being wise has nothing to do with coping,”

“On the contrary,” Jesse spoke up, his eyes still on his screen. “Recognizing you need to learn to cope with a hard subject or feelin’ is havin’ gained some knowledge,” 

Hanzo sat there chewing on the information not really sure how to process and recognize the credibility. Instead, he took his brother’s water and took a drink from it. 

 

\---

Hanzo’s phone went off while Jesse was plowing him, gasps and loud noises, moans and pleas came from both of them. The archer made a point to be as loud as he could muster himself to be without feeling embarrassed, for Jesse had given him a small bit of information that the gunslinger enjoyed it quite a lot. Hanzo, in turn, gave Jesse one of his own suggestions that he enjoyed the Spanish he would plead during sex. Both of them had eagerly given what the other wanted. Needless to say, both of them agreed at the end of the night that this was some of their better sex.  

Rolling onto his side to finally check who had messaged him - Jesse was cleaning off Hanzo’s stomach and trailing kisses down the clean skin. The number was unknown and checking his short database found that the number was also encrypted. 

**[Missed you in Spain, amigo.]**

Ah. Sombra. 

There was no need to reply to the message so soon, so Hanzo put his phone back on the bedside table and began biting marks into Jesse’s wanting shoulders. 

In the morning while Jesse showered after they had returned from their failed attempt at the sunrise - it was pouring again - Hanzo replied to the text. 

[ _ Complications arose. _ ]

[ **Damn, you missed a real party.]**

[ _ So I heard. What do you want? _ ]

**[Right to chase, I like it. Why does me texting you insinuate that I want something?]**

Audibly chuckling, Hanzo left his phone alone and joined Jesse in the shower. “Well I’ll be,” the cowboy greeted in the small compartment. 

Smiling with the warmth of the sun, Hanzo kissed Jesse deeply and wrapped his arms around the man’s waist drawing him in close, their bodies flesh against one another. “I must take these opportunities before you are gone again,” 

The mood seemed to dampen a little, “Sweetpea,” Jesse mumbled with sympathy. “You keep sayin’ things like that’n I might be scared of not comin’ home at all, you know how I feel ‘bout all that.” 

Hanzo did know how he felt about it. Jesse was pained with their separation as well and couldn’t do anything about it. When his superiors told him to where to go he went. Not unless he wanted to be discharged or put on probation for insubordination. “I also enjoy having sex with you,” 

Jesse laughed with gravel in his throat, “Well, that’s good to hear. I’m glad all of our little get-togethers are worth your time,” 

“They are worth  _ all _ of my time.” 

 

\---

 

During the next week Hanzo was not included or invited to any of the meetings that involved the Shimada-Gumi. No one was allowed to give him information to keep Hanzo out of the loop as much as possible, to “try and save as much pain as possible” as Winston had said. There were several protests in the group by various members that Hanzo  _ should _ be included, that this was his and Genji’s fight above all others; it wasn’t right for him to be excluded so. 

It didn’t matter, though. 

Hanzo was a master assassin: a man of stealth, shadow, and silence. If he wanted information he would get it his way. Spying and listening to ongoing conversations around the base took up a lot of his time. Thankfully he was an expert on memorizing things because of his upbringing, so knowing details about the upcoming mission were filed securely in his mind. 

First, he had seated himself atop Winston’s office on the roof in the cold rain and listened carefully with a device he stole from an abandoned hangar and found that the Shimada-Gumi were going to be in China. That’s what Overwatch’s intel had, anyways. 

Second, Hanzo discovered a room that was closed off in the back corner of Winston’s office that held a handprint detection device as well as a fingerprint activated keypad. With growing curiosity Hanzo found out through Jack and Angela’s conversation one saturday that it was where Overwatch kept all of it’s files. They were encrypted on various drives and the security of the room was too much for Hanzo to work through before the group left again. 

“We’re leaving in a week and a half,” Hana told him as the two of them shared ramen while they waited for a server to pick them up in Fury. 

Hanzo  _ needed _ the information Overwatch had on his old family. So, he opened his phone and sent a text:

[ _ I am in need of your assistance with something. I will offer payment. _ ]

**[I’m doing well, thanks for asking.]**

Hanzo was going to reply to that but Sombra sent another message. 

**[What’s the favor?]**

[ _ There is a highly secured safe with important information I’m needing. All the files are encrypted and there’s a few difficult extrapolations that are required for entry. _ ]

Sombra didn’t text for a few minutes.

**[After we’re done with this conversation I’m going to wipe your phone of it, comprende?]**

[ _ Yes. _ ]

**[What files are you wanting to extract? If I’m going to think about helping you I wanna know what you’re stealing. I’m not against stealing by any means, btw.]**

[ _ Everything Overwatch has on the Shimada-Gumi. _ ]

**[Interesting. What do I get as payment for this little favor?]**

[ _ I’m willing to negotiate with you in that department. Tell me what you want and I’ll see if I can obtain it. _ ]

**[In 24 hours I’ll let you know if I’m going to help you with this or not. I’ll reach out to you. Wiping this conversation.]**

Hanzo watched as the conversation and number disappeared from existence and set his phone on the counter, the water he had on high heat was beginning to boil over. 

The next day the group had decided on a movie night to take away from overworking themselves. Hana and Lúcio were fighting Mei on which movie to watch while Hanzo was leaning against Jesse in chairs near the back. He didn’t really care what they watched as long as he got to sit next to Hana and his boyfriend. 

Eventually Jack came to intervene and decided on a movie that was popular some five years ago. It was a sci-fi about a woman who travels the galaxy in search for her family but ends up dying at the end in a heroic valor of saving the ones she loves. 

“But that’s so sad!” Hana complained and Mei nodded agreeing. Lúcio was pouting but would deny doing such a childish thing. 

“You pulled out a DVD, a  _ relic _ , Hana.” Jack protested, “Do we even have a DVD player? Why don’t we own these on holo?”

“You know, Jack, the DVD is probably as old as you,” Mei quipped as she got up to sit next to Zarya.

“I take offense to that,” Jack pointed an amused finger at the Chinese woman. “I may be old but I’m not  _ that _ old,”

“Debatable,” Zarya smiled. 

The movie was enjoyable - Hanzo had never seen it - but the archer found himself distracted when his phone vibrated in his pocket indicating a response from the Talon agent. He stepped out of the room and leaned against the wall as the door closed and tuned out the theatrical battle music. 

**[Gabriel Reyes.]**

[ _ What about him? _ ]

**[That’s what I want. In idiot terms: I’m in and I want Gabriel Reyes’ file.]**

[ _ Easy enough. Do you have a plan yet? _ ]

**[An outline of one. I need to do some hacking into the Overwatch servers to figure out how trivial this is going to be. I’ll need 2 days.]**

[ _ Deployment is a little over a week. Will this be a sufficient amount of time? _ ]

**[Don’t underestimate me, dragon boy, you’ll get what you want as long as I get my share. If you screw me over on this I’ll have a hit put on that pretty little head of yours, amigo.]**

[ _ Noted. However, there are many bounties for my head to contest with. Honestly, I’d like to see how you’d fare. _ ]

Hanzo could almost hear Sombra laughing.

**[Don’t give me a challenge I know I can win. You’re lucky I’m helping you. If this was that weird brother of yours I wouldn’t have agreed.]**

[ _ Don’t get all soft on me, now. I was just starting to like you. _ ]

**[I like a little more romancing, not compliments, Hanzo.]**

[ _ I’ll be sure to summon my best pickup lines just to keep you at bay. _ ]

**[Yikes. I’m gonna leave now. Conversation will be wiped.** **Adiós, amigo.]**

It happened in the same manner in which he saw once before and then slipped his phone into his pocket. When he turned to enter the room again Hana was leaning against the door frame popping some gum. “Whatcha doin’?”

Hanzo frowned, “Texting,”

“Who ya texting?” 

“A friend,”

“All of your friends are here,”

“That is impossibly rude,”

Hana smiled, “I’m not wrong. C’mon, dad, who you textin’? You cheating on Jesse?”

Hanzo laughed and crossed his arms over his chest - the name of endearment bringing a light pink to his cheeks, “Because I know so many other cowboys waiting to be smitten by a man with more baggage than a holoplane can carry. You are truly funny. And, do not call me ‘dad’, I am anything but,” 

Rolling her eyes and popping another bubble, Hana pushed herself from the frame, “I’m only nineteen but I’m smarter than most grown adults. You should have replied with checking your emails or something more believable than that,  _ dad _ . I would make sure to get a good story going so you don’t slip up. Whatever secret you’re carrying is safe with me. For now.” Pulling on Hanzo’s arm she dragged him back inside where they finished the movie - Mei and Satya in tears and Jack satisfied with the film. 

\---

 

Two days later just as promised Hanzo received a text from Sombra. 

**[Plan is assembled. I’m going to send the details.]**

And then:  **[Because I’m going to wipe our convo I need you to be great at memorizing things otherwise this’ll be awkward.]**

[ _ No need to worry. _ ]

**[Great. So, here’s basic information: there are 3 initial scanners that will take your hand print, retina identification, and facial recognition. The datalog showed that only seven people have ever had access to these files and only 3 of them remain in Overwatch to access them. The other 4 have been erased from existence. Once those requirements are met there’s a keypad that will only unlock with a series of numbers in an allotted period of time, this machine also scans your fingerprints with each button you press. Any questions so far?]**

A little overwhelmed but nothing he couldn’t handle, [ _ None. Continue. _ ]

**[All of the files are digital and are on small drives of their own categorized alphabetically, so that part’s easy. However - and this is the fun bit - the drives cannot be removed without triggering an alarm, so I’m going to hack your holophone so you can scan them onto your portable drive. Delete any nudes of you and your gross boyfriend, I don’t wanna see that shit. Once the files are scanned onto your phone your screen will flash green allowing you to go onto the next one. I hope you can perform well under pressure, because you have to do all of this in five minutes. Would you like me to calibrate how long each task will take?]**

[ _ I bet you prepared this speech just so I would say yes. _ ]

**[You’re not wrong. I’m going to do it anyways. You and I will have to work simultaneously to get this project done. To unlock the first security measures it will take approximately 2.5 minutes to get you into the vault. I have to do some hack-y things before I can get the door open on my end, so you’ll have to be patient with that. Once you’re inside you’ll need to copy 46 files, this includes Gabe’s as well. Each file should take you 2 seconds to extract onto your phone which depletes your time 1.5 minutes. To make sure all the security measures are back in order before anyone notices you will have one minute to leave and restart Athena and the scanners.]**

[ _ Athena will be monitoring me the entire time. How will I get past that? _ ]

**[That’s where our time restraint comes in, camarada. I can loop some footage in her feed for only 5 minutos before her protocol restarts and goes live.]**

Hanzo knew that this project was going to be fast and high-stressed, but he had been given tasks just as difficult as this before throughout his life. 

[ _ Got it. I assume we’ll be executing this during a team meeting? _ ]

**[Poor Hanzo excluded from the group. Do you have to eat at your own table, too??]**

[ _ Only when Talon agents bruise my ego so harshly. _ ]

**[Ha. Okay, but, yes. I have Winston’s schedule up now and it looks like the next meeting that will take longer than needed is set in three days, two before they deploy.]**

[ _ That is not enough time for me to prepare before I tail after them. _ ]

**[New development! This intrigues me. I didn’t know you were going to go AFTER them. This makes things so much more interesting. All right, I can get you in tonight. You’ll have tiny window, though.]**

[ _ I do not think I have another choice. _ ]

**[I gave you two.]**

[ _ Don’t be so dense. _ ]

**[I will get in touch with you around 2am your time. You miss my call you miss the opportunity.]**

[ _ Noted. _ ]

**[Wiping the conversation.]**

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Stay tuned for the next installment @u@  
> -Again, as always, thank you so much for the kind words, it means the literal world to me. <3 You guys are so wonderful and beautiful and I love each one of you.  
> -If there are any additional trigger warnings that I need to add, or there is something culturally/language/character portrayal/geography/etc incorrect please let me know!! I want to fix these things ASAP.  
> -Leave kudos or a comment if you enjoyed the chapter!!
> 
> tumblr: goddesofawesome.tumblr.com  
> twitter: https://twitter.com/GoddesofAwesome
> 
> I will try to post chapters every week.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY!!! Been a while!  
> TW: self-harm ideation, panic attack

Breathing was secondary as Hanzo placed his back against the headboard as he woke in a panic. Instinctively the man reached at his bedside but found it empty, the darkness of the space screaming so sharply and so fiercely his voice echoed back against the confines of his room. The bed was going to swallow him whole so he crawled off like knives and claws groped at his feet, the rain outside like gunshots against his ears; the image of his brother dying at his feet vivid and real in his mind. The dungeon he was thrown into was closing in around him like they were being suction-cupped against his body. 

The elders stood before him in the room where he would kill Genji with the order to go through with their command. It had been the last dying wish of Hanzo’s father and so the eldest Shimada would need to carry out the order for balance to come to the Gumi once more since the death. Hanzo knew the elders wouldn’t be kind to him once he inherited the family, he knew that much, but when Genij’s name had been given to him Hanzo immediately denied it. 

“ _ Then we will do it ourselves. _ ” 

When Hanzo rushed them that they couldn’t interfere, they couldn’t lay a hand on his brother, they restrained him and dragged him to the dungeons below the shrine. It was so dark where he pled and beat against the door to save his brother, to beg that he would kill Genji himself; Hanzo’s dragons had been summoned as if to get some sort of attention from the elders to prove how serious he was. 

They left him down there for several days without food, water, or anything to clean himself with. When he emerged, had been released by those that imprisoned him, found that Genji was still alive and healthy but worried to the brim that he had been gone for so long. He had asked what Hanzo had done to receive such treatment and the eldest gave him a lie so Hanzo could sleep that night. 

He didn’t sleep, though. 

Walls collided with his burning skin and threatened to burn him alive. He curled up on the floor and scratched at the material there; he wished Jesse hadn’t left. Emotions and feelings that he had when he arrived months ago festered within his chest like coals reigniting. Fear was one of his most common emotions, he felt it often, but this wave that crushed him reminded him of his first night in Gibraltar. 

Light came into the room in a widening beam and the lights illuminated the room blinding Hanzo for a moment as he looked up into the face of his mask-less brother. Genji looked tired and scared and the scars around his face moved with his emotion, but as the younger man bent down to assist his brother Hanzo nearly screamed as he physically pushed his sibling away. Rejection crossed the scarred face but Hanzo didn’t care, so he scooted himself against the nearest wall so his back could touch and closed his eyes completely unaware of the things he was saying. 

Hanzo covered his ears and kept his eyes shut. Genji’s bloody body, the portions of his brother’s body that wouldn’t make Angela’s resurrection, the horror that came to him not knowing for ten years that his brother was alive. Hanzo was overwhelmed and felt Winston’s words echo in his head that he was a threat to Genji in a form. Flight came to him urgently but his exit-way was blocked. Not only was Genji there now that his eyes were open but Hana and Lena were there rushing to his aid. 

Hana was holding the British girl back so no one would crowd Hanzo but he all ready felt too crowded. Suffocating, hyperventilating, dying, choking, drowning, suffocating, hyperventilating, dying, choking, drowning, suffocating, hyperventilating, dying-

Hanzo screamed and yelled at those in his room, he didn’t know what, but hey were shocked at his explosion. He tore at his hair and then he stood with everything against the wall still, he couldn’t breathe here, there wasn’t enough oxygen to share between the four of them, Hanzo wanted to perish and melt away into nothing, he wanted to hurt himself and make himself bleed because it made him feel  _ something _ other than what he felt now, Hanzo wished he could go past his friends and get a drink or maybe go outside and step too far over his perch atop the cliffside. 

Lúcio rushed into the room and pushed past the three, his bare feet slapping against the floor. He was shirtless and his eyes looked heavy. Sitting down in front of Hanzo like he had done once before he swung the headphones around his neck off of himself and onto Hanzo’s head where his hands were blocking the passage to his ears. Moving the archer’s fingers off and away the music beat into Hanzo’s head and thudded with tones that began to instantly soothe the tendrils of agony inside his mind. Hanzo’s eyes had shot open the moment Lúcio had touched him with panicked realization, but now his lids lulled as his focus was taken away from his episode. 

As Hanzo began to become aware of his thoughts and words once more he had been mid-question asking where Jesse was. Hana’s mouth was moving but because of the headphones Hanzo could not hear and his panic began to rise again. 

The song got louder - Lúcio had turned up the volume, or the power in which the medicine in the music would work - and Hanzo began to feel possessed by the bass that was overtaking his cognition. 

Images of rain in a thick forest where frogs croaked and birds sought shelter flooded the archer’s mind in strokes like that of a brush; he could almost smell the depth at which the dew drenched the forest floor. The dark of the sky only poked through small portions of the canopy dampening the bark that the rain fell upon. 

Warmth came to his hands and Hanzo opened his eyes. Jesse was sat on his knees, his plaid shirt opened and unbuttoned, the ends of his pajama pants were damp. Hanzo focused on the lips that were moving at him but the music drowned out all other sounds but the music. Lúcio moved the others out of the room and stood by the open door gesturing at those he kicked out. There was a look on Jesse’s face that Hanzo couldn’t translate in the moment and instead watched the man grab his knuckles, bring them to his face, and began kissing each one. Jesse’s lips were soft and tender and Hanzo felt himself finally take a deep breath pile into his lungs. 

Several minutes passed and not once had Jesse and Hanzo lost eye contact. Lúcio had removed his headphones and gave a thumb’s up to Hanzo. The archer nodded wearily and eventually the two were left alone in their room together. Relaxing his back from the rigidity that his panic attack had caused he leaned forward and rested his head on Jesse’s shoulder. “Are you all right?” he whispered, their hands still together. 

“Woke up from a terror, went out for a smoke,” Jesse’s tone rolled over like gravel, “I’m okay, darlin’, just worried about you right now,” 

“It… it is fine, I am fine now.” Hanzo admitted with a sigh, 

“Was it about the Gumi?” 

Hanzo shook his head.

“Genji?”

Hanzo nodded. 

“Wanna talk about it?” 

“Later.”

“All right,”

“What was your night terror about?” Hanzo asked turning the spotlight away from himself. 

“Blackwatch stuff,”

“Would you like to talk about it?”

Jesse smirked without humor, “Later.”

Hanzo sighed once more, “We should get more rest. You will be leaving soon, you need all of the sleep you are able,” 

“You gonna be okay to go back to bed?” 

“I may be up for a while but knowing you are there will help me,” 

Nodding with content Jesse held Hanzo tight and then helped him stand. “I’ll make you migas in the mornin’,”

“Perfect,” 

 

\---

 

Having someone attend to his needs still was a strange concept to Hanzo, that the A.I. Athena was listening to his vitals and tone of voice in order to call someone to assist him. It wasn’t just for Hanzo, either, all of the members of Overwatch suffered from some sort of mental illness and Athena was programed to respond appropriately.  Unless called for specifically, the medical staff in the base wasn’t necessarily called first. In Hanzo’s case during his panic attacks or heavy anxiety moments Athena learned to call those close to him personally unless he was physically injured, the members that responded to Hanzo’s panic attack were simply programed into Athena as part of her protocol for the Shimada. Everyone’s files were detailed and tweaked to their own unique conditions. 

Two days were all that was left before the members of Overwatch deployed to China for their confrontation of the Shimada-Gumi. Hanzo was left without any intel and he hated that everyone had to hush when he entered a room or in his general vicinity, it was all too much like they were pitying him and he hated pity. Pity only brought him shame and embarrassment, especially when he could see it in the eyes of his lover. 

The night was clear and without rain and Hanzo took his drink, wrapped himself in one of  Jesse’s sweaters, and went out to one of the areas outside that was closed in by metal, white railing. The chilly weather was welcome to the tension that was held between him and the other members. Leaning against the railing Hanzo took a sip of his warmed sake and enjoyed the quiet of the outside and the time he could be with himself while he was stable. 

Footsteps came at his side and Jack leaned against the railing with the archer, his own drink held between two lightly shaking limbs. He sipped at his drink allowing the two of them a silent communication for a brief while. Whenever Jack spoke his voice always seemed to startle Hanzo at the fragility of it sometimes, “I was hesitant about you joining us,” he admitted. “I never doubted your skills or abilities, the proof was there and I’m not blind. This team is like a family to me, even if my definition of family is distorted from others’ beliefs. Winston isn’t wrong in admitting that you’re an emotional liability to Genji,” he looked at the archer finally but held an expression that was far from demeaning, “That’s the problem with working as a team, though: the risk of losing the people you care about in battle or in your arms. You and Genji, despite the separation you two had for a decade, are closer than any of us. You two have a fragile history that needs care and attention, and I wasn’t sure it was the best idea to bring you here so close to one of our biggest leads, to have the two of you forced together in one building to face your issues, to learn if you needed to leave or not; there were a number of variables that we took into consideration.” Jack took a long sip of his drink and sighed, “It isn’t because we think you’ll do something stupid on the field, it’s because we think Genji might. He has a certain skill-set that differs from yours and was weighed heavier than that of a sniper. I know it sounds like a personal attack, look, I get it, but we… can’t risk what the two of you are willing to do for the other if one of you is hurt. I don’t think anyone told you what happened at the club when you fell, did they?” 

Hanzo shook his head, “No,”

“When Genji had been in one of the blast zones the only thing he cared about was you. He saw that it was your family’s clan and wanted to protect you.” Jack took one more sip, his bottle now empty. He dangled it in his hands over the ledge, “He didn’t care that he was half blown apart. It was frightening to see him so desperate and manic about getting to you. Angela had to knock him out to get him to calm down. He didn’t know you had fallen, either, that the club was falling apart on top of you all. When I was being hauled back to the hovership I got to see Genji before he went under, and I haven’t seen him like that since we first brought him on board back in the day. I mean, he had a different motivation then towards you, but it looked the same.” 

Things were making more sense to Hanzo now. Winston’s words that had triggered him into a fit now carried less weight on his chest. “I see,” he mused. 

“But Genji thinks you’re staying here for the mission,” Jack mumbled with a smirk, a knowing look on his face. “He doesn’t know you got a bag packed hidden in the storage hangar,” 

Hanzo couldn’t deny this, “When did you find out?” 

“Does it really matter?” Jack huffed a laugh, “I’m not gonna tattle on you, if that’s what you’re worried about. I do want to advise something to you that I have had some experience in,” Hanzo gave him a the go-ahead, “You need to know that when you’re making deals with Talon agents they’ll betray you.” Another look came from Hanzo and Jack held up a hand, “I have been in a slightly similar situation before, plus: no one knows how to work around Athena better than myself.” 

But Hanzo and Jack had never really gotten along before, their morals and priorities were different, and for Jack to come to the archer with advice sort of put him on edge. Was he going to sabotage him? No, there would be nothing to gain from it. Did Jack intend to hurt Genji or Jesse in this manner? Another no, Hanzo processed promptly, the two knew Jack too intimately to let the man get away with something like that. So, “Why are you providing this information to me?” 

“Because not-so-long-ago I was in your shoes, kid. I know what it’s like to watch someone else fight your battles for you, especially when you love one of ‘em.” Jack’s eyes, though aged and a little glossy at times, looked clear and confident. 

Hanzo didn’t know if he wanted to pry at who Jack meant he loved or not. He wasn’t one to pry, but this wasn’t just normal talk or chit-chat, this was about Hanzo interfering with Overwatch business that he was not classified to take part in. Confliction came from both ends of the Shimada man, his questions battling out answers and being polite, wanting to know more but refraining, he stood there with his arms on the cold bars and looked out at the ocean with a soft, “Hmm.” in response. 

The two shared silence for a few minutes longer letting the chilly breeze sweep over them. Jack shifted his weight onto his other foot and began again with his coarse voice, “You will probably receive suspension for what you plan on doing, but I know that you know it’ll be worth it. You’re needed there, son, just don’t forget about the reactions this is going to cause. Expulsion may even be in the mix,” 

Hanzo had thought about that, too. This wasn’t a journey or task that he was taking lightly, if he was going to do this he had to think of every possible outcome that would come of his insubordination. But then he thought of a question he could trust Jack with that didn’t battle too many personal boundaries, “Should I inform Jesse of my plans or should I leave him out of this?” 

The question didn’t seem to catch the commander off guard but he did raise a brow and go silent for a moment, “That’s a loaded question. Depends on how much you tell him, or want to tell him, and I think it may be too close for him to process things or to keep his mouth shut about it. Or,” he mused, “it may be close enough that it keeps him quiet,” 

“My thoughts exactly.” Hanzo agreed nodding. “I only have two days, but I have been thinking about this for some time. To tell him may cause me more trouble, but to keep it from him may also do that with my relationship with him. Thank you for your advice. I will think on it tonight,” Jack smiled shortly and slapped Hanzo on the back before turning to leave back inside with his empty bottle and shaking frame. “One more question,” he called over. Jack stopped and turned, that same brow risen, “Do not take it to offense that I ask this for it is in regards to your safety, why are you attending the mission if your aim is no longer accurate?” 

Jack took it coolly and huffed out a small chuckle that didn’t really enlist humor, “I’m the pilot now, Lena and Winston are going on the field. Repercussions of  _ Shade _ ,”  

“I am… sorry to hear that.” Hanzo said with sincerity. 

“I know I’m gettin’ up there in age, but I was hoping to have a few more years to be able to prove my worth for all the wrong I’ve done in the past. Life has a funny way of dealing cards out sometimes, doesn’t it?” 

The archer liked the idiom, it seemed fitting for him as well, “It does,” he agreed once more. 

“I’ll be on the lookout for your hovership. You got my word that I won’t ruin your arrival,” Jack then retreated inside to disappear into the noise that was the group gathered around a table playing some game that Hanzo wanted nothing to do with. He could see shapes of his friends as they laughed and barked at one another, but allover having fun. Genji’s voice encouraged him in his mind to join them but only smirked at the chirping sparrow as he nagged at him. 

_ Some of them may not make it back. _

Hanzo frowned at this thought and stood still, the blurs of people on the other side of the glass joining one another in a small time of merriment. Maybe that’s what this all meant: the drinking, partying, messing up the simulations the past few days because someone wanted to play tag instead.

They were enjoying their time together before a serious mission may take them away. 

His friends and family. 

Hanzo knew he would be there to make sure that didn’t happen - the deep secret only Jack knew about. The sadness it brought surprised and overwhelmed him and he found himself walking indoors and taking a seat at the table, all eyes on him in a moment of shock. “May I join?” 

There was a dark spot in his memory that pushed out the preemptive emotions of grief and loss that allowed him to overcome his anxiety of joining a group activity. Suppression, disassociation, he wasn’t really sure what he wanted to call it because he hadn’t felt it in a decade. They were things he had not allowed himself to feel because they were too real, too raw. 

Jesse beamed at him from the other side of the table as he held two cards and held a weird chip thing - everyone else had a weird assortment of objects in their hands and a game board strewn on the table. He’d never heard of the game but listened intently as Lúcio and Hana jumped over one another explaining the rules. Reinhardt jumped in from time to time with his booming voice about a rule that they were trying to alter for their own advancement - Angela stood up and swept her hand through the middle of the table barking at them for making up rules again - Genji and Mei were huddled close together whispering about a plan of attack while Jesse was trying to call them out over the noise for “groupin’ up against the patriarchy!”. Hanzo was amazed and awed by the group and how they came together in collective to have fun before such a serious thing. 

Lena piped up scolding Winston for stealing several chips - and a cat figurine? - without anyone noticing. Zarya demanded The Penalty for cheating and slammed her fist on the table jarring the pieces laid about - Zenyatta carefully placed them back where they were before with his patience and ease - while a chant began around the table, “Pen-al-ty! Pen-al-ty!” Hanzo hadn’t laughed that hard in a long while: his sides ached and his cheeks burned all the while still not knowing what the hell was going on; he held four cards with diamonds and held no chips but apparently was now beating Angela. Did he even have a place marker? What did the board have to do with anything? Winston wouldn’t let go of the cat figurine and held it above Zarya as she had gotten up to snatch it from the ape’s hands, he kept her at a distance with his feet, his laughter rolling and loud. 

Drinks had gotten brought to the table by Jack and Satya a half hour later and nearly everyone took a large swig before continuing their turns that didn’t actually go in turn-sequence. Genji threw a dice at the table and it knocked several pieces over. Hanzo assumed this wasn’t supposed to happen and was about to start picking them back up when Jesse started yelling in Spanish and throwing his cards on the table in a frenzy. Mei whooped in victory and Lena gasped in horror, “You’ve got to be kiddin’ me!” she yelled loudly. 

Hana tried to explain to Hanzo that Jesse’s marker had been knocked back from his spot and owed Genji all his cards which brought Genji into third place - Winston had first (despite the cheating?) with Reinhardt in a close second. When Hanzo’s turn came around again - around? It had jumped across the table twice and then to the end where Angela was sitting before it somehow got back to him - he listened to Lúcio as he instructed him to grab four dice and to roll them: two fours, a six, and an eight. 

The table was screaming at Hanzo and he would have puffed up like a scared cat if he were one, he pulled his cards against his chest in reaction and Zenyatta moved his marker next to Reinhardt’s. “He is now in second.” the Omnic chimed casually. When Hanzo tried asking what happened Lúcio was laughing so hard he couldn’t explain it right and Hana was yelling in Korean. 

Jack walked behind them all over the duration of the game and finally called it at a quarter past two in the morning. The scores were: Winston with 700 points and the Obsidian Feline (the cat figurine), Hanzo with 658 points and a Pair of Quads (the two dice he rolled as fours), Rein with 656 and No Chips (??), and Jesse with Two Snakes (???) and a Tri of Pie (three rolled dice that all landed on three, he also had no numerical score (????)) . 

“Explain to me how I got second,” Hanzo asked Jesse as they walked hand-in-hand back to their room. 

“Darlin’, sugarplum, honeybear, you snuck past the Bailiff, is what you did,” 

“And may I ask what the hell that means?” Hanzo asked chuckling. 

Jesse laughed, “When you roll higher than a twenty you get to match the orange player’s score. Since you scored a twenty-two that got you two points higher than Rein,”

“Hmm. I have never seen such a game before,”

“That’s cause it ain’t no regular game. Ana and Gabe made it up back in the day. They had a huge ole story ‘bout how they got snowed in at the Antarctic base one mission for two weeks - reconnaissance or somethin’ of the like - and made the game with a few other recruits to pass the time. By the time they got back Ana had made a damn rulebook out of scratch paper they could find and bound it together with yarn. Once they got back they introduced it to us all by gettin’ us liquored up and pullin’ out the book. Ended up bein’ a traditional game of sorts before a P.D. mission,”

“P.D.?”

“Potential Death,” 

“Oh.”

“Yeah. They weren’t expected to make it back. Jack was in a big tizzy about it. I was off in Dorado with a few Blackwatch scouts under Gabe’s orders. Whole mess-a things. Didn’t even know about it til I got back a week after they returned. Never knew Gabe was capable of huggin’ until then. Only one I ever got, too.” They arrived at their room and entered, both of them buzzed from their drinks. 

“Was he like a father figure to you?” Hanzo asked carefully as he slipped his shoes off by the door. 

“Yeah. We had this unspoken bond or whatever, never talked about it but it was there. I knew he favored me over the others, cared about my wellbeing more than the other higher ups. I was a criminal when I was brought in, Gabe was the only one that saw potential redemption in me. Jack and Ana didn’t like me much for some years, not until things went south and I left before it all imploded,” Jesse had never talked about this before. More questions with no time for proper answers. 

Hanzo considered the man before him as he shrugged out of his shirt to trade it for a looser-fit top for bed, Jesse removing his shirt but staying bare, “I am sorry to bring it up,” the archer replied after a moment.

Before Jesse disappeared into the bathroom he shrugged and answered, “It ain’t no big deal, babe,” and then he began the tap for the sink. Hanzo could hear him uncap the toothpaste and rinse his toothbrush under the water; the man sat on his side of the bed and watched Jesse brush his teeth. As Jesse finished and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand he met eyes with Hanzo and cocked a brow and a soft smirk, “What’s that look for? I just checked myself in the mirror and I ain’t got nothin’ on my face,” 

Hanzo looked away with a soft chuckle and shook his head, “It is nothing.”

Jesse had an expression like he didn’t believe him, “Well, you gonna brush your teeth or am I gonna have to wake up next to a rotting corpse?” 

This time Hanzo fully laughed, “Surprises are what spice up our relationship,” he stood up and walked to the bathroom where Jesse stood, quick hands wrapping around his waist so he could kiss the man gently before slipping behind him to do his chore. 

“As much as I like surprises I don’t really like mornin’ breath,” Jesse countered taking off his jeans and folding them on his bed-side table. He unfolded the covers and kicked them down - it was a habit he had - and then reclined on the wall and pulled out the book he kept under his pillow. Flipping to his recent page he opened the novel and began reading. A minute later Hanzo emerged and turned off the lights as he went to his side; curling into the mattress he wrapped his arms around Jesse’s middle and rested his head against the arm that held the book. Jesse looked down, “You’re bein’ a bit weird tonight, somethin’ wrong?” 

“No,” Hanzo closed his eyes and sighed sleepily, “Nothing we have not talked about all ready,” 

A worried exhale came from the bigger man and he set his book down and swept his fingers through Hanzo’s hair, “I’m sorry, darlin’,”

“There is no apologizing to be done,  _ koibito _ .” 

But Jesse didn’t stop playing with the man’s hair until he fell asleep a half hour later. Keeping one hand on his lover he rose the book with the other and began again.

 

\---

 

Thunder woke Hanzo out of a deep sleep. He laid there for a while listening to the rain thrash against the window and to Jesse’s calm, sleeping breathing. The sun had risen - as the digital clock told him so - but the dark clouds conveyed otherwise. Turning on his side he now faced the gunslinger and used gentle hands to move hair out of his face. Hanzo hated that he felt the need to protect Jesse from his plans, “I wish I could tell you,” he whispered. 

_ Why can’t you? _

“You will do everything in your power to stay with me,”

_ Why is that a bad thing, though? _

“The team needs you, of course. You are going to be facing the Gumi, all soldiers are needing in taking them down,” 

_ You’re making irrational thoughts. He will support you and help however he can.  _

“If I told you everything, how would you answer?”

Jesse stirred only to scratch at his nose and then to lay the hand next to his head still asleep.

_ He will feel betrayed. _

“You will understand in time,” 

_ He has never kept anything from you that needed to be said.  _

“Please.”

_ He won’t trust you anymore. _

Hanzo closed his eyes fighting himself and revoked his hand from Jesse’s vicinity back to his pillow. Soon he would begin to spiral and would need to reach out to the man before him for help, but how would he ask for help when he couldn’t explain what was bothering him? His hand went back to hover over Jesse but didn’t move, his eyes opening to stare at his boyfriend with desperation. 

And what he couldn’t do months ago he finally did. With his outstretched hand he combed his hand through Jesse’s hair and down his neck, “Jesse,” he called raising his voice enough that the man would hear in his dreams. It was hard to say his name again, to ask for this, to reach out and to physically ask someone for help, “Jesse,” he tried again with success. 

Jesse blinked slowly, sleepily, “Han,” he mumbled as he stretched his legs down to the bottom of the mattress. A quiet moment passed by Hanzo and Jesse’s eyes slowly began to lull and Hanzo shook the man ever so gently to keep him awake.

“Jesse,” his voice cracked. 

This seemed to pull Jesse a bit more from the grips of the sand at his eyes and rose a hand to mirror Hanzo’s fingers at the nape of his neck, “I’m here, sugar,” the look in his own eyes spoke enough and Hanzo moved until they were curled into one another, Jesse’s arms wrapped around him protectively. “I’ve got ya.” 

For what felt like eternity but was only a mere hour Hanzo pulled away and looked up at Jesse who was still awake. He smiled that crooked grin at Hanzo and the archer cupped his face in his hand and stroked his cheek with the pad of his thumb, “I love you,” he whispered into their dark room. 

Jesse’s smile brightened and softened simultaneously and he leaned forward to press their lips together, “And I you.”

Hanzo pressed into the kiss with need and felt Jesse bite at his bottom lip, sucking on it temporarily before encasing their lips once more. The gunslinger’s hands moved to Hanzo’s lower back pulling him flush against him, their bodies molding together like an old, gross love song. They kissed heatedly and fiercely, their legs intertwining and slithering against each other, both of their breathing becoming more labored and hot as the passion progressed, both of their groins stiffening against the friction both of them supplied. 

With a swift, easy, practiced move Hanzo rolled on top of Jesse and bent down on his elbows that rested on either side of Jesse’s head and kissed him wildly, the cowboy’s hands slipping under the shirt and up along his chest while Hanzo’s hands gripped and pulled at the hair his fingers found. A gasp and a moan escaped Jesse’s mouth and Hanzo dug his erection into his lover’s, both of them stuttering a breath. They moved and ground into one another until they were both flushed and panting, Jesse stopping the actions with a hand against Hanzo’s chest to halt for a moment. 

“What is it?” Hanzo asked between breaths. Jesse shook his head and then used his other hand to run through his hair, the sweat making it slick at the roots. Hanzo became worried, “Did I hurt you?” he began to slowly get off of Jesse’s lap but the man’s hands rushed to the archer’s hips and Hanzo noticed the tears that stung his eyes. “Jesse,” he exhaled with worry. 

“I just,” Jesse began but didn’t finish. He fought his emotions for another minute before sitting up and maneuvering his partner to sit in his lap, Hanzo’s legs wrapping around the back of Jesse. 

Hanzo was quiet and patient, his voice as gentle as falling snow, “You are safe,” Jesse stuttered a shaking breath and leaned forward so his head rested on Hanzo’s shoulder, his hands grasping fervently at the cloth of Hanzo’s shirt. It scared the man that held his crying lover but he hummed a tune that didn’t exist simply to fill the sobs that came from Jesse’s throat and to hopefully provide some form of comfort. Leaning his head atop Jesse’s he repeated, “You are safe.” 

In the broken sniffles and attempts to regain his tears Jesse spoke through for Hanzo to hear, “I’ve got a bad feelin’, such a bad feelin’, like my gut is bein’ sucked outta me, this ain’t gonna go well, it just ain’t, somethin’ bad is gonna happen, darlin’ and I feel it so dangerous in me. I feel like I’m drownin’ in this feeling an’ I hate it,” 

Hanzo didn’t exactly know how to reply so he tried to work out something that would help, “You have come back from every mission thus yet, you will come home from this one, too. Do not sell yourself short of your abilities,” 

“I’ve never felt like this before, even when things were gettin’ bad back then,” he rose his head from Hanzo’s shoulder and looked him dead in the eye, “Ever since Overwatch recalled me I feel like I don’t belong here, like this is wrong and I shouldn’t be here. The time and place seem all out o’ wack. My mind isn’t what it was a decade ago. I got things that keep me from doin’ my job good and proper and I care ‘bout y’all too much, and if someone don’t make it back it’ll be my fault,”

Hanzo’s brows furrowed, “There is not one person in this facility that would blame you for such a thing. Everyone knows the risks they are taking going into this fight, the same risks that you are taking, and if anyone is left behind it is the enemy’s fault, not yours.” Jesse kissed Hanzo hard, almost too hard, and Hanzo leaned away to pull them apart: Jesse’s face was scrunched up as he wept openly, tears staining his face. “Jesse,” Hanzo tried more gently, “Is it because of me? Because I cannot go?” With hesitation Jesse slowly nodded his head and then shook it. “That me not going is only a part of it?” with clarity, a nod. Things were just piling up for the gunslinger and an avalanche was not far from occurring. 

“I shouldn’t’of accepted the recall. I knew better.” Jesse pushed out. 

“Then we would not have met,” Hanzo delicately said with a small smile. Jesse looked up once more with eyes that felt so much confliction, “Through all the hardships I have personally encountered I would not change it for the world. Getting to face my fears with Genji, meeting new friends, and making something more with you - yes, it has all been difficult and there have been terrible injuries in the process, but they are things I have not regretted.” When Jesse was silent Hanzo felt his heart drop and his confidence dwindle, “Do you… regret us?” 

“Never, no, darlin’, I don’t regret us, not for one second,” Jesse retaliated now looking panicked to have caused such a thought, “What I’m trying to say is that I don’t think I’m mentally prepared for this kinda shit anymore. Being in the line o’ duty was never what I wanted to be when I was a kid. I was apart of a gang only to be recruited to Overwatch to avoid arrest, and I don’t regret joinin’ Overwatch either, but when it all came down I thought that was the end of that part of my life. I thought I could move on and make somethin’ for myself but I ended up just gettin’ a big ole bounty on my head that kept me on the run. With the recall I had hopes that I could get it wiped clean, that I could pay my lil part and be on my way again with a clean slate, but then… then I saw Genji again as a new man, got to see Jack, Winston and Angie like I never left. They were family, they  _ are _ family, but the longer I stayed the more I got attached again. It wasn’t supposed to be like that this time ‘round,” he returned his forehead to Hanzo’s shoulder and sighed, “And then I met you.” his voice was muffled from the shirt Jesse was pressed again, “You made me  _ feel _ again, you made me feel like I belonged here and that I was doin’ good, hell I still think that, but I wanted to avoid my old friends so I could be alone without attachments. There were too many that I cared about that died around me on missions or, fuck, just knowing me. Everyone’s gotta come back.”

“They will,” Hanzo reassured.

Jesse’s head snapped up, “Do you know that? Can you stake yer life on it?” He bit his tongue, “Sorry.” 

Hanzo kissed Jesse softly, “If staking my life on it reassures you, then yes. I will stake my life on it.” 

“Han, no, I didn’t mean... “

“Shh,” Hanzo kissed him again and felt Jesse press back. Slowly the cowboy brought his hands around Hanzo again, “It is mine to stake. I promise you,”

“Don’t make that promise,” Jesse pleaded as he leaned heavily into Hanzo’s kiss.

“It has all ready been made,” the archer answered running a hand down Jesse’s chest. “And I do not take my promises back,” 

Their embrace quickly became heated as it was before and Hanzo pushed Jesse back onto the bed, their position reformed and their cocks growing stiff once more. The gunslinger pushed his fingers beneath the waistband on Hanzo’s briefs and relieved the straining member, setting the band just below his balls. Hanzo became insistent then, his hands reciprocating the lowering of briefs to his partner before situating his hands on either side of Jesse again. Moving with a jerk Hanzo pushed their cocks together - both eliciting loud moans - and began a staccato pace. 

“Fuck,” Jesse moaned pressing his head back against his pillow. Both of their erections were all ready leaking precum, the slick texture providing faster movement. Hanzo did not miss this detail. 

Their pace quickened and soon Jesse was clutching the sheets at his sides for something to try and ground him while Hanzo rutted and ground into the man as he sucked dark bruises into his neck. “Han - Han - I’m gonna -” gasps and vocal attempts were futile, Jesse came quickly and messily on his chest and on Hanzo’s cock, the archer sitting up with a victorious grin. Scooting down Hanzo bent and licked the cum from Jesse’s waist, his erection still throbbing almost painfully in the air. “C’mere,” Jesse pulled Hanzo forward until his cock bobbed above his mouth, his tongue lapping at the head to free it of cum. Hanzo twitched and moaned in response, “I wan’ ya to fuck my mouth, darlin’, want ya to cum down my throat,” The archer obediently straddled Jesse’s face placing his hands on the wall to balance himself at the angle needed to push himself into his boyfriend’s mouth. Slowly Hanzo let his dick enter the warm, wet entrance Jesse provided for him but that careful pace didn’t last more than a second for the pleasure and contact was far too great for Hanzo to ignore. Jesse placed his hands on the globe’s of Hanzo’s ass and massaged them as he thrust into his mouth, tears forming at the edges of his eyes from his gag reflex trying to overcompensate for the object down his throat, one of his fingers reaching in to tease Hanzo’s asshole. 

“Jesse-” Hanzo gasped pressing his head against the wall just above his hands, his movements becoming frantic while Jesse’s finger pushed in and demanded entrance. Hanzo yelled out his partner’s name and spilled down Jesse’s throat in hot spurts, his high almost giving him a momentary blackout. 

Finished and oversensitive, Hanzo pulled out of Jesse’s mouth and moved down to kiss him - the taste of his own cum lacing his mouth from Jesse’s tongue - and relaxed against his body. 

“Not sure how that worked,” Jesse chuckled out. 

“How what worked?” Hanzo asked resting against his chest. 

“How my emotional baggage got me laid,” 

Hanzo’s laugh rumbled against the skin and he propped his chin up to look at Jesse, “Sometimes getting laid helps relieve stress,” 

It was Jesse’s turn to laugh this time, “Well you ain’t wrong,” 

“Perhaps when you return from the mission we can take some time off,” Hanzo offered casually. 

Jesse rose a brow interested, “And do what?” 

“Travel, sit on a beach for a week or a month, maybe going on a cruise,”

“You bein’ serious or pullin’ my leg, sometimes I don’t know with you Shimadas,” 

Hanzo chuckled, “I am being serious,” he replied, “You said yourself you did not know if Overwatch was right for you. Maybe some time away from it will help you see things better,” 

Jesse’s expression went a little stern and he huffed out a trying laugh, “I don’t know, sweetpea, I sure like the idea of sittin’ in some sand without a purpose for a while, especially if you’re there,” 

Hanzo’s smile was sweet, “It is just a thought, maybe to think about when you get overwhelmed on your trip. Might help you relax a little,” 

“Yeah, just might,” Jesse agreed returning the smile, “just might.” 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Thank you for waiting!! I hope you enjoyed it!!  
> -Again, as always, thank you so much for the kind words, it means the literal world to me. <3 You guys are so wonderful and beautiful and I love each one of you.  
> -If there are any additional trigger warnings that I need to add, or there is something culturally/language/character portrayal/geography/etc incorrect please let me know!! I want to fix these things ASAP.  
> -Leave kudos or a comment if you enjoyed the chapter!!
> 
> tumblr: goddesofawesome.tumblr.com  
> twitter: https://twitter.com/GoddesofAwesome
> 
> I will try to post chapters every week.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song recommendation: Backward / Forward by Ioren north - Starlight
> 
> There is a message for you after the chapter. <3

Leaning on someone else for comfort and support seemed to be an oddity amongst the agents of Overwatch; it became a comfort in itself to witness so many people from all over the world to share similar pain. Not that it was enjoyable to see beloved friends panic at the sound of silverware falling to the ground, or when the air conditioning becomes too cold, or even when the sound of footsteps in a quiet room can rattle a person’s being to submission because of their past trauma. It was foreign to remember that the person at your side cares and will listen to when you feel like the world is falling apart, even when you feel like you’re bothering or intruding on them. The thoughts or images sometimes became too powerful to overcome alone, but when no one was there at his side or even cared to be drink and self-destruction came second-nature, it could even be compared to muscle memory: his body knew how to wield a blade as swiftly as the wind and he also knew how to mix his alcohols to black out into the night sky above him. 

Finding someone to be at his side - hell, even multiple friends - not only did his nightmares seem less big, but his depression seemed less of a monster and more of a disease. It was hard for him to describe how it felt to suffocate under the thoughts and tremors his brain brought him but he never had to do so, not in the company he had unintentionally surrounded himself with. How they all suffered the same as he, how they all understood and acknowledged his pain, even when he didn’t want to; how they recognized his triggers and stepped lightly on those topics like they actually cared for him as a person, like he never tried to kill his own sibling; his beloved and innocent brother. 

Hanzo had developed a plan and had rehearsed it on repeat for the time leading up to the deployment to China yet seeing them board the holoplane with their gear and supplies left a pit in his stomach. Satya stood at his side with her arms folded over one another in an elegant pose, her soft smile gracing her lips as a few members of the crew waved goodbye. Seeing Jesse appear so torn and conflicted ached Hanzo’s chest like something cold had been injected into his lungs, but the interception was crucial for Hanzo to keep to himself, well, and to Jack. Perhaps even Hana, Hanzo didn’t know or care to investigate too deeply into that. 

Two nights previous, the archer had followed Sombra’s instructions perfectly in sync with her own hacking capabilities and had retrieved the information he, and she, needed for their own priorities. A file on  _ Reyes, Gabriel _ had been extracted and sent her way while he had the information on the Gumi from Overwatch’s records and all of their current plans for the attack in Lijiang. Reading the entries and memorizing them on point was something he had not done in years, but it was an old talent that was easy enough to tap back into and get revving again like a well-oiled machine. 

The turbine-engines carried a strong gust around the two that stood on the hoverpad as the ship rose and began away, both of their hair and attire brushing and swaying with the breeze. The afternoon showed promise of rain later in the night but no one would be on base to experience it, the late sun blazed through patches in plumbs of clouds onto Watchpoint: Gibraltar casting dark shadows in deep, hard to reach corners. 

Satya turned her head minutely in Hanzo’s direction, her long locks tangling and arguing over her shoulders as her eyes continued to watch the hovership disappear further into the distance, “Shall we get started?” 

The question didn’t catch him off-guard as much as he expected it to, but Hanzo rose a brow and caught her eyes briefly before answering, “My schedule allows for three hours, my intel has made sure we will remain undetected by Athena,” 

Satya simply nodded and then began inside. Of course she knew. Jack wouldn’t have told her, they aren’t that great of friends. She’s just incredibly observant. “I will be in the south hangar then, otherwise I will be in my quarters preparing,” 

Hanzo let a breath go in and out of his chest before he turned to her disappearing figure, “Satya,” he called after and she stopped in her tracks to considering him with an observant glance, “thank you.” 

“Thank me when we come back alive.” and she let the door close behind her. To others she may seem rude but Hanzo knew better: she was distracted and calculating, her mind not on his words of thanks but on the task before her; how to best utilize her abilities so that the mission goes as smoothly as possible. He wonders if she thinks they won’t make it back. 

Gibraltar was quiet and moaned without people to fill it with sound; the absence of Lúcio’s music or Hana’s barking from losing a game, Reinhardt’s boisterous personality roaming through the kitchen continuously hungry. The hallways were dark, the kitchen poorly lit, Hanzo realized how much he disliked the silence of the Watchpoint which almost made him laugh. When he’d arrived it was just as quiet as it was now, his footfall too loud and his coughs echoed a little more, and now that he had grown accustomed to the traffic of the base he had begun to … miss it. 

His things were already packed he simply had to make sure his hoverplane was fueled and ready to go. Sombra had stated the rest would be taken care of. This trust he had in her was not a strong bond and he had taken Jack’s warning gratefully, Hanzo had been in this business long enough to know that Sombra was likely to betray him but sometimes he had to risk potentially getting a bullet in his shoulder to save the mission. More than the number of fingers he had on his hands had this sort of situation turned sour, but he had to risk it. He  _ had _ to, didn’t he? 

Standing before his mirror he looked at his ragged reflection deftly making notes to rest more and to take a long bath when he returned.  _ If _ he returned. There was one thing he had wanted to do before departing and he dug in Jesse’s belongings under his sink for the razor he used to trim his beard post mission. He wasn’t really sure how he would do this alone but he was determined to make it happen. 

A knock drew him from his bathroom and he greeted Satya with a curt nod, “What is it?” he asked. 

The beautiful woman said nothing as her skirt folded between her legs as she walked towards him with her shawl draped elegantly over her arm, taking the buzzer out of his grasp and motioning for him to sit on top of the toilet seat. Obeying wordlessly Hanzo sat but turned so she had access to the back of his head. She began to operate the machine effortlessly and began to shave his head. Hanzo hadn’t even thought to tell her what he was wanting because apparently she had been observant enough to already know. Satya buzzed the sides of his head and around the back enough that the hair on top could rest in an easy bun at the crown of his skull. 

Finally finished, Satya motioned for him to look at his appearance while she began to clean up the shavings. 

His reflection stared back at someone who seemed… more confident. He watched himself straighten his back and lift his chin as he took in all angles, “Thank you.” 

“It’s been months, you should have done it sooner. It suits you,” a small smile graced her delicate lips. 

“You don’t have shaved hair,” Hanzo commented with an open air after his dialogue. 

“I used to, when I was younger. An undercut,” she replied folding the cord together. “At the academy we had quite a bit of personal freedom with our appearance. An ex had shaved her head and I admired it so she treated me to an undercut. It rather enjoyed it but I disliked the upkeep.” 

The archer grinned and looked away bashfully that she had opened up to him a little, “I believe you,” he answered coolly, “I may consult you to help me with this every month,” 

She laughed like bells were ringing in her throat, a sound so joyous Hanzo finally fully smiled and she countered, “That’s if I am not hiding from you,” 

 

\---

 

Hanzo stood before the hovercraft with his bag slung over his shoulder, the engine already running and prepping thanks to his friend with Talon. It was a simple ship with no bells or whistles, it was black and sleek and the interior was extremely basic. One washroom, a small commons room, two bunk rooms with two twin beds each, and the cockpit which held a small coffee maker and a miniature refrigerator under the main console. The archer had filled it with water bottles and containers of almonds, peanuts, beef jerky, and a few labeled packages that had Hindi sprawled across the tops of them from Satya. 

The two seats in the cockpit were scarcely worn and one of the woman’s comfortable sweaters was draped over the left chair with her phone placed atop it. Hanzo took off his bag and shoved it under the console of the right chair and sat in it as his fingers swept over the button to start take-off procedures. An A.I. voice came over the comms, “ _ The current temperature in LiJiang is negative one degrees celsius, I have programmed the thrusters and engines to begin defrosting once temperatures reach freezing. Your comms should read the location of each Overwatch employee, their last names should hover above their icon. If you need to change the language please view your settings options - _ ” Hanzo tuned them out and patted himself down feeling like he was forgetting something. 

“Fingerless gloves? How fitting,” Satya chimed from behind using her mechanical hand to sweep back her hair and to shift her skirt as she sat. “I must tell you, I do not trust your intel. We are surely going to be sabotaged,” 

“I am aware of this,” Hanzo replied easily bending over to grab his comm out of his bag and back up to read the warm-up readings for the engine. “Are you prepared for that?”

“Of course,” 

As the A.I. informed the two that everything had checked out and engines were prepped and ready Hanzo’s hand hesitated over the controls before looking back at Symmetra once more, “If you do not want to come I will not judge nor protest.”

Satya looked at him with a glance she had only shared with him twice and it was a gaze that showed the confident fighter before him, “As silly as this may seem, I am not coming for myself but for you.” Hanzo frowned. “I think you’ve come to the realization of something that you have never felt before. I’ve seen it these past couple of weeks, something in you has changed. And for that change I am going to help you,”

“I do not understand,”

“When I thought Vishkar could change the world for good I didn’t know anything of myself other than who they taught me to be, but as I grew older and the more I fought myself I made a connection that I denied for years. I want to tell you that it’s okay to want to do things for yourself, to seek the redemption you have fought so hard for: you are  _ not  _ selfish for wanting growth.” Finished with what she had to say she turned to the computer that Hanzo still had not activated and ran her fingers over the holo-buttons to begin their journey. A bright blue monitor lit before her fingers illuminating the skin there, “You don’t have to justify your actions.” 

Hanzo could not believe what she was telling him. Satya was a self-centered person, she considered herself first above others. This wasn’t a bad thing, Hanzo corrected himself as he thought in more depth on her being, the Indian woman was simply raised to be this way and took advantage of the things Vishkar offered her, how could a girl in poverty refuse such an offer? The man considered a couple of things about how he felt to her speech as the hovercraft ascended and began on its journey, the A.I. and Satya conversing shortly as muffled sounds in the back of his mind. 

No one had ever told him it was okay to want something for himself; something on a magnitude Hanzo could imagine only few could share with him: redemption. How could he have been so blind to not have seen it these past ten traumatic, awful, intoxicated years in which he spent thinking his dead brother would  _ never  _ forgive him for, a crime his brother shouldn’t ever forgive him for. 

_ But, _

_ I want to find redemption for myself. _

More clearly: 

_ I want to accept my past as Genji has with his and my own.  _

The air that swept through his chest stung his eyes and burned his nose as tears quickly formed, it buzzed like a hive had been opened and swirled upwards like thunder struck his bones. Tears fell unblinkingly, his lips trembling as his hand clutched at the fabric of his shirt just above his heart, a shaky stutter escaped his lips and his eyes closed tightly. 

“Hanzo?” Satya’s voice was far away but also so very near, an echo that imitated that of a cave, and when he looked up at her worried expression, her bent figure holding her hands just inches away from his shoulder. “What is it?” Hanzo stood up, “Did something I say upset you? My apologies, that wasn’t my -” the archer wrapped his arms around the woman’s frame with a tightness that wavered between desperation and confidence. Physical affection wasn’t something Satya considered a good skill of hers. The other women in Overwatch were showing her which touches were appropriate for friends and colleagues in their respective cultures and had even gone to the lengths of how much physical touch each were willing to accept to make Satya feel that much more comfortable around them. She had benefited one-hundred-percent from it and had even ventured to expand her affection to Lúcio and Jesse, but never had she considered the Shimada brothers, let alone the eldest. He was nearly as rigid as she and as this embrace occured her logical mind sped to find the connection between their conversation and this action. It took a moment for her to understand but when she did a kind, genuine smile crested her lips and her hands gently sat on his back in reply. 

“I wish to say something,” Hanzo says with a quiet voice, one controlled from sounding with emotion, “but I cannot think… what do I say?” 

Like the drizzle that came after a hard rainshower, “Nothing.” 

A second stutter came and he wept. Hanzo did not cry like before, not like any of the times he had ever cried before, his wails were loud and wet, tears streaming down his face over his lips and down his chin, pink splotching his eyes and cheeks and nose. 

Satya Vaswani was not holding the man of Hanzo Shimada, she was holding an infant beaten and stripped of his childhood, all responsibility placed upon his shoulders that consisted of giving himself to his family.

Nothing he was going to do in his life was for himself, he was born and raised to believe his life wasn’t his own and that he was a figurehead to replace his father when he passed on. He would never have married for love, it would have been chosen for him, all of his meals would have been preordered and spoken for before he had a say. He wasn’t ever a person, he was a machine. Programmed and coded before his very life was even brought to the world, trained and upgraded only in the way his model of computer could handle. 

This was nearly impossible for Hanzo to fully process and understand. He didn’t understand what was happening but he also did, he felt so powerful and yet if a cold breadth blew upon his neck he would break and crumble - Hanzo couldn’t stop smiling as he wailed in the cockpit of the craft, their journey just beginning. 

Relief. 

_ Is that what this is? _

Maybe it was joy. 

_ I have felt joy, this is somehow different but also identical. I do not understand.  _

Restraint. 

_ No, I feel as if I could fly! This force in my heart, it would explode like a new sun.  _

“Satya,” he slowly pried them apart and sat back on the armrest of his seat, his hand returning to his chest, “I cannot identify this.”

“What you’re feeling?”

“Yes!” he nearly yelled with elation, his words betraying him beyond simple response. 

Crossing her arms under her breasts and raising one to hover just under her chin Satya beamed, “Freedom, Hanzo.” She chuckled airily with her shoulders. 

_ Freedom.  _

_ Freedom?  _

_ Freedom.  _

As if shackles had been removed from his limbs, shackles that held him so tightly to the Hell he had thought he belonged in. 

Hanzo didn’t have to convince himself that his actions were for the benefit of others. For Jesse, for Genji, for Hana. There were only so many ways for him to think that his entire life he had never been allowed this. The entire duration he had yet endured of his life he could not never begin to conceptualize what freedom felt like. 

All of his past actions didn’t matter. 

None of them mattered anymore. 

Hanzo got it. 

_ He understood it now.  _

This whole time how Genji was offering him the forgiveness he had given him years ago but only offered recently, that blindness! Now naive he felt! Foolish! It had been there the entire time and yet somehow could never see it even if it was staring him straight in the eye. 

Oh, how he wished he could stop all this damned crying! 

Hanzo covered his eyes with his free hand and cried once more, Satya allowing a gentle gesture as her hand squeezed his shoulder with reassurance, “It’s wonderous to feel free, isn’t it?” the smile on her face permeated into the smooth tone of her rhetorical question. The archer nodded slowly and sputtered out another sob as it racked on his frame, his attempt at controlling his child-like wails becoming more difficult. 

Hours later as they would land in Lijiang and when Hanzo had calmed down and slept which allowed him to collect his thoughts, he and Satya would share a confident look as he had pressed the button for the hatch to release. Pressurized air had swept around them as the altitude outside collided with it, the cold and scent of snow stinting their heads and then necks, each part of their body slowly meeting the frigid climate of China in the winter; their outfits consisting of black, tight fitting clothing and armor. 

Hours later as Hanzo had stood shirtless before the cabin’s small mirror looking upon himself with a new light, his hands holding his black long-sleeved shirt. Taking the eyeliner pencil he had just used to thicken on his eyes he uncapped the liquid makeup and held up his left arm, his right with the liner pen already writing on the skin: 

  
  
  


私は機械ではない。

  
  


_ I am not a machine. _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The out-pour of love I received from my Author's note was astounding and floored me. Never have I felt so touched, not even when I have said before. Every single one of you that commented or reached out to me cared firstly of my mental health and ... /chocking up/ that's the entire reason I wanted to write this fic in the first place: for us to feel a connection with other people, even if they're fictional, and the literal meaning of this chapter was proven tenfold how much each one of you care for others, who care for me!!, and isn't that what this whole journey has been about? 
> 
> This chapter is dedicated to each and every one of you; that even when your life feels the shittiest and even when you want to give up, even when you think the friends that have told you to call them in time of crisis becomes blurred because your illness tells you otherwise, there is light at the end of this journey. I am finding it, slowly, just like Hanzo, just like you will if you haven't already. 
> 
> Thank you for caring for me and for loving Hanzo as much as I do. Thank you for being the Satya I needed in this moment. 
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> I have the entire ending mapped out, get your butts ready.
> 
> Edit: Went through and made some spelling corrections (Jesse's name and a couple other weird errors I found.)


	21. Author Update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please read - important update/inquiry

Hey everyone! It's not hard to see that it's been longer than I had planned to work on my fic. I had begun writing it for myself but it turned into something completely with my last ex - it became a huge bond between us. It had given it a different meaning, and now that we are broken up this fic puts burning coal down my throat, if a metaphor was accurate. The breakup was extremely rough and I am still having an extremely time with that and with trying to bring myself to write the end. 

I had the last two chapters completely planned, but my aversion to my own fic had become rather toxic because of the energy surrounding my reasoning. I DO NOT want to stop writing this, honestly, but I don't know if the end will ever happen. 

If you feel that this fic is important to you (as it has been for me) and want me to finish it I will do so. If enough of you comment/kudos/message me to continue I will do just that. 

Thank you for everyone that has read up to this point and has supported my fic, your kind words have done wonders to my writing esteem.


	22. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For this fic, I illustrated this piece that you can view from my art blog! http://goddesofawesomeart.tumblr.com/post/175319696298/weve-learned-to-listen-drew-this-as-a-coverend  
> TW: suicide mention, depression, anything I already haven't mention beforehand  
> note: please read the end notes!!! i also proofed this chapter once, apologies for typos/errors!

Frigid air chilled the moisture on the exposed skin Hanzo allowed to remain open to the storm - there was a fear of his eyewear blurring or becoming unusable that prioritized his need for goggles or shades, he did, however line his eyes with red makeup. Stark white garbs camouflaged the archer against the snow that thrashed harshly through the air, the roaring was deafening and the darkness that stood past the ship eerie. The lights and glow from the nearby buildings and structures emitted a small glow against the blizzard in blues and soft oranges, a trace of red from cell towers warning aerial traffic. Hanzo used the back of his hand to cover his face - maybe he’d made a mistake on his choice of missing accessories - when Satya’s white gloved hand reached around his shoulder and held her hand out for him to receive. “Soldier: 76 requested I make this for you, for this mission,” her voice was hoarse and loud in the thunderous wind; Hanzo took the device, snow coating the sleek metal exterior, and tried to examine it but could not. “Pocket. Or in your bag,” Satya suggested. “Then tap your temple twice, it should begin its opening sequence.”

Curious, if not a little annoyed at Jack’s interference once more, the archer freed his left hand and did as instructed. A transparent, blue creation of the architect’s design formed into an identical shape of the very visor she wore over his eyes. Once it stabilized after a quick moment of light buzzing the luminosity of the visor diminished to a small sheen that would only be detected upon extremely close proximity. “Thank you.” He replied hoping his voice carried.

Taking a step closer - so she needed to hear better, most likely - added, “Tap once more and it shows the location of my visor. Tap twice to turn it off and on. Basic. Got it?” The scarf covering her face moved with her speech.

“Got it.” Hanzo answered nodding. They shared strong eye contact for a breath before the man finally turned to start the trek to his first location. Satya pulled him back once more and he turned in kind, facing her. There was something in her eyes that made Hanzo feel unsettled, even behind the blue glow of bent light.

“Be safe.” She finally said releasing her grasp.

Hanzo returned her hand in his and squeezed it reassuringly - my, how far he’d come - “You, too.”

“One more thing, Hanzo,” Satya looked nervous to say this, “This may sound insensitive but do not misunderstand: don’t lose control.”

But Hanzo understood what she meant. It was why Winston didn’t want him on the mission in the first place, it was exactly why he and Genji couldn’t be in the same fighting space: if he lost control it would guarantee a casualty which would most likely mean him or someone he cared about.

But Hanzo also understood that he couldn’t make that promise completely, not honestly. In his recent experience, in emotional distress the dragons would force the words from his lips in order to protect their host. It was something he hadn’t learned to control - yet another reason why the ape declined his invitation - but it was also his greatest advantage: the unpredictability of an incoming massacre.

“I will try my best.” He gripped her hand once more to reaffirm his intention. She nodded and he hoped it was translated. They would share a private line on their comms but it still wasn’t the same as being physically conscious of your ally’s health and whereabouts.

 

—-

 

The layout was fairly large with a lot of ground to cover. Without the practice that the rest of Overwatch received with the Lijiang simulations Hanzo would have to rely completely on his instinct and skills to guide him properly through the labyrinth with as few injuries as possible. This meant scaling and climbing, possibly unlocking joints to get through a scuttle, there were several possibilities. In fact, there were probably hundreds. It was a daunting feat to attempt but Hanzo had to remind himself that he had pulled off more  expansive and elaborate heists in the past that required going in blind. Each time Hanzo came out alive with a successful mission.

Even if he got severely hurt in the process, the end result was what counted, it’s what mattered.

Genji’s voice materialized in his mind reminding him that their upbringing was no longer the deciding factor in his decisions, which meant that his life didn’t have to be the cost of a victory anymore. Hanzo knew that his brother was right, for he had gained far most wisdom in their time apart that he, but living that decade in the hopes of finding redemption through punishment his previous coping skills needed some patience.

 

And practice.

 

The visor protected his eyes beyond any of his expectations and even found that it kept his skin rather warm. While the snow continued to thrash against his form, Hanzo crept along the eastern perimeter to scout the area before he decided on his ascent. Certain requirements would need to be met for him to choose, along which include length, material, and exposure. Modifications to his climbing gear had been made and he even pulled out a couple of grappling arrows from his case; they were archaic, arrows he learned how to mod in his mid-twenties, that he had Athena paint to match the environment. The cable that was infused within the length of the weapon could hold a good amount of weight, enough to easily carry Hanzo when he’s needed it. Once Athena had been lied to about its purpose Hanzo continued to train with it to guarantee its purpose.

Blues and soft purple light had been absorbed by the snow and glowed delicately along the infrastructure’s exterior, the brighter lights stalking high into the taller towers. The snow made it difficult to gain further details besides blurry figures and looming, sparkling buildings that looked more like ethereal shadows than skyscrapers. It reminded Hanzo of foggy Tokyo nights where he had often found Genji in some sort of altercation - drunk, high, usually both, sometimes in custody where Hanzo would have to bribe the officer to keep their father’s nose out of it - and it nearly made his gaze linger in nostalgia, but he stayed focused and kept on.

White gusts altered and morphed the lights in his vision, even with the visor attempting to keep focus on where he was looking the storm made sure to make it rather difficult. The crunching from his feet and the show sloughing off of his legs as he trekked forward couldn’t be heard, hell, he could hardly hear the Overwatch agents talk as his radio began connecting through Sombra’s tech - unnoticed, of course - hoping to hear Jesse’s voice, or maybe even Hana. They were surely in the beginning stages so no one would be too badly injured at this point, hopefully.

But right now Hanzo’s priority wasn’t to listen in on his friend’s and colleagues’ conversations for intel, not yet, right now he needed to get over the wall that kept Lijiang safe and secret from prying eyes. The visor allowed him to see clearly on the material creating the structure and how much ice and snow had accumulated.

Hanzo passed a hand against the mammoth slabs of unknown material - it was too dark here - and found that his fingers slipped off of the stone too easily for his liking. Turning to look at the blizzard above him he took note that the wind was slamming against the property in this direction allowing ice to form beyond climbing. He’d have to get to the other side of the facility, or he’d have to find some innovative way of getting up where the wind wasn’t as strong. He frowned but wasn’t disappointed, just cold.

Retracing his steps wasn’t a difficult task to perform on most missions or recons, but as the night became thicker with snow his tracks were hardly visible and the building at his side was getting not only more challenging but demanding as well. The archer’s chest stung briefly with alarm initiating the rest of him to be on high alert, but it wasn’t truly needed yet, he was just simply... nervous.

Being “nervous” wasn’t something Hanzo was familiar with. Anxiety? Absolutely. Nervousness? When he was a boy, perhaps. Being nervous was like waiting to make a large speech or something, well, not this?

Hanzo knee that this type of thing would make a normal person piss themselves just being in the physical location, but as someone who had know this way of living his entire life this didn’t make him nervous. There were enough times that he could count on his hand that he remembered being nervous.

But one very distinct memory shot him like ice to present itself as an obvious statement: Hanzo had felt nervous when Genji’s life was in his hands to take.

Snow fell around him but he did not move. Hanzo looked ahead with an aimless stare, the heavy clouds that escaped his covered mouth and into the open. Sound did not come but the hammering of his heart could deafen him, it was truly foreign. As much as this compared closely to his panic attacks he knew it wasn’t anxiety.

Satya had told him it was okay to fight for himself and that it was okay to accept that, and Hanzo touched on the idea to reaffirm, yes, he felt good with that statement, but the memory of a young, heartbroken man told to murder his brother takes precedence and he closes his eyes. “Damn.” His voice is hoarse from the cold but still his usual tone. The concept of living for other people had never settled, or blossomed, well for him. A time or two he could remember that hadn’t been repressed with booze or drugs in which Hanzo had to chose to watch someone he cared for be killed by his own blade or watch it be done for him. An heir to the Shimada empire could not have any sort of distraction, none that could cost emotional compromise, that would collapse the empire.

Of course he was worried about his friends on the field, or was stupid to think he wouldn’t be, that the lives of people he loved could be stripped away in an instant. He felt guilty when he thought first of Jesse instead of Genji. Those amber, smoky eyes that showered over Hanzo with the stardust of the deserts Jesse had travelled, and that cocky, foolish smile that warmed the sun-aged creases in his cheeks. Waking up next to Jesse was equivalent to a dream Hanzo never thought he’d achieve. It wasn’t that he got a boyfriend, he could get one of those anywhere honestly, but what Jesse gave Hanzo that no one else ever had were- He huffed and finally opened his eyes, his legs began again. Hanzo could be doing that for a while.

To assume he was heartless was a flattering thought, Hanzo appreciated that his outward appearance appeared that way.

 

“ _ Hanzo, _ ” Satya’s voice cackled to life in his ear. “I’m going to try sending your visor a small update I configured just now,”

“All right,” Hanzo replied slowing his pace further.

The man nearly had forgotten the visor was on his face now and when a bright blue text box came popped up with fast coding and then promptly disappeared.

“We have to test it quickly. I apologize for not having this ready sooner as it is now taking up time.” She sounded rushed, he could hear her feet crunching beneath her. At this same moment a littering of blue dots arrived on his screen in small blips, the opacity light enough that it did not distract Hanzo’s sight. “It should be an active hud now. The signal is going to be significantly more weak than my own, I was rushed to create the program, so think of your signal like WiFi, the further from me or our ship you are losing more signal. I cannot guarantee the distance at which it can fully reach,”

“This is wonderful,” Hanzo confessed, “thank you, I will be mindful of the signal.”

A sigh translated through the headpiece!- did he sense relief? - “Of course. Now, to use it. Again, the operating system will only respond with a stronger signal, so if may not always respond,” tapping and crunching, “The visor’s artificial intelligence will recognize a command to see any of the Overwatch agents on the field. It will show their vitals in current time. The agent’s information will disappear after ten seconds,”

“Show me Satya Vaswani,” Hanzo commanded - the woman on the other end chuckled lightly - and as promised her dot illuminated a little more than the others and brought up the vitals next to her dot. It, indeed, loved in current time as she trudged in her separate direction. “Impressive.”

An exasperated laugh, “Thank you.” Her information was no longer on his visor’s screen. “Open my line if you need me,”

“Affirmative.” Hanzo answered and heard the soft ping that she closed her mic. “Show me... Jesse McCree.” A responsive blip lit up and the archer smirked just at seeing the man’s vitals were level and normal. “Show me Genji Shimada,” Normal if not for an accelerated heart rate from running and climbing. “Show me Hana Song.” Two blips came up in different sizes, one large and the other small, both obvious identity markers for her MEKA and herself. It was stationed several meters from her location - Hanzo noticed two other light dots with her - and he wondered at what plan or mischievous ideas she had in mind and wished he could witness them in person.

He should have realized sooner that this was his first real Overwatch mission, even though he wasn’t officially allowed to be there, and excitement surprised him. Hanzo had been so defiant on not wanting to stay and to leave once he met Genji, but now... a life he had not expected, truly. In all honesty, Hanzo would love to be teamed with several of the agents to see how they worked together and which combinations proved most lethal or stealthy. It was an exciting curiosity he now craved and pushed on harder to make sure it was a successful end. It had to be. He had to get them all home.

 

—-

 

The perimeter wasn’t as heavily guarded as Hanzo was initially expecting, but once he had made his full round on the first area he had wanted to scope he had counted six uniformed figures - two of them could potentially be Omnics, there may have been a metal sheen - but overall fairly easy to do. He wouldn’t have to kill any of them if he didn’t have to, and as much as he found comfort in that thought he knew that he would not come out of this battle without blood on his hands. Pulling back a sonic arrow Hanzo shot it up near the top of the surrounding wall and watched a single figure appear.

The pads of his fingers brushed against the material and felt no ice. Pressing his fingers into the palm of his glove protruded metal grips at his finger’s tips and tapping the tip of each boot on the ground created the same mechanism. It was a thing Hanzo developed shortly after he fled Hanamura when he was, quite literally, climbing to stay alive.

At first they had been from whatever material he could get of semi-good quality. Omnic junk shops, scrap yards, there weren’t a lot of places in Japan he could hide while he planned his escape without someone noticing his face.

Especially since his legs were so newly healed and connected to prosthetics, he wouldn’t be able to run far, if at all.

There was a time he had banked he was going to die because his invention had given out on him while he was on the run in Tibet. He had taken an easy kill job for good money and got his face noticed at a bank. It was a stupid, juvenile mistake. Cost him a blood transfusion from a local acquaintance who was assisting on the job, he only did it cause Hanzo gave him half his share. The archer honestly couldn’t blame the guy: stuck with a fugitive ex-crime lord bleeding out on the carpet his partner wanted to smuggle back to his home country begging in the only way a man could who was coughing up blood, throwing literal money at him.

 

It was clear enough.

 

That was the first time after Hanamura that he took time away and contemplated his life and the decisions he was making. It was the first time he realized how desperately he wanted to live.

_ T _ hat generally meant Hanzo didn’t agree to those feelings and he would then drink them down with the hope the next time they came to him it would be longer than the last. It was a silly thing that he wanted justified, but it was also the thing that took his ass back to Hanamura on the first anniversary of Genji’s death.

 

Hanzo believed for a decade he had killed the person he loved most in his life.

 

It was still so hard to swallow and to believe.

 

The redemption he was offered and was slowly accepting.

 

There were no words.

 

There were no thoughts.

 

There were too many words and too many thoughts and Hanzo was allowing them in as he crested on the edge of the wall, the figure coming into view. In silence, snow hitting the visor in small droplets, the cold in his fingers burned against the shaft of Stormbow as he slowly maneuvered it off of his back; there was no sound of his feet against the wooden platform while he crouched with an arrow now nocked on the string.

The figure was broad and tall, but Hanzo could not identify if they were Omnic or human, there were Omnic models that could exhaust steam to imitate exhaling in cold weather so the breath the archer saw now meant nothing. Staying within the shadows along the wall partitions that looked out into a beautiful garden pavilion Hanzo pulled the arrow back and fired it past the guard at a distance they would notice. And, they did. The arrow caught their eye and they began in the direction as they drew their gun and turned their face to Hanzo’s direction revealing a low yellow glow through facial holes in the Omnic’s face plate.

Easy. Hanzo knew that there were certain manufactures in which his sonic arrow could disable temporarily, this could be prosthetics or Omnics, the part could be interchangeable in some military weaponry. It was part of why Hanzo developed the sonic tip the way he did: once it was attached to a target the sonic signal would interrupt and black out the system from overheating.

The blue arrow was nocked and shot at the Omnic’s chest within a split second and the being slumped and crumbled to the snowy ground in a quiet whirl, like a loud electrical sigh. No extra fuss. Each step was thought of, every action was vibrant to his mindfulness; Hanzo loved this feeling of being completely enveloped in his mission and the fire that every movement he made weighed between life and death. His past craved this adrenaline rush as well, it was where it was born, to fuel his attention into his kill - but in this case to help assist his friends - and after the accident with Genji he nearly depended on that instinct to keep him alive.

 

The shame and pride were so powerful.

 

Suicide came to his mind again, his body went still again and his focus wavered like he was coming out of a drunken stupor.

 

“Not. Now.” The words came out between clenched, aggravated teeth.

 

_ You shouldn’t be here. It’s pointless and foolish to think your presence could make a single difference in their mission. _

 

_ Too prideful. _

 

His breathing was becoming harder to grab, “Show me my vitals,” Hanzo demanded. The visor flickered and brought up his information: his heart rate was elevated. He slammed his eyes shut and concentrated on controlling his erratic breathing. Now wasn’t the time for an anxiety attack. He couldn’t afford to have an anxiety attack right now.

“Why is your heart rate rising?” Symmetra’s stern voice was slightly static over the headpiece but laced with concern.

“I’m-“Hanzo stopped completely and rested his hands on his knees, the wind much stronger up on the wall: it chipped at his clothing hard enough that he could feel searing cold, white pressure.

“ _ We have time. It’s okay. Breathe in while I count to four and then we’ll exhale to four.” _

 

Hanzo would have three more panic attacks like this while he scaled and traversed the wall perimeter. A few particular spots in which the guards were scouting had high military-grade lights fixed overhead on metal structures.

Standing in the light atop one of his last patrols he chucked his bow out from around the woman’s neck and retrieved the two arrows that had pierced her chest. No use in wasting good arrows - he had checked the tips over for damage before sheathing them. It felt lonely and a little surreal, most missions did in the moment, and how cold the air made his bones feel. Blood covered a small area of snow, a detail Hanzo stood and considered covering, but calculated he had wasted enough time with his panic attacks so he would have to accept being sloppy. It was not something he liked.

The inside perimeter was long and was made up of mostly grass with small plots of poor housing developments that clung to the outskirts of LiJiang proper. Spotlights blazed brightly through the skyline in various directions hoping to draw attention to whatever fancy event they were dancing for, and Hanzo knew that the center-most light was his destination at the moment.

Blues and purples filled the city’s light pollution that reflected upon the dark, snowy clouds above; billboards could be seen casting ghostly figures behind blizzard fog to sell a popular soda or to promote an electronic. The city itself was like a hazy dream that could never truly be rid of its blur: Hanzo could rub at the visor all he liked but his vision would never define the details of LiJiang. He felt as though he were floating.

“Satya,” Hanzo started into the mic allowing the visor to show him her location. She was quite far now but was slowing her pace, he wondered if she was setting up surveillance.

“ _ Yes?” _

_ “ _ Vishkar and the Shimada empire once worked together for quite some time. I also know Vishkar has had affiliates with Talon in the past and currently, do you know any of them?” He felt cautious to ask the question in the first place but felt she would understand it was neither a judgment or an accusation. 

The answer came back after a moment - hesitation? - “I had never met Sombra but I had known of her. She worked in a different building with our advanced technology team that helped her develop the Translocator. But I had worked with a couple others briefly before I parted to join Overwatch. Amélie Lacroix and Akande Ofundimu. The latter on remote location.”

_ “ _ He was imprisoned,” recalled Hanzo.

“And I was to visit with my superior. This is all in my file, as well, Hanzo. You don’t sound like someone who as read it,” her voice was teasing towards the end but it still made Hanzo’s ears burn in embarrassment. “Don’t worry, my file is currently four-hundred-and-seventy-three pages long. I suspect most of our colleagues have not read past the second page of anyone’s file,” That was not true, Hanzo was still reading Jesse’s: it was a couple-hundred pages, as well. So was Hanzo’s. They were massive files that contained nearly everything that Overwatch deemed important enough to file away: conversations, images, charts, mostly unnecessary items but all-the-same important. “It would not be you to trust Sombra so easily.” Her statement felt unfinished but it stopped there and she disconnected her line until he needed her again.

 

Of course Hanzo didn’t trust Sombra, not completely anyways.

 

Well -

 

_ What a fool I am.  _

 

Was it really trust?

 

_ I was using my resources. _

 

Talon isn’t a resource.

 

_ It’s treason. _

 

Desperation doesn’t qualify or justify deceiving your allies.

 

_ I am not deceiving them. _

 

Why do you trust Sombra‘s intel?

 

_ It’s not trust, _ Hanzo understood,  _ it’s because I know the intel is true. _

 

There were things in Hanzo’s education and time as Heir that he believed and one was a core feeling he was taught to sense, there was no other way to lead an international crime syndicate without being able to tell when your clients, partners, or enemies were lying to you. Otherwise fingers or limbs were lost as punishment, and while Hanzo was naturally hesitant on Sombra’s willingness to participate but his instinct told him she was genuine to some degree, even if it was for person gain. Hanzo had done the same numerous times before without much thought to his shame. In the past, occasionally his shame had to be set aside momentarily in order for him to survive. 

Conflicted was definitely a strong word he would chose for how he felt “trust” for Sombra. In the time he had spent training and memorizing things for the Talon agent - and information about her on his own - could decipher which things she was bluffing and which she may be honest about. Hanzo couldn’t explain to Symmetra how his brain functioned but he also understood that she knew what if felt like to be brainwashed and to be learning how to reprogram your entire being. When the archer was reading everything he could pour himself over, found that Sombra had gone into this life herself without the persuasion via blackmail or by force. Of course, her life story was much more complicated and in-depth than he cared to think about and elaborate on, but she still had chosen the life she had in free will. 

Hanzo respected the woman for being true to who she was. It was more than he could say for himself. 

The ending of Satya’s words continued to echo within Hanzo’s mind for a while, even as he sniped and shot down two more soldiers guarding the route he wanted to take - maybe he could take lives afterall.

_ Who are you? _

 

He quietly and remoursely thanked his upbringing in the moment for being able to be distracted by his thoughts and still be a precision killer, even when killing was the last thing he wanted to do. 

“Where’s Genji?” the visor calibrated with a soft whir and plopped a dot on the screen with his location. Heart rate was still accelerated and his movement was rapid: he must be in combat. “Show me Angela,” her dot floated in the sky only meters from Genji’s position. 

The sound of distant gunfire finally reached his hearing. Mercy’s vitals seemed elevated but not alarmed and this calmed Hanzo in his moment of panic. 

“Where’s Jesse?” his dot had moved quite a bit of distance from his previous location - maybe an hour ago - and he seemed unmoving and his vitals were normal. Staking out. He was scouting. 

_ Koibito. _

 

In an aching sliver of worry Hanzo wished for Jesse’s safety. 

 

_ You’re more worried for your lover than your own brother whom you killed, you should feel shame. Guilt. Remorse.  _

 

Those thoughts came to him often and he tried so hard to will them away from circulating his brain intrusively with razor precision. He had opened up to Angela about them in order for her to find a good book for the two of them to work on after she returned from the mission, but in the meanwhile she had advised he “healthily resolve them away” until she returned. It was repression, but in the nicest form she could manage to say it. 

Her not having the proper education and training to assist him with his therapy irritated him only in the sense he couldn’t control what she did and did not know, he also knew how irrational it was to think that way and found himself unable to express this simply because he had never done so in his life before. 

In his prime youth, if someone in his family’s staff were a doctor and also did not provide psychiatric care, would have resulted in their immediate termination. Then again, his family would also never hire someone like a psychiatrist or a therapist. There was never a need because the Shimada family were strong, and seeking any sort of mental health assistance was highly frowned upon and considered weak. Hanzo would _never_ allow himself to show weakness before his father or any other human being, for that matter. It would have killed his family business.  

But it did.

 

It killed Genji. 

 

It had destroyed them both. 

 

Hanzo thought often about how things would be if he had committed suicide all those years ago, or even somewhere along the decade of self-loathing and punishment; it would have been a different life for Genji. Maybe happier. 

 

_ Maybe sadder. _

 

The idea of Genji mourning him pained his heart for his brother should never be the one to shed tears for him, but he had all ready known that to have happened. Maybe ‘mourning’ wasn’t the proper term back then, but the little sparrow wept in anger and sadness for his brother all the same. Even during the years he worked with Blackwatch and then his transition to Nepal, Hanzo would be stupid to deny Genji crying for him. It was obvious how much Genji cared for him. He resented but also felt … jealous of this Hanzo. It was hard to explain in his mind to rationalize how he saw himself and how others perceived him.  _ Rationally _ , they were the same person and deserved the same care, but  _ ideally _ Hanzo believed he was the only one who saw the true Hanzo. 

Well, not so much anymore. Arriving at Gibraltar had changed his life in a multitude of branches. Making close friends, attempting to reconnect with his brother, finding  _ love _ ; fighting his depression. There were no moments in his life leading up to the call from Winston that promised a future such as this.

He was suddenly feeling conflicted again. Trudging over a narrow partition along the inner wall Hanzo observed the height and his path down. A gap between the inner wall and the first part of LiJiang proper separated them by about fifteen feet. It was a big enough gap that Hanzo had to double check his route to ensure no sound or possible injuries. 

When he made the first jump his fingers didn’t grab quite as firmly as he would have wanted on the opposite building so he wavered a fraction - enough to spike adrenaline to make his heart feel fluttery with panic - but he took a breath and steadied himself to scale the rest of the way down. 

The next half hour went by rather smoothly with no real action on his visor. Satya had nothing to report either. 

It made Hanzo uneasy. 

The ventilation system proved to be fruitful in Hanzo’s decision to attempt using it or not. Usually in missions such as this crawling on his stomach with his belongings kept attached to him by his jacket that he tied around his ankle made him stop and hope for other alternatives, but as Hanzo would realize before even climbing into the building, there wasn’t favored time. 

Looking before the side of the structure where the ventilation system exited the exterior of the floor, fire and an explosion of smoke rumbled from within the city. Hanzo’s eyes darted immediately to where the sound had come, “Satya!” 

“ _ I’m marking them on your visor now. _ ” 

In rapid succession Genji, Angela, Winston, and Pharah’s vitals popped up showing that the explosion had injured the four teammates. Pharah showed to be unconscious and Angela in critical, but improving, condition. 

The doubt and hesitation vanished as he immediately turned to the wall, nocked an arrow, and shot the vent off. 

Hanzo had forgotten Angela could regenerate her own cells from her past experimentation and aid in helping Moira O’Deorain with various ailments that had come to them in their previous attempt at Overwatch - they both had adapted their forms in one way or another as the technology allowed them.

The dimensions of the shaft looked rather tight. Shucking off his jacket, Stormbow was slung over his shoulder to attach to his back while he wrapped his full quiver in the jacket where the sleeves were tied around his left ankle to secure his equipment. There was no way he could crawl through that space with the quiver on his back. 

And it was just as claustrophobic as he had known it would be. It was warm from the heaters running to keep the cold at bay so the sweat that had beaded on his brow from the snow now drenched him from the multiple layers he wore. 

Satya’s voice came to him with heavy static, “ _ I was able to access Mercy’s current log. It seems your friends from Talon have made a surprise visit. Reaper and Doomfist were seen at their location. The Shimada clan was spotted on the north-most entry point from Jack’s position. _ ”

It wouldn’t surprise Hanzo if the two were working together to take the Shimada brothers out. 

That was also where Jesse was. 

Satya’s voice cracked viciously in the man’s ear and he frowned as the connection disconnected and reconnected twice before it secured. “ _ -and I can be back at the ship before then. _ ” 

Hanzo had to stop moving - an intersection plagued him anyhow - while sweat practically poured down into his high-neck, “Repeat your last transmission,”

The wind was now howling on her comm as she replied, “ _ The explosion is near me, I have several access points in which I can place some of my turrets and prepare a Photon Barrier. _ ” 

The archer swallowed, “If you are captured you will be-”

Static interrupted him, “ _ I know the consequences, Hanzo, otherwise I would not have offered my assistance. The goal is to defeat the Shimada Clan and while I am- _ ” disconnected. 

Reconnected. 

“- _ and I trust your judgement- _ ”

Disconnected.

“Satya!”

Reconnected.

“- _ outpost south-west of the ship, let me -” _ the visor flickered desperately trying to connect to something, anything, but the information that he was to view was corrupted and all visuals disrupted. 

“Shit. Satya-”

Disconnected.

Hanzo hit the side of the vent in frustration. 

Reconnected.

“Satya, can you hear me?”

“ _ Hola, amigo. I knew you still had some betrayal left in you. _ ” 

“If you think I had trusted your intel you are sorely mistaken.” Hanzo grit out slowly starting his crawl again, taking a right. The small sonic map his arrow provided advised this was the quickest route to the roof. 

Sombra’s laugh mocked his confidence, “ _ Pobrecito, you claim to be a mastermind of your skill, but, uh, you left the back door open for me! _ ” she chuckled once more, “ _ This next little gift is from me. Talon thanks you! _ ” 

To feel the structure nearly convulse beneath him had him nearly thrusting himself down the track, but he was close to ground level so once he go to the end he’d just have to drop down a small distance. The bundle that contained his quiver jostled violently behind him while his feet gripped the sides of the metal to propel himself faster. 

A fork came to him, one slowly filling with black smoke while the other was nearly completely dark. The visor tried connecting with the sonic transmission to show his direct surroundings but could not hold a steady stream. As it came flickering in and out he exhaled in frustration and looked down the dark pathway once more gauging his options. 

Panic rose in his throat like acid and no matter how many times he tried to swallow the adrenaline grew as the smoke finally reached him. “Fuck!” he shouted, the echo traveling to no one. Trying to look down his person with the tight confinement made his lungs work harder and after only a couple of minutes of looking for something to cover his face with he had to stop all movement because the smoke was constricting his chest. Reaching up to his topknot he pulled the hair from its blue clip and sat it before his face; he shut his eyes as they watered and burned. “Satya,” he tried the comm again. Hanzo pressed his forehead against the warm metal next to the clip, his hands reaching back for one last attempt at the wrapping on his ankle. 

Coughing, he bent his knee so his leg bent enough towards his hands that he could untie the jacket, once freed from his limb he slithered it up to his front and spared no time wrapping the article around his nose and mouth. Hanzo unzipped the front pocket of his quiver and retrieved an extra bowstring and wrapped it tightly around the arrows in a lump before securing it with his clip - training around a bow you quickly learn that as tough as a bowstring can be it does not shape easily: using it to tie his arrows would simply result in it coming undone. 

Now with some protection Hanzo took the dark route hoping that leading away from the smoke would lead outside. The building just never stopped vibrating around him. The structure was surely compromised by Sombra’s  _ gift _ to ensure his casualty. 

But, as Sombra stated, Hanzo had declared himself a master of his skill and despite how perilous this situation was there wasn’t a doubt in his mind he wouldn’t come out alive. That had always been his miserable luck, especially after he had thought he killed Genji and went on suicide missions  for the exact purpose of not coming back. 

Every mission he returned. 

 

After mission he drank himself stupid.

 

A small decline came ahead that split off in all directions - his vision was becoming so clouded from tears and smoke he thought maybe, maybe this mission would be different. 

 

Out of all the shit Hanzo had gone through this was how he was going to die? His fingertips just out of reach of redemption, to help his brother defeat their corrupt family once and for all-

“I’m finally here!” he yelled into the vent, the tears not simply from irritation, “I’m here and-” he coughed raggedly into his jacket. 

“- _ zo- _ ”

The man’s head whipped up so fast he became lightheaded, “Satya!” 

“- _ of - eft - go - zo! Now! _ ” 

Now?  _ Now _ ? What did that mean? Go, but which - 

“ _ Left! Left Left! _ ” she was just bellowing into her comm, but Hanzo had finally heard and he proceeded in that direction. 

_ I cannot die.  _

 

How selfish to desire, to crave death all those years to now suddenly want it back?

 

_ My friends are in danger!  _ __  
  


You are not a healer, they didn’t even think you and Genji were mentally stable enough to fight together!

 

_ I want to try. _

 

Try? You never try. You’ve tried to self-destruct and to kill yourself for ten years, to waste away so you may know the pain you inflicted because Death will not come to your call. 

 

_ If I don’t try Genji could die! _

 

That didn’t stop you ten years ago!

 

“ _ After this right the- a - cline- and - you should be- side within - conds,”  _

 

There was no definitive way to ensure he understood her instruction, but the path finally led to an incline parallel to the decline and then a long hallway in which a small beam of light flickered at him with hope. The smoke was dense and his lungs burned. Coughing made everything worse. His eyes couldn’t stay open for longer than a mere two seconds before closing and repeating. 

As Hanzo neared the exit of the vent Satya’s voice became easier to hear as the static began to lift from the interference of the metal but she was not talking to him. As confused as he was he had no time to consider or think about whom she was addressing, Hanzo pressed against the vent door testing the resistance and found not only was it bolted in place, but the distinct smell of smelted metal plunged his stomach out of his throat. 

 

Sombra had soldered the exit shut. 

 

“Satya,” Hanzo’s voice was soft as realization settle upon him. The emptiness that drained from his chest, fear was consuming him. 

“ _ -sten carefully - I need you to - back several feet - the blast rad- self destruct- _ ”

But Hanzo was frozen and his mind was getting fuzzy and the heat felt like it were literally cooking him; Stormbow was only growing more and more heavy as the toxic fumes poisoned his body. 

The ghostly beam that tried to break through the thick layers of fog turned a bright, neon teal that busted the vent door inwards cutting Hanzo’s cheek quite deeply. Smoke rushed like a deadly force out into the open world sweeping over and around the man like water, the cold stung his face and burned the hot sweat coating his skin; blood trailed down from his cheek and into the jacket on his face. 

A tousled Hana reached into the vent grabbing Hanzo under his shoulder as best as she could get her own wedged in before she began her rescue. “I got you,” Hanzo reached for the edges of the opening while he was pried out and on top of a six-foot elevated ice wall. It was not surprising that Hana could lift him and set him down, although he could see the struggle on her face as he assisted in getting his legs released, he was still impressed. 

As the ice wall descended Hanzo let himself lie there to let his body acclimate to fresh air, Hana was already helping his shaking fingers remove the jacket from his airways. Kneeling beside him, Hana turned his face towards him to inspect the cut, “It’ll need stitches. Let me know when you catch your breath and I can patch it up.” 

Hanzo nodded and rasped, “I think I only need a moment with Zenyatta’s assistance,” 

“Good, because I have something else for you.” Hana angrily grabbed his shirt and wound back a fist striking him in the gut. Hanzo exhaled as the air left his body and doubled in on himself as the combination of injuries ran their routes but Hana still held his collar. Gasping for breaths Hana released his shirt and stood, her hair pulled from its neat bun, several scrapes littered her bare skin. Pulling out her pistol and reloading it, her eyes screamed at him and he wasn’t exactly sure if he felt her pain or betrayal. Maybe both? Maybe none. “I had to use my last recall on getting you out.” 

“Efi will not be happy about this.” an omnic voice stated. 

“You’re working with Sombra?” Hana yelled at him. “Talon?!” Finally able to look at her Hanzo saw what she felt and his shame made him look away. “Symm says it’s ‘more complicated’ but I’m pretty sure you working with Talon jeopardized our entire mission! You had to put your fucking ego before your team, huh? We had this planned and worked out! We worked for weeks, Hanzo, and you fucked it up!” the other members of her party who Hanzo now noticed - Mei, Zenyatta, and an old… omnic guardian? 

“Hana-” 

The young woman turned with an accusatory hand at Mei, “No!”

“We don’t have time for this!” Mei exclaimed nervously, “We don’t have time to fight! We have an extra set of hands, now let’s get to the rendezvous point!” the scientist was trying to note the pros of this situation, but Hanzo hadn’t even thought of what his interference could mean to the rest of the team. All he had been thinking about was himself and his brother. 

“I was doing it for Genji.” Hanzo finally replied, his voice was so small that it no longer matched that man whom it belonged to. “I could not sit idly by while our family hunts to ensure his death.”

Hana shook her head, “That doesn’t excuse this. You voluntarily worked with  _ the _  Sombra, the one who almost killed Jack with her drug, so you could prove yourself?” 

“Don’t you see?!” Hanzo bellowed, “This is all because of me!” he coughed and cleared his throat, “If I hadn’t gone through with the order to kill Genji then none of this would be happening! All of you are here because of of me. All of your lives are at stake because I got involved with Overwatch. With or without Talon’s help I had to!”

“Guys!” Mei tried to interject again, “We  _ really _ have to go! Jack needs backup at the point!” 

Hana was silent and eventually turned away and began walking towards their destination, the final debris of her MEKA scattered around the snow. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -As many of you will notice, I finally put up a total chapter number which means I only have one left. I can't thank y'all enough for staying so patient with me and continuing to bless me with your lovely words of love and encouragement! There's only one more chapter!!! What do you guys think'll happen???
> 
> http://goddesofawesomeart.tumblr.com/post/175319696298/weve-learned-to-listen-drew-this-as-a-coverend
> 
> -Leave kudos or a comment if you enjoyed the chapter!!
> 
> tumblr: goddesofawesomeart.tumblr.com  
> twitter: https://twitter.com/GoddesofAwesomeart  
> personal: twitter: https://twitter.com/GoddesofAwesome
> 
> Please look forward to the ending of Learning to Listen, coming this winter!

**Author's Note:**

> -Thank you all for reading!! <3 <3 <3  
> 


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